screw you guys, I'm going home

My home has: my bed, my boyfriend, FOOD, backgammon, Scrabble, a Playstation, AIM, decks, two duvets, all my CDs and all my books. And no students. Why *wouldn't* I hate the outside world?

Once I passed the age of 24 I started staying in more often. I was never big on the bar scene anyways. Plus the bars around here and the patrons of said bars are all giant asshats. Baseball caps on backwards, chest sticking out, muscle shirt, gold chain wearing shitheads. Everyone is always looking to fight for some stupid reason or another.

Im 29 now and have been to a bar twice in 6 months. Plus, i get tired around 10pm now and thats it. And the fact the drinking for two days in a row now does not happen ever anymore. One night of boozing and two days of recovery.

At home I have a wife, a giant tv and dvd player with surround sound, an extensive DVD and CD collection, playstation 2, new pc and can buy a 12 pack of beer for the cost of two drinks.

Normally, home is GREAT for me, but right now it's just lonely. We painted the walls back to white since we're moving out, so it's blah. Plus, I'm packing up everything, so there's not much left to play with 'cept the good ol' kitties! I want my boyfriend back.

but maybe this is
just because I have to have
people around me

1. Scribbled secret notebooks, and wild typewritten pages, for yr own joy
2. Submissive to everything, open, listening
3. Try never get drunk outside yr own house
4. Be in love with yr life
5. Something that you feel will find its own form
6. Be crazy dumbsaint of the mind
7. Blow as deep as you want to blow
8. Write what you want bottomless from bottom of the mind
9. The unspeakable visions of the individual
10. No time for poetry but exactly what is
11. Visionary tics shivering in the chest
12. In tranced fixation dreaming upon object before you
13. Remove literary, grammatical and syntactical inhibition
14. Like Proust be an old teahead of time
15. Telling the true story of the world in interior monolog
16. The jewel center of interest is the eye within the eye
17. Write in recollection and amazement for yourself
18. Work from pithy middle eye out, swimming in language sea
19. Accept loss forever
20. Believe in the holy contour of life
21. Struggle to sketch the flow that already exists intact in mind
22. Dont think of words when you stop but to see picture better
23. Keep track of every day the date emblazoned in yr morning
24. No fear or shame in the dignity of yr experience, language & knowledge
25. Write for the world to read and see yr exact pictures of it
26. Bookmovie is the movie in words, the visual American form
27. In praise of Character in the Bleak inhuman Loneliness
28. Composing wild, undisciplined, pure, coming in from under, crazier the better
29. You're a Genius all the time
30. Writer-Director of Earthly movies Sponsored & Angeled in Heaven

Perhaps you need to embrace the bullshit to 'win friends and influence people.' That's me fucked, then.

Out: assclowns, the aloof, elitism, cold winds, heartbreakers, car wrecks, police, stubborn ignorance, "patriotism", coked-up shitfaces, even colder winds, hydroplaning, hate, fear, bullshit

I'm sorry, I'm in a shitty mood today.

Like Lawrence, I find it all a mental strain, even being perky/chatty around my own best friends for gods sake. I end up getting drunk to cover my strain/shyness and regret it hatefully later.

I love having people over, but they're all starting to get the shits with me cos I never go to theirs. Its always "come back to mine everyone" and unless I bribe people with roast lamb dinners and booz, no one does. But I like cooking roast lamb. And any time any of you hermits are down Melbourne way, come drop by mine for roast lamb, some cones and like, Donnie Darko on the DVD. We can all sit in our own hermitage =)

Stence, the breezes are the only things down here that are free. If you need to eat, that will cost you. Need clothes? Ch-ching, etc. Need to drive to your job (if you've got one)? Petrol is damn high.