"blimey wotta palarvah!" grumbles nu-Cockney Traitor Hand

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His admirers overseas will be testy to learn that:
i. When explaining where the Euro can used to pay for goods and service, Mr Hand used the word "we" (meaning "we British" as opposed to "them in Europe")
ii. Mr Hand as become an expert — some might say BUFF — with regard to CARRY ON films

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 27 November 2003 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Surely Traitor 'And?

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Thursday, 27 November 2003 13:50 (twenty-one years ago)

*I* am not a cockney Tom.

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 27 November 2003 13:52 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't understand. as regards the euro, it is, currently, them and us, innit.

― enrique (Enrique), Thursday, 27 November 2003 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Surely Tray'uh 'Ahn'?

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 27 November 2003 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"Mr Hand 'as become an expert" (hexpert?)

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Thursday, 27 November 2003 13:54 (twenty-one years ago)

yus b'lidy

― parker s (mark s), Thursday, 27 November 2003 13:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Hopefully my very existence is warning enough to save the man...if not, then the film 'Xtro' is a sobering cautionary tale...(ever seen it? That movie k-roxx)

― dave q, Thursday, 27 November 2003 13:55 (twenty-one years ago)

My book about the alphabet was talking abou how the consonant Alef was pronounced (the Greeks incorrectly turned it into the vowel Alpha) - apparently it was a glottal stop. And the example they used was the Cockney way of pronouncing "Bottle" as "Bah'al".

So...

1) Cockneys are all secretly worshipping Ba'al when they drink
2) It should be TraAacer.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Thursday, 27 November 2003 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Kate is that The Alphabet that just came out? I'm reading that too! It's grebt!

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Thursday, 27 November 2003 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I was trying to suggest that "we" were guilty of a misapprehension re Euro dangers because of what happened w/the ERM under John Major, Black Wednesday etc., but that the fears are unfounded because currency speculation w/in Europe can't happen w/a single currency - but did you listen??

Yeah okay maybe you have a point!! Packet of crisps, please! I've dropped mine in the your-EYE-nul.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

You can tell Tracer's one of us now: he's eating his snacks in the lav. Well done Hand!

― Tim (Tim), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Tom - yes, it is! And it is indeed gre't. Despite being written by a Canadian! (Even though I'm only up to B and dreading C.) It's a lot more in-depth than I was expecting. Like, going into sociology and archeology, as well as typology and linguistics.

It might possibly be the most "Kate" book ever!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I've always wondered why the vending machines in public lavatories don't sell food.

― N. (nickdastoor), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

What, that's not food? (vomits)

― dave q, Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Bloody flavoured condoms.

― Sam (chirombo), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Bloody flavoured? Oh my god!

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Served w/ RED WINGS

― dave q, Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Astounding!

― Ned Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyway - you're all wrong. He now refers to himself as 'Camber'.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

bloody ell them condoms are bloody flavoured ones innit! bliimey! jeeeesis!

― ken c, Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

(for those curious to know why I was "explaining" that the Euro can be used to buy goods and services, Euro notes had to that point had been discussed solely as possible future Kraftwerk album covers (though if what mark says is true they would be inevitably botched beyond recog by Kwerk's album designer))

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:13 (twenty-one years ago)

is london as jolly as you all make it seem?

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

God, and Tom and I were about to have a really interesting discussion of linguistics and you lot had to go and ruin it talking about bloody condoms! Ugh!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

+ mark seemed genuinely surprised that one couldn't just throw down a couple of Euro coins at the local Holloway Road newsagents!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

XPOST TRAIN-WRECK

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

When I have read more of the alphabook I will happily have that discussion on a thread far, far away from this one.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I shall remember this and start it when I've got to about... Q or so.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

AH DURNT LARK TRAYRCER'S TURN

― stevemockingareth (blueski), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

haha!

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Rurnan can ah borror yer hepflarsk?

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Whoy what yow gorinnit?

― chris (chris), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

grayrveh

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I am obviously not appreciating this humour on its many levels, but aren't you all just making fun of Gareth?

