Choose Your Carb!!

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I am Ytraxor of Graztork, new ruler of Earth. In order to manage food supplies, here is my first decree: each puny human will choose one staple carbohydrate to eat FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES, to the exclusion of all others. Meat, fruit and vegetable supplies will not be affected.

Choose ONE:

Rice
Wheat (bread, pasta, etc.)
Corn (tortillas, polenta, etc.)
Potato
Barley (soup, beer)
Oats (oatmeal)

More exotic staples (wild rice, quinoa, yam) will be considered if a strong cultural or nutritional argument can be made. Corn syrup is exempt.

― Ytraxor of Graztork, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Gotta be potatoes, man.

― Kerry (dymaxia), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 18:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I gotta go with wheat - pasta and bread I'd miss.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 18:14 (twenty-two years ago)

corn! (incl. hominy)

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 18:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Wheat, which I will then discover I have an intolrance of the day after I make my incontrovertible decision.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm with corn.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.thecarburetorshop.com/Cart9800.jpg

The Carter Thermoquad 9800

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 18:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Are you corn people serious? I mean think about it. BREAD. Come on! I'm half Chinese and even I gotta give it up for BREAD!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 18:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, I mean I like having all of those in my life (esp. potatoes), but BREAD indeed.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 18:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Wheat, please. Now pass the pasta.

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 18:46 (twenty-two years ago)

sorry, i rarely eat bread.

corn = on the cob, grits, whiskey, tortillas, cereals, chips, corny indie fux0rz.

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 18:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Rice, so long as I still get to drink whiskey (doesn't count as eating a carb in my book). I can't give up jambalaya, pork fried rice, paella, etc.

― webcrack (music=crack), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 19:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm actually slightly allergic to corn.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 19:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Rice. My entire ass is made of bread.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

(that's why they're called buns)

Thangew. I'll be here all week...

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 19:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Ah, this is easy: rice.

No, wait. Wheat or potato.

Hmm. Corn.

Fuck. This is way harder than I thought.

― martin m. (mushrush), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 19:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Rice. That and veg is all i need to accompany meat.

― pete s, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 19:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't expect alot of love for barley or oats, but I want you all to know that Graztorkians respect the minority viewpoint.

The corn love suprises me... a staple in Latin America and Africa, but it seems like more of a Sunday supper treat up north.

― Ytraxor of Graztork, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 19:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Will no one stand up for barley?

― Kerry (dymaxia), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:03 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.ufosrauchhaus.de/135_kickloch.jpg

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I stand by my original wheat answer, but this thread has made me decide that it's baked potato night at home tonight.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:16 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.quakeroats.com/images/home-qfblogo.gif

I was there for you when you were small... will you now abandon me in my darkest hour?

― andy, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I just had a vision of him saying "*I* am your father."

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I just had a vision of him saying 'Loveless is my favourite album of all time'.

― pete s, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:53 (twenty-two years ago)

rice

― isadora (isadora), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:02 (twenty-two years ago)

To choose only one would be surrendering to the Fatkins followers.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Rice, but I'll miss the corn.

OH MY GOD WHAT AM I SAYING? A LIFE WITHOUT BEER?? I choose death.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Y'know they can make beer with wheat...it's called 'hefeweisen'.

You can't make beer with corn.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Or maybe you can, I dunno. But I bet it would taste like ass.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.geocities.com/CapeCanaveral/Hangar/3288/beer.htm

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Budweiser is almost all corn and rice... that's why it's so light and golden!

― andy, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Potato, don'tcha know?

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Corn can make moonshine, though.

Rice for Suzy's reason, but I'll miss French bread.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Brown rice. Fiber is imperative.

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:49 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.ricearoni.com/RAR_Products/images/Img_Products_index.jpg

Rice A Roni (The San Francisco treat, but unfortunately a rice / pasta mix) be completely replaced by Pasta Roni.

(Which they could have called Maca Roni, I guess.)

― Ytraxor of Graztork, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:50 (twenty-two years ago)

MACCA RONI!
http://www.taima.org/img/paul.gif http://www.webermarking.com/images/rice-a-roni-label.jpg

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't choose! This is as hard as Sophie's Choice.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 03:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Buglur wheat (the stuff tabbouleh is made of)

― Orbit (Orbit), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 03:17 (twenty-two years ago)

oops Bulgar
I can spell, I just can't type.

