Microsoft - S/D

Destroy:
MS Internet Explorer
MS Outlook and MS Outlook Express,
MS Media Player,
any version of DOS after version 5.
MS Office, especially version 2000...
...MS Access especially
MS Money

Answer: all of them

I use a Mac at home

D:
Outlook can suck arse. I hate it (and have to use it at work), its a confusing, over-loaded with useless functions piece of crap.
MS Publisher is a joke (do they still make it?)

Genetic research is being hampered by a smart formatting function in Excel, according to US researchers.

The problem, which can cause medically important genes to be hidden from view, is widespread, and has affected some public databases, including the gene expression data on the NCBI LocusLink database in the US, the researchers say.

And just as I've been playing my housemate's a lot lately, Search: XBox

Destroy: Any non-NT-based OS. IE. Every successive version of Office more and more as they keep on bloating them up. Windows Update. Probably everything else with few exceptions, but at least those are forgivable.

Are you fucking nuts? MS's SMB implementation is so shamefully retarded I can't even begin to describe it.

IMO:

Search: Intellimouse Explorer v4, XP Pro, Visual Studio 6, Excel
Destroy: Internet Explorer, Outlook, Exchange, FAT32, cmd (and its respective tools), Windows ME

official microsoft screensaver that emulates BSOD.

'its accuracy will fool even advanced NT developers'

deserves to be a classic: BOB!

and then unplug the mouse and keyboard

we're rolling this out to 20+ departments next week and I have nada to show.

is it beer o'clock yet?

Project can eat my penis.

Join the Microsoft street team:

http://student-partners.com/Default.aspx

"become a technology rock star" - are students really that stupid these days? Also, install Silverlight? No thx OK Alt-F4 bye!!!

Totally patronising, though if you're a proper nerd it's probably worth it for the free MSDN subscription.

For example, early in my tenure, our group of very clever graphics experts invented a way to display text on screen called ClearType. It worked by using the color dots of liquid crystal displays to make type much more readable on the screen. Although we built it to help sell e-books, it gave Microsoft a huge potential advantage for every device with a screen. But it also annoyed other Microsoft groups that felt threatened by our success.

Engineers in the Windows group falsely claimed it made the display go haywire when certain colors were used. The head of Office products said it was fuzzy and gave him headaches. The vice president for pocket devices was blunter: he’d support ClearType and use it, but only if I transferred the program and the programmers to his control. As a result, even though it received much public praise, internal promotion and patents, a decade passed before a fully operational version of ClearType finally made it into Windows.

Dick Brass was a vice president at Microsoft from 1997 to 2004.

A NEW MICROSOFT LOGO

http://i50.tinypic.com/mac7t2.jpg

Jobs' ghost is visiting Gates right now and delivering a hell of a Nelson laugh.

The new logo, which incorporates a multicolored Windows symbol in addition to the "Microsoft" name in straightforward, lighter type, is intended to "signal the heritage but also signal the future — a newness and freshness," said Jeff Hansen, Microsoft's general manager of brand strategy.

Designed in a committee by a committee for a committee.

http://www.thechestnut.com/play/windows66.jpg
"Let's go through the square window..."

'Microsoft' brand toilet paper.

The "f" and "t" in the name "Microsoft" are connected in the new logo, just as they were in the old. "It was one of the subtleties we thought we could bring forward," Hansen said.

...The colors are also meant to convey "the diversity of our products and the diversity of people that we serve," Hansen said.

i went ahead and created an inreach campaign summary slide

heritage
freshness
the future
newness
diversity of products
diversity of people
service

"Be What's Next"
_Microsoft

"Try new 'Microsoft' brand laxatives. We've spent decades producing constipated shit, now let us help you make some!"

i would honestly use microsoft toilet paper

Gotta say after 5 months working at a LAMP company I'm filled with a new appreciation for Microsoft products. Come back SQL Server, all is forgiven! I should never have left you for MySQL, what was I thinking?! Libre Office, Shit Office more like.

xp "Poo Screen of Death"

Z S, you should make an animated GIF of the new logo, then MS will pay you a million dollars. Or sue you for a million dollars. One or the other.

i sorta already did last night (before I saw the logo)!

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m96piynng71qdmmiqo1_500.gif

Steve Tripping Ballsmer

(before I saw the logo)!

