suicides of people you vaguely knew in a small town where you grew up.

you can never escape its always there in the pick of yer mind. isnt it? apologies to the people on the list whom i forwarded the email to. i feel rather in shock. that was where i grew up. those are people i know. fucking hell. i'm going to have a drink or something.

though i didnt know the fellow as well - - that is the fourth suicide within my age group - and fifth suicide - that happened within my own immediate family in that town.

its that fucking nowhere town. i hate it but its leeched into me like it saves my fucking life or something.

this happened to me a couple years ago, someone I knew fairly well in high school and had kinda dropped out of touch with - it still makes me sad.. same thing, that girl could have been me.

I'm sorry you're going through this right now - it's fucking harsh - and I'm around if you need an ear or a shoulder or just a friendly email.

i just need to calm down. i've not lived in taht town for 13 years or so but its always there the snowy town, that same damn winter town.

its just that - its so fucked up - that town. its like they carry the fucking death virus there - the suicide virus there or something.

the email was just so visual.

it like this - i live in a fairly big city, i like my friends, i like my life, i like my girl, i like writing - but its always there - i'll never forget that i'm from the gutter. i don't know if that makes me stronger or weaker? just glad that i left.

the last one was this girl, who was in my art class, good artist, stable, right? man i thought she was the best. the sort of person that you would spend long sunny afternoons just shooting the shit with, listening to music, talking about faulkner and it was enjoyable. she got out - she got out and went to a art school in the city. she was a graphic designer. made good money. got pregnant, got married, got a house in that FUCKING TOWN and after she had the baby she got post-partum she hung herself in that stupuid fucking town.

I hate the small town I lived in for a while as much as anyone, but why the assumption that the town drove her to suicide? She was obviously mentally ill and there are other contributing factors.

my best friend's brother - he wanted get out - my friend was helping him move to the city where they were going to university - he decided that he couldnt afford it - he went back to the town and jumped off the tallest building and into the street.

yeah yeah yeah I'M A REASONABLE HUMAN BEING AND I KNOW THE TOWN ISNT EVIL but if anything THE TOWN IS SUFFOCATING AND ANY DREAMS FUCKING SHATTER IN THAT TOWN - its like glass, people can be so easily broken like glass, and that town, it initates it.

the town gives people no option but to stay in it for the rest of their lives.

Hating the place you've come from is much easier as well.

Wow, this thread isn't going anywhere good at all.

wtf, you are not making a lot of sense. Most important thing right now is to settle down. I suggest exercise.

yeah, i'm in full freak out mode. i'm going to go for a walk. sorry. i just got the email and didnt feel like waking my girlfriend up and you know when you feel like you are going to explode? i'm going to go for a walk and sort my head out.

i just don't want to do the whole HEY DARLING GUESS WHAT LET'S HAVE ANOTHER LONG STUPUID CONVERSATION ABOUT DEATH! DEATH DEATH DEATH! HEY COME OVER TO MY HOUSE I'VE GOT PLENTY TO SPARE!

yes. a walk is the best thing.

Where is this town you speak of? So I won't have to end up there, ever; not even by accident.

See, in my city, it's actually scarier, 'cuz people here don't die of their own accord. They just get murdered instead. It's not as much a gutter than a festering sewer.