― Orbit (Orbit), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 03:26 (twenty-two years ago)

gotta be rice. you can still do pasta, bread (though it's a little on the flat, dry side) and sake/ beer. and red beans and rice.

― Will (will), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 03:33 (twenty-two years ago)

wheat. i could cope with wheat beer if i had to, i couldn't cope without bread or pasta.

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 03:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Wheat. I don't drink beer (hell, I don't drink anything alcoholic, period) and my favorite type of tortilla is the more fattening flour variety (but ONLY IF it's either homemade or from a molino), and besides, I cannot live without baked goods in general, and I am a total bread fiend. So WHEAT.

(Though I will miss popcorn, corn tortillas with guacamole, grilled corn on the cob, cornbread, and corn chowder. *sighs* Ah well.)

― Mellow Dee (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 05:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Sake's ok, but rice beer is not beer.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 09:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Rice. One billion Chinese people can't be wrong! (Maggots, Michael, you're eating maggots, how do they taste?)

Bread and pasta make my stomach go funny. Corn is the devil's own work. I might have a slight hankering for oats, but you know, I've been swayed by Jonson's dictionary's definition of "Horse feed occasionally fed to Scots" and, erm... well, I'd miss potatoes, but my ass won't miss the chips.

― The River Kate (kate), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 10:27 (twenty-two years ago)

were you eating those olestra chips or something?

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 11:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Huh? What are Olestra chips?

― The River Kate (kate), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 11:06 (twenty-two years ago)

they're fat free! and they have, er, side effects:

http://www.cspinet.org/olestra/11cons.html

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 11:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Is that link work safe, or will it transport me instantly to a world of big booties that will traumatise the entire web cafe? Oh well, only one way to find out...

― The River Kate (kate), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 11:18 (twenty-two years ago)

safe

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 11:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh. #3 = uh, yeah, kinda gross, #4 = UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH!!!

Skidmarks as a side effect of weightloss products? Thank you no.

― The River Kate (kate), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 11:19 (twenty-two years ago)

It's gotta be potatoes! With wheat coming a close second.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 11:45 (twenty-two years ago)

potato = mash, and Vodka

― chris (chris), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 11:48 (twenty-two years ago)

VODKA?!?!? OH GOD, POTATOES IT IS!!!

(Except I thought most vodka these days was made with grain anyway)

― The River Kate (kate), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 11:51 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, but if you can have mash and vodka from potatoes, what need you have for grain and all those other effete carbs?

― chris (chris), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 11:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Dee, perhaps if you try alcohol it'll make all kinds of differences to your lifestyle...

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 12:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I love wheat-based things, but I'm allergic, so potatos it is. Chris' mash and vodka point wins it for me too.

― Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't choose! This is as hard as Sophie's Choice.

rosemary is always right on, but perhaps never quite so right on as with the above. rice, french fries, gigantic jacket potatoes, fresh bread... how am i supposed to pick? please, don't make me do this.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 16:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, I made my baked potatoes (plus margarine, garlic, basil & cheese of course) last night. They made a very convincing arguement for their survival.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 16:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, but watch out for that blight!

― Kerry (dymaxia), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 16:16 (twenty-two years ago)

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 16:18 (twenty-two years ago)

haha oh did i weep tears of copious joy when i read yesterday that dr. atkins died obese

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 16:18 (twenty-two years ago)

TAKE THAT YOU PLEASURE DENYING GHOULS

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 16:18 (twenty-two years ago)

No shit - it's the 'puritan' diet. Seriously creepy. Give me potatoes or give me death!

― Kerry (dymaxia), Wednesday, 11 February 2004 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

http://www.wwsm.co.uk/books/products/2516.jpg

― it's mashed potato time! (dymaxia), Friday, 6 May 2005 16:23 (twenty years ago)

one year passes...

i wouldn't choose corn over bread or potatoes, but it truly is one of the great underrated carbs.

― get bent, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 06:35 (nineteen years ago)

gotta have the spuds though

― darraghmac, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 06:38 (nineteen years ago)

potatoes SUCK. two-way action between corn and wheat.

