Confess your internet crimes here.

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Dear Internet,

While I know you are intended for purposes of education and occasionally entertainment, I must confess that I've often used you for less than pure activities. What follows is a list of highlightable offenses which I feel I must get off my chest if we are to continue having a healthy relationship.

- Pornographic material. Too much to mention here. I won't say what kind, but I will say that I've often continued viewing said material despite suspicions that the models depicted within were not at all 18 years old of age, or older.

- One summer, one time, I used you to subscribe another user to over 200 mailing lists. I'm pretty certain that this caused the victim much inconvenience as they probably then had to manually un-subscribe themselves from each and every one. Boo-fucking-hoo, I know. But still.

- Twice (twice!), I've used you to pursue intimate relations (nay, sex)(subconsciously speaking, of course) outside of an existing relationship. Shall we leave it at that? Thx.

- While the "hacking" of email accounts is far too easy, even today, there is still no excuse for that time I sent a mock letter from someone else's account, proclaiming "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay."

- There have been times, during what could best be described as a thoughtless episodes of self-love, I've used you to look up my own name on Google, each time wanting to find some sort of praise from others.

- I've used you to download mp3s on numerous occasions. Often just single songs, but at other times.. albums, and yes, even a few times box-sets here and there. It doesn't stop there either. I made matters worse by the running of an mp3 site and a distr- yes.. I think I've said enough on this subject for now.

- For several weeks, I kept in contact with one Mr. Jumai Afsatu Abacha from Nigeria, Africa. I deceived him several times, telling the poor fellow that, yes, I would one day send him my personal banking information that he so desperately required. I never did. I now fear the worst for him and the safety of his beloved family.

That's all for now, internet. Thanks for listening.

Yer devoted pal,

May Pang. (online user/abuser)

― may pang (maypang), Thursday, 8 January 2004 03:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Ladies and gentlemen.. testify!

― may pang (maypang), Thursday, 8 January 2004 03:36 (twenty-two years ago)

During a frosh lab exercise, we smurfed the building they were in from down the hall till several broke down in tears cause they were going to have to stay the FULL THREE WHOLE HOURS!

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Thursday, 8 January 2004 03:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I've entertained the idea of stringing along a Nigerian scammer. Would be fun stuff as long as you kept your true ID private. Did you do it or is that a joke?

― Aaron A., Thursday, 8 January 2004 03:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Dear internet,

I work for the US Government.

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 8 January 2004 03:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, it was a joke. It didn't go as far as I wanted it to though. I was hoping to get a phonecall or something out of the deal but the offer never came.

― may pang (maypang), Thursday, 8 January 2004 03:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Err.. I meant that I did do it and that it wasn't a joke. Eh-heh.

― may pang (maypang), Thursday, 8 January 2004 03:44 (twenty-two years ago)

What tipped them off that you were playing them? Did you take pains to act all naive and excited?

― Aaron A., Thursday, 8 January 2004 03:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I just kept asking him questions about our "deal." Nothing that would've seemed fishy, really. He stopped responding after a few rounds of this. Maybe they're used to this sort of thing. Who knows.

― may pang (maypang), Thursday, 8 January 2004 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

But enough about me! Confess you fucking sinners.

― may pang (maypang), Thursday, 8 January 2004 03:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Look, don't derail my derailment, okay?

― Aaron A., Thursday, 8 January 2004 03:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Moderator, can we please delete this thread?

― may pang (maypang), Thursday, 8 January 2004 04:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Dear Internet,

I must apologise for using you for the following:

- gathering what must be (after 8 years) more than 40gb of pornography.

- illicitly downloading hundreds of albums and motion pictures.

- breaking into and using services which I did not pay for.

- hosting ILX.

Yours humbly,

Andrew

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 8 January 2004 04:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I forgot to mention:

- impersonating women in chat rooms.

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 8 January 2004 04:28 (twenty-two years ago)

You're going straight to hell for that last one.

― may pang (maypang), Thursday, 8 January 2004 04:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Heh heh my old flatmate used to do that too. Hilarious to watch him, he never said he was female, he just had an ambiguous handle and never corrected anyone's assumptions, he'd let them get all dirty and then say "why are you saaying all this to a guy anyway?" and they'd freak and log off.

The funniest thing was this one guy KEPT DOING IT, like he forgot from the last time.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 8 January 2004 04:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Hahaha!! I must try this.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Thursday, 8 January 2004 05:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Trolling Christian chat rooms and bulletin boards and getting banned for saying mean things.

Impersonating a network admininstrator at school and threatening to format hard drives.

― Star Hustler, Thursday, 8 January 2004 05:24 (twenty-two years ago)

stabbing hobos

― A Nairn (moretap), Thursday, 8 January 2004 05:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Dear Internet,
I've done some mean and nasty things to the internet over the last
My crimes, in order of horrendousness.

