Every rugger-bugger in England lining the freezing cold streets of London today while drinking too much, braying loudly and generally getting in everyone's way

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If they ruin my trip home tonight, I swear, I will hunt down and personally kill every single one of them.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 8 December 2003 09:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't worry Matt - it'll be back to being a poshos-and-antipodeans minority sport once the end of year round-ups are done. By Euro 2004 everyone will have forgotten it ever happened. Please.

― darren (darren), Monday, 8 December 2003 10:09 (twenty-one years ago)

But you won't be leaving the freaky trigger christmas merriment until well after the crowds have gone home!

― Vicky (Vicky), Monday, 8 December 2003 10:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Classic.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 8 December 2003 10:38 (twenty-one years ago)

annoyingly it is a beautiful if cold day - what could instil one with a greater sense of national pride than a torrent of big beefy beer-fuelled teamsters lining the streets roaring 'Swing Low...' in the pissing rain?

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 10:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Rah.

― Alex K (Alex K), Monday, 8 December 2003 10:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I can now spot Rugby Ear at 50 paces and can thus avoid them.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 8 December 2003 10:55 (twenty-one years ago)

no it's a Rugby YEAR

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 10:56 (twenty-one years ago)

This has nothing to do with spacerock? Sigh.

― THAT Kate (kate), Monday, 8 December 2003 10:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I love the word 'braying'.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 8 December 2003 11:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I've just walked up Regent Street, and there's nothing going down the road at all right now, other than a huge troop of Haree Krishnas. There's a life-sized stuffed giraffe outside Hamleys, for no apparent reason. And I'm sure I saw a sniper on the roof of Aquascutum.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 8 December 2003 12:20 (twenty-one years ago)

argh my cover is blown

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 12:32 (twenty-one years ago)

It's the shirt that did it.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 8 December 2003 12:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I reckon your Euro 2004 "we can do it" hype will be pumped up by the rugby achievement.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 8 December 2003 12:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Not as dud as non-rugger-buggers (including most of the English media) suddenly discovering this little-played-or-watched sport is one of the most important things in the universe.

― ArfArf, Monday, 8 December 2003 12:46 (twenty-one years ago)

STOP TALKING ABOUT THE RUGBY! IF WE IGNORE IT, IT MAY WELL GO AWAY.

― chris (chris), Monday, 8 December 2003 12:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Any kid that bunks off school to watch this should be expelled FOR EVER and sent to Iceland. Any school that lets kids go and watch this should be SHUT DOWN and the staff sent to the Isle of Wight.

I am SO hoping no fucker turns up for this.

― alext (alext), Monday, 8 December 2003 12:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Unfortunately this morning Uxbridge station was crawling with Brunel styoodents all dressed up in St George flags and face paint.

― chris (chris), Monday, 8 December 2003 12:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I work on Oxford Street, I am so glad it's my day off.

― Andrew L (Andrew L), Monday, 8 December 2003 13:00 (twenty-one years ago)

another ordinary day in Uxbridge... (is this my new catchphrase and is chris my stooge?)

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 13:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I was v puzzled by M&S having "HURRAH FOR ENGERLAND" stickers on a rather random selection of sandwiches.

I bought one without. Mmm, club.

― Sarah (starry), Monday, 8 December 2003 13:04 (twenty-one years ago)

they'll probably rebrand their stock to 'victorious cheese n' chive' and 'pickled wilkinsonion'

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 13:06 (twenty-one years ago)

But surely schools would be better off sending their children to the parade on the understanding that - Fagin style - any monies they manage to pick-pocket will go 50% to the buy the School an art teacher fund.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 8 December 2003 13:07 (twenty-one years ago)

They've just gone past my office. I went out and watched because, well, it would be wasteful not to. I didn't recognise any of them other than Jonny Wilkinson, who was standing at the back looking a bit embarrassed and smiling occasionally, and Martin Johnson, who looks a bit like Neil Ruddock.

Felicity (our South African office manager) - "Who's Neil Ruddock?"
Matt DC - *scoff* "Only a REAL sporting hero!"

Everyone has this manic look in their eye - its all a bit surreal.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 8 December 2003 13:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Matt, please throw an optical mouse at Martin Johnson.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 8 December 2003 13:10 (twenty-one years ago)

football fans that hate on rugby can eat a bag of dicks

― Jaunty Alan (Alan), Monday, 8 December 2003 13:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Chris's point upthread is u&k.

― Dick Bageater (daveb), Monday, 8 December 2003 13:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Classic you miserable sods.

