Enrich Our Lives With Tales Of Your Sexual Inadequacy / Hang-Ups

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Anyone have a hang-up? Things they like or don't like that might be considered weird? Log out and post under a fake name if you feel bashful.

― Ziggy Stardust, Thursday, 12 February 2004 06:39 (twenty-two years ago)

See my alias.

Just kidding.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 12 February 2004 06:42 (twenty-two years ago)

last time I had the chance I let a woman finger fuck my asshole while jerking me off. I went off like a rocket.

― squirty, Thursday, 12 February 2004 06:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I hear that works but the first girl that tries it is getting a nosebleed

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Thursday, 12 February 2004 06:51 (twenty-two years ago)

She USES her finger Roger.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Thursday, 12 February 2004 07:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Jeez Louise. Yall are a buncha perverts.

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Thursday, 12 February 2004 07:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Your the one whose anus causes nosebleeds.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Thursday, 12 February 2004 07:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Hahahaha - yeah. That it does. Jokes aside, though, I kinda thought that 'prostate' thing was folklore

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Thursday, 12 February 2004 07:16 (twenty-two years ago)

It's all good 'til the finger in the ass makes the bleeding.

― totally logged the fuck out (nickalicious), Thursday, 12 February 2004 07:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Stop picking your nose with it then!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Thursday, 12 February 2004 07:20 (twenty-two years ago)

her nails were long but she knew what she was doing

― squirty, Thursday, 12 February 2004 07:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Bleeding? No way Jose. I don't even like laying the pipe over the crimson tides. Bad experinece with a virgin once - total trauma scene.

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Thursday, 12 February 2004 07:23 (twenty-two years ago)

My boyfriend says he HATES fingering me. He'll go down on me no problem, but he won't stick his fingers down there. :(

― penumbra faith, Thursday, 12 February 2004 07:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe he's afraid of nosebleeds?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Thursday, 12 February 2004 07:28 (twenty-two years ago)

That last post sounded like something I'd delete from my inbox.

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Thursday, 12 February 2004 07:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I like the smell of balls
I don't like music during sex

but these things can't really be considered hangups because i'm down with it and can't be bothered hiding my identity.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:08 (twenty-two years ago)

i also hate music during sex. Recently had a bad experience with the Pan American CD (which I thought, since wifey insisted, would be one of the less intrusive discs to, erm, utilize) and god help me, a fucking saxophone...

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:15 (twenty-two years ago)

ewwwwww!

saxophone spells certain death to any sexual escapade.

I think though that I could possibly find it in my heart to get down with some whitehouse or similar and maybe some burning hot floodlights blindingly shining in my eyes.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, now you've made a friend for life.

Total Sex would be just fine. I never actually considered it though - wifey would hate it - tho I once reviewed an Arab on Radar record during sex and it ruled for all parties involved (ie it also made AOR sound like a much, much, much better band than they actually were)

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm lucky that esoj is a fellow lover of white noise/screaming.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh dear, when I first read your post I thought you were referring to adult oriented rock. That'll teach me to skim.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:45 (twenty-two years ago)

You know, any other group would be full of serious posts by now.

― antexit (antexit), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I was deadly serious.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:47 (twenty-two years ago)

i think music is a MUST

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:49 (twenty-two years ago)

nah, it's totally tacky man

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:50 (twenty-two years ago)

disagree.

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:51 (twenty-two years ago)

thats okay. I know I have some pretty left-of-middle ideas.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:52 (twenty-two years ago)

How do you avoid the dreaded 4/4 temptation??

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:52 (twenty-two years ago)

EXACTLY! Ick.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:53 (twenty-two years ago)

PROG

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:58 (twenty-two years ago)

so, you fuck in 8/14?

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Thursday, 12 February 2004 08:59 (twenty-two years ago)

haha! one can dream!

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 12 February 2004 09:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I listen to drum and bass, so it's just as well I can't stand music during sex.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 09:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, Orbit! '...of a Roger Dean universe and sidelong orgasms...'

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Thursday, 12 February 2004 09:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Prog is great musick for sex, actually. All the tempo/timesig changes = you can keep going for ages & ages. Conversation w/a friend was like:

he: I always have "s|lver mach|ne" on when fucking, I never get to the end

me: (astonished) Man, you ought to try "Trick of the Tail"

he: yuo've got to be fucking kidding.

Har, it's true though.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 12 February 2004 09:45 (twenty-two years ago)

so *when* are you coming to L.A.?
;-)

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 12 February 2004 09:50 (twenty-two years ago)

why did my favourite thread have to die?

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:06 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm only hung up by emotional stuff

― the surface noise (electricsound), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:10 (twenty-two years ago)

and on occasion i have trouble getting it up after drinking a shitload of booze

― the surface noise (electricsound), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:11 (twenty-two years ago)

does that count?

