100 Greatest TV Treats of 2003- ILE Version

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The real version is on Channel 4 at the moment. It will obviously be rubbish, and won by, I dunno, the one that can't speak English from The Salon falling over. Or Leigh Francis's stupid fucking face. Here, let us list the genuine TV classic moments of 2003.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 24 December 2003 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

1. The follow-up documentary on David Blaine. Blaine's just come out of his box, he's in his hospital bed. He can hardly walk, talk, move, or anything. He's bleeding from the mouth. All of a sudden, there's a black guy next to his bed. Before you can take in the information "Here's my good friend Flava Flav".

"Ay yo, David, whut was you doon in dat box man!"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 24 December 2003 21:05 (twenty-one years ago)

2. Porn: A Family Business. The dad goes debt collecting, only to find that their debtor has spent all of his money on limited edition Furbies.

"I can pay you in Furbies if you want"
"What the fuck am I gonna do with 200 Furbies? If they was 200 dildoes, maybe I could use them"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 24 December 2003 21:06 (twenty-one years ago)

3. Bubba Sparxxx turns up on the Tom Green show with a bottle of homemade moonshine. Steve-O is on the show as well. Steve-O drinks the moonshine, and then spends the next five minutes vomiting. Their is an old Russian woman sitting on the sofa as well, for reasons not properly explained.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 24 December 2003 21:07 (twenty-one years ago)

4. Montell Williams on The Sopranos.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 24 December 2003 21:07 (twenty-one years ago)

What??!! What did he do?

― pete s, Wednesday, 24 December 2003 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)

It was in the Columbus Day episode. He mediated a political discussion show that Carmella was watching, wherein a Native American activist and a member of the Italian-American Anti-Defamation League discussed Columbus.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 24 December 2003 21:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I saw that episode - twice - and i missed him, and i still can't remember it. Oh well, well done for spotting that.

― pete s, Wednesday, 24 December 2003 21:11 (twenty-one years ago)

5. The Bud commercial with Leon blaming his team for a loss
Reporter: "There's no 'I' in team."
Leon: "Ain't no 'we,' either."

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 25 December 2003 05:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't remember any at the moment, but 50 of these involve P. Diddy somehow.

― Adrian (Adrian Langston), Thursday, 25 December 2003 07:03 (twenty-one years ago)

6) welcome to the OC bitch
7) Liza on living in oblivion
8) and a serious one, when dr abbot confesses after termanaiting a pregnacny on everwood, and that whole episode, how respectful the moral choices were.

― anthony easton (anthony), Thursday, 25 December 2003 07:49 (twenty-one years ago)

liiitle scrubbers
slough (!!!) off skin
maybe this is really IS deep spiritual cleansing

prob made in 92 but whatev

― prima fassy (bob), Thursday, 25 December 2003 12:50 (twenty-one years ago)

This is what Channel 4 viewers decided on:

