now i'm not one to complain BUT

I wrote a letter to the train people after my 110 minutes in a stationary train on Thursday night. I hope to get a million pounds in compensation!

I very nearly rang up the BBC to complain about Top Of The Pops on Friday, so great was my ire.

Recent complaints:

I complained that an N89 went flying past me on Aldwych in March. Letter back saying 'no he didn't'. Realised was a forlorn hope to persuade them their driver was lying like a cheap watch.

I complained that despiute the rule that a train under 1 hour late doesn't qualify for compensation, the late arrival by 20 minutes of a train into Kings Cross mean I missed my last train home from London bridge and had to get a cab. They also told me to politely feck off.

In the good old days (circa 1999), I had an excellent complaint-good outcome ratio with First North Western and Virgin trains. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

The Post Office wrote to my address 3 times to apologies for the postal strike and delays. As compensation they are donating £1million to the fund to get London to host the Olympics in 2012.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK? Yes that makes up for losing my parcels, all the stuff I sent overseas (nothing has arrived) and ARGH ARGH ARGH the sodding Olympic BID is some kind of COMPENSATION?!!? I am more angry than if they did nothing.

I wrote an angry angry letter to the mayor after he announced that he would very much like to close down three urban branchs of the library and our only truly sophisticated art gallery.

Sarah, why don't you write a letter of complaint ;0)

The workshy slags would just toss it.

as a workshy slag myself the attitude of TFL disturbs me. i guess it was just human error and little can be done but it's going to happen again and that's quite depressing (esp. as it's Winter now).

*stutters with rage*

THE OLYMPICS!!! So, strikes happened as everything is going down the shitter. So instead of using our cash to make this BETTER, we'll chuck it away on a city that's doing perfectly WELL without the Olympics, whose residents I doubt really GIVE A CRAP about the Olympics and who wouldn't be able to go anyway as their tickets will get LOST IN THE POST!!

ARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

me: "i don't usually complain, but this muffin is rock solid."
clerk: "ah yes, okay. would you like a fresh one?"
me: "yes please."
clerk: "here you go. we're supposed to change them every night, but sometimes we don't."
me: "oh, uh, okay."
clerk: "have a nice day!!"

a rare victory for the common muffin-eater

the commone eater of a muffin or the eater of a common muffin?

well, the one they gave me was uncommonly delicious

FUCK I want a muffin and some cawfee. But I am fat!!

ha ha, Fat Barry

I just spilled coffee all over my desk!
But I didn't get any on myself. But the smell is on EVERYTHING.

barry bethal

Me too. I complain to the makers of Jelly Babies.

I once sent a letter of complaint to Rowntrees because there were no Smarties in my Easter Egg. I was quite small - Mum helped me. What I didn't tell Rowntrees or Mum was that I'd climbed on a chair to get the Easter Egg down, unwrapped it very carefully, taken the Smarties out of the middle, scoffed them, and put the egg back together again. I got a cheque for 52p, which was enough to buy a box of Smarties, not just a tube!

Proof that crime does pay (52p)

I will never believe another of your lies.

Hey, if I'd been awake, I wouldn't have let you leave.

Dear Madchen

Thank you for bringing this incident to our attention. I hope you now realise you are liable to face legal proceedings unless you return the amount paid to us which you can do by cheque.

If we do not hear from you within 30 days we will be forced to initiate legal proceedings.

Yours sincerely

Cecil B Urquhart, MSE

If you make me pay I will sell my story to the Sun.

I complained to Connex about not being given a YP Railcard discount because the ticket collector said I was LYING that neither the ticket machines nor the permit to travel machines were working (like this is unlikely). I got £10 travel vouchers and went to Leeds.

Last week I complained about the login button to our staff intranet being DISGUISED as a random logo. Yes, it's very clever and impressive that you know how to make a rollover effect but WE JUST NEED TO LOG IN AT THIS POINT. And I got a VERY rude email back today. Tossers.

i am really up for the rudeness at the moment, as long as it stays on the right side of nasty (no death-threats etc.)

I'm not one to complain, but I just refreshed the new answers page and NO-ONE has bothered posting? This information superhighway has gone to the dogs, etc.