― strgn, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 06:42 (nineteen years ago)

potatoes SUCK.

that's it, you're out of the will.

― get bent, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 06:43 (nineteen years ago)

tuber hatred is an ugly thing

― darraghmac, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 06:46 (nineteen years ago)

haha i'd like mashed potatoes and baked potatoes a lot better IF THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE POTATOES IN THEM.

plus if potatoes + oil were outlawed, no more fat kids amirite?

― strgn, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 06:50 (nineteen years ago)

stop fudging the issue and just outlaw fat kids, that's what i say

― darraghmac, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 06:51 (nineteen years ago)

mmmm fudge

― darraghmac, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 06:53 (nineteen years ago)

i think i'd take quinoa or amaranth cuz they have all essential ammio acids. purely by taste easily wheat: bread, couscous, pasta, bulgur, pita, cakes, etc.

― artdamages, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 07:48 (nineteen years ago)

does tihs mean i can't have those taco bell tacos with the soft shell and the bean paste wrapped around the hard shell? RISE UP AGAINST OUR ALIEN DICTATORS I WANT TO BE A FAT INTERGALACTIC CHE GEUVARA

― Will M., Thursday, 8 March 2007 22:38 (nineteen years ago)

totally wheat! corn is good, rice is good, but i could never get sick of pasta. and i never do.

― Maria, Friday, 9 March 2007 00:54 (nineteen years ago)

wheat >> corn >> barley >> potato >> oats >>>>>>>>>>> rice

― unfished business, Friday, 9 March 2007 01:01 (nineteen years ago)

http://homepage3.nifty.com/kochi-none/yasai/satsuma_imo/yasai-satumaimo.jpg

― youn, Friday, 9 March 2007 01:59 (nineteen years ago)

corn corn corn corn

― Curt1s Stephens, Friday, 9 March 2007 02:05 (nineteen years ago)

rice rice - it makes one happy - rice rice, it is magic when rubbed

― Latham Green, Friday, 9 March 2007 03:08 (nineteen years ago)

I think I gotta go with potato. Can't you make potato bread? And latkes. I eat much more wheat than any other staple, but I'm always thinking I should cut it out. I would miss rice. I bought some barley a few months ago and have not known what to do with it. I love Silver Palate rough-cut oatmeal and imagine the little scrubbing bubbles cleaning out my cholesterol, but I'm hungry soon after I eat it. I guess I'm always hungry. That's why I'm fat. That's why I should choose rice. Rice-eaters aren't so zaftig.

― Maria :D, Friday, 9 March 2007 03:18 (nineteen years ago)

Corn is good too though.

― Maria :D, Friday, 9 March 2007 03:19 (nineteen years ago)

i had quinoa tonight. it was good, with curry on top of it
tho my favourite carb wld prbly be cinnamon buns with icing

― rrrobyn, Friday, 9 March 2007 04:17 (nineteen years ago)

quinoa = great. cinnamon buns + icing = fantastic.

― ENBB, Friday, 9 March 2007 04:19 (nineteen years ago)

the thing about cinnamon buns with icing is how versatile they are

― rrrobyn, Friday, 9 March 2007 04:34 (nineteen years ago)

they are an ancient amino acid complex molecule
formed deep within the earth during the last ice age
and then thrust out in volcanic fury
for us to eat

― rrrobyn, Friday, 9 March 2007 04:37 (nineteen years ago)

no sugar? gimme coke 4 life

― sunny successor, Friday, 9 March 2007 08:12 (nineteen years ago)

seriously, rice SUCKS ASS unless it is pilau rice in a good Indian curry

― unfished business, Friday, 9 March 2007 12:07 (nineteen years ago)

Rice is U + Key, G.

― Noodle Vague, Friday, 9 March 2007 12:08 (nineteen years ago)

also good: lambs quarters cuz you can eat the leaves and the seeds.

― artdamages, Saturday, 10 March 2007 04:59 (nineteen years ago)

If a person doesn't like rice, that is a person I will never understand. See also: "Peanuts," Muppets.

― Abbott, Saturday, 10 March 2007 05:18 (nineteen years ago)

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