Life sucks, now what?

"Just doing it" will help. As will humor. But if you're lacking motivation to carry on, the question is why, what's going on, and how to fix that.

All I can say is the obvious modern answer to this: talk to a good counselor; and --much as I have an allergy to self-help books--
check out Pema Chodron's books, or Richard O'Connor's Undoing Depression (both these authors transcend the genre and teach you some damn useful stuff about changing deeply ingrained mental habits). Start from there; the rest of the tricks to get out of the pit you may have to invent out of your imagination.

I say from experience that laziness is your best and worst friend. It's the worst drug ever, and it keeps calling you back with its big, soft hands, only to kill you in your sleep. Fight it will everything you have. Tell it to fuck off, you ARE getting out of bed, taking a shower, and doing the GD dishes. You will feel like a king in no time.

-- Collardio Gelatinous (abbakis...) (webmail), February 13th, 2004. (collardio)

Yes indeedy.

(I'm not being flippant, and I don't know if the original poster already does this, but working out in some way can also help.)

1. Girlfriend dumped me months ago, very publicly trying to move on now, yet still can't comprehend why I am having trouble being her friend. I of course am still totally in love with her and feel like shit every day about the circumstances of our break-up.
2. Good friend died on election night of an apparent overdose.
3. My dad needs two surgeries on his spinal cord.
4. My uncle has cancer, possible terminal.
5. I can't get in touch with my weed dealer.
6. I am going to the dentist tomorrow.
7. Broke as a joke.
8. No health insurance, so I can't afford any kind of therapy (which I really might need.)

Beat that? Or maybe you can just bring me some weed and let me whine to you for a while.

(i am still taking anti-depressants, and have an appointment the day after thanksgiving to hopefully up my dosage.)

I just don't know how I'm going to get through the winter like this.

ian! email me, i'll give you a number.

(and an ear if you need to talk, obv...)

Hang in there man - I know it sounds corny, but head to the library and see if they have: When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron and The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times by Pema Chodron - fairly non-preachy Buddhist philosophy and clear talk for difficult times - no lie.

If you're feeling that detached or robotic feeling that sadness/depression can cause I'd recommend reading or watching films that might make you sort of allow yourself to feel that way and think about it.

Other than that don't have much advice but I really hope you can feel a bit better. Things do tend to get better, even when you have really black impermeably bad times...I would never have believed how much better things can get from the worst times to lately...

Oh, I have no trouble "feeling sad" or anything. I wish I could be more robotic. I had to leave work early today, I just couldn't get anything done.

Thanks guys. I appreciate it.
I'm sure I'll regret reviving this thread in an hour or two.

^^^ somehow i think detailing to the internet how incredibly shitty and retarded i feel will only make me feel lamer about myself

I can't get in touch with my weed dealer.

r u in nyc??

Ians, these things have a cycle, you know. I'm not saying the bruising goes completely away but it gets so much better. Live with it if you can, sleep it off if that helps, look for movies or things to either distract you or help you wallow, depending on the day. If any people you know have little kids, I recommend hanging out with them. Other suggestions to follow as I think of them.

Yes, I am in NYC. But don't worry about trying to hook me up with your weed dealers, people. I think my roomie has it covered, hopefully. Or whatever, I just take a day off from obliterating my feelings with booze & weed.

Thank you Laurel. I really appreciated you talking to me earlier today, too.

obliterating my feelings with booze & weed

There's something. Booze will only make you feel worse. Maybe experiment with quitting that, or quitting smoking. I used to get really down every couple of months but it hasn't happened since I quite smoking cigarettes. I might get moody but not as severely depressed as I used to.

1. i would suggest a clean break from your ex, to prevent old wounds opening up, avoid seeing her as much as you can.

3. my dad had some major heart surgery and is healthier now than he's been for years, hope your dad is as lucky.

5. weed is associated with all kinds of mental health problems, so you're better off without it if you're in a bad place.

6. waiting to go to the dentist is always worse than the actual treatment, tell them your scared and they might be able to help you out with gas or something.

7.everbody's broke now, so your're in good company!

I learned a long time ago that the only way to deal with painful feelings is to go through them, which incidentally is the only way to land up on the other side of them, so they are not still in front of you. Supressing them doesn't work. Trust me. They are still there, under all the rubble you've piled on them to make them inaccessible. (See: booze pp. 23-87, weed pp. 92-132.)

It does help a bit, in practical terms, to postpone feeling really awful feelings to times when you are not required to operate heavy machinery, earn your living, or perform other vital activities that do not mesh well with overwhelming gushes of powerful feeling. But only postpone them to, for example, lunch break, or after supper.

Then have at them. Jibber like a demented ape. Smash your fists into things that will not hurt your fists (pillows are good for this). Give those feelings a chance to exhaust themselves in relative safety. It helps. It does. No, it does. Especially if there is someone you can talk to during or after who won't treat you the way people normally treat demented apes.

The biggest obstacle is that no sane person ever, but ever, wants to feel gushes of awful, painful feelings, and so we all get pretty good at sidestepping them. Getting over this reluctance is tough, unless you believe it will help. Find that belief. You will need it.

BTW: Don't ever get into a pissing match over who has the hardest stuff to deal with. You will, contrary to your expectations, lose this match. Always. And it shouldn't matter.

No health insurance, so I can't afford any kind of therapy (which I really might need.)

suuuuuucks. this country, not making health care available to people who need it - so wrong. anyway some of this stuff happened to me. i took a lot of long walks, read a lot of buddhist writing like the books mentioned above (pema chodron) - i recommend. tibetan book of living and dying (rinpoche) is good too. it's harder getting by in winter though, but do try getting out and taking some long walks in the city, bring your ipod and just get out of the apartment and walk around for a couple miles. don't be too hard on yourself. and if you really feel you need a break, what about even moving back home for a while? lots of people do that, again, i did that for a summer in my mid-20s after bailing out of providence - i quit school, had no job, no insurance, lease was up, no reason to stay.

but, ian, if you are into the booze & weed every day, that is not going to help. booze is going to make you more depressed and doesn't interact well with the antidepressants. don't know about long term effects re: weed, not my thing. if you do want to tune out for a while, go for a walk, rent a movie, read stuff on the internets, play video games. one step at a time, though, don't expect yourself to deal with all those things at once.

also as an exercise which maybe was helpful, i tried to look at a bad situation from a different perspective, that it was a gift actually, an opportunity to change. can be interesting.

ian, i am always here for a hug if you need one.