Ooh! I just remembered that I wrote a complaint letter to a hotel when I was about 8, pleading that they not shut down because I went there with my gran for lunch a lot after she's been playing golf and it was nice. My gran showed it to me recently. Which now I come to think of it... MEANS SHE DIDN'T SEND IT. Grrr, betrayed by my own flesh and blood. It's like father christmas all over again.

Your gran betrayed Father Christmas? Who you're related to? That explains why I don't get any pressies any more :(

I've never written a letter of complaint!

Hehe. I mean the letters. My dad would INSIST that it didn't matter that the fireplace was bricked up, if I just put the envelope on top of the fridge it would get there... WTF???

once a family friend found a piece of rubber in an entenmen's pound cake. it was about 3 inches long, apparently astrip of conveyor belt! he sent a polite but irritated letter to the company. they sent him about 50 unexpiring coupons for free cakes!

I found a wee bit of plastic in my Honey Nut Loops and all I got was a Kellogs voucher for £5 - I wiz robbed!

we found a grasshopper in our pineapple chunks at school but the teacher wd not let us take it further

If I have a New Year's Resolution for 2004 it will be to reduce the amount of my waking life I spend being furious with bus controllers, rail companies, financial institutions, retailers and my neighbours to less than 5%.

The moment when the fury finally settles into something one could articulate in a stern letter (something with a really caustic opening sentence before the chronological litany of incompetencies) is all too brief.

Which is why I never gave Comet the what-for they truly deserved for failing to deliver a fridge six times (just the impotent misery of having some Scouse salesgit in their Greenwich store HANG UP ON ME when I lost my rag after being shuttled between half a dozen useless employees) and why I'll be simmering until 2008 over the inconvenience of making manual sodding payments on a secured loan because Halifax and Lloyds couldn't get their collective freakin' act together to communicate with each other on my behalf (14 phone calls on that one).

The way major companies have encircled themselves with call centre cannon-fodder is very smart. How can you vent at some 19-year-old in a Cardiff industrial park on minimum wage who is counting the hours to her next authorised loo break?

I remember finding a plastic nozzle in a burger king [or someplace] sprite. I took it to the serving bit and said "eh, this was in my drink." the guy looked at me and sort of went "umm, thanks." and snatched it out of my hand. the end.

C*m*t are the scum on the top of the devil's spunk.

I bought a fridge freezer from them at their clearance warehouse in Glasgow. 'Can you deliver to Yorkshire?', 'yes, sir, anywhere in the UK for £11.95'. True to their word they did deliver it, 5 month's later and after numerous phone calls, emails, letters and missed appointments.

I complained once about opening a pack of biscuits and finding scores of maggots in there. Got sent a big box of quite classy biscuits and an apology.

When I was 11 I deliberately sabotaged a bar of Cadbury's Dairy Milk by alternately heating it and then putting it in the fridge. It eventually developed white spots all over it and I then sent it back to Cadbury's with a complaint letter. They sent me a massive selection of all their chocs and a lovely letter of apology. My friend Amanda made me do this.

I wrote a detailed and angry letter to the pub in Holborn where me and Madchen used to meet up - argh, what was it called! - ah, Penderel's Oak - to complain about their serious mosue problem. I never heard back from the fuckers, so can I ask any of you who might frequent it (and there can't be many, it's a crappy Wetherspoons joint) to boycott it and take your custom elsewhere? Thanks!

Well, that's what you get for going to a Wetherspoons pub. If there are vermin, complain to the council, not the pub (unless you CC it to the council).

I've never complained to a company, but I remember I did write a letter to a journalist once telling her that she was too hard on that one gymnist who did the vault thingie and landed on one twisted ankle. Oh, Carrie Shrug, that's the one. I was 12 I think.

ParcelForce are a bunch of gits. i still haven't got my Two Towers DVD.

awww! there there stevem.

so i got the one extra day i needed to finish my animation - in fact, i got two. but, y'know, projects have that way of expanding to fill the time allocated. so here i still am in this forsaken computer room 6, still stick, still tired, still got a headache from staring at the screen, still nauseous, still have seen about 8 minutes of home in the last 3 days, still an one twelfth of an icy cold cappuccino sitting next to me, still all alone, still got plenty to do, still procrastinating.

i suppose this thread was really about complaining about poor service, but it was the first thing to come up when i searched "complain".