am i too soft?

i am always in favour of kicking nesscary ass.

but of course you can't answer this in the abstract: what is it you are trading off for enduring dishonesty? how will you feel about yourself in a week, a year, ten years if it carries on as now; how will you feel about yourself if you say "That's IT! I can stand no more"? What — realistically — will happen? The only really really big social showdown I evah had was with someone who was VERY BIG on "everyone is allowed to make mistakes": and she immediately went and told a lie about me which everyone (a) said they believed because she was in such a state; (b) didn't act on because she didn't actually really believe it, whatever they told her

yeah, kick ass, I hate liars

If you can stand by your resolve then lay down the law.

Forgiveness is the greatest virtue and the most important element to happiness.

Forgiveness does not have to include allowing the person being forgiven to stay a part of you life - or whatever.

I don't believe in forgive and forget. I believe in forgive but NEVER forget.

Chris you're seeing things in black and white terms and the horrible thing about being in a situation that it sounds like Di is in is that things are ALL a horrible shade of grey where you can't, rationally, blame someone else when you know they've made a genuine mistake and are feeling bad about it as well.

I've felt so many times in my life that I've just let friends use me, but then again I ask myself what do I think friends are there for. You've got to ask yourself if what you get out of it is worth it - often in my cases I find that it IS. The end emotion I get is TIREDNESS of it all where you realise you've got to value yourself as you're the one constant that's ever going to be there.

Garrr bitch whinge. Well that's a lie. I'll always have my Pokémon.

You can only take so much, is the way I see it. Otherwise you get to the point where you keep forgiving people and letting them walk all over you whilst people around you are screaming at you to stop. So if you think it's gone far enough, which is must have for you to be posting here, then it's time to draw the line.

People who are 'nice' to EVERYBODY are usually very unreliable and easily distracted. Plus they're prone to nervous fits and breakdowns, because sooner or later they realize that they're not appreciated, which is inevitable when all of their 'friends' realize that the person is just being nice to them because they're #274 on some list, not because the person ever paid them special attention. Who's using who?

There's nothing wrong with being a big softie with the people you love and the people you trust, but as soon as someone starts to take advantage of that or treats you like a doormat then it's time to take no prisoners. You should have no absolutely no qualms about getting medieval on their ass.

If they're worth it then they'll apologise and respect you for it, if not then they were no big loss in the first place. Either way there's no reason to beat up on yourself. Don't stop being you because of it.

Is it a habit, or a one-off? How bad was the lie? how selfish? how hurtful? I'm inclined to agree with Paul, it must have been bad to want to tell others, but are you prepared for the prob. painful consequences of 'drawing a line'. Don't allow yourself to become bitter and spiteful though, mull it over, talk to those you trust, and make your decision. Everyone can make a mistake but thats easy to say if someone else pays the price for it.

I'd have said, 'so you were lying to yourself but were clearly BROADCASTING' and give them the opportunity to spend as much time as possible ALONE lying to the mirror. Then I would tell my biggest gossip-monger friend what happened, and voila, reputation damage for the liar. You have other friends so hang out with them instead.

think to your self " what would charo do"?

See Trevor's thoughts, which I can but echo. Remember the curmudgeon code -- crusty exterior to hide squelchy interior. The trick lies in not always being so crusty on first contact. ;-)

But are those sort of people the only kind who turn you on in the first place? Would you get bored if honesty ruled?

You need to lay down the law at least once, if only to show that there is an end to the seemingly infinite rope. Identifying and respecting boundaries is the most important part of sustaining a respectful relationship, IMO.

" You can only take so much, is the way I see it. Otherwise you get to the point where you keep forgiving people and letting them walk all over you whilst people around you are screaming at you to stop. So if you think it's gone far enough, which is must have for you to be posting here, then it's time to draw the line."

I have to agree. I am legally divorced as of the 23rd of this month, from a person who lied to people at the bar she worked at( said that I had cheated on her when I had gone for a road show and that we had talked about it and decided to have an open relationship) and still does. My true friends know the truth, but it seriously bothers me that she still gets away with it and that I walk into what was once one of my favorite dives and see looks on peoples faces and i know what they are thinking about me, and there are probably some things they are thinking that I don't know. She lied to me the whole time we were married and from the begginning. I trusted and/or forgave or distrusted my own feelings. I called her on everything, got down to some serious brass tacks and she listened and tried to deny, but when I told her that I knew she screwed around and with who(insert random number here) then I got silence, which told me what I needed to know. My confronting her about it hasn't stopped her lying to try and uselessly cover her tracks, but it did make me feel better and I am much happier now. B**ch

thanx everyone for the advice. i was (you guessed it) drunk when i posted that question, so i exxaggerated the part where i said its happened to me "like a million times now". its only happened twice, each time a different person did it, but both instances had some pretty serious consequences to my emotional state and self-esteem. in both cases, i think that forgiveness is the answer right now, because both people regret how they treated me and apologised profusely. but i think i will make it clear to the people concerned that i will not stand for that shit in future, you know, get it right or GET FUCKED.