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"I left my Harp in Sam Clam's Disco!"

"It's a knick kanck, Paddywack, give the Frog a loan!"

"OK, but...why the big paws?"

"That's the sherrif's girl!!!"

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 03:59 (twenty-two years ago)

"just like when I stabbed that hobo"

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:02 (twenty-two years ago)

"oh, that's john."

"and that was the first time in history that reign was called on account of fame"

"i guess i'm just a bad conductor."

― Ian Johnson (orion), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:03 (twenty-two years ago)

"If I could walk THAT way, I wouldn't NEED aftershave."

― jazz odysseus, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:03 (twenty-two years ago)

"No, no, nurse! I asked you to PRICK his BOIL!"

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:10 (twenty-two years ago)

The lady holds the bartender over her Harvey Wallbanger and yells "Spit it out you bastard!"

― jody (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:12 (twenty-two years ago)

"a stick"

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

oh, this was a bad idea....I assumed i'd know all the jokes, but..now I just wanna hear the whole thing!

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:14 (twenty-two years ago)

"Grass. I was kidding about the wheels."

― Prude (Prude), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:41 (twenty-two years ago)

"Yeah, and it's deep too."

― maypang (maypang), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"Actually, it spells 'Saskatechwan.'"

"I weel take a dozen copies of numero 3, and eez numero 5 available in poster size?"

"I didn't come here to be insulted! Come on Fanny, we're going home!"

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:48 (twenty-two years ago)

"You know, a good goat'll do that."

― nonthings (nonthings), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:48 (twenty-two years ago)

"salmon rusty's titanic verses!"

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 04:50 (twenty-two years ago)

"...rectum? I nearly killed 'im!"

― Leee Majors (Leee), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:01 (twenty-two years ago)

"The pig"

― Aja (aja), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:02 (twenty-two years ago)

"Happy Birthday."

― Helen, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:08 (twenty-two years ago)

"Matt".

― Orbit (Orbit), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:08 (twenty-two years ago)

"this guy!"

― hstencil, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Marcus Pinchas fucked us.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:19 (twenty-two years ago)

"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"They don't drown"

― Aja (aja), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"and that's how i met your mother."

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"to get to the other side"

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:33 (twenty-two years ago)

"I was doing up my shoelaces".

― jazz odysseus, Tuesday, 17 February 2004 05:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"Faulkner? I don't even know her!"

― Prude (Prude), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 06:14 (twenty-two years ago)

"and i said that i dont even know how the reese's pieces got in there!"

― todd swiss (eliti), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 06:16 (twenty-two years ago)

"I'm a frayed not."

"So I asked Alanis, 'Why the long face?'"

― Leee Majors (Leee), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 06:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"I sold 2 dildos and your plaid thermos"
"Rectum Hell, killed the motherfucker!"
"In the mourning after a bad knight, the best thing is a dog of the bear that hit you."

― Speedy Gonzalas (Speedy Gonzalas), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 07:16 (twenty-two years ago)

a hot stake is better than a cold chop!

― todd swiss (eliti), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 07:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Ping Pong balls? I thought you said King Kong's balls!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 07:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't wish for a 12 inch pianist!

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 08:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"So the frog sez 'I woke up this morning with this growing out of my ass' "

"It seats six!"

"Are you looking for rabbits again, vicar?"

"Godammnit! I Can't even get a cup of coffee without that mutherfucker catching up!"

"Tag! Yer It!"

"Yeah, but the cat is a ventriloquist."

"You're Thor? I'm so thor I can hardly pith."

"Well then don't do that!"

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 08:32 (twenty-two years ago)

"He had too many problems"

― Aja (aja), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 08:35 (twenty-two years ago)

"Make me one with everything"

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 09:30 (twenty-two years ago)

'What is this, a joke?'

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 09:33 (twenty-two years ago)

"Bofus?"

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 09:52 (twenty-two years ago)

She recommend it to anyone!

The rest of the band weren't much better!

More of a weeping sore actually

No, Languedoc

They were very envious indeed

― Dave B (daveb), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:33 (twenty-two years ago)

"Well it tastes like a prawn"

"A coffee filter gets tucked in a funnel"

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:53 (twenty-two years ago)

'Dad's cock tastes funny'

― ENRQ (Enrique), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I should hope so, we've been married for 20 years.

Yeah, she can even manage a steak now.

Try Locker A as well, while you're up there.

No, more of a spectre.

(An American friend tells me this form of joke is practically unknown in the US).

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 10:58 (twenty-two years ago)

"well, i let your brother borrow the car tonight"

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"YOU'RE IT!" said the pink gorilla.

― caitlin (caitlin), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 11:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"No, I said lick his erection, not wreck his election!"

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 13:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"Tonto. Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba"

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"Kick his sister in the chin."

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 14:17 (twenty-two years ago)

"He was arrested because he crossed state lions for immortal porpoises".

― scott seward (scott seward), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"That would be putting Descartes before De Horse!"

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:06 (twenty-two years ago)

'It was mixin' my toasties'

'Yes please love, two sugars, no milk' (said with a Brummie accent)

― Joe Kay (feethurt), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"It's so when I drive down the street people will say: Look at that 'S' car go"

― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:15 (twenty-two years ago)

"And he didn't wake up...! So he's dead. Yeah."

― ModJ (ModJ), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 16:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 81 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Because he's only got wee legs.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 7 January 2005 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

"No, the Red Dye 2."