― pete s, Monday, 8 December 2003 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

According to radio reports Ken Livingstone has granted the players the freedom of Greater London.

The thick planks on Radio 5live [inc. Simon Mayo] don't know what's Greater London.

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Monday, 8 December 2003 13:54 (twenty-one years ago)

hopefully they all get colds and can't leave the house for a month. Imagine it for a second...........

― chris (chris), Monday, 8 December 2003 13:55 (twenty-one years ago)

this means Martin Johnson can automatically go to the front of the bus queue

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 13:55 (twenty-one years ago)

The players were doing the 'L' for Loser sign over Ken's head as the crowd booed him uncharitably - all in all, not a good day for him.

― pete s, Monday, 8 December 2003 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

What. Wait. Does this mean I DON'T have the freedom of London.
What does this mean?

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 8 December 2003 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

let's face facts: Red Ken is hardly likely to go down well with typical Rugger Bugger types - hooray henrys and posh totty types - that vote Tory.

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Monday, 8 December 2003 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Felicity (our South African office manager) - "Who's Neil Ruddock?"
Matt DC - *scoff* "Only a REAL sporting hero!"

Too right! His glorious own goal in the Oct '97 Goodison derby has secured that.

I might be prepared to give the ruggists some leeway if I hadn't had every boorish stereotype emphatically reconfirmed at first hand last week on a brewery tour in Wandsworth. Me, an American chum with an academic interest in the science of beer production with a dozen egg-chasers there to bombard our female guide with single entrendres and piss in the stables. And they were all flippin' DOCTORS.

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Monday, 8 December 2003 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Steady Mike, please tell me you didn't do the Youngs Brewery tour which I have been telling EVERYONE I am DESPERATE to do if ONLY I could find someone to do it with...

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 8 December 2003 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

You'd better hurry up, the Wandsworth Brewery might not be around much longer.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 8 December 2003 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think you've ever told me that, Barry. If you have and I forgot, I'm sorry. Be thankful you didn't come on the day we went though, you'd have laid into the rugby club lads in an act of inspired red hot PC-chivalry and I'd have had to take you to the hospital/mortuary.

We got a little bonus trip to the sample room. Yum.

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Monday, 8 December 2003 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I just explained to my missus, who's Japanese, that we're only really getting excited because England never win at ANY sport. Or at least haven't won anything for so long. Rugby happens to be the lucky recipient of all those years of frustration at crap England teams. It's disproportionate of course, but give them their day in the, err, sun. At least they didn't blow it, when they could so easily have.

― Daniel (dancity), Monday, 8 December 2003 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't buy all this sneering at the 'poshos' stuff, either. Are sportsmen expected to be working class? Are rugby league players or footballers more 'real' or something?

― Daniel (dancity), Monday, 8 December 2003 14:52 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is so depressing. Make the rugby idiots go away.

I think the problem I have is that most rugby fans are so into organised fun. It's always stupid singing and the 'hillarious' nicknames and planned pub crawls with forefits and particular drinks in each pub and general twatishness and "hold on lads, Tarquin, sorry, I mean Gagging, wooooaaar, isn't here with the fake comedy tits yet! No one moves onto Tia Maria chasers until Gagging gets here! Don't know why you're so keen to start on the girls drinks anyway Knobhead, you big poof. Anyway, all togther 'I once knew a girl who wore glitter and she took it right up the shitter/ it felt quite tight and...."

And Anna leaves the pub, wondering if she still has the number of that strange bloke who reckoned he could find hitmen.

(I do not hate fun. The above is not at all fun in my book. I am well up for spontaneous, free, improv fun, except if it involves jazz.)

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 8 December 2003 14:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I knew there was a reason why you couldn't make Trig Brother.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 8 December 2003 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Hush, you'll make Julio cry.

― THAT Kate (kate), Monday, 8 December 2003 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

you wouldnt be interested in seeing my Maori Haka on the Parker dancefloor tonight then?

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

(Sorry Julio)

But yes, because Hakas are fun and interesting to watch and you will probably be drunk and having un-planned fun and you are not a twat with a comedy nickname based around your performance in bed.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 8 December 2003 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't defend rugby wankers and I much prefer football by the way, but (certain sections of) football fans are not exactly angels, now, are they?

― Daniel (dancity), Monday, 8 December 2003 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry, I used to work in a pub frequented by Rugby Twats.

