"I'm *Sort of* Seeing Someone"

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Have you ever been told this by someone you fancied? If so, how did you react?

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Awwwww dude, if someone says this to you, RUN AWAY.

― yetimike (McGonigal), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:18 (twenty-one years ago)

"sort of"!! It's only fractional! MARRY ME

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:20 (twenty-one years ago)

otm

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I was thinking of when you first meet them. Actually my usual reaction is to run away, but recently I've been thinking that other responses could be

"Well, you could *sort of* see me too"

"you can't be *sort of* seeing someone; either you are or you aren't".

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:21 (twenty-one years ago)

People say "sort of" all the time in a million contexts - its either a verbal nervous tic or an attempt at faux-sheepishness. Hell, even *I* wouldn't read too much into the "sort of" and I am an expert at reading too much into what women say to me.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:22 (twenty-one years ago)

It could also be genuine sheepishness, of course, I'm not trying to be overly harsh here.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

yes. chances are you have run into a chickenshit idiot of either sex who isn't worth your time. Variations:

S'he's my roommate
S/he doesn't understand me
I have the right to a separate orifice (oops life)
Let's see where it goes

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

When you first meet them?

"Hi, my name is Peter, I'm sort of seeing someone!"

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

You forgot "I don't deserve you", Orbit.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:25 (twenty-one years ago)

haha! on the fucking money!

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I can actually think of something even worse, which upset a colleague of mine. A girl told him "Well, I've got this bloke, but I never see him!"

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:29 (twenty-one years ago)

ROFL! I'm not postmodern enough for that!

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

A girl told him "Well, I've got this bloke, but I never see him!"

This is a come-on. Your mate fucked up.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:31 (twenty-one years ago)

that's got all the makings of a satisfying long term relationship....

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:33 (twenty-one years ago)

dudduddud

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:37 (twenty-one years ago)

although worse is having to describe your situation as such

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:37 (twenty-one years ago)

haha! on the fucking money!

Incidentally, maybe I should point out that you just ruined my life with that comment.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sorry. How so?

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Because otherwise you would have to say "well I get drunk and have sex with this guy occasionally," and I dunno, that doesn't sound too good. Especially when your trying to describe the situation to your family.

(xpost)

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:41 (twenty-one years ago)

your=you're

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:41 (twenty-one years ago)

i will worry forever that i have wounded mattdc's tender heart

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:52 (twenty-one years ago)

He's not posted for ten minutes; I think he's dead.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:54 (twenty-one years ago)

*sniff*

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:54 (twenty-one years ago)

or having a wank (sorry matt)

― stevem (blueski), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:55 (twenty-one years ago)

He's not posted for ten minutes; I think he's dead.

What do you think I am, SteveM?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:56 (twenty-one years ago)

(That was an xpost, but Steve somehow made it better)

I actually thought of using this thread as an exuse never to post again, but I'm sure it'd never work.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:58 (twenty-one years ago)

ehehehehehe...

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Sunday, 4 January 2004 22:58 (twenty-one years ago)

it means they're rooting someone but they still might be interested in rooting you. (hopefully.)

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 4 January 2004 23:32 (twenty-one years ago)

and my, how lucky you are,
to be dazzled with the prospect of being rooted
by a chickenshit idiot
who jumps from orifice to orifice
between lies
and half-truths

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 4 January 2004 23:34 (twenty-one years ago)

it doesn't get any wittier
in half-assed "poetry".
see?