England's World Cup Rugby
Wife Swap
Jacko meets Bashir
Dirty Den
Tonight Special: The Millionaire Trial
How Clean Is Your House?
Britain score nil points at Eurovision
Cold Feet
Tricky Dicky
Little Britain
Meg Ryan on Parkinson
The Fall of Bagdad
Creature Comforts
Kat and Alfie get it on in Eastenders
The Honda cog advertisement
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Peep Show
Matthew Kelly on The Frank Skinner Show
My New Best Friend
Jonathan Ross reads a bedtime story on Bo' Selecta!
Derren Brown: Russian Roulette
Britney, Christina and Madonna snog at the MTV awards
Teen Big Brother
Marion and Geoff
Alastair Campbell on Channel 4 News
Double Take
Fame Academy row
The last Brookside
Ali G in da USAiii
Michael Moore's anti-war Oscar speech
Early Doors
I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here
Blair on Newsnight
Big Brother IV
People's Book of Records
Rogue Traders
Richard and Judy's urine drinker
3 Non Blondes
Pop Idol
The Salon
Celebrity Wife Swap
Prime Suspect
Manchester United v Arsenal
A Very British UFO Hoax
Justin and Kylie at the Brits
One Life: Size Doesn't Matter
Michael Portillo as a single mum
Monkey Dust
England v Turkey
Cutting Edge: Bad Behaviour
Tatu's banned video
The first gay kiss on Coronation Street
Xtremists
Comical Ali
Jim Carrey and Johnny Vegas on Friday Night with Jonathan Ross
Second Coming
Joe Millionaire
Henry VIII
Man v Beast
Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway
Robbie Williams: Live at Knebworth
State of Play
The Conman, His Lover and the Prime Minister's Wife
Distraction
David Blaine: Above the Below
The end of Crossroads
Punkd
Jon Drummond's 100m protest
Celebrity Detox
Graham Norton's Scottish Roulette
Young Posh and Loaded
The Games
The Michael Essany Show
Henman wins
Scare Tactics
Curse of Blue Peter
Reborn in the USA
Little Friends
That'll Teach 'Em
Jump London
Knife Throwers on This Morning
On Holiday with the Gellars
Pornography The Musical
Muhammed Ali: Then And Now
Rocket Man flies across the Channel
Operatunity
Bodysnatchers
Johnny Vegas and Dustin Hoffman at the Empire Awards
Confessions of a Cad
Swag
The Pilot Show
Essex Wives
The Club
The Deal
Dale's Wedding
David Beckham's transfer and medical
Ruby Wax and Jo Brand as Cheeky Girls
Gladiators: Eubank v Benn
Ricky Gervais on Letterman
Humanzee

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Thursday, 25 December 2003 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

It must have been a pretty awful year for tv if 3 non blondes was a highlight.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 25 December 2003 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

What happened after the first gay kiss on Corrie though? Didn't he go back to his ER GIRLFRIEND (wife?) and baby? They all look the same to me though apart from Jack/Vera/Adam Rickett BREATHE AGAIN/Roy and Hayley.

― red nose, Thursday, 25 December 2003 21:05 (twenty-one years ago)

the plot wasn't really developed for some reason.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 25 December 2003 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

trisha phoning ri:se during the very last episode, extremely drunk and potty mouthed was the best moment

― peckham rye, Thursday, 25 December 2003 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Bah what a load of rubbidge. What was MONKEY DUST? Come on chaps I watch more TV than the average bear and I have no clue what half of these things are!

ALSO WHERE IS JUDGE JOHN DEED

― silly wigs, Thursday, 25 December 2003 21:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Note, however, that 3 Non-Blondes was less important than Double Take, Rogue Traders, Early Doors and My New Best Friend.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Thursday, 25 December 2003 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

10) ALL OF JUDGE JOHN DEED

11) Harry Hill's TV Burp

12) SINGLE

13) DJ Idol

(from #s 11-13 you can tell which day of the week I usually stay up with a bottle of wine - actually DJ Idol is BRILLIANT, well better than yer rubbidge primetime shit).

NB may not actually be called DJ Idol.

― bacofoil, Thursday, 25 December 2003 21:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah, that'd be The Joy Of Decks, which was alright.

You appear not to have included

14) Turn On Terry

however.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Thursday, 25 December 2003 21:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Blimey Swiggit you're quick off the mark. I bet you can't tell who I am. Haha.

Turn On Terry? Missed that one. Wossat? ITV's done pretty well from this haul. Peep Show marvellous. BUT WHERE IS POPWORLD???

― busted, Thursday, 25 December 2003 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Turn On Terry - the week's television as reviewed by Terry Christian and a grab bag from Tony Wilson, Alison off Big Brother 3, some woman that used to present Children's BBC, John Robb, a man with glasses, the woman off Reality Check and Tina Baker. It was magic.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Thursday, 25 December 2003 21:30 (twenty-one years ago)

OH BLIMEY that rings a vague bell, or at least the Alison bit does. Thank goodness this was before this years Test the Nation - was it just me who thought that was a load of rub? I'm sure Philip Schofield was never that twattish in the broom cupboard.

― ed the duck, Thursday, 25 December 2003 21:31 (twenty-one years ago)

It was a bit. "So, you're a firefighter?"

