Jealousy? C or D

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I know it's D D D but I just need intelligent reminders or at least sympathetic agreements.

― Sam-at-home, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

My guy's away over night for an out of town gig. I'm not worried about him. I just don't like knowing that other girls will be checking him out/talking to him and I won't be there to growl viciously at them. I know how girls are.

I know I'm stupid.

― Sam-at-home, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

people who don't get jealous = dud

― maryann, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

thank you maryann for giving my childish emotions a little credibility

― Sam-at-home, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm jealous of people who can feel jealousy.

― rainy, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Excuse me, I've had too much sun.

― rainy, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

having feelings is vulgar.

― duane, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Money is vulgar. Feelings are simply algorithms created by Dr Wallace in order to enhance the user-friendliness of the interface.

― maryann, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Vulgarity is vulgar. The Vulgate is by definition vulgar.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I demand that the word "vulgar" be stricken from the good-for-nothing record.

― rainy, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

jealousy=d but i've still quite got it.

vulgar was never, ever on the good for nothing list!

― maria, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes Maria, I'm with you. My boy may be trustworthy but I know some girls think they could have had 'em before me. ..

AND THEY'RE WRONG!!!

or at least I want to beat their faces till they realize this.

or at least stop thinking it.

because i'm a big jealous baby.

grr.

― Sam-at-home, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What's probably happening while I'm whining on ILE: man is calling to say he loves me and don't be lonely/jealous.

well, whattayagonnado?

― Sam-at-home, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well, if you like, Sam, I could go and flirt with him. Or would that not work?

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That would work Ned. I would feel much less threatened.

Take that as you will. He's a great drummer you know. Has a certain affect on girls.

― Sam-at-home, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I always thought drummers were the odd men out when it came to the ladies. Not to slight your man in the slightest, Sam. Just wondering, s'all.

― David Raposa, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Always go for the drummer. They have rhythym, endurance and a good sense of timing. The girls who know, know this.

heh heh.

― Sam-at-home, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hm...should I ask you to tell more in your current state, or have you said too much already? ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 17 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

People who get jealous = dud. So between Maryann and me everyone in the world is a dud.

― another stupid dunedin person, Thursday, 18 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

sam, your man is probably freaking out with jealousy about what your getting up to without him. jealousy is dud. i hate getting jealous. but its a natural manifestation of human insecurity. who doesn't get jealous?

― di, Thursday, 18 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

robots.
robots are cool.

― duane, Thursday, 18 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i wish i was a robot.

― di, Thursday, 18 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Jealousy is not dud, think of all the beautiful poetry and revenge projects that have arisen from jealousy. Jealousy is a valuable artistic drive.

― Menelaus Darcy, Thursday, 18 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

jealousy is an essential part of love. the hurting here below, and the emptiness above. - D Gedge 1987

― Alan Trewartha, Thursday, 18 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Getting an ILE habit would be an ace way to cover up an affair. Your phone is engaged all the time = you are riding the statscock whereas IN FACT you are talking to your ILLICIT LOVAH.

The downside of this is that an ILE habit is way better than an illicit affair.

I don't get jealous and Isabel always complains about that so I guess it's classic, by the way.

― Tom, Thursday, 18 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's a really huge dud when someone is very jealous and won't admit it for ideological reasons but still behaves like a posessive arsehole towards his lovers while merrily going round shagging anything with a pulse.

― RickyT, Thursday, 18 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It depends. If you have no reason to be jealous and it's just a matter of distrust then it's really not a good thing, now is it?

― Ally, Thursday, 18 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes he probably would've been going mad w/jealousy wondering what I was up to if he didn't know that I was probably just sitting at home on this board. bleh.

― Samantha, Thursday, 18 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

When you think you might be jealous but know you really, really, shouldn't be. But it's you who's missing out. AGANE.

One day I am going to make a bitterness GRAPH a bit like the graph that analyses the Beatles vs. Stones in terms of linguistic pronounciation. Oh Trudgill, what a job you have!

― Sarah, Thursday, 18 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Just realised that wasn't really an answer. Oh well. I'm my least favourite poster anyway.

― Sarah, Thursday, 18 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

jealous = worried about yr man's faithfulness
fury = realizing that he is asexual

― Maria, Thursday, 18 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

jealousy is dud. i hate getting jealous. but its a natural manifestation of human insecurity. who doesn't get jealous?

me. its not a natural manifestation of human insecurity, its a culturallly specific manifestation of selfishness, self-obssessedness and possessiveness.

― hamishnoonanbeingajudgementalfuckwitagain, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

oh and i don't care if anyone here thinks people who don't get jealous are cold emotionless robotoids because you are just wrong and i don't have to prove myself to anyone.