"You protract'er, you brought 'er."

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

The dark tan yin.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know, we haven't caught one yet.

No! Ping Pong balls!

Cuz ye hud nae pies.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

He was in his cell.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Fish'n'ships

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

"Son, I spoil that woman."

"Mister T, is that you?"

"That's OK, on the way home I ran into Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater."

― Ken L (Ken L), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Should read
That's OK, Fairy Godmother, on the way home I ran into Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater."

― Ken L (Ken L), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

The wan wi' the wee calf.
Is this some sort of wee calf/week off play on the Scottish accent, by any chance?

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Friday, 7 January 2005 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

five months pass...

No, I've got a girlfriend at Manchester.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 14:25 (twenty years ago)

The blacker the Rebbe, the sweeter the Jews!

― Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 15:52 (twenty years ago)

Ouch.

― Sym Sym (sym), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 23:15 (twenty years ago)

The AFI 100 Years... 100 Quotes special on CBS right now.

― Eric H: not a troll, with one exception (Eric H.), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 23:16 (twenty years ago)

"Well, wouldn't you if you had crabs on your bottom?"
"Why not? I'm a fungi!"

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 23:19 (twenty years ago)

seven months pass...

"Damned if I know! I got a hard-on and fell off the damn perch!"

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 18:20 (twenty years ago)

"That's all right," says the nun, "my name is really Steve and I'm on my way to a costume party."

― TRG (TRG), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 18:36 (twenty years ago)

Zits don't come on your face til you're 13.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 18:37 (twenty years ago)

that's nacho cheese!

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 18:47 (twenty years ago)

i can't tell you...you're not a monk.

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 18:51 (twenty years ago)

i don't have a corvette in my garage.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 18:53 (twenty years ago)

"You shit on my bed, I shit on your head!!"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 19:32 (twenty years ago)

THERE 20 OF EM

― senseiDancer (sexyDancer), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 19:41 (twenty years ago)

FUCK YOU, CLOWN!

― John Cocktolstoy (John Cocktolstoy), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 19:46 (twenty years ago)

rectum?!?! Damn near killed him!

― Wiggy (Wiggy), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 19:54 (twenty years ago)

And from that day on they used chairs for money.

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 19:56 (twenty years ago)

he's completely recovered now!

― Bidfurd (Bidfurd), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 21:08 (twenty years ago)

look both ways before you cross the street

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Tuesday, 24 January 2006 22:25 (twenty years ago)

one year passes...

Getting fingered by Captain Hook

― badg, Friday, 23 February 2007 03:39 (nineteen years ago)

He was a super-fragile, calloused mystic plagued with halitosis.

― Maria :D, Friday, 23 February 2007 04:24 (nineteen years ago)

Shredded tweet.

― Maria :D, Friday, 23 February 2007 04:24 (nineteen years ago)

Orange you glad I didn't say orange?

― Maria :D, Friday, 23 February 2007 04:25 (nineteen years ago)

aye dearie, and when was the last damn time you heard an elephant fart underwater?

― remy bean, Friday, 23 February 2007 04:26 (nineteen years ago)

Piss off mate, I'm not sharing this sheep with anyone!

― badg, Friday, 23 February 2007 04:29 (nineteen years ago)

That sheep's a bloody liar!

― badg, Friday, 23 February 2007 04:29 (nineteen years ago)

he should've quit while he was ahead.

― andrew m., Friday, 23 February 2007 15:31 (nineteen years ago)

Zits don't come on your face til you're 13.

haha the first person that ever told me this joke was local lawyer/politician/troublemaker Gatewood Galbraith, about 4 days after I voted for him for KY governor for the 2nd time in my life.

― nickalicious, Friday, 23 February 2007 15:48 (nineteen years ago)

jeez, I think a Kentuckian told it to me! And now I don't remember the setup!!

― Dr Morbius, Friday, 23 February 2007 16:12 (nineteen years ago)

Breaking from the thread intent, but...

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and zits?

― nickalicious, Friday, 23 February 2007 16:22 (nineteen years ago)

dunno

― onimo, Friday, 23 February 2007 16:29 (nineteen years ago)

i remembered, suddenly

― Dr Morbius, Friday, 23 February 2007 16:32 (nineteen years ago)

"with the help of the lord and a big silver spoon I put them all back in"

― jbtime, Friday, 23 February 2007 16:46 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

"Roman Polanski!"

(also acceptable: Michael Jackson, Jerry Lee Lewis)

― Oilyrags, Friday, 23 May 2008 18:50 (seventeen years ago)

two years pass...

hummus-side

― Guru Meditation (Ste), Monday, 12 July 2010 20:52 (fifteen years ago)

In Poland.

― ljubljana, Tuesday, 13 July 2010 00:27 (fifteen years ago)

oscillate its tit a lot

― alter ego salsa (another al3x), Tuesday, 13 July 2010 03:49 (fifteen years ago)

To get away from the sound.

― VegemiteGrrrl, Tuesday, 13 July 2010 04:05 (fifteen years ago)

"And that's why I don't eat the crust!"

― Aimless, Tuesday, 13 July 2010 04:05 (fifteen years ago)

five years pass...

who do I look like over here, Jeff frickin' Bezos???

― del griffith, Sunday, 6 March 2016 20:06 (ten years ago)

Disaster!

― a little too mature to be cute (Aimless), Monday, 7 March 2016 06:01 (ten years ago)

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