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 27 November 2003 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

no, just me, and out of nuttin' but love

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 November 2003 15:00 (twenty-one years ago)

not me, I was doing Brummie, as a nice counterpoint to the Huddersfield drawl. oh, so yes, fo shizzle

― chris (chris), Thursday, 27 November 2003 15:01 (twenty-one years ago)

was it a Dodlie leelt chris?

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 November 2003 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

http://bitchcakes.topcities.com/garethfap/phoneconfusion.jpg

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 27 November 2003 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

matt dc check your grafiti mail

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 November 2003 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Astounding!

MY IDENTITY HAS BEEN THIEVED. I am violated, wah.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 27 November 2003 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

yis moyt

― chris (chris), Thursday, 27 November 2003 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

this is almost as depressing as when i started unconsciously typing "flavour"

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 27 November 2003 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Perhaps, but can you spell 'honour' any other way now?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 27 November 2003 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

yes, thankfully alex in nyc has kept me regular

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 27 November 2003 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

wait, no, eww

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 27 November 2003 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

freshen yer drink guvner?

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 November 2003 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

shine yer boots? tuppence ha'penny?

― chris (chris), Thursday, 27 November 2003 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Arr, it be geddin dimpsy round yer this time o year innem bauy?

― Tim (Tim), Thursday, 27 November 2003 16:08 (twenty-one years ago)

bumpkin

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 27 November 2003 16:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Shirtboy.

― Tim (Tim), Thursday, 27 November 2003 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 14 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

who are "chad and dave"?

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 27 November 2003 18:08 (twenty-one years ago)

yr avin a laarf!!

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 27 November 2003 18:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Alright guv, I'll learn ya....

http://www.chasndave.freeserve.co.uk/

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 27 November 2003 18:10 (twenty-one years ago)

For a moment there I thought there were actual bona-fide Chas'n'Dave ringtones! That would be the best thing ever.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 27 November 2003 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

it's all true, NYC: tracer has submitted himself to the british mind-control aliens. i saw with my own eyes!!

― geeta, Thursday, 27 November 2003 22:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Did you know that Mr. Morrissey is a big Carry-Onner as well, Mockney Hand?

― Mockney Mary (Mary), Thursday, 27 November 2003 23:02 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.pearlysociety.co.uk/p-a-collecting.JPG Tracer deep in discussion with Mark S on Tuesday.

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Thursday, 27 November 2003 23:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Dave Q, you are so RIGHT abt 'Xtro' - sleazy semi-porno Brit horror flicks from the 70s/80s are just THE BEST - have you seen 'Inseminoid'? Man, you'll feel even more disgusted w/ the Brits at the end of that one!

― Andrew L (Andrew L), Friday, 28 November 2003 00:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah "This one you can see coming"

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 28 November 2003 00:21 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.hooligans.cz/in/files/photo/149.jpg

stevem and tracer, wednesday afternoon, in search of another pint of 'lager'

― charltonlido (gareth), Friday, 28 November 2003 00:38 (twenty-one years ago)

ahem that is clearly Barry "I FACKIN ATE CHOO KARNTZ" Lasagne

everyone knows i have a full head of hair and am Oirish as the Blarney craic

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 November 2003 12:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I think this "I am Ronan" delusion is going a little too far now, Steve.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 28 November 2003 12:38 (twenty-one years ago)

http://hot.ee/soolasorts/duff.jpg

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 November 2003 12:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Ronan's playing for Blackburn now?

― Ricardo (RickyT), Friday, 28 November 2003 13:07 (twenty-one years ago)

he doesn't look like that really tho one of his brothers does a bit

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 November 2003 13:15 (twenty-one years ago)

(mr hand if you email me yr land address i can surfacemail u that murdoch piece i wz talking abt)

― mark s (mark s), Friday, 28 November 2003 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Isn't that Geir fighting?