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 4 January 2004 23:39 (twenty-one years ago)

yes
jess

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 4 January 2004 23:41 (twenty-one years ago)

i had this weird situation where i was hanging out with a girl a lot, and it was sort of unclear where it was going, and then like a week later she casually dropped some comment about her boyfriend living far away and i was like (attempting to be very nonchalant about it but sort of confused/dejeted) "oh, you have a boyfriend" and she was like "yeah, but we never see each other..." and then sort of trailed off like she was uncomfortable with the subject. to this day i have little idea what was happening.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 5 January 2004 00:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I am amused by indignance towards the idea a person might actually want to casually sleep with/date a few people because theyre NOT involved properly with anyone. Like umm... theres a problem with that? If Im single, it don't mean I'm celibate baby.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 5 January 2004 00:16 (twenty-one years ago)

because the person using the lines is usually in a long term relationship and is a weasel

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 5 January 2004 00:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Eh, I've used that line m'self plenty of times and meant what I said.

Mind you Ive also used it in a sense I'm not sure's been touched on here ie "I dont actually want to date you/sleep with you, so I'll say I'm sortof seeing someone cos thats a bit kinder than sayinf eff off, youre ugly".

:D I'm so kind!

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 5 January 2004 00:20 (twenty-one years ago)

see: Postive K I Got a Man for inspiration.

― phil-two (phil-two), Monday, 5 January 2004 00:28 (twenty-one years ago)

...in all matters, not just this one

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 5 January 2004 00:29 (twenty-one years ago)

See Blondie's "Just Go Away" for even more inspiration...

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 5 January 2004 00:34 (twenty-one years ago)

mark h looks damn suave in gareth's recent pics - go get him ladies

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 5 January 2004 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm holding out for Andrew *rrrooowwwrr*

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 5 January 2004 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

ooh thank you stevem *blushes*

which pics, anyway? link needed!

― MarkH (MarkH), Monday, 5 January 2004 11:55 (twenty-one years ago)

you've *sort of* got a better than average chance of contracting VD from me

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 5 January 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm sure i've said this at some point. the context i can imagine is that i've been involved with someone and can see the end coming. i'm trying to figure out how to end things in the nicest way possible (which takes a little while for me, which is stupid, i know). i meet someone that i fancy. i can't exactly date him now, because technically i'm seeing someone else, although on the breakup track. so it would be a 'can i call you when i'm single?' type of thing.

which might be terrible, i don't know.

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 5 January 2004 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

breaking my own post down more: this was probably just me trying to rationalise semi-cheating (cheating mentally) with someone i'm planning to dump.

so, this person probably likes you. you have to figure out if you like them even if they use phrases like that...

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 5 January 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think it's necessarily terrible, colette. It's pretty normal.
The thing is, breaking up with someone is best done quickly. The longer it's dragged out, the harder it gets and the more it hurts everyone.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 5 January 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

that's the bit that i know is stupid. doesn't make it any easier to do, though. even after years of experience, i still seem to think that if i wait, the 'perfect moment' will arise. (it doesn't)

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 5 January 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

"the perfect moment": when your significant other is walking down the aisle with someone else.
"I think we should break up!"
"Umm, okay."

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 5 January 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I could envision partially sighted people using this phrase with total impunity.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 5 January 2004 15:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Partially sighted mediums?

"I'm *sort of * seeing dead people..."

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 5 January 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

that's a pretty bratty perfect moment, i'd imagine it would piss off the bride. maybe something like he's getting a massage in a hot tub from a lovely intelligent and funny girl, and gets a text message saying i don't think we should see each other...

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 5 January 2004 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Talk to someone I fancy? Are you mad?

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 5 January 2004 17:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Aw.

I've used it in the context Trayce said upthread--as a way to put someone off despite being more or less single. It's more saying that "There's something maybe-developing with someone and I want to see where that goes, so kindly fuck off." At times that someone is fictional, but whatevah. It seems more polite than saying fuck off outright.

I've never thought about it in the mid-breakup context because I haven't been in that situation. I can see where that would be tricky...

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Monday, 5 January 2004 17:59 (twenty-one years ago)

singlehood?
nah, just say "i'm doing the entire State at the moment. Line forms there."