"Hello Ginger, do your cuffs and collar match? I'd like twelve pints of Stella with a Bailey's top. Have a look at Bollocks over there. He's really into ginger birds. If you don't fancy the ugly bastard you can always come and sit on my knee."

For the minimum wage, it's really not worth being polite.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd rather have a dart in my head than listen to that oh so naughty version of Alouetta again.

― chris (chris), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

(The football teams were always much nicer. Moral of story, never work in a pub near a University sports ground.)

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Incidentally, the worst thing about Rugby Twats is that PEOPLE STILL THINK THEY ARE GENTLEMEN! I mean, no one expects yer average football team to behave themselves but at least you don't hear everyone's naive mum banging on about it all the time.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Incidentally, in my first week at university a third-year rugby player relieved himself into a pint glass and drank his own urine right in front of me = I am scarred for life and allowed to indulge in blind prejudice regarding everyone else who has ever played that sport ever, so no fucker call me out on it.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Barry to thread!

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I once put a Smiths track on our University jukebox and the captain of our college rugby team came over and kicked the machine until it broke. This is the single most indie story I have even been a part of btw!

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Female rugby players are just as bad actually. I remember my fellow bar-people Dan and Jack (who was a proper strapping Geordie lad), hiding in the pub cellar because of the level of sexual harrassment from a team of 'Lady' Rugby players.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Matt, in the Richmond Arms in Winton Bournemouth, I saw three rugby players do that, trousers round ankles at the same time. One of them threw up immediately and yes, he drank that too.

All the rugby teams were barred from our student union for molesting women.

― chris (chris), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

A couple of ours got banned for mooning unsuspecting passers-by, but karma prevailed when one particularly resourceful lady stubbed a cigarette out on the buttock in question.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

my female science teacher also played rugby - brains AND brawn! tho certainly not beauty...

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

two of my Uncles played the game. i have never really wondered what capers they got up to...until now.

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

It's great. Good old England have proved our tribesmen have the biggest cocks in at least one pissing contest. I'm filled with national pride.

― ChrissieH (chrissie1068), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I once put a Smiths track on our University jukebox and the captain of our college rugby team came over and kicked the machine until it broke.

This is classic! Tico shd write a Brit teen flick including this scene. What does today's lunk-headed twunt listen to, though?

― Enrique (Enrique), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

the smiths

― charltonlido (gareth), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Andrew WK!

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

stereophonics, natch

― chris (chris), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Matt, in the Richmond Arms in Winton Bournemouth, I saw three rugby players do that, trousers round ankles at the same time. One of them threw up immediately and yes, he drank that too.

you don't have to be a rugby player for that though, you could just be in any hall committee. WANKERS, WANKERS, WANKERS. Chances are they do play rugby since it's dumbfuck dickheads of this kind who get into the teams anyway (well the fat ones)

― ken c, Monday, 8 December 2003 15:21 (twenty-one years ago)

(that was in the context of universities btw)

― ken c, Monday, 8 December 2003 15:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Chris OTM.

Good old England have proved our tribesmen have the biggest cocks

Surely "are the biggest cocks"?

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:21 (twenty-one years ago)

ILXors in "wimpy mimsy mummy's boys who are scared of big nasty men with cauliflower ears and a prehistoric attitude to women" shockah! :)

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

i thought the French had the biggest cock. but the English ate it for breakfast.

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Markelby sod off -- I listen to Andrew WK plus am well hard honest. I just don't play rugby. I never found rugby playas a problem since my college was like 70% female, which kind of altered shit.

― Enrique (Enrique), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

mine was 70% male, rugby was a reasonably big deal there too but i didnt go down the Uni bars that often in the end

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Enrique, I hope you're not actually annoyed with me! I really just meant that we seem to have almost no actual rugby players on the boards to give the other side of the argument. My best mate is a talented and active rugby player and, well, he's my best mate.

Any rugby players here?

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, Tony Blair is THE biggest cock, obviously. All the smaller cocks bask in his glory. I mean, no way would this have happened while that teenie-weenie Major was PM.

― ChrissieH (chrissie1068), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

my best mate is also a keen rugby advocate. no doubt he indulged in some drunken japes in his time (he used to play American Football at uni in Wales too - gulp) but he is by no means a sexist boorish faux-intelligent thug with no interest in anything but the game, booze, male bonding and leering at barmaids thrupnies. at least no more than any of us.

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, BTW, Mark, I don't have a problem with rugby players, FWIW. It's tedious patriotism that gets on my tits!

― ChrissieH (chrissie1068), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I shared "halls" once with a rugby playing Essex girl. She broke no stereotypes. I could not stand her.

