Women's deportment, OK men's too

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It's only recently that I've really started consciously noticing the vastly different ways that women walk. Maybe it's because my desk faces an office thoroughfare. It makes such a difference to the way one perceives them.

There seem to be four main types:

1. Shufflers
2. Galumphers
3. Thrusting-tits marchers
4. Graceful gliders

Sometimes when I walk I remember a trick a chiropodist once told me - to imagine that one is suspended from a single string (pushes pelvis forward and shoulders back).

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 11:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Catwalk, darling...

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 11:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Where does alizee fit into this?

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 11:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Tell me how you define a galumpher?

― sgs (sgs), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 11:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Stamping along with no air of traditional femininity at all.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 11:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah, stamping, okay. I imagined galumphing as akin to tripping.
N.B. a woman's shoes can make a whole lot of difference to the way she walks. I think those super-pointy ones increase the shuffle factor.

― sgs (sgs), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 11:48 (twenty-one years ago)

you forgot the Shoreditch Saunter

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 11:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I forgot loads, thinking about it.

How aware are you of the way you walk?

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 11:51 (twenty-one years ago)

VERY, now, thanks you bastard

― Sarah (starry), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 11:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't talk to women just shag em.

― Nutty Nigel (Nutty Nigel), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 11:53 (twenty-one years ago)

hang on, are you prizing 'traditional femininity' in a way that would earn you an eye patch, N.?

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 11:54 (twenty-one years ago)

People can walk however they want. If you're talking about what I find attractive, then yeah, it wouldn't be a stomping. Don't hit me!

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 11:57 (twenty-one years ago)

"I love the way you walk" was once used as a (successful) chat up line on me, but I was drunk and inexperienced.

In future I will make sure I remain seated in N's presence.

― Madchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

hang on, are you prizing 'traditional femininity' in a way that would earn you an eye patch, N.?

So *that's* what happened...

― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 13:38 (twenty-one years ago)

This does seem like a very Momus thread.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 13:39 (twenty-one years ago)

You have very good posture, Madchen.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Thank you. I come from a family of slouchers and have to concentrate.

― Madchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I suppose it is possible to have good posture, thrust tits and shuffle, all at the same time.

― Madchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

You make it so.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:36 (twenty-one years ago)

The cold heart of N.'s q. seems to be: "It makes such a difference to the way one perceives them."

Which is odd. Do you see a desirable Ice Queen across a crowded room, and then change your mind about her if she shuffles too much?

Related: David Thomson, from a long time ago, on how badly Julia Roberts moves:

Then there is her walk. In "Ocean's Eleven," Julia has to walk a lot, and all of a sudden you notice that she walks badly. Is it that old heels problem, or something about her balance? There seems to be some load slipping from side to side. She rolls. She's awkward, ungainly, when there is so little going on in the picture that the best you can hope for is the chance to sit back and say, isn't she graceful? Isn't she lovely?

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

(Thomson trying to wiggle out of accusations of sexism a week later: http://archive.salon.com/sex/turn_on/2001/12/13/julia_2/)

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread really isn't supposed to be just about what I fancy. Surely people pay attention to the way they and others walk?

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

How prissy are fucking Salon readers?

― Enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Good grief, very.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I too have a desk which faces along an office thoroughfare and we have a very loud shuffler here. I have never examined her shoes. A study of how shoe type affects gait is U&K I feel.

apparently a bouncy walk where a person goes up and down vertically is indicative of a podiatric problem.

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

A bouncy walk is good. There's a girl who overdoes it, in combination with the chest out, chin up thing - she always makes me smile.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I went to a podiatrist once. They used to be chiropodists. I don't know why they changed. Chiropodist suggests handling feet (cf chiropractor, chiral ect ect).

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Some male varieties I notice:

*the shoegazing footdragger
*the ex-athlete broken once-noble gate
*the world-weary trek
*the amble
*the pimp swagger
*the hobo stumble
*the frantic not-quite-a-jog
*the not-really-trying-very-hard jog-across-the-street-that's-no-faster-than-walking
*the well-endowed contented mosey

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I have a tendency to walk v briskly in the office.

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Jesus F. Christ on a crutch.

― Kerry (dymaxia), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I've not seen that one.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I was also wondering the other day how much people's postures affected their gate...like, I've noticed many hunchbacky men & women seem to walk with shorter strides and more foot-dragging, whereas people with better posture seem to take long strides and walk in a more confident heel-toe manner.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:52 (twenty-one years ago)

the conde nast cafeteria in new york is by far the best place i have ever seen for office catwalk action... it's hilarious and embarrassing, painful and quite beautiful all at the same time. also great as i quite like being the on the lowest rung of the social ladder in any room.

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm one of the slouchy foot-dragging types. Marginally more attractive than a galumpher.

― Cathy (Cathy), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I try not to walk.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

RJG gets Ally C and other assorted weegies to carry him around in a sedan chair.

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

*the shoegazing footdragger
*the world-weary trek

These describe me more than any of N.#s female traits. I don't do girly though, but I don't galumph much either.

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I am not elegant enough to cart RJG round in a sedan chair. I'd drop him, or be walking out of time with everyone else.

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 16:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I am a crawler.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

other people walk TOO FUCKING SLOWLY.

― emsk, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

yes, you forgot the strider, stepping out as if to cover vast distances.

