This is cheating, but... Valentine's Day Presents

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I should be ashamed of myself, but what are some good Valentine's Day presents? Ideally "off-beat," inexpensive, not explicitly valentine's themed. I dont think roses are going to work for me, unfortunately.

I hope she doesn't look me up through Google, otherwise I'm in trouble.

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I was considering getting a box of condoms and a bottle of wild irish rose, but she's probably already got plenty of both.

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Why not roses?
I have *never* had a Valentine present, ever. Roses sure woulda thrilled *me*!!!!

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Fur-lined handcuffs come to mind....esp. if she's already got a bottle of Wild Irish at hand.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Print this post out onto antiqued parchment paper:

Oh yes, this article is right on. My college is infested with thick- framed jerk-off who ought to know better. I also didn't know that anyone other than myself had noticed the way that these people call everyone "boys" and "girls" (though it's mostly the men that get this treatment).
I myself decided to dress in a generic indie rock fashion, with the "ironic" t-shirts, the tight courdoroy pants, the repulsive late- 70s tennis shoes, et cetera. I couldn't bring myself to wear the buddy holly glasses, but that's immaterial. The point is, I've never gotten more action in my life. I didn't realize that "hey man, I love your shoes" is what passes for a pick-up line among the bed-head indie tarts.

I don't even listen to indie rock, I hate it, I listen to rap. Not even that college "hip-hop" turntablist snooze crap, but real shoot- em-up die-nigga RAP rap. But so long as I wear my little tight shirts and maintain the perfect slouch, it's all indie. Rap can be indie, reggae can be indie, and god knows disco can be indie. It's about looks, it's about sex, and that's all it's about.

Girls don't like music anyway. They're buying those $200 7-inches because they're cute, and they think of them as a lifestyle accessory more than a vehicle for music. It's girls that fuel emo and any other type of music made by crying pussies in red Saucony shoes.

And with God as my witness, I swear that when I'm able to perfect my indie rock style, I'll be able to do anything I like. I will masturbate and poop in the middle of the road with complete impunity. Hey, it's all indie.

-- Chris H. (chrisherber...), May 4th, 2001.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Shit.

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:04 (twenty-two years ago)

toilet brush.
what girl doesn't like a clean toilet?

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Why would a girl need a toilet brush? It's not like she poops or anything.

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:06 (twenty-two years ago)

score

― ModJ (ModJ), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:17 (twenty-two years ago)

ew. it's like an anti-valentine.

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:18 (twenty-two years ago)

get her a cd from her fav band & make her a "heart shaped" anything (cookie, dish) steal here dada books from the library

― kephm, Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:20 (twenty-two years ago)

DO NOT fall for that "Star Registry" thing on the radio!

― andy, Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Get her a video camera. You will recoup the expense.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:29 (twenty-two years ago)

have you not seen http://www.hollywoodiscalling.com/ yet?

― Felonious Drunk (Felcher), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:29 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.gigolojess.com/

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:30 (twenty-two years ago)

my our jess *does* get around!

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:31 (twenty-two years ago)

shit, i just realised we share the same last name chris

― Felonious Drunk (Felcher), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm giving my wife a necklace that my grandmother owned. Hopefully, she'll dig it.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Just keep a box of tissues at the ready, Alex. That's very cool.

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Hmm. She doesn't like bands, and already has a video camera (not that it's ever done me any good). A friendly phone call from Saved by the Bell's Mr. Belding might be a good choice though...

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:40 (twenty-two years ago)

HELL FUCKIN YEAH!
i wish i had a girlfriend right now so i could splurge on her and get Mr. Belding, Kato, The Guy From The Knack, and Lou Ferrigno to wish her a happy valentines day.

― Felonious Drunk (Felcher), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Alex that is wonderful!

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 12 February 2004 22:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Holy moley, they've got Angela from Sleepaway Camp! I'm really seriously thinking about doing this now. "Hi, I'm Angela from Sleepaway Camp. Remember when I tore off my boyfriend's head? Chris loves you way too much to ever do anything like that. Happy Valentine's Day!"

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Thursday, 12 February 2004 23:04 (twenty-two years ago)

http://i.walmart.com/i/p/00/04/81/88/89/0004818889446_500X500.jpg

― jody (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 12 February 2004 23:26 (twenty-two years ago)

you are suggesting he buy her a toddler?

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 12 February 2004 23:27 (twenty-two years ago)

yes

― jody (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 12 February 2004 23:28 (twenty-two years ago)

where do you get those?

― Orbit (Orbit), Thursday, 12 February 2004 23:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Kids R Us. Duh.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 12 February 2004 23:31 (twenty-two years ago)

well when a man and a woman love each other very much...

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Thursday, 12 February 2004 23:31 (twenty-two years ago)

and she "forgets" to take her little pills...

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 12 February 2004 23:32 (twenty-two years ago)

....her tummy begins to rise....

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 12 February 2004 23:33 (twenty-two years ago)

....a thermometer is then inserted to see if the baby is done...