― hamishnoonanbeing bitterandwtistedagain, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hamish I think you are jealous

― maryann, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

anyway everyone knows its all just chemicals

― maryann, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Jealousy is not dud, think of all the beautiful poetry and revenge projects that have arisen from jealousy. Jealousy is a valuable artistic drive.

oh yes Wedding Present's "seamonsters" was the best thing that jealousy has given me. and i like the Puddle's "jealousy", which explores the other side of it.

― hamishnoonanbeingastupidhypocriteagain, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hamish I think you are jealous

What of?

― hamishnoonanbeingquizzacal, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

anyway everyone knows its all just chemicals

Do you have any evidence for this?

― hamishnoonancantspell, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i am jealous of robots.

― di, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

there is no reason that robots can't be programmed to feel emotions such as jealousy. And there is no reason that groups of people can not be programmed in to ways of thinking (such as monogamy/heterosexuality) that give rise to jealousy.

― hamishnoonanshouldbestudyingforhisartificialintelligenceexaminsteadofpostingtoil, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

ok there is some pathetic scientific 'evidence' that you suffer some kind of chemical withdrawal symptom if you lose someone you love. And anyone who's contracted straightforward clinical chemical depression due to absences will probably agree that it's conceivable there could be some kind of truth to this. Russian scientists induced heart attacks in male baboons by putting them in cages next to their pair-bonded partners who were being mated by another baboon. I think that the emphasis on independence in New Zealand for example is equally ideological to the emphasis on pair bonding, if not more so. After all humans are weak and have a thin skin and can only survive in packs. But then ... jealousy can cause enmities so it's not exactly communitarian ...?

― maryann, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

But losing someone you love is not the same as not losing someone you love while they have a relationship with someone else.

― hamishnoonanshouldgetalife, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

jealousy is natural because everyone is afraid of rejection. even if our culture wasn't so big on monogamy or heterosexuality, i bet people would still get jealous. yes, we are extremely selfish. but thats because we are human beings, we are imperfect, we are constantly trying to fool ourselves that we adults are grown up but we are all ids, babies, demanding love selfishly but being too selfish to care deeply about anyone other than our own selves.

humans are obsolete. i guess we always were.its well past time for robots, i say.

― di, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

But if our society wasn't so big on monogamy then rejection wouldn't be tied in with jealousy.

― hamishnoonanbanginghisheadagainstawall, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

but we are so self absorbed that if we weren't being monogamous, we would still read friend-spending-time-with-other-friend as rejection.

― di, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

where the hell is jenny today anyway?

i suppose you ahve as much idea as i do

― di, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well this helps to explain why i am so bitter and twisted about jealousy - because i have dated two people (separately) for way too long than is sensible who actually did "read friend-spending-time-with-other-friend as rejection". i've never dated anyone who believed in monogamy who was remotely normal so i don't really know what those people are like. But it still seems silly to me.

I don't know where Jenny is. She said she'd phone me but i'm not at home so i wouldn't know if she has. Wheres Liz? She said she'd use her womens studies skills and well-read-ness to write something insightful and knowledgeable on this topic instead of my insane paranoid rantings.

― hamishnoonanbeingconfessional, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

did liz read that bit on the dunedin thread about emma not being my sister? god, i'd be mortified if everyone thought emma was my sister.

― di, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes she did read that.

― hamishnoonanbeingboringagain, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Wheres Liz? She said she'd use her womens studies skills and well-read-ness to write something insightful and knowledgeable on this topic instead of my insane paranoid rantings.
I DID NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have/am neither of those things!!! This thread is troubling me so much that I don't know where to start.

― elizabeth anne marjorie, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

But you told me you read a book on this topic. Thats more than i've ever done.

― hamishnoonanbeingcorrectforachange, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

― maryann, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

But that doesn't mean utopia isn't just around the corner!

― maryann, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

As far as I'm aware there is no human society without um bonding rituals.

but can we ever really know, in the western world we are constantly trying to understand other cultures, while at the same time not really trying to, because we are so self-absorbed that all we do is project, project, project. i don't even know. thats a different thread, i guess.