― Sarah (starry), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Enrique, I hope you're not actually annoyed with me!

Hope you might! You don't want to annoy Enrique, he'll burn all your Smiths LPs before urinating in your girl's bacardi breezer.

― Enrique (Enrique), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

how thoughtful of him to try and improve the taste

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I usta play scrum half. Wasn't any good.

Rugby Players here are the picture of decorum, cos we brook no organise fun down the bar. The SOAS quiz certainly does not count as organised.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

...

― Tim (Tim), Monday, 8 December 2003 15:50 (twenty-one years ago)

i went, it was fun.

we were stood opposite liberty when they let the confetti cannons off.

i'll go away now...

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Monday, 8 December 2003 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

could you pull up your trousers as well? thanks

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 8 December 2003 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

PLEASE GOD SOMEONE GIVE THEM A DIFFERENT FUCKING SONG TO SING BEFORE I START TO roll my eyes in a bemused fashion, AHEM.

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:17 (twenty-one years ago)

What really bugs me is the shameless jo(h)nny-come-lately-ism of the whole affair. 'Don't like football, but I like rugby,' said the receptionist the other day.

― Daniel (dancity), Monday, 8 December 2003 18:47 (twenty-one years ago)

"RUGGER-BUGGER"

Unnecessary.

― El Spinktor (El Spinktor), Monday, 8 December 2003 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

not unnecessary - a very common name, in fact one they revel in themselves.

― Vicky (Vicky), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 00:07 (twenty-one years ago)

i've played for over 20 yrs and to be honest it's a real minority who drink own piss/dip cocks in pints etc etc Unfortunately they're rather noticeable. Most people in rugby clubs think these guys are real wankers anyway - the majority just play, have a few beers and go home quietly. The closest my team ever gets to public displays of rudeness is when we have to get changed in the bushes before home games - we're so shit that we haven't got a clubhouse, or even a pitch!

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 08:28 (twenty-one years ago)

a likely story, said DCI Perkins, yesterday

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 9 December 2003 10:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I have not in fact experienced rugby obnoxiousness since the long gone days of my old student bar - the best part of a decade ago.

So possibly I have come to underestimate its continuing prevalance in places like breweries and squares.

I have never yet announced on ilx - so will do it now - that I once planned to write a song called "Why We Don't Like Rugby". I did not get round to it; it was squeezed out by several other titles. But I now, over 3.5 years on, have a tune for it and might have to get round to writing it some day.

I think that one thing that it would say if I did write it would be that I don't really dislike rugby.

― the pinefox, Tuesday, 9 December 2003 12:18 (twenty-one years ago)

prevalence

― the spellfox, Tuesday, 9 December 2003 16:18 (twenty-one years ago)

five months pass...

I remember it well...

― Sir Stewart Wallace (Enrique), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 08:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't realise until this morning that England are playing New Zealand on Saturday, whhich I suppose should be a big game, thing is, no-one really cares

― chris (chris), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 08:11 (twenty-one years ago)

YES! No one really cares! Because there is PROPER SPORT on this weekend!

Did the Pinefox ever write 'Why We Don't Like Rugby', or was it squeezed out in favour of 'Why David Beckham Is No Stanley Matthews'?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 08:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Rugby is good.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I second that emotion. I suppose this isn't the place to list the reasons why football is rubbish. So I won't.

― Canada Briggs (Canada Briggs), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 08:47 (twenty-one years ago)

but you went to the FAKA didn't you?

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 08:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, I enjoy playing it. But watching it? No thanks. Identifying myself through support of a team? Never. There's a big difference.

― Canada Briggs (Canada Briggs), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 08:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Your are Will Buckley and I claim my 5 pounds.

I shall be going toe-to-toe with Mr Buckley on Sky N3ws tomorrow at 10.20am, in case anyone is interested

― Dave B (daveb), Wednesday, 9 June 2004 09:45 (twenty-one years ago)

three years pass...

So not gonna happen.

― Matt DC, Sunday, 21 October 2007 01:24 (seventeen years ago)

― Matt DC, Sunday, 21 October 2007 01:25 (seventeen years ago)

Ha, I hope it was me who ruined Matt's night (by being ACE at table football) rather than the rugby men. :)

― JimD, Sunday, 21 October 2007 02:34 (seventeen years ago)

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Every rugger-bugger in England lining the freezing cold streets of London today while drinking too much, braying loudly and generally getting in everyone's way - C/D?