― the surface limp (electricsound), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:11 (twenty-two years ago)

hehehehehehe funny.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:12 (twenty-two years ago)

i've never gotten a nosebleed from having a finger up my ass, nor anyone else's

― the surface noise (electricsound), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't like gays. Even my mate, Flashy Fred, right - I mean, I can see why birds fancy him and I know he's well buff and that but poofs are gross and I wouldn't shag him or nothing. You know what I'm saying? I might have, like, put my arm around him when I'm drunk but that's alright cos he's your mate.

― Nutty Nigel (Nutty Nigel), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:13 (twenty-two years ago)

right. said fred.

― the surface noise (electricsound), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:13 (twenty-two years ago)

maybe it's just cause you know the right way to avoid nosebleeds

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:16 (twenty-two years ago)

ttisues!

― the surface noise (electricsound), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I take it back. I were only having a laugh. I have to, if only to distract myself from the title of the thread. That's what it's all about. See? That's what it's always been about.

― Nutty Nigel., Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:19 (twenty-two years ago)

uhh... i was thinking something else.

xpost

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Who's pretending to me? I'll break your nose mate.

― Nutty Nigel (Nutty Nigel), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:21 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm actually really into blokes. and it's great!!

― Nutty Nigel. (electricsound), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:21 (twenty-two years ago)

anyhow tissues would only stem the flow, they wouldn't prevent it.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:22 (twenty-two years ago)

true. i think less caffeine would do it

― the surface noise (electricsound), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:23 (twenty-two years ago)

You're gonna die you fucking ponce. I'll kick your ass mate. You watch it.

― Nutty Nigel (Nutty Nigel), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:24 (twenty-two years ago)

hehehehe funny.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Hello, Hello. My names Terry and I’m a law abider
There’s nothing I like more than getting fired up on beer
And when the weekends here I to exercise my right to get paralytic and fight
Good bloke fairly
But I get well leery when geezers look at me funny
Bounce ‘em round like bunnies
I’m likely to cause mischief
Good clean grief you must believe and I ain’t no thief.
Law abiding and all, all legal.
And who cares about my liver when it feels good
Wwhat you need is some real manhood.
Rasher Rasher Barney and Kasha putting peoples backs up.
Public disorder, I’ll give you public disorder.
I down eight pints and run all over the place
Spit in the face of an officer
See if that bothers you cause I never broke a law in my life
Someday I’m gonna settle down with a wife
Come on lads lets have another fight

Eh hello. My names Tim and I’m a criminal,
In the eyes of society I need to be in jail
For the choice of herbs I inhale.
This ain’t no wholesale operation
Just a few eighths and some Playstations my vocation
I pose a threat to the nation
And down the station the police hold no patients
Let’s talk space and time
I like to get deep sometimes and think about Einstein
And Carl Jung And old Kung Fu movies I like to see
Pass the hydrator please
Yeah I’m floating on thin air.
Going to Amsterdam in the New Year – top gear there
Cause I taker pride in my hobby
Home made bongs using my engineering degree
Dear Leaders, please legalise weed for these reasons.

Like I was saying to him.
I told him: “Top with me and you won’t leave.”
So I smacked him in the head and downed another Carling
Bada Bada Bing for the lad’s night.
Mad fight, his face’s a sad sight.
Vodka and Snake Bite.
Going on like a right geez, he’s a twat,
Shouldn’t have looked at me like that.
Anyway I’m an upstanding citizen
If a war came along I’d be on the front line with em.
Can’t stand crime either them hooligans on heroin.
Drugs and criminals those thugs on the penny coloured will be the downfall of society
I’ve got all the anger pent up inside of me.

You know I don’t see why I should be the criminal
How can something with no recorded fatalities be illegal
And how many deaths are there per year from alcohol
I just completed Gran Tourismo on the hardest setting
We pose no threat on my settee
Ooh the pizza’s here will someone let him in please
“We didn’t order chicken, Not a problem we’ll pick it out
I doubt they meant to mess us about
After all we’re all adults not louts.”
As I was saying, we’re friendly peaceful people
We’re not the ones out there causing trouble.
We just sit in this hazy bubble with our quarters
Discussing how beautiful Gail Porter is.
MTV, BBC 2, Channel 4 is on until six in the morning.
Then at six in the morning the sun dawns and it’s my bedtime.

Causing trouble, your stinking rabble
Boys saying I’m the lad who’s spoiling it
You’re on drugs it really bugs me when people try and tell me I’m a thug
Just for getting drunk
I like getting drunk
Cause I’m an upstanding citizen
If a war came along I’d be on the front line with em.

Now Terry you’re repeating yourself
But that’s okay drunk people can’t help that.
A chemical reaction inside your brain causes you to forget what you’re saying.

What. I know exactly what I’m saying
I’m perfectly sane
You stinking student lameo
Go get a job and stop robbing us of our taxes.

Err, well actually according to research
Government funding for further education pales in insignificance
When compared to how much they spend on repairing
Leery drunk people at the weekend
In casualty wards all over the land.

Why you cheeky little swine come here
I’m gonna batter you. Come here.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 12 February 2004 13:15 (twenty-two years ago)

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