"Tom Cruise's samarai movie, wtf?"

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So said Ally about The Last Samurai some months back, and I appreciate the sentiment. So did anyone see it?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 7 December 2003 00:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sure it could be good, and no doubt the actions scenes are worthwhile, but it does seem like the kind of movie made for guys with katanas hung on their bedroom wall who always try to pick up asian girls.

― teeny (teeny), Sunday, 7 December 2003 00:25 (twenty-one years ago)

god this movie is like my fucking nightmare come to life

(nb i haven't seen it)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Sunday, 7 December 2003 00:25 (twenty-one years ago)

my mom is on her way home from having seen it right now!!

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 7 December 2003 00:25 (twenty-one years ago)

i mean tom cruise is unbearable when his overearnestness is detectable beneath whatever emotion he's TRYING to play but when the purpose of his character is to be severe and overearnest blech blech blech

― amateur!st (amateurist), Sunday, 7 December 2003 00:26 (twenty-one years ago)

do you keep a tracking device on your mom?

has she made it to the parking lot yet?

― amateur!st (amateurist), Sunday, 7 December 2003 00:26 (twenty-one years ago)

j/k

― amateur!st (amateurist), Sunday, 7 December 2003 00:26 (twenty-one years ago)

So Teeny is saying this is for Momus if he liked swords.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 7 December 2003 00:26 (twenty-one years ago)

*stifles inevitable momus-penis joke*

― teeny (teeny), Sunday, 7 December 2003 00:28 (twenty-one years ago)

ts: being trapped in the house for two days vs. going out to see the tom cruise samurai movie.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 7 December 2003 00:28 (twenty-one years ago)

ts: trapped in a house surrounded by brain-eating zombies banging on the windows vs. seeing any recent tom cruise movie

― amateur!st (amateurist), Sunday, 7 December 2003 00:37 (twenty-one years ago)

ZOMBIE ARE FRIEND

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 7 December 2003 01:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I just came home from seeing the movie a few hours ago. It was okay. The thing is, whenever I see a movie with Tom Cruise, I see Tom Cruise, not the character he's playing. That's the case with alot of actors, but it's especially pronounced when seeing one of Mr. Cruise's films. I also think it may be because I have a hard time taking seriously anybody who's into Scientology.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 7 December 2003 04:22 (twenty-one years ago)

hey that's what roeper said (minus the sci3nt0logy bit). i get that the worst with gene hackman for some reason, which is weird cuz i like him.

i have zero hopes for this film but so help me i'm seeing it anyway

― jones (actual), Sunday, 7 December 2003 04:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh god, now I sound like Roeper....NOOOO!!!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 7 December 2003 04:48 (twenty-one years ago)

What the fuck is wrong with having a fucking Katana hanging on your wall?

― Michael Stuchbery (Mikey Bidness), Sunday, 7 December 2003 04:51 (twenty-one years ago)

hey pay attention to the scenery ok, its where i spent my highschool years!

― donna (donna), Sunday, 7 December 2003 05:42 (twenty-one years ago)

say, this movie has a training montage, right?

it better.

does anybody else know of a samurai flick with a good/great training montage?

― Kingfish Beestick (Kingfish), Sunday, 7 December 2003 05:44 (twenty-one years ago)

It has a bunch of 'em, if that makes ya happy.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 7 December 2003 06:29 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.toiletology.com/images/toilet$.jpg

― kephmas, Sunday, 7 December 2003 08:12 (twenty-one years ago)

does anybody else know of a samurai flick with a good/great training montage?

Samurai I: Mushashi Miyamoto, towards the end of the film. A Buddhist monk essentially mentally beats the shit out of Toshiro Mifune and then locks him in a room filled with samurai books.

Go on to Samurai II: Duel at...something something. Mifune is now an asskicking double-sword wielding samurai (Miyamoto was a real life samurai).

They should do all training scenes like that. You know, ending the first movie with starting the...

Oh, fuck it.

― Girolamo Savonarola, Sunday, 7 December 2003 08:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll probably see it.

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 7 December 2003 12:48 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A37137-2003Dec4.html

― s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 7 December 2003 18:15 (twenty-one years ago)

thats a goodie review:

Movies set in Japanese history should not be about handsome white people. It just feels wrong and, in the end, leaves in your mouth the taste of desecration.
...
-- and New Zealand, which has made a pretty good Middle Earth, turns out to make a pretty good 1870s Japan, all shire and hill for battleground. Those battles are reasonably well staged, and lots of people die. There's some cool sword-fighting. But still, it's junk.
...
And to make this travesty worse, you can feel the handsome little guy "acting" with every fiber of his being. It's kind of unsettling. He resembles Sean Penn in "I Am Sam," except he seems to be shouting "I am Samurai."
...
Oh, and Katsumoto happens to be the rare 19th-century Japanese warlord who somehow has picked up English, so Algren doesn't even have to learn the language.
---

We're supposed to feel, I don't know, sorry for them, because their little con game is over, because Japan is achieving a central government and a unification under national leadership, along with other little things included in the bargain like education, medicine, and so forth.

haha

― Vic (Vic), Sunday, 7 December 2003 18:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I agree on the scieno thing. I don't see Tom Cruise, though: I see images of L. Ron Hubbard's OT III scrawlings, with 'This guy believes this shit!' in big letters underneath. This can damage enjoyment of a film very drastically...