― di, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

jealousy is natural because everyone is afraid of rejection. even if our culture wasn't so big on monogamy on heterosexuality, i bet people would still get jealous.
I'm a human and I guess I'm quite selfish, but I wouldn't think it or feel it as rejection if Hamish loved/had sex with/kissed/romanced/had-a-crush on/fell in love with/or whatever anyone else...sure there are some "problems"; but these "problems" come from society being monogamist...(and there are way more "problems", from my perspective, with monogamy - like honesty for starters). I guess one of the issues is time - everyone has limited time 'cause we're all gonna die and our lives aren't very long...but I also feel that is perhaps another reason for nonmonogamy* - you might as well experiences different things, more love or sex or fun or whatevr - I don't see it as a limited resource (perhaps aside from the time issue) - having feelings for or doing stuff with one person is not necessarily anything to do with your relationship with someone else. Do you only have one friend? Are you jealous of your friends having other friends? *Should really distinguish between nonmonogamy and polyamory, though I'm sure the terms get used in different ways by different people, but say bigamy/polgamy comes under "nonmonogamy" but I am not an advocate of that! And some people have relationships where they have a primary coupled relationship but either or both of them have sex or flings or whatever with others as opposed to polyamory where you might not have a primary two-person relationship, and also covers stuff like more than two people in a relationship.

― elizabeth anne marjorie, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Are there any human societies where some form of monogamy isn't practised? I'm including polygamy as 'monogamy' of an extremely oppressive kind. I know that the non-monogamous 'paradises' Margaret Mead wrote about all turned out to have been basically phony. As far as I'm aware there is no human society without um bonding rituals
y're not suggesting this as evidence towards monogamous pairbonding as natural or inevitable are you?? I mean, what human societies are there without restrictive oppressive sex/gender divisions (overwhelmingly to the detriment of females) [yaa yada yada].........

― elizabeth anne marjorie, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

don't get me wrong, eh. i think jealousy is natural, but i also think that humans should try not to be jealous. because jealousy is also about control, and we should be striving for a world where nobody controls anybody else. or at least, thats what the idealist in me is saying, the real world and my own feelings towards other human beings are quite a different story.

what i'm saying is that humans are inherently flawed and we should all just die and we will soon hopefully, but since we're here and we don't want to commit mass suicide, we should at least try and live the best we can, at least try to treat others with respect and dignity, try not to be selfish and jealous and controlling.

― di, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What does natural mean?

― hamishnoonanwastingtime, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

did liz read that bit on the dunedin thread about emma not being my sister? god, i'd be mortified if everyone thought emma was my sister.
yeah. sorry. I'm a bit confused now as to the origins of this assumption...I mean besides you having the same last name. I think someone told me you were sisters...I don't know Emma very well. I've only met her twice. She seems to be held in fairly widespread disrepute in Dunedin.

― elizabeth anne marjorie, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

do i look like i know?

give me some time and i'll think about a definition. but shit, at the same time as that word is used by biologial determinists all over the world to justify the most oppressive theories, shite, i don't think its a completely useless term. but give me time to think about it in the meanwhile. i'm loathe to be throwing words away just cos some people use them badly.

― di, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

does anyone have a useful definition of the word "natural"?

― di, Friday, 19 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

three years pass...

can anyone explain sexual jealousy in 50 or fewer words? well i'm not even sure if "jealousy" is the proper word for that visceral jerk you get when you contemplate a lover or ex-lover sleeping with somebody else ("sleeping with" is *not* the correct verb clause to use, either, in this context). i remember the first time i felt this, i was really surprised at myself. it seemed to come from nowhere. i guess this sort of thing manages to conjure up all the worst parts of our nature, the parts that we'd otherwise like to deny are even a part of our personality.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 20 June 2005 23:26 (twenty years ago)

can anyone explain sexual jealousy in 50 or fewer words?

Human nature. Dud dud dud (etc to fill up remaining 50 words).

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 09:46 (twenty years ago)

I wish I could explain it, but alas I cannot. I just know that it's totally dud & makes you feel like shit.

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 10:47 (twenty years ago)

it's a nasty reminder that sujbectivity is a pretty thin skin over things. it can hit you even with people you were over years ago (ie not just an immediate caught-cheating scenario) meaning: not just "wow i am not the unique holder of that experience with that person" but "wow i am not the unique holder of that experience, period."

it's not cognitive dissonance but the cognitive assonance of "i had sex with this person once" and "there are billions of people alive right now"

― g e o f f (gcannon), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 10:56 (twenty years ago)

It's pretty shit all round, really. I have it big-style at the moment, and I don't know when it's going to go.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 11:23 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

What's the best way of dealing with it? Distance or a nice big dish of GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY?

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Thursday, 14 July 2005 16:18 (twenty years ago)

both. you'll be jealous over something/someone else completely different again someday. console yourself with that knowledge.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Thursday, 14 July 2005 16:24 (twenty years ago)

shit. im GLAD all my past girlfriends are with other people.

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 14 July 2005 17:00 (twenty years ago)

i love when you responsd to a thread and you get the message "notifications were sent successfully."

it makes me feel like what i said was important, and the important message is being hurried off to let everyone know that AaronK has at last posted to this thread.