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 28 November 2003 19:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Geirfighting vs. bumfighting

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 28 November 2003 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Tracer, please come home. We'll go dancing and I'll give you a bit of coffee and pie and you can go puke in the Starbucks, it'll be just like the old days and none of this Guy Ritchie film rubbish you've suddenly taken to.

xoxo
yr worried mum

― Allyzay, Saturday, 29 November 2003 08:02 (twenty-one years ago)

he was telling us about his forthcoming brixton love nest with a big fridge, he's ours forever now, mwahahahaha, ooh me head.

― Ed (dali), Saturday, 29 November 2003 08:08 (twenty-one years ago)

okay okay, but when do we get gareth?

― Mary (Mary), Saturday, 29 November 2003 08:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, that's a bit of a fair trade really. Fork up you limey bastards.

― Allyzay, Saturday, 29 November 2003 08:12 (twenty-one years ago)

gareth wants to move to Goole and you know it. He has the house picked out and everything 15 Vermuyden Terr.

― Ed (dali), Saturday, 29 November 2003 08:13 (twenty-one years ago)

fine then send up someone you hoarding uptight brits!

― Mary (Mary), Saturday, 29 November 2003 08:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I pick jel.

― Allyzay, Saturday, 29 November 2003 08:15 (twenty-one years ago)

all your cool people are belong to us, (it's in the beer and roast beef you see)

― Ed (dali), Saturday, 29 November 2003 08:16 (twenty-one years ago)

"Cool people"

― Allyzay, Saturday, 29 November 2003 08:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I second Jel.

Tim H. as an alternate.

Or, could we get girls? Send over Anna please.

― Mary (Mary), Saturday, 29 November 2003 08:18 (twenty-one years ago)

well, alright then, gangly people

― Ed (dali), Saturday, 29 November 2003 08:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Ealing is somewhere in long Island anyway.

― Ed (dali), Saturday, 29 November 2003 08:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Kate/Tom: A pointer to what book that is please? It sounds like a very OleM book as well...

― OleM (OleM), Sunday, 30 November 2003 01:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh right, the title was in there all along, sorry. Got to be this one.

― OleM (OleM), Sunday, 30 November 2003 01:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Ealing isn't in Long Island! What kind of trickery are you pulling?

― Allyzay, Sunday, 30 November 2003 08:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Anything west of hyde park might as well be in the US for all the good it does.

― Ed (dali), Sunday, 30 November 2003 08:20 (twenty-one years ago)

New Hyde Park actually is in Long Island but you'd have to go east of it to get to proper Long Island so this is how I know you're a filthy liar.

― Allyzay, Sunday, 30 November 2003 08:28 (twenty-one years ago)

They made a new Hyde park in Brent?

― Ed (dali), Sunday, 30 November 2003 08:30 (twenty-one years ago)

No, in Nassau.

― Allyzay, Sunday, 30 November 2003 08:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Nassau/Brent It's all the same really.

― Ed (dali), Sunday, 30 November 2003 08:37 (twenty-one years ago)

― cinniblount (James Blount), Sunday, 30 November 2003 08:38 (twenty-one years ago)

The accents are equally pleasing to the ear.

― Allyzay, Sunday, 30 November 2003 08:39 (twenty-one years ago)

have you heard Ken livingston speak?

― Ed (dali), Sunday, 30 November 2003 08:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Have you heard Fran Drescher?

― Allyzay, Sunday, 30 November 2003 08:42 (twenty-one years ago)

ed what the hell are you on about?

― charltonlido (gareth), Sunday, 30 November 2003 09:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I am extending yesterday morning's drunken metaphor.

― Ed (dali), Sunday, 30 November 2003 09:59 (twenty-one years ago)

you're probably best off not doing that

― charltonlido (gareth), Sunday, 30 November 2003 10:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Why the hell not? I am the master of the unsubstantiated position.

― Ed (dali), Sunday, 30 November 2003 10:14 (twenty-one years ago)

six months pass...

Tracer is talking football right across the board and opining on the merits of Baddiel and Skinner = WE ARE WINNING!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 11:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes but my opinions on both your football team and your comedians = "ultimately they are not really up to scratch"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 11:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Exactly! ONE OF US!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 11:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Shit.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 16 June 2004 11:29 (twenty-one years ago)

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