Any tips for dealing with passive-aggressive people?

Rather than yell at them when something goes wrong, praise them the moment that they do the slightest thing right. Reassure them occasionally that they are neccessary and indispensible parts of the department. Build up their self confidence and make them feel like you are on "their side" against the "other side". If you yell or scream at a P-A person, you are only reenforcing their "us vs. them and nobody appreciates me" worldview, thus digging them further into their trench. If you treat them as a co-conspirator, you will suddenly find them a lot more willing to work with you.

Also work out how take the piss, as close to the border of offensiveness as possible, at a point where they're getting it but have no *right* to throw a strop. I find mockery an invaluable tool, especially when dressed as affection.

Finally, if people around you are useless and you bring that out in the open, even through casual *nice* mocking, it becomes easier to show how much *better* you are by comparison.

In a personal relationship, however, try and find the cause of their behaviour. There's always something deeper and you need to understand it...

I'm a reasonable man, get off my case, get off my case.

It's weird, I have no time for it at work, but lots of sympathy in personal life. Not sure why...

I am - of course - a lovely person when it comes to personal relationships, and if you have a problem feel free to come to me..

Talk to your boss though if it's fucking you up, regardless of what's wrong with them. Tell them that you think they should be told to shape up or ship out, the typical stuff. I'm sure your boss has noticed the lateness and the forgetfulness and the slowness.

I come into work late because I also leave work late. It suits me that way. If somebody told me not to then I'd come in on time.

Aggressive I know, but amazing how expressing concern for others can soon be turned into the third degree. I agree with Tom by the way vis a vis lateness and so on in office jobs. In that situation you are employed to do a job (ie to complete your deadlines) - if you do the job I do not really care how. If your job however is to open a shiop between 10-5 you better be in that shop at 9:55.

If someone elses inability to do their job is effecting yours then this must be taken up with your boss. Anything else will perpetuate poor morale, mistrust, bad working atmosphere and stress for you.

But yeah, I think we're mixing up passive-aggressiveness with lazy. I mean, take today: I'm knackered, barely able to concentrate because I'm too tired, but still I slog away. Then I discover that someone else who works here has taken the day off because she used a beauty treatment last night and it gave her a rash. On her foot. Like, what?!

Of course when it comes to self motivation I am crap. But then my "boss" is a nineteen year old student so why would I take crap from them?

Sorry, I had to shout that because it's not going thru. You are talking about someone who sounds lazy. That is it. It's not some sort of passive-aggressive behavior to get anyone, it's lazy behavior to save themselves from doing the work. As long as you do it for them and you don't tell your boss, they will keep doing it. Why? Not because they have passive-aggression, but because they are LAZY SODS. Hello?

And quite frankly I'd rather have a worker who shows up at 9:30 and does his job than one that shows up at 9 just to please you.

Paul, you are one of the most passive aggressive people on earth, and yet you are coming down the hardest on them. Instead of getting all pissed off about OTHER PEOPLE (classic P-A behaviour) and what YOU think should be DONE TO THEM, think about what is CONSTRUCTIVE, and what motivates YOU to work.

Of course being saddled with a vaguely protestant work ethic doesn't help. But also an awareness that every now and then we all have to throw a sickie for piece of mind - and we still get the job done. That is the bottom line. You get the job done, and you help everyone else get the job done.

Call me Captain Redundant.

Actually I'd probably enjoy working for tarden: capricious manipulative sarcastic fascists are no WAY the worst kind of boss. Anything to do with teamwork, loyalty, all pulling together, the greater goal: arts- connected charities are CANCER OF THE SOUL AFTER abt HALF A DAY. "I know it's the weekend, and I know we're not paying you, but without the kind of dedication I know you will bring to it, improv theatre in tis country will just wither and die..."

Never had a problem either in those situations. Its all this pussy fotting around wondering whether your staff will like you or not that gets in the way. They are never going to like you - its work. If you can gain a degree of respect life is a bit easier, but its not 100% necessary.