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 14 July 2005 17:01 (twenty years ago)

alas, the jealousy is not of He Who Has What Once Was Mine, but He Who Has What Never Mine Was. Luvly feeling, that jealousy, it takes on so many forms.

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Thursday, 14 July 2005 17:05 (twenty years ago)

three years pass...

Bah, girlfriend(/not-girlfriend) in Asia for two weeks, I've got a family crisis to deal with and yet i still find time to feel jealous of all the guys i imagine are hitting on/getting drunk with/creepin' on her. sigh. blah. ugh. kick me and tell me to grow up pls.

― ian, Saturday, 28 March 2009 21:59 (seventeen years ago)

girlfriend(/not-girlfriend)

― Jarlrmai, Saturday, 28 March 2009 22:34 (seventeen years ago)

three months pass...

i have this friend, who's good at people -- he's sociable. but sometimes i feel like he's trying to get as many as he can. and i'm supposed to be the friendly one.

― I love rainbow cookies (surm), Tuesday, 7 July 2009 16:26 (sixteen years ago)

Break it down a bit more.

― kind-hearted, sensitive keytar player (Abbott), Tuesday, 7 July 2009 16:27 (sixteen years ago)

i dunno i just feel like it's a competition for "most friendly" (which WAS my "senior award" thing in highschool, after all)

― I love rainbow cookies (surm), Tuesday, 7 July 2009 16:33 (sixteen years ago)

i mean, i'm good at this kind of thing but it's almost like he treats it like his job. it's like, all he does. i can't compete with that.

― I love rainbow cookies (surm), Tuesday, 7 July 2009 16:33 (sixteen years ago)

Well then he's not 'most friendly,' you can tell yourself, if it is like a competition or job or something to him, if that makes you feel better.

― kind-hearted, sensitive keytar player (Abbott), Tuesday, 7 July 2009 16:36 (sixteen years ago)

ok, ty

― I love rainbow cookies (surm), Tuesday, 7 July 2009 16:38 (sixteen years ago)

(should i compete back, i wonder...)

― I love rainbow cookies (surm), Tuesday, 7 July 2009 16:41 (sixteen years ago)

(i feel like that's stupid)

― I love rainbow cookies (surm), Tuesday, 7 July 2009 16:41 (sixteen years ago)

one year passes...

that visceral jerk you get when you contemplate a lover or ex-lover sleeping with somebody else

really really hate this

stupid and hypocritical. i know it's a byproduct of anxiety about other things but fuck i'd like it to go away

the weird thing though is that it's never really about the ex-boyfriends, it's the flings and one-offs that get to me. i don't get it.

― Преве́д LIVE (electricsound), Tuesday, 29 March 2011 05:07 (fourteen years ago)

Dud.

I have never felt jealousy in my entire life. I don't even get jealousy.

― Lee626, Tuesday, 29 March 2011 18:01 (fourteen years ago)

Classic, i love the way it makes your chest ache and you lose you appetite. Your mind putting all sorts of scenarios in your head really helps the situation go away. Probably the best way to deal with it is have a few strong drinks, wait until you're angry and start texting whoever it is you're jealous over and tell them what exactly you have pictured in your mind.

― not_goodwin, Tuesday, 29 March 2011 19:16 (fourteen years ago)

lol@godders

― NI, Monday, 4 April 2011 23:36 (fourteen years ago)

three years pass...

Dud if you're on the receiving end of it. When you see the "rush" the person gets at getting angry at you or your guy/gal. Check yourself, you may be addicted to emotional drama.

Although just for kicks a million years ago, I fake stalked someone. Or stalked a stalker, it was for a piece I was writing. The planning and sneaking around and the thrill of barely escaping getting caught, the sense of "purpose", I can see the appeal.

― Maps of Ohio I Have Loved (I M Losted), Sunday, 6 July 2014 22:03 (eleven years ago)

Otm. in 2009 i began dating someone and my roommate did not like it. He was my best friend at the time and going through a gutting divorce. But it had been a year since that and i hadnt dated in five yrs.

Just witnessing him deliberately and masterfully attempt to use my own weaknesses against me while driving a wedge between us caused me major stress. It was the skill and precision in which he did it that made me realize this manipulative, calculating part of him wasnt a new thing. He'd clearly perfected it over many years and id just not seen it.

He did it in a way where my g/f couldnt detect it and made me look 'paranoid' if i mentioned it. After we broke up (reasons completely unrelated) i opened up about how he was trying to play us both and she seemed to not believe it...but over time admitted in retrospect that he'd been guilty of bad behavior.

The worst part of jealousy is that it thrives on entitlement. These folks believe so much that they are acting righteously that the idea that their behavior is borderline sociopathic never crosses their mind.

― Neanderthal, Sunday, 6 July 2014 22:25 (eleven years ago)

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