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 12 February 2004 23:34 (twenty-two years ago)

...serve cold.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Friday, 13 February 2004 00:05 (twenty-two years ago)

What should I get my bf for valentine's day - (Do not read if you hate mush)

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 13 February 2004 00:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think I've ever gotten a Valentine's Day present. And thanks bastards, I totally forgot Valentine's Day was actually this weekend until JUST NOW.

― Allyzay, Friday, 13 February 2004 02:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Boy got a Space Needle coffee mug (because we met there) filled up with candies. Somehow, it managed not to break en-route to MI, despite my soooooo professional packing job of wrapping it in papertowels & newpaper. ;-)

― lyra (lyra), Friday, 13 February 2004 03:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay, I semi-subtly brought up the celebrity phone call thing, and she didn't seem so into it. She didn't want to embarass herself in front of a famous person. And I couldn't just come out and tell her who was going to call, so I don't know who she'd want to talk to. Mr. Belding is a big star, but maybe he doesn't mean as much to her and he does to me.

So I guess it's back to crappy cards and candy. She's brought it upon herself now.

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Friday, 13 February 2004 05:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I should add that the Christmas present I got her was pretty damn romantic and thoughtful. And expensive, in a low-rent sort of way. Not jewelry expensive, but it took a lot of time and effort. So maybe I'm not obligated to get her anything too impressive. But still, no reason to go backwards. Standards have been raised.

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Friday, 13 February 2004 05:39 (twenty-two years ago)

FLOWERS.

― lyra (lyra), Friday, 13 February 2004 05:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Seriously, flowers? I'd love to think that she's enough of a girl to appreciate flowers. But I don't think so.

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Friday, 13 February 2004 05:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I guess it depends on the girl, but I don't know any who wouldn't enjoy them. Just don't send them to her work, that's horrible & embarrassing.

― lyra (lyra), Friday, 13 February 2004 05:46 (twenty-two years ago)

She's extremely critical. Any bit of weakness will be pounced upon. If I'm not totally confident about the flowers, she'll use them to destroy me.

― Chris H. (chrisherbert), Friday, 13 February 2004 05:49 (twenty-two years ago)

take her somewhere nice

― Emma williams (Emma williams), Friday, 13 February 2004 05:51 (twenty-two years ago)

~~like up the ass~~

― the surface noise (electricsound), Friday, 13 February 2004 05:51 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, I think she's maybe having sex with some other guy right now. I'm partially psychic. What gift is called for now?

― Der Chris Aye-Chshe (chrisherbert), Friday, 13 February 2004 05:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I got a big Henckel kitchen knife in the mail about 3 years ago for Valentines day. I actually really needed it and i was impressed that my bf knew me so well.

― Carey (Carey), Friday, 13 February 2004 06:03 (twenty-two years ago)

give her a flowering plant instead of flowers. and a mix cd.

― colette (a2lette), Friday, 13 February 2004 13:08 (twenty-two years ago)

give her a dozen red roses!

― gaol clichy (clichy), Friday, 13 February 2004 13:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I got my husband new windshield wipers. Tres romantique.

― quincie, Friday, 13 February 2004 14:09 (twenty-two years ago)

My wife got some new perfume, a dvd, a cookbook and some gerber daisies. She didn't want me to spend a ridiculous amount on roses.

― Chris V (Chris V), Friday, 13 February 2004 14:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I got some flowers, a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates. Cheesy, but much appreciated. I'm taking him out for dinner.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 14 February 2004 10:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I have been spoiled rotten this morning by being given a lovely bouquet of a dozen red roses, plus a box of deliciously expensive hand-made chocolates and a really cute cuddly teddy bear. Best of all though, he brought me breakfast in bed. He knows how to treat a girl :)

― C J (C J), Saturday, 14 February 2004 11:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I made him breakfast in bed and now won't see him until dinner date tonight as I am going to watch football all day and he is going go-karting with his brother.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 14 February 2004 11:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm working today. Overtime pay will be the nicest V-Day gift I've ever gotten.

― j.lu (j.lu), Saturday, 14 February 2004 14:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I bought myself this.

― Mary (Mary), Sunday, 15 February 2004 09:00 (twenty-two years ago)

nine months pass...

Fo***te: well, there's a lot of reasons
Fo***te: i mean, roses only last like a couple weeks, and that's if you leave them in water
Fo***te: and they really only exist to be pretty
Fo***te: so that's like saying "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance"
Fo***te: but a potato!
Fo***te: potatos last for fucking ever, man
Fo***te: in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow shit even if you just leave them in the sack
Fo***te: that part alone makes it a good symbol
Fo***te: but there's more!
Fo***te: there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it!
Fo***te: like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you"
Fo***te: and potatos may be ugly, but they're still awesome
Fo***te: so that's like saying "it doesn't even matter what you look like, I'll still love you"

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 28 November 2004 21:50 (twenty-one years ago)

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