Casing the Joint

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What do you think I should do then, about those two nice gentlemen who came to the door the other night but rather than ringing the bell, instead began inserting files into the lock and attempting to quietly force open the door. Upon my enquiry "who the fuck is that?", they replied "police" and after flashing badges as I scoped them through the window like a frightened old man, I opened the door to them, even though I later wondered whether the UK rozers carry dinky gold badges. A bit to rock and roll huh. Anyway, apparently they were looking for some chap who I’d never heard of, and, poking their heads in to get a good goddamn look, told me they were from a "special squad." Right. So you’re not casing the joint and checking the security for an impromptu Christmas visitation then. Carry on officer.

― Alex K (Alex K), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, phone the police!!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Already done Pink. They are "getting back to me." Jolly good.

― Alex K (Alex K), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Phew! I hope all is ok Al!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I dunno tho - I mean what can the rozers do exactly? There may not be anyone there for a few days over Christmas and if those chaps were dodge, they were very pro about it; clipboards, badges, both between 40-50... I have a bad feeling man, like they are really going to do us over proper. The day before our neighbours came back to find a bloke scaling the front of their house. South London - you gotta love it.

― Alex K (Alex K), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:23 (twenty-one years ago)

dude, booby traps are u&k

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I really don't like the sound of it. Any chance of getting one of those wireless alarms?

Failing that stevem is otm!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't realize police immediately resorted to lockpicks, but then I don't know south london.

― pizzadog, Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:32 (twenty-one years ago)

they weren't the fuzz man, you need bear-snares, tripwires and dropnets pronto

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Still waiting of for the police to get back to me. It's been approximately 49 hours and counting. la la la

I'm putting a call in to get a quote on an alarm box today and having the locks looked at this weekend.

I have also hooked up a blunderbuss at the bottom of the stairs facing the front door, which is rigged to a trip. I just hope my boys and girl remember that one when they get back tonight otherwise things could get a little messy.

― Alex K (Alex K), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Steve, you're a designer aren't you - you reckon you can draw me up some blueprints. I want flash flares, robotic ceiling mounted movement-sensitive mini guns, retina scan entry controls and a crack legion of heavily armed androids.

― Alex K (Alex K), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:42 (twenty-one years ago)

how much valuable stuff do you have? could you put it all into one room and make it so hard to get into that they'll just leave? or maybe take some of it with you?

(sorry, i don't know if you have a real house or just a tiny flat. i could probably carry most of my valuables if i had to)

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:47 (twenty-one years ago)

If they were legit my guess is the badges would be silver. You could have phoned up the cop shop while they waited, as legitimate officers would not mind this.

Phone the police about this every four hours or they will never do anything about it. Or call in. Or call BBC LDN and say you've been waiting two days for the cops to get back to you about fake cops out to rob your hood, because it fits the classic 'home security over holidays/pensioners! tremble for your lives here come the Xmas robbers!' angle.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, pretend to be a pensioner.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:55 (twenty-one years ago)

The badge should also be accompanied by photo ID (not laminated - printed onto the plastic)

― chris (chris), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the giveaway here is that they were trying to break in, real police do not do this without first knocking on the door!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 11:58 (twenty-one years ago)

thanks for the nudge Suzy, I guess I have to be persistent. Yeah, the badges were funny, the showed me them for like a second. The thing is, when they are there on your fucking doorstep, you don't think, and now I feel like a right doddering idiot.

Colette It's a full on house and it's rammed with stuff but much of it will be too big to carry out the door (amps and cabs and shit). But yeah, I will be taking some stuff with me and stashing the rest.

― Alex K (Alex K), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 12:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, call LDN. I can so see this eating up 5 minutes of local news time, plus they will try this on others/the elderly over the Xmas weeks and you will feel like shit if anything bad happens later, because something like this would almost certainly make the news.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 12:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't recall any nice little laminated pictures. And yeah, the file in the lock didn't strike me as typical police procedure.

― Alex K (Alex K), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 12:05 (twenty-one years ago)

don't feel like an idiot! maybe you scared them away and they won't be back, since you actually confronted them. but yeah, probably good to pester the cops about it as well :)

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 12:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Just wish I'd answered the door idly swinging this huge meat cleaver we have.

― Alex K (Alex K), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Might also be an idea to arrange contents insurance.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 12:23 (twenty-one years ago)

good idea, suzy! the post office has pretty cheap contents insurance, and can do it over the phone so that it starts right away...

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 12:24 (twenty-one years ago)

...So, chased the police up and they say that these gents don't sound like normal plod, however, they could have been operating under the anti-terrorism act, in which case they ARE entitled to jimmy the door. However, if they were anti-terrorist, why would they just troop off happily after I told them I'd never heard of their boy?

The police tell me they don't have any records of Special Branch operating in that area at the time but since they don't talk to Special Branch or have access to Special Branch records, they cannot be definitive about this.

