When I was 18 my best friend called me to tell me that my then-girlfriend's best friend, who was also a friend of his, had died of a lung infection after going into remission with lung cancer. I had to tell her - it was a strange and horrible thing to do, as she was convinced her friend had turned the corner and was going to get better. I cringe at the thought, but I actually said "you'd better sit down" before I told her. It seemed the right thing to do.
How did you deal with this situation, if you've ever had to do that?
The one case I can think of, a member of my Oasis list died in mid-1997 after a sudden attack of meningitis -- he was active and well-liked on the list and it came as a crushing blow for many of us. However, his then-girlfriend (who it turns out had recently broke up with him, but was still on very good terms with him) was away on vacation. She posted something general and innocuous to the list upon her return, I took the opportunity to send my condolences, and she wrote back wondering what I was talking about. You can guess the rest. I don't suppose I could have done any better...
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 14:37 (twenty-two years ago)
On ringing the number and explaining above, got a "Jesus, where was the ad?" apparently the name no.1 had been murdered about six months previously (not the same person as the one I knew by the way). Just as well I had, rather than ring the guys girlfriend asking "I heared about a vacancy for a guitarist in (band)..."
Anyhow, got the job, rehearsed 6 months, band fizzled out (well, how do you get over a thing like that? turned out the band were with him when it happened... they got the people responsible, court case, etc).
I know it's not exactly on-topic. but there you go anyway.
― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 15:52 (twenty-two years ago)
A few weeks after the class ended, I heard that he'd died of heart problems. He'd been awaiting a transplant. Nobody had known.
In high school, I was on the track team with a girl named Liz, who was 2 years behind me. She wasn't a very good runner at first, so she'd run in the back with me (I was the slowest on the team). She was a sweet girl. Shortly after I graduated, she was killed by a van while running on the road, a hit and run. The impact of the car knocked her running shoes off--for some reason I remember that detail from the paper. Her wake was really strange and sad.
― JuliaA (j_bdules), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)
I guess I posted it here because I was thinking about having to tell a friend about our Medical Ethics prof over the phone. (and subsequently forgot what thread I was on) There were these long silences, and it took me a while to realize that she was crying. We'd all loved him, of course, but she was generally a very very stoic person. So we both ended up crying on the phone with each other, not even really speaking. It was strange.
― JuliaA (j_bdules), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 16:39 (twenty-two years ago)