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 5 January 2004 18:17 (twenty-one years ago)

ISOSS = I'll have sex, but won't be seen with you

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 5 January 2004 18:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Another thought occurs, re "weasels" - a true weasel wouldnt even say "I'm sort of seeing someone". They'd lie outright and say you were the only one for them. To three different girls.

― My ex flatmate was a right bastard, poor women (trayce), Monday, 5 January 2004 21:02 (twenty-one years ago)

ISOSS = I'll have sex, but won't be seen with you

Why say all that, when tis what hookers are for, though? Less risk of misunderstanding.

But seriously, tis best to be straight out (I think) and SAY you're seeing someone. If the other person can't handle hearing it, unfortunately tis prolly due to their personal issues than yours.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 5 January 2004 21:12 (twenty-one years ago)

and maybe the fact that they don't want to risk that this "Someone" has more and bigger friends than they do.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 5 January 2004 21:18 (twenty-one years ago)

usually uttered after they've already kissed you, you know, weighed up which one they like better. ugh.

yeah you're sorta seeing someone - that would be me...and her...

― Chick Remedy (The Chick Remedy), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 07:43 (twenty-one years ago)

because the person using the lines is usually in a long term relationship and is a weasel

I believe that this is often the case as well, when the person is trying to give the impression that "I'm sort of involved but not seriously enough to avoid shagging you tonight if the opportunity arises and I think my other is unlikely to find out." On the other hand, I don't think it's bad to date more than one person if not seriously involved. I tend to be blunter, saying "I'm involved" or some such phrase that leaves no doubt. If I'm not seriously involved, I'm single, so there's no *sort of* seeing someone.

This probably means subtly different things to most everyone who uses it though.

― webcrack (music=crack), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Whatever the reasoning behind it, it basically just means "whatever we end up doing tonight, you have no claim on me".

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

but mark, several girls (not me, though) have said that this is their code for a general brush off, so it could mean "i don't want anything to happen tonight"

although i generally agree with you.

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 16:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I got this once, she'd met this guy the day before, so it was still in the not totally confirmed stage. Suff to say, they were together for at least three months by which time I had moved off from those circles shall we say...

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Colette, yes, of course you're right - I was just thinking about the use of the line in the event of the speaker being up for a bit of strings-free nookie. If I heard it before any flirting or smooching I'd immediately think it was a brush-off.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

It all depends on how the "sort of" bit is spoken.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 17:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Coyly? Indifferently? Sheepishly? Coquettishly?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 17:12 (twenty-one years ago)

like if it's said with your tongue around theirs you can assume it means what mark said? otherwise maybe they aren't so interested?

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)

If the stress is laid on 'sort of' then they are open to suggestion. If it's on 'seeing' then it's a brush off.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 17:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Coyly? Indifferently? Sheepishly? Coquettishly?

With tourettes..

i'm SOD OFF seeing someone...

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 17:15 (twenty-one years ago)

it depends on the context, too.

situation one
=============
pug-ug: will you go out with me
girl : i'm sort of seeing someone

probability 87%: Pretty much single, don't want to blantantly lie re: pug-ness, sort of seeing someone kills any hopes without having to blatently lie.
possible reply : oh, that's lovely. sort of.

situation two
=============
person a: ooh my love life is great, mmmm boning every day blah blah. are you seeing anyone?
person b: i'm sort of seeing someone

probability 79%: not had sex for three years, but trying to cover up the fact.

situation three
===============
* things getting hot and steamy
person a: let's make sweet love
person b: well.. i'm sort of seeing someone

probability 70%: person b warns person a whatever happens next, it's likely to not lead to anywhere.

situation four
==============
strangeryouvejustmet: hi, i'm sort of seeing someone!

probability 100%: wtf?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha probability 100%: Ken OTM

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

three weeks pass...

I once stupidly used the exact phrase in the title to mean, "I am in a very serious relationship that has lasted years but I'm not gonna nag you with the details - the point is I can't see you" and had it misunderstood and got into terrible trouble.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Monday, 2 February 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

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