― ChrissieH (chrissie1068), Monday, 8 December 2003 01:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Other second-placers from National Board of Review's prestigious history:

Apollo 13
Hamlet (the Mel Gibson version)
Yanks
Man of La Mancha
Ring of Bright Water
Lilies of the Field
The Alamo
One of Our Aircraft is Missing

Still... there's also Paris, Texas, The Boy Friend, Paper Moon, Kes, Billy Budd, East of Eden, Day of Wrath, and How Green Was My Valley (which is great despite beating Kane).

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Monday, 8 December 2003 04:04 (twenty-one years ago)

that last bit is JUSTICE my revisionism will one day be gospel

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 8 December 2003 07:55 (twenty-one years ago)

The problem with Tom Cruise is exactly what that review says, he is trying SO HARD to be a serious actor that every fucking Tom Cruise movie post-Cocktail comes off like that Jon Lovitz character from SNL, where he ran around yelling "I am the master thespian!! I am ACTING!" and I'm just like fuck you, Tom Cruise.

― Allyzay, Monday, 8 December 2003 17:31 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.penguinreaders.com/images/products/cruise.jpg
ACTING!!!

― Allyzay, Monday, 8 December 2003 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I only saw previews for this the other night. At a bar. With the sound off. I thought it looked hilarious.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 8 December 2003 17:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Jerry Maguire is like the biggest example of an entire film doing the Jon Lovitz character ever created, now that I think about it. "SHOW ME THE ACTING!!! SHOW ME THE ACTING!!" and that whole you had me at hello scene FUCK YOU.

― Allyzay, Monday, 8 December 2003 17:48 (twenty-one years ago)

"Dances With Swords" HAHAHA

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 December 2003 17:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't fucking stand tom cruise. he is a bastard person and i hate his ass face.

(i am not going to see this film, i'd only get annoyed)

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Monday, 8 December 2003 17:50 (twenty-one years ago)

He's also impotent, FYI!

― Allyzay, Monday, 8 December 2003 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

We saw this yesterday - I *wanted* to like it, I try not to let my dislike of an actor's personal life get in the way of enjoying his work - but GOD, the whole thing of White Guy Becomes Better Samurai Than Samurai With Three Months' Training really was offensive. A pity, because the costuming was great, there were some very attractive scenes, and I loved Timothy Spall as the translator/photographer. Way to spend a fortune on annoying me...

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:13 (twenty-one years ago)

if ralph maccio was in it the movie would be golden.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Same goes for Gene Hackman.

― Allyzay, Monday, 8 December 2003 18:16 (twenty-one years ago)

"The Last Samurai" starring Yahoo Serious

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

"Memoirs of a Geisha" starring Pia Zadora.

― Allyzay, Monday, 8 December 2003 18:22 (twenty-one years ago)

billy zabka

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Keanu Reeves already knows kung fu! He would've been perfect.

― Allyzay, Monday, 8 December 2003 18:33 (twenty-one years ago)

he would have blown out his knee in an impromptu beach football game.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the other guy from "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" should have gotten the role, actually.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Alex Winters.

― Allyzay, Monday, 8 December 2003 18:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh man Gary Busey as the last samurai would have made for an oscar. http://homepage.mac.com/paynie/.Pictures/Gary.JPG

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Adrian Zmed, maybe.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:44 (twenty-one years ago)

or the immortal Ken Wahl.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Pauly Shore!!!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:48 (twenty-one years ago)

don't weeze on the kimono man.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Carrot Top

― Girolamo Savonarola, Monday, 8 December 2003 18:50 (twenty-one years ago)

corey haim

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Corey Feldman, obv. The two Coreys fighting together would have been the ideal scenario, though.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:52 (twenty-one years ago)

They should have filmed the second half with young brighteyed Matthew Broderick, and then the first half with old cynical Matthew Broderick.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:53 (twenty-one years ago)

No, the two Coreys co-starring in a porno would be the IDEAL scenario.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Nicholas Cage

― Girolamo Savonarola, Monday, 8 December 2003 18:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Ernest Borgnine

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Layna has gotten a copy of the Bizarro dictionary, it seems!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 8 December 2003 19:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Buster Keaton

― Girolamo Savonarola, Monday, 8 December 2003 19:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Jeremy Piven.

― Wintermuté (Wintermute), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 05:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I forgot one good thing about the movie: NINJAS.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 06:24 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah what's up with the ninjas?

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 06:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Ninjas, by the time the movie is set (1876/77) had become obsolete, much like the samurai. Some of the ninja clans were recruited to train and work for the emperor's secret police, and the methods and teachings of nnjutsu were passed down through descendents of the original clans. But there weren't any ninja like those depicted in the movie anymore.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 06:59 (twenty-one years ago)

also what does kung fu have to do with a samurai movie?