Personally I bounce up and down, perhaps galumphing if I am in a hurry. Or else I saunter.

― isadora (isadora), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I trot, with my tits proudly out, thank you. At nights, I dare a sweater.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 22:19 (twenty-one years ago)

You dare it to what??

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 22:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Shit---typo! Meant "wear" (Note to self: hot-wire brain to fingers.)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 22:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I've been fairly self-conscious of the way I walk in the past, so now I definitely keep my back straight/shoulders back and try not bounce up and down much. I also walk pretty quickly by default.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 22:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought dare a sweater was a nice phrase. Like, you'd daringly slip on a clingy angora sweater before sashaying out at night. Or something.

― isadora (isadora), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 22:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I would too, but my English minor was screaming inside my head to correct.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 23:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Tucking your chin back a bit is another good posture adjusting technique. I tend to make eye contact with people I walk by a little too much. Every once in awhile I get the slightly peeved "do I know you?!"

Carey walks like a penguin.

― bnw (bnw), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 23:34 (twenty-one years ago)

she walks the walk and talks the talk.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 23:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I have also seen her eat like a pound of tuna. Hm.

― bnw (bnw), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 23:50 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.oneworld.net/penguin/images/Tiki_researching.gif

― Carey (Carey), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 02:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I walk a bit oddly due to a gait problem - I have inturned knees and leg bones making me somewhat knock-kneed and pigeon toed. So I turn my right foot in quite markedly when I walk, and it makes me clump along in a stupid way. I'm very very aware of it and it has made me feel self concious all my life.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 02:48 (twenty-one years ago)

(it probably doesnt look as retarded as I just made it sound, mind you)

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 02:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually Trayce, you really do walk like a retard.

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 03:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Me walk pretty one day.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 03:30 (twenty-one years ago)

If you're walking down the street and hear a busker playing, is it OK to step in time with the music? I feel like an idiot if I do, but find it really hard to walk out of synch with it.

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 12 February 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I was walking down my street once (aged about 11 maybe?) and a boy behind me shouted 'Oi you! Yes you with the sticky out bum!' Oddly enough, I have never been entirely comfortable with my walk since then. Also I have slightly funny arches and possibly legs of unequal length.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 12 February 2004 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

i noticed how differently i walk when wearing heels, last night. i felt like barbie or something.

― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 12 February 2004 14:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I've been told I wiggle and friends have teased me for "sashaying round the pub". I think this is a consequence of nearly always wearing heels.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 12 February 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

When I was temping, a co-worker was walking behind me - a 40ish black woman - and offered that I have "the switch" in my ass when I walk.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 12 February 2004 17:24 (twenty-one years ago)

She noticed, too?

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 12 February 2004 17:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I shamble.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 12 February 2004 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Hah Nichole you should have mentioned somethig. I think of "the switch" as the very definition of women's deportment, so my possession of it proves the truth of this thread title.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 12 February 2004 17:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Tracer, I would have, but it was so you, I decided to leave it in.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually Trayce, you really do walk like a retard.

Hey! You suck ;P

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:15 (twenty-one years ago)

"I was also wondering the other day how much people's postures affected their gate...like, I've noticed many hunchbacky men & women seem to walk with shorter strides and more foot-dragging, whereas people with better posture seem to take long strides and walk in a more confident heel-toe manner. "
ive got shit posture but im a long striding heel-toer

― Felonious Drunk (Felcher), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:38 (twenty-one years ago)

With me it's not so much 'walking' as it is 'fucking with people'

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm totally not with the 'good walk = my crush' team. Because I know that I like people who walk as if they're totally unconscious of what they're doing at all. Like maybe for example they sort of zig zag or stumble or look bemused or whatever. Case in point: the story about Newton walking up the hill holding his horse's bridle without realising the horse had been left behind. That sort of lack of engagement. If people had really good posture it would imply to me that they were conscious of their body. And then I would know they came from the other side of the street to me. Of course I wouldn't rule them out completely. Who knows, perhaps they had to correct the way they walked because of a bad back or something. On the other hand, people who look down at the pavement scowling, that is perhaps a warning sign. I like a bemused stumble, I suppose. That's just my ideal, though.

― Amity (Amity), Thursday, 12 February 2004 23:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I just want to quickly say, I didn't mean deportment that implies that someone is brainy, as my example of Newton might have suggested. I more meant the sort of 'hello moon hello stars' in Molesworth character or the little nerdy English boy in the Simpsons, not really relevant how brainy they are but more the sort of 'the world is nice' daze sort of thing.

― Amity (Amity), Thursday, 12 February 2004 23:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Zsa Zsa Gabor's advice on how to look young (according to my Mum) is never to grunt or groan when you sit down or stand up. Last night, as I lowered my arse onto a comfy sofa I made a noise that sounding kind of like retching (I think it was an expression of "oh, my poor, tired, shopping feet, that does feel good"), then remembered what she said.

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 13 February 2004 09:38 (twenty-one years ago)

the walking of teenage boys can be exquisitely graceful

― jeremy jordan (cruisy), Friday, 13 February 2004 16:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, I thought that while watching Elephant jeremy.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 13 February 2004 16:10 (twenty-one years ago)

What an ironic name!

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 16 February 2004 09:02 (twenty-one years ago)

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