Is honesty always the best policy?

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It's really weird but lately, I've had an unbelievable amount of conflict almost directly related to my attempts at being as honest and truthful as I can without being insensitive to other's feelings. I think I might be in a better place right now if I'd kept my mouth shut on certain issues but ultimately, in the long run, I would have compromised my values somewhat and perhaps only delayed what I'm experiencing right now.

It's a lonely hard slog and I guess I'm wondering if it ever gets any easier or should I just fuck off being a martyr and join the lying masses? Or is there a middle road? And do I sound like a sanctimonious cow or what?

Sorry, I'm not convinced about anything right now.

― Saskia, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)

honesty is the best policy, for getting a punch in the nose!

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

You're not wrong there!

― Saskia, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

It depends on whether or not you're just HONESTLY saying every thought that pops into your head or what?
Like "hey, that's an ugly baby!" you should keep to yourself.

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:41 (twenty-two years ago)

A punch in the nose is pretty 'honest', too, let's face it.

― Kerry (dymaxia), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:41 (twenty-two years ago)

To me, honesty is always the best policy....but how are you telling your mates this truth that you think they need to hear? It takes tact, and timing: when your gf has just gotten an engagement ring may not be the best time to tell her that her bf has been cheating on her (for instance).

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

yes its best 2 b honest

― Emma williams (Emma williams), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

No, I don't mean offensively honest, just not talking about people behind their backs but rather, putting it to them and such like.

― Saskia, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

By all means tell em, then, and if they don't like the answers you give, sod them....

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Nichole, to be fair, Saskia did say "without being insensitive to other's feelings".

Is it just being honest about what you think about stuff? Because that can kind of suck if people resent you for being frank if it's not what they want to hear, but would you rather the long and lonely slog you refer to, or would you rather be surrounded by a bunch of vapid idiots (I realise there is a middle ground, but I'm taking it to extremes).

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

in the meantime, facial coverage is the best policy.

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Can you give us an example, Saskia?

― Paul Eater (eater), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 20:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Nichole, to be fair, Saskia did say "without being insensitive to other's feelings".

True Ailsa, but from personal experience, I've learned that you can try to be as sensitive as poss when telling someone a truth you sincerely believe they need to hear....and they may still treat you like you've just told them they've got the Plague.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:03 (twenty-two years ago)

lies: the true social lubricant

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, a project I'm involved with for example, we've been going through a rough time due to two people's destructive behaviour. Most know who the trouble makers are and speak about it in hushed whispers behind their backs. We had mediators in and I kicked it all off by openly saying where I felt the problems were and who were the main culprits. I got very little open support, a little more when we were off camera but to be honest, I'm feeling a little ostracised in general. People now seem uncomfortable around me and I'm increasingly finding this to be the case as I attempt to be more frank and honest.

― Saskia, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:05 (twenty-two years ago)

That's a shame, Saskia. They're treating you like crap cause you actually had a backbone? Are these two people supervisors (or high up on the work chain)?

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:11 (twenty-two years ago)

No, they're co-workers but very vocal and malicious. What's so hard to stomach is that I thought I was expressing the majority of the team's views on the matter but they're all pulling back now. I didn't say it just because I thought it was the most prevalent viewpoint but because I believed it to be the truth. But I know I would be having an easier ride now if I'd kept quiet. And everyone else seems incredibly pally and I'm on the fucking outside looking in, seemingly penalised for speaking up.

I'm sorry if this sounds self-indulgent but it's been a recurring theme for about the past month. It's fucking hard and hurtful.

― Saskia, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Saskia, people are scum.

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:16 (twenty-two years ago)

You ain't wrong for the second time tonight my h friend.

― Saskia, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm sure it is, but what other options do you have, now that the truth is out? Is there anyone higher up you can talk to, who can back up your opinions?

(xpost)

About the 'palliness', it's rife in most places. Try to ignore the stupidity (tempting as tis to throw a brick at 'em).

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:20 (twenty-two years ago)

It's incredibly complicated, Nichole, in fact, the mediators are recommending that funding for the project be withdrawn and there's a danger, it may fall apart. But it's come back to me that the two culprits are saying that it's because of my disloyalty to the team, that the writing's on the wall. The mediators have challenged them openly about this and they've denied it and true to form, no one will stand up and verify that that's what they've been saying.

I'm completely disillusioned about the merits of honesty 'to be perfectly honest!'

― Saskia, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Saskia, are you me in disguise? This sounds quite (or alarmingly) like a situation I had at work. Do you really want to be around this people? I didn't, and left. I feel a lot better (also a lot poorer, but that's another story). I knew I was a better person for it, even if no-one else did. (actually most people I knew outside of the situation did too, but the main protagonists, well, who gives a shit really)

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:27 (twenty-two years ago)

NEVER

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:28 (twenty-two years ago)

But it's come back to me that the two culprits are saying that it's because of my disloyalty to the team, that the writing's on the wall.

Bullshit. Uncooperative idiots always want to pass the buck. Don't buy it.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

You're right, Ailsa, no I don't want to be around them and I thought they might be removed ultimately. But cowardice means that the whole project is in danger of going down the pan and it's such a shame with huge negative implications for a particular community.

I'm realising as I type this how gutted I am and how vulnerable I feel as a result of it all.

― Saskia, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:32 (twenty-two years ago)

How long do you have to put up with them for, can you do it for that long, and can you walk away at the end of the project with your head held high knowing you've done what's right, even if no-one else thinks so? If so, stick it out. You're still the better person for it.

The moral high ground can be a very lonely place, but do you really want to be one of "them" instead?

(my situation was a bit easier in that it was a multi-national I walked away from, but I still felt bad leaving my work in the hands of, shall we say, less experienced members of staff)

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, I can ride it out for a bit longer I guess but if nothing good comes of it, I'm not sure how I will cope with the emotional fallout.

Like I said, if this were an isolated incident, I'd probably have more strength but it's happening within my family also.

Bloody hell, how much do I owe you guys for the therapy gig?

― Saskia, Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:57 (twenty-two years ago)

You cope by knowing you tried, and it's not your fault that everyone else is a fool. Works for me :)

My mum used to tell me when I was youunger that "the whole world can't be wrong, it must be you". One of my greatest triumphs is that she no longer thinks that, and neither do I. It took a while, mind you...

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 21:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Honesty is not the best policy amongst people who find themselves working together.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 22:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Like I said, if this were an isolated incident, I'd probably have more strength but it's happening within my family also.

Been there. The best you can do is learn from the experience.

Bloody hell, how much do I owe you guys for the therapy gig?

Comes free with ILX membership.....

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 22:10 (twenty-two years ago)

so THAT's why my invoices haven't been coming back

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 10 February 2004 22:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Honesty is not the best policy amongst people who find themselves working together

Tracer, I'd be really interested to hear how you might have dealt differently with a situation similar to mine. You could well be right but don't you think it might be worse in the long run to say nothing?

Or maybe not, I dunno.

― Saskia, Wednesday, 11 February 2004 12:13 (twenty-two years ago)

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