― amateur!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 11:56 (twenty-one years ago)

the trailer has virtually no dialogue at all.
what there is makes no sense whatsoever.
not good. it's all action. and not in a good way.

bad trailer = not *always* a bad film but more often than not.
yet
bad action film trailer = bad action film ev-eree time.

― piscesboy, Tuesday, 9 December 2003 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

ugh i saw a bill o'reilly 'editorial' that invoked this movie. god he's a fucking asshole.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 13:57 (twenty-one years ago)

ad action film trailer = bad action film ev-eree time.

but Bad Boys II had an exploding boat! On a highway!

An exploding boat!

― Kingfish Beestick (Kingfish), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

i very much did not like the trailers for pirates of the carribben or master and commander but very much liked the movies

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

man i really wanted the haunted mansion (which in a better world costars tim conway) to beat this crap

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

also what does kung fu have to do with a samurai movie?

nothing, I mean clearly "Keanu Reeves as samurai" isn't a serious comment to begin with you know.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 9 December 2003 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought that comment was in response to the ninjas in the movie.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

dude keanu's buddha

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't even realize there WERE ninjas in the movie, I thought you guys made that up!! Holy shit.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 9 December 2003 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

four weeks pass...

Nooooooo!

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 19:53 (twenty-one years ago)

That is so wrong.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 19:59 (twenty-one years ago)

This is where my relative lack of comics knowledge spares me pain. Everyone else can suffer!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Tom Cruise will be playing Bilbo Baggins in the film version of the Hobbit.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

"Tom Cruise in Bond Spoof"

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 20:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Tom Cruise will be playing Bilbo Baggins in the film version of the Hobbit.

Well see, that's just silly.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 20:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Tom Cruise and Laurence Fishburne in "Bill & Ted Ride Again!"

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 20:08 (twenty-one years ago)

(in Samurai armour)

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 20:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Tom Cruise seems pretty much perfect for the role to me? i also hope this means we get to see him with a Burt Reynolds-stylee mustache

― Adrian (Adrian Langston), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

(in Samurai armour)

I'd watch that!

― Kingfishee (Kingfish), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

To my utter surprise, I agree with Adrian. Height aside, who else could play Tony Stark? Paul Rudd? Jason Lee?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 20:38 (twenty-one years ago)

The interview the news is from (in Empire) apparently said that he'd be the biggest star to don the cape if you didn't count Stallone's Judge Dredd, which they didn't. Which was an interesting statement: I would have thought that Ben Affleck was a bigger star when Daredevil came out.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Ben Affleck's claim to fame is that he is adept at hitching himself to more buzzworthy people.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I also agree, this is kind of a good matchup. Stark's character always was a self-important arrogant bastard. I hope he gets crippled in the movie too.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 20:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan, why was your first point of reference post-Cruise "Paul Rudd"? WTF?

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I was trying to think of actors who look like Tony Stark:

http://www.leviathanstudios.com/figures/stark/chenstark.jpg

I'm now thinking of changing my original answer to George Clooney.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha Puddy from Seinfeld, dude.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:10 (twenty-one years ago)

PATRICK WHARBURTON YES!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:11 (twenty-one years ago)

http://shazam.imginc.com/media/images/castingcall/warburton_patrick.gif

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:13 (twenty-one years ago)

five months pass...

ok i saw this yesterday and actually enjoyed it. i could care less if ninja's were obsolete in 1876 or whenever. who cares, there was ninja's in the movie and they had ninja stars. Granted Tom Cruise sucked, especially the whole "SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" scene. But all in all i found it entertaining.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Monday, 7 June 2004 11:01 (twenty-one years ago)

mr teeny watched this mostly because we saw a lot of ads for it while we were in rome: "L'Ultimo Samurai" The battle scenes were pretty good.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 7 June 2004 11:03 (twenty-one years ago)

It would have been much better without Tom Cruise though.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 7 June 2004 12:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I always cringe when Tom Cruise gets excited or yells in a movie. He sounds like a little kid. Same with Tom Hanks. Their voices are too high or something. It creeps me out.

― scott seward (scott seward), Monday, 7 June 2004 12:26 (twenty-one years ago)

it's not a bad film

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 7 June 2004 12:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I liked this.....

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Monday, 7 June 2004 13:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I even got the chills during the training montage.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Monday, 7 June 2004 13:21 (twenty-one years ago)

he won an EMMA award for it.

― Ed (dali), Monday, 7 June 2004 13:36 (twenty-one years ago)

four months pass...

Hey now.

― Tom Cruise, Friday, 22 October 2004 16:49 (twenty years ago)

one year passes...

i liked it. saw it in a mini-white-guilt-marathon with thunderheart of all things. i liked the scene with the fast fighting then the slow montage flashback over it all.

sure it was orientalist, but it was the kinda mild sweet flattering orientalist verging into "wtf you want me to cheer the rise of another imperial power -- oh, great, a *strong* emperor, that's *just* what the world needs" vicarious pan-asian nationalism orientalist.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 08:26 (nineteen years ago)

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