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Thursday, 25 December 2003 21:34 (twenty-one years ago)

World Idol.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 25 December 2003 23:17 (twenty-one years ago)

16. Fifty Cent sitting next to Felicity Kendall on the Jonathan Ross show.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 25 December 2003 23:24 (twenty-one years ago)

coolio on big brother's little brother, um wtf?

― cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 25 December 2003 23:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Bruce Forsyth crushing Ian Hislop with light entertainment

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Thursday, 25 December 2003 23:34 (twenty-one years ago)

19. Girls In Love, the logical conclusion of television.,

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 26 December 2003 00:06 (twenty-one years ago)

20. That German doctor performing the live autopsy on channel 4.
I loved it.

― pete s, Friday, 26 December 2003 00:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, especially because it was meant to be a documentary on Oasis.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 26 December 2003 00:14 (twenty-one years ago)

21. "YOU'RE LIKE HITLER! AND HE DIED!" - The first appearance of Wife Swap on our TVs.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 26 December 2003 02:31 (twenty-one years ago)

The doctor/artist's name was Gunther von Hagens.

― pete s, Friday, 26 December 2003 02:47 (twenty-one years ago)

22.The episode of the Sopranos when Tony killed Ralph. then the next episode with the head in a bowling ball bag.

― jed (jed_e_3), Friday, 26 December 2003 02:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Terry Tate, Office Linebacker.

― El Santo Claus (Kingfish), Friday, 26 December 2003 02:53 (twenty-one years ago)

24 the wife swap variant Masters and Servants.
Fantastic overweening hubris on the part of EVERY family when they were the masters, then a kind of d'oh! inability to cope/horror at the resentment the'yd stirred up when they were the servants.
Like a classic joke-set up--punchline every week.

― pete s, Friday, 26 December 2003 02:56 (twenty-one years ago)

William Swygart, in your potted summary of Turn on Terry you forgot to mention the house-band, who were presumably seleced by Christian himself. Is it still 1989 in Manchester, or is it just these clowns?
Great look, too, the ugly bloke lead singer and cooing female back-up. Obviously no longer getting commissions to play over credit sequences of poor-quality Sky One nostalgia shows.

― pete s, Friday, 26 December 2003 03:40 (twenty-one years ago)

25. The moment that James "God of TV" May was introduced to the world.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 26 December 2003 11:22 (twenty-one years ago)

it's pretty blatant that Channel 4 use these lists as a means of promoting their own shows. How many on the list were C4 shows? Looks like more ITV than BBC as well. There was a higher concentration of 'so bad it's good...no really come on, we love it cos it's so shit don't we? what? you don't? well you're just a fun hating gimp then' entrants here. And what fucknut thinks Beckham's penalty miss against Turkey was more of a 'TV treat' than Vassell's goal in the home match? Scotland's goal against the Dutch would also have been a more worthwhile inclusion. I was disappointed to not see the Peter Kaye John Smith adverts included (I'm assuming they weren't as I saw most of the show). Must do better.

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 26 December 2003 19:55 (twenty-one years ago)

notice there was more than one same sex on screen kiss included. when will these stop being a big deal?

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 26 December 2003 19:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Pete - Big Arm (or Paul Ryder's Big Arm as they are sometimes referred to) have taken more of a back seat lately, though. Long gone are "What/Did you make of that then?/What/Did you make of that then? (Hey hey)" or "Show us your tidbits/Give us your tidbits (Hey hey)/Come on Tel let's go (Hey hey)". I did like the 'snow effect' that got superimposed over them the other week, though.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Friday, 26 December 2003 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

"I want to kiss you." - Joe Namath

― bnw (bnw), Friday, 26 December 2003 23:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Good Moment: The guys in Mythbusters (who I sure hope are gay) blowing up CDs.

Bad Moment: Jay Leno making light of Bobby Brown's physical abuse of his wife: "You know, Whitney Houston's coming out with a new single, just in time for the holidays. It's going to be called "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth."

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Saturday, 27 December 2003 04:56 (twenty-one years ago)

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