5 Counts of playing mind games with "419 Scammers".
100+ Counts of downloading music without the RIAAs permission.
1 Count of deliberately downloading a copy of "Livin' la Vida Loca"
3 Counts of pingflooding (2 Counts are misdemeanors. A hacker was scanning my ports, so I tracked him down and pingflooded his home box until he went away.)
1 Count of using the Finger attack. (part of the hacker incident above)
5 Counts of using a hacked password to sneak into a paysite.
100+ Counts of deliberately entering fraudulent Email and/or mailing addresses on a websites registration page.
2 Counts of deliberately entering a fraudulent credit card number into a websites registration page.
50+ Counts of using a crack or serial to not have to pay for software.
At least 2 Counts of allowing my ex-girlfriend to post to ILM from my hub.
At least 10 Counts of allowing my cousin to post to ILM from my hub. (That alone should be a hanging crime.)
1 Count of making a "beowulf cluser" joke on Slashdot.

mea culpa, especially for the last three, mea culpa.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 8 January 2004 05:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Hahaha!! I must try this.

I haven't done this in a long time, but it's best if you paste the entire private conversation to everyone else in the main section of a channel after you tell the person you've been talking to that you're a guy. Guaranteed good online times.

― may pang (maypang), Thursday, 8 January 2004 05:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Stabbing Hobos should be a band name.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 8 January 2004 05:35 (twenty-two years ago)

This is a confession booth, not a record store.

― may pang (maypang), Thursday, 8 January 2004 05:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Is trolling a crime?

― Star Hustler, Thursday, 8 January 2004 05:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Only if someone else is doing it.

― may pang (maypang), Thursday, 8 January 2004 05:50 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm guilty of most of these, i'm afraid.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 8 January 2004 05:54 (twenty-two years ago)

URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL

Dear Internet,

It was all a joke, I just didnt expect so many people to fall for it.

I am very sorry.

― Mr Alfred Mmubabeh, Nigerian Ministry of Finance (trayce), Thursday, 8 January 2004 05:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I also pretend to be a woman in chat rooms and message boards.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 8 January 2004 05:55 (twenty-two years ago)

A couple of times I searched personals sites for people I knew so I could laugh at them (before Internet hookups stopped being creepy).

I got into a heated argument about the BCS on ILX. I think that's the lowest of the low thus far.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 8 January 2004 05:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Dear Internet,

I apologize for misusing you, via emailing several dozen people under the name "Applejack Carney" and asking for naked photos of their mothers when I was 21.

Sincerely.
Strongo

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 8 January 2004 05:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Question is, did you get any pictures back?

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 8 January 2004 06:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I also apologize for using .wav editing software I illegally downloaded to play prank phone calls on same people, including seriously freaking my sister out to the point she called the cops on the guy she thought it was. My bad.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 8 January 2004 06:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Dear internet,

I no longer feel any guilt.

― may pang (maypang), Thursday, 8 January 2004 06:03 (twenty-two years ago)

1 Count of making a "beowulf cluser" joke on Slashdot.

You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 8 January 2004 06:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate you all soooouuuu much.
screw yeeeu guys. Ahm goin' home...

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 8 January 2004 06:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Dear Internet, me bad.

-went online on school computers meant ONLY for work, 1000's of times
-downloaded porn and 50+ gigs of illegal music on said computers, and some other people's home computers
-with some other abetters in the room, for moronic easy fun, went into chat rooms with a handle like "sluttyeasy16", and got lots of guys to seriously talk dirty, then surprised them by saying stuff like "Now ram a bowl of cheerios up my ass! Don't upset the wheelchair. Pick my scab while I rub sand on your nipples"!

― sucka (sucka), Thursday, 8 January 2004 06:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Dear Internet, I'm sorry I uploaded my music onto you. You deserve better.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 8 January 2004 14:06 (twenty-two years ago)

1/ trolled outrageously on the melody maker bulletin board - the very next day, they closed the magazine down - my fault!!

2/ picked vaguely girly username for use in various fora, and never corrected anyone who made the wrong assumption unless i liked them

3/ tested new broadband connection by d/l ing par|s h|lt0n clip

er.... Sorry, it's not very exciting.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 8 January 2004 14:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate it when people do #2.

― may pang (maypang), Thursday, 8 January 2004 15:05 (twenty-two years ago)

hey, you two are dudes! shit i'm leaving!

― JaXoN (JasonD), Thursday, 8 January 2004 18:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Sucker.

― may pang (maypang), Thursday, 8 January 2004 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

nine years pass...

-went on slsk and downloaded as many personal files as I could find — resumes, address lists, tax forms, school papers, photos — so that people would get really paranoid and think I was a cop or an identity theft. I did this to hundreds of people probably. that was mean.

― when skrillex just stood there (unregistered), Tuesday, 26 November 2013 05:54 (twelve years ago)

*identity thief

― when skrillex just stood there (unregistered), Tuesday, 26 November 2013 05:57 (twelve years ago)

lol

― A Skanger Barkley (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 26 November 2013 08:37 (twelve years ago)

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