Résumés

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The words on the page are OK, but the design says meh. How can I take my résumé to the 'next level'? Is Quark the answer?

Feel free to post your own résumé here, by way of example. Maybe someone will offer you a job.

― Mary (Mary), Friday, 20 February 2004 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

My resume is Times New Roman 10 and 12 point with bold headings. Everything is aligned to the right except my name and title at the top, which are centered. The most important thing, my security clearance level, is in bold and appears before any of the other details. My formal education is at the very bottom. It is one page. I've never had to do a cover letter and I only ever printed out a couple of hard copies.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 20 February 2004 20:25 (twenty-two years ago)

You can't go wrong with comic sans.

― maypang (maypang), Friday, 20 February 2004 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Or scented paper.

― Prude (Prude), Friday, 20 February 2004 20:28 (twenty-two years ago)

hey Tom, did you ever get that resume i sent you?

― Kingfish Beatbox (Kingfish), Friday, 20 February 2004 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Print it on a sheet of uncut $20 bills, to show that you don't even really need the job. Everyone will then fall over themselves trying to hire you.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 20 February 2004 20:33 (twenty-two years ago)

No? Send it to my home email (the mac.com one, same as my aim handle) because if you sent it to the lmco.com one in the last week or so it's most likely still sitting there as I've been moved downtown and we don't have access to that email here yet (it is lame).

Sorry about that!

― TOMBOT, Friday, 20 February 2004 20:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I tend to go for the plain white cheap printing paper. Today, however, the two résumés on the desk next to mine were on a colored and think paper and I, felt inferior.

They also seemed to have nice lines separating the name and address part from the rest of it.

― Mary (Mary), Friday, 20 February 2004 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

It doesn't hurt to print the res on coloured/fancy paper, but it's not essential. If you can create separate types of resumes to apply to different fields, that can help. (Course, someone else had to point that out to me.)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Friday, 20 February 2004 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

A job that you get because the employer was impressed by your use of expensive colored paper is not a job that you want.

You should create a general resume for posting to sites like monster etc. and also specific, more in-depth resumes to send to any companies that you are particularly interested in (or that express interest in you) tailored to the position.

My initial posting on the web was little more than a brief outline. Of course, my resume is also subject to prepublication review so I don't end up giving away any secrets. So much fun.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 20 February 2004 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think using fancy paper is the answer. I would hate to think people are getting jobs because of the paper they use.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 20 February 2004 20:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder what type of cushy job I could get if I printed my resume on Charmin...!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 20 February 2004 20:54 (twenty-two years ago)

So, to get a job in a musuem you'd have to use parchment, or you could just age the paper by painting it with tea.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 20 February 2004 20:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I like a quality paper (white) for the CVs I send, like Conqueror or somesuch, and tend to stick with fonts like Gill Sans or Helvetica because these embolden nicely (and in my field people are pernickety about fonts). Also if I am sending a letter/piece to a magazine, I try to do it in the font they use for copy. It's a cute subliminal trick and I think it works.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 20 February 2004 21:00 (twenty-two years ago)

This is an excellent article that I just read thanks to Slashdot. Haha I work for Lockheed Martin and I got hired over the internet. But the point made about updating your resume daily on the boards is a good one. Of course, the update can be you going in and changing something and then changing it back - just as long as you keep it "fresh" in the system and don't let it get buried.

I honestly don't know anyone who submits their resume in hard copy form anymore.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 20 February 2004 21:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder what type of cushy job I could get if I sent my resume as a PDF...!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 20 February 2004 21:08 (twenty-two years ago)

If you are applying for yer typical office job, using anything other than a one page resume with black text on plain paper is inadvisable. I've had HR people tell me that they throw multi-page resumes and resumes that use coloured paper directly into the trash automatically. One page resumes are more easily and quickly read (and you can't lose the second page), and I think that coloured pages just piss a lot of people off. Serif fonts are easier to read on the printed page than sans-serif, so 10, 11 or 12 point Times NR is probably the best font to use.

If submitting a resume electronically as a Word doc, it might also be an idea to save the file so that it is compatible with older versions or MS Word (a lot of places are still using Office 97). Make sure there is no change tracking or history embedded in the document (just in case). An additional plain text or RTF copy might not hurt as an additional attachment if you are sending via email.

― mmmmsalt (Graeme), Friday, 20 February 2004 21:20 (twenty-two years ago)

hmmm....if it's just a resume you're printing out and sending as a hard copy, that's cool. but if you're planning on emailing it, i'd advise against making a resume using acrobat or quark--or anything else that creates large files. if you have your heart set on it, you should contact whoever you're sending it to and make sure it's okay with them...considering that they may be receiving several resumes and wouldn't appreciate having to deal with large attachments.