Well, it's get an alarm fitted isn't it.

― Alex K (Alex K), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 12:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Here's the part where institutionalised racism comes into effect: my guess is that if you are not some shade of brown they would happily have mentioned the anti-terrorism work, and would probably have something either much more or much less sophisticated for door-bothering.

BBC reporter can find out fairly easily if SB were involved, if not, they get a story.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 12:45 (twenty-one years ago)

It that it from the police then? That sucks!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 13:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey Ho. Typical bill I suppose.

― Alex K (Alex K), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 13:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Alex - could you try ringing the Special Branch? they might be in the phone book. but they'd probably tell you to fuck off.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

It would play out like a Pinter extract.

al: Hi is that Special Branch?
Special Branch: It might be. Who is this?
al: it's al.
Special Branch: Fuck Off.

*...dead tone...*

al: Right.

― Alex K (Alex K), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

That's unacceptable from public servants. Who pays for this level of service, eh?

Have just returned from trip to cleaners. On way to cleaners I see four or five Asbos (asbo = anti social behaviour order so read: older teen thugs) going into a gift shop, looking shifty. When I did the cleaning errand, on the way back stopped into newsagent where one of scallies was asking for a bag 'because they didn't get me one in the shop'. He was holding two copies of a HUGE graf book they've got in Magma, so I go next door to Magma and ask if they've just had a bunch of scallies in, because if so they've stolen yr. books. Magma guy follows me; newsagent has clearly failed Retail 101 and has given scally a bag. We see scally looking for his friends, doing bad job of hiding bag of graf books. He runs for the bus, we intercept. He drops the books and gives it all this 'I ain't holdin' anyfink' business in the entry to the 55 bus, where OF COURSE the driver refused to call cops and moaned at being held up. We got the books back but guy escaped to top deck but hurled a ton of 'bend over and be my bitch'-type abuse at him as he ascended.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Well done Suzy! *applause*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Guy was twice my size, easy. Just the sort of guy to think aggro from tiny pale female pretty impossible HEHEHEH.

I hate shoplifters.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Hooray for St Suzy!!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 14:23 (twenty-one years ago)

dammit Suzy those young, gifted and poor artists can't shell out £27.99 for their required tomes, you're impeding their development as creatives ;)

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 14:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Steve, did you miss the part where I said they'd steamed all the shops along that bit of the road? If you MUST shoplift pick ELSEWHERE than a small business run by nice people.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

i will now, thanks ;)

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 14:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Poor newsagent though. When I came back to shop to find no scally and he said he'd given the thief a bag, I rather loudly said 'oh what a stupid thing to do, couldn't you see he stole those, ARRGH' before giving chase. Makes a change from the days of newsies trying to charge 5p for bags to people who'd just bought stuff there.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 14:55 (twenty-one years ago)

OK. Spent entire lunch on the phone to plod. Called 118 to get the number for Special Branch for a laugh. Guess what, it’s not listed. So I go for the next best thing. Scotland Yard. Get a guy there who has me on hold while he conducts enquiries and eventually he tells me he’s spoken to anti-terrorist branch who are not prepared to discuss the matter. What I need to do is call the local station again and get hold of the duty officer who can then ring round the various police branches to find out if any of their boys were on his patch. If indeed these branches are prepared to discuss the matter with them. So I call up the local station. Again. And this time I get the holy grail of an incident number (hooray) plus assurances that they will look into it and get back to me. Meanwhile – found out alarm will cost maybe £1200 to fit. Looks like it’s the heavy-duty bolt and the nightshift with a shotgun instead.

Suzy – how does it feel to be a real life have a go hero? Seriously tho - good for you girl.

― Alex K (Alex K), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 15:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Alex, they're not moving fast enough on this, a simple 'yes' or 'no' would do fdrom them. BBC! As to the shoplifter thing, I'm a bit cross at the 55 driver for having a gang of witnessed shoplifters on his bus and refusing assistance, as people like that only steal if they know they will get away with not getting busted.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

You know what, in a fit of citizenship pique, I did actually cull a number for the Beeb off their site. Thought about some poor old dear getting those two bastards on her doorstep and felt it was worth a call. It was, unfortunately, just an answerphone tho.

― Alex K (Alex K), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

No, call main switchboard at Marylebone HS BBC. It's a good time right now.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

i agree it is a shame he didn't offer help - i wonder if mentioning this to the bus company would be at all useful?

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Called Leyton Bus Garage and SOMEONE IS GETTING A MASSIVE BOLLOCKING.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

What I hate is that there were 50 people on that bus who now think bus drivers will be absolutely no help if they encounter a thief on a bus. I also don't like knowing I had a clear line of fire from knee to apprehended scally's nuts, either, and did not take advantage.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 16:20 (twenty-one years ago)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/975000/images/_978449_home_alone.jpg

― JaXoN (JasonD), Tuesday, 16 December 2003 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

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