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... so everyone will look like one of the beautiful people!

Federal officials who recently reported that over 140 million Americans are fat are now
saying that at least that many are ugly. And the solution they're proposing is a law that
would encourage or even require "facially challenged" citizens to cover up with masks,
Weekly World News has learned.

But the news isn't all bad. According to sources at the Department of Health, Education
and Welfare, those among you who are real homely will be able to choose from a wide
range of "beauty masks," including Elvis in his prime, J.Lo, Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts.

The dramatic move comes as the Feds are reeling from a global perception that most
Americans are grossly obese when, in fact, only half are.

Stung by the criticism, many leaders, in both the House of Representatives and Senate,
believe the so-called "Pretty Mask Initiative" could go a long way toward halting that
embarrassing and potentially damaging opinion.

"PMI is a way of 'cleaning up our streets,' so to speak," says a Beltway insider. "If
foreign tourists see only beautiful people -- thanks to the masks -- they'll have a more
favorable view of Americans.

"Our own tourists, the ugly ones, could also wear their masks when they travel abroad."

Asked which government agency would determine who's ugly and who isn't, the insider
said that a special "Ugly American Department" will be set up within HEW to judge
looks on a scale of one to 10.

Those who score a five or above -- "butt ugly," in the words of the insider -- will be
"strongly encouraged," if not required, to choose and wear a "beauty mask."

"There are two ways to get ugly people into masks," continues the source. "You can
encourage them with tax credits, or you can write a law telling them to wear them or
face fines and a prison sentence.

"It all depends on who's in the White House and Congress when it finally comes to a
vote.

"For instance, in Congress, if a majority of senators and representatives are ugly, tax
breaks are the way it will go. If a majority don't ride too high on the 'ugly scale,' then
you're almost certainly going to have a much tougher law requiring that masks be worn."

Trish Cederin, 53, of Washington, is the first to admit that she's as ugly as a bowl of
warts. And she thinks the Pretty Mask Initiative is "right on."

"I'd love to wear a Nicole Kidman mask, or maybe a J.Lo, although she's a little young
for my body," gushes the unemployed housekeeper. "I already have to wear a bag over
my head if I expect more than a handshake from a date.

"For gals like me, this PMI thing is a godsend. I'm not too proud to say it." Ned Fruler,
28, couldn't have disagreed more -- at first.

But the more he thought about it, the better PMI sounded.

At 5-foot-4 and 290 pounds, he is, as he puts it, "hefty for my height." And his face, he
says, "has stopped so many clocks that I have to turn on a radio or call my mom to find
out what time it is."

"The law is unfair," says Fruler, a line cook at one of D.C.'s more popular "ham and
eggers."

"But I guess if I have to wear one or I get a good tax break, I'll take the Elvis mask. Do
you think they'll have a George Clooney? Somebody else who looks good -- at least I
think so -- is that gay guy on that TV show, Will and Grace.

"I guess wearing a mask won't be that bad, especially if we get more than one."