There are several of these people in my life right now and I am going insane.

yeah tarden, i can't say for sure cos i am no pillar of psychic strength but ally's last answer sounds most accurate.

There is no human way an NP-CO can set-up w/o being world-class magnet to p/a's.

The behaviour you are describing here is *NOT* passive-aggression. It is LAZINESS. Paul is one of the most passive-aggressive people I know, and I'm beginning to think that Tarden is, too, because rather than raising his concerns in a constructive manner in the workplace, he is chosing to come here to ask for underhanded ways of Getting Rid Of the people at work that annoy him.

Do NOT confuse passive-aggression with laziness. They are NOT the same thing, and it makes me cross when you say that they are.

People who are lazy and useless deserve to lose their jobs - but the reason that they continue to KEEP those jobs is because passive-aggressive people (like Paul, like the people who have been complaining that they do their colleagues work) COVER for them, instead of actually bringing the issues out in the open.

If you want to erradicate LAZINESS, then quit your PASSIVE-AGRESSION.

Got it?

The only reason I am rubbish at being sympathetic when other people are ill is because I have never really been ill. Unbreakable was made about me. I keep trying to find my Samuel L.Jackson counterpart so I can push him down the stairs. I know that this probably means I have a slow growing cancer inside me (possibly cancer o'the soul) and will keele over at the meet up.

(Actually to be fair Pete is v.good at staying upright - only after the Eurovision party have I seen him floored)

However you surely cannot deny the existence of illness and disease, Pete? If you do I will come home and cough on you with my dayglo phlegm (exciting new phenomena, does anyone know why my snot has gone fluorescent?).

Burdening other people with heaps of work because you can't be bothered doing any of it yourself is of course twattish. (And isn't something I ever do). What I was objecting to are the kind of people whose blind enthusiasm for work as end-in-itself (and for 'pro- active' initiatives/team-building exercises/meetings-to-plan-meetings etc etc) creates much unnecessary work for the rest of us and also creates a climate in which just wanting to quietly & efficiently get on with your job is seen as an insufficient contribution to the 'team'. This seems to be the prevailing attitude in the UK (hence longest working hours in Europe etc) and it's the reason I quit my job at Nokia and took a pay cut to move into the public sector (where I'm a burden to no-one but other tax payers).

No, I cannot deny the existence of illness but I genuinely do not know what it is like. I do occasionally get colds but they are merely a bit annoying and pass within a day or two so I kind of assume all illness is like this. This might come down to when my Mum was in hospital whe I was a child, as she put on such a brave face I kind of thought that it was a cake walk despite her being at deaths door.

Wisely you will be pleased to hear she decided not to enter said door.

Bored of work? Me? How could you tell?

Ah, I see what you're saying. Yes, I've worked in those places - we have a lot of that in the US as well. At my last job, we were forced to attend many all-day psychosociobabble trendspeak conferences, or risk getting a lousy performance appraisal. Before that, I worked at this other non-profit that required the various departments to come up with a "slogan" for each department. Fortunately, the non-profit I work at has not yet been infected with this "team-building" virus. We're getting a new director soon, so that may change.

This has long been a pet peeve of mine (esp. since I tend to be the sort who shows up 15 min. late). I still remember the Bar Examiners' paperwork, where they ask applicants if they've ever been fired or penalized academically for tardiness. As if tardiness is equivalent to being a convicted felon or a plagiarizer, and makes one "morally unfit" to practice law.

Passive-Aggressive behaviour sucks.

x-post

The one who makes excuses all of the time because of "period pain". I mean like being really melodramatic about it and clutching her abdomen.

It's called "Midol" lady, quit complaining.

Also wears a gay ass watch and dyed her hair to look like another co-worker like that is going to help her move up in the world.

where do you put the strap on an ass watch?

http://uphereoncloud9.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/pulp_fiction_koons.jpg

okay. next question, how can you tell if it's gay?