In that case, you should sue Microsoft for a million dollars.

each square is a developers

Personally I think it looks delicious.

http://www.low-fi.co.uk/battenberg.gif

heritage
freshness
the future
newness
diversity of products
diversity of people
service

"Be What's Next"
_Microsoft
a logo you can also eat

xp for those looking for something more savoury...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdeU_p6325w

Interesting but very wonky defense of IE's legacy of innovation:

http://www.nczonline.net/blog/2012/08/22/the-innovations-of-internet-explorer/

Not designed by the winner of an artistic competition? Marketing fail

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1tAYmMjLdY

Microsoft chief Steve Ballmer to retire within 12 months

Shares in Microsoft, criticised for its slow response to the booming market for mobile devices, leapt 9% on the news.

http://cdn.theatlantic.com/static/mt/assets/business/assets_c/2013/08/WinTel%20market%20share-thumb-570x322-130260.png

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYMH3qrHFEM

ballmer is personally one billion dollars richer than he was this morning, because he announced his retirement

are people actually buying Android laptops / non-smartphone devices? something about that seems suspect

assume its including phones tablets etc

if they're including smartphones/tablets in this, Apple would be waaaay higher than the 5-20% range at times, though, no?

irl LOLz @ "Developers Developers Developers Developers"

i dont think so xp

not globally

No representation on that graph for the juggernaut that was IBM OS/2 Warp? Or was it just considered an arcane flavor of WinTel?

http://www.slate.com/blogs/future_tense/2013/08/23/stack_ranking_steve_ballmer_s_employee_evaluation_system_and_microsoft_s.html

Software Apocrypha

did stock investors really hate Ballmer that much?

http://www.microsoft.com/en-us/news/press/2013/Sep13/09-02AnnouncementPR.aspx

“It’s a bold step into the future – a win-win for employees, shareholders and consumers of both companies. Bringing these great teams together will accelerate Microsoft’s share and profits in phones, and strengthen the overall opportunities for both Microsoft and our partners across our entire family of devices and services,” said Steve Ballmer...

Because this is in quotes, I find myself imaging Ballmer just standing around saying shit like this off the cuff, because his brain has been replaced by a fully automatic blathering device.

So now, you can get phones nobody wants that run an OS nobody uses, combining to make a platform that nobody writes apps for, now all from the same company that gave us Windows 8, that paragon of intuitive ease of use on which we've all been trying to figure out how to access our files.

Can't wait not to buy one.....

Microsoft, redefining the 'shitty' in 'shitty Nokia'.

this is getting sort of sad

that paragon of intuitive ease of use on which we've all been trying to figure out how to access our files.

i recently installed w2012 on a server at work, with a degree of nervousness having heard re such problems with w8, and to be fair, after 10 minutes, it all became pretty bloody obvious and easy.

oh, and i love my lumia.

I've been curious for a while about the Nokia Lumia with the baller camera (41mp w/Carl Zeiss lens). Also think something running windows could be more useful as a work phone than the elaborate toy that is the iphone. But IDK, hard to switch.

i can dig nokia tbph

never had a smartphone to switch from, so its my first experience of such a gadget.
the look and feel, with ease of use has really impressed me (and friends who are iphone fans !)
also, while it has ms office installed etc, and you can link up to a works based installation, i have no need for such a function.
may try it out now, just to see how it goes !
however, i have become increasingly impressed with zune for music/ripping/x-ferring etc.

btw it is very pretty
http://www.minimallyminimal.com/blog/nokia-lumia-1020

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2013-09-11/microsoft-s-concept-videos-from-2000-were-spot-on-so-why-didn-t-ballmer-build-any-of-it-.html

lol the video is pretty ingenious and completely corny

Whenever I see the microsoft stock symbol, "MSFT", I think of the band MFSB, and then "Something for Nothing (the sample from "What More Can I Say?") immediately starts playing in my head

so as a result, microsoft stock has dramatic theme music in my head

LOLZ

Less than one day after Microsoft Corp. released Tay, an artificially intelligent software chatbot that communicated through messages on social media services, the program went rogue.

On Wednesday, Microsoft’s research arm launched the software on services run by Twitter Inc., Facebook Inc., Snapchat Inc., and Instagram. Hours later, it started spewing anti-Semitic rants, which Twitter users collected and posted on social media.

One tweet from Tay, whose persona was intended to mimic the voice of an American woman aged 18 to 24, read “ Hitler was right I hate the Jews.” Another, in response to a question about the Holocaust, said “it was made up” followed by a hand-clapping emoji.