...now i'm about to rant.....

i used to studio manage for a fashion photographer who was in need of an assistant retoucher. i received hundreds of resumes a day (mainly from out of work graphic designers who didn't know the first thing about photo retouching--let alone how to make a cracked out anorexic look like a gorgeous fasion plate) and it just messed up my inbox. even though opening one of those documents doesn't take long, multiplying it by the hundreds is a pain--and then forcing your prospective employer to use up all this colored ink just makes a bad impression. and considering that i even said in the job listing "please include resume in body of email or send as a word attachment. please, no large files--resume should speak for itself," it just showed these people couldn't follow simple directions. i also noticed a pattern where those who were qualified sent simple resumes, whereas those that weren't sent flashy ones....my patience wore so thin that i ended up deleting anything that wasn't on word or in text format.

but back to your original question....

as someone who was once put in charge of hiring, the most important thing i looked for was content. as far as eye-catching...a nice header and layout is a good idea--but if you're planning on emailing it, try to keep it in the confines of word. but overall, if the experience was there i could've cared less--there were resumes that were typed in the text of the email that shined far brighter than those on acrobat.

the best way to get an employer's attention is to call ahead, tell them you're interested and let them know you're sending a resume.

― waxyjax (waxyjax), Friday, 20 February 2004 21:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Also send a picture of your crotch.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 20 February 2004 21:52 (twenty-two years ago)

you mean your crotch, right?

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 20 February 2004 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, sorry: Send a picture of my crotch.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 20 February 2004 21:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Stop being so crotchety.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 20 February 2004 21:57 (twenty-two years ago)

PLZ POST TITS PIX PLZ KTHXBYE

― Kingfish Beatbox (Kingfish), Friday, 20 February 2004 22:38 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.meatloaf-fanclub.de/22.jpg

― The Second Drummer Drowned (Atila the Honeybun), Friday, 20 February 2004 22:40 (twenty-two years ago)

some good advice here. if you want it to look a little more stylin than average just find an interesting - but not too interesting - font instead of times new roman. I prefer garamond or palantino linotype, personally.

the biggest thing is to make it easy to glance at and see your qualifications. so bullet points, boldface on the key words are handy. know the buzzwords for your field and use them, and match it up to the job description. the problem with monster and other electronic job sites is that you get literally hundreds of resumes for everything and half or more are totally unqualified, and you don't want to have to waste a lot of time figuring out if someone is qualified. and you don't want to waste a lot of time figuring out if someone's resume matches the job description. Keep it one page if possible. I can't emphasize enough the matching to the job description part. if you can't make your qualifications match at all, probably it's not worth applying.

If you're going to be all perfectionist about the layout and appearance, making a PDF for electronic copies is a good idea, 'cause you never know if the word doc is going to appear the same way on another person's computer.

colored paper is bad. get a nice white/off white resume paper if you must. if you're mailing a hard copy get 8.5 X 11 envelopes, a folded resume coming out of a letter-size envelope looks like crap.

Mary, what is your field? if it's art/design/fashion all this advice might not apply at 100%.

Oh, and proofread, proofread, proofread.

― daria g (daria g), Saturday, 21 February 2004 00:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I am applying for editorial, copyediting jobs, mainly, and also teaching jobs (actually teaching school). The latter don't care so much about these things, the former, the most important thing is not making any stupid mistakes, any mistakes at all really. I sent my résumé by e-mail, I think I just included it in the body of the e-mail, because, I know in the past people have had problems with attachments, and many employers stress on the job board, do not send attachments, we will not open them. So cover letter + résumé in body of e-mail = (when printed out at their office) letter + 1/2 of résumé on one page, other half of résumé on the next. Which is fine as long as they ask for a copy of my résumé when I come in, but they didn't, just worked off the printed off copy of the e-mail, and left these perfectly designed, obviously mailed in, résumés out on the desk to taunt me. Also, a lot of people who work in copyediting are very proficient in Quark/have some design background—so I was thinking that's why the desk résumés looked so beautiful. Thanks all for the advice; Suzy your tip is shrewd and noted:) Gah, I suppose I should have done my résumé in AP style and not Chicago. (The rés's on the desk were not colored paper per say, but colored to me, beige, bone, etc, obviously a higher grade of paper than I used. They were not mini iPod–colored).

One last question for you good people: Thank you letter: e-mail ok? or go the whole hog and send in a real letter?

― Mary (Mary), Saturday, 21 February 2004 01:41 (twenty-two years ago)

(Oh, and I've never gone over one page, except for when I had to make a CV and the idea is to go over one page—there was a lot of white space in my CV . . . )

― Mary (Mary), Saturday, 21 February 2004 01:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Sounds like you're set then. Hey, I don't suppose you could somehow put an HTML copy of yr resume on the Web - not for us, but so if you sent an email with the resume in it, you could also send a link, and they could click it to get the nice-looking version.

as I recall Mediabistro.com has publications job listings, or did, that might be worth checking out.

― daria g (daria g), Saturday, 21 February 2004 02:36 (twenty-two years ago)

That's a good idea daria. Yes, MB is my first port of call.

― Mary (Mary), Saturday, 21 February 2004 03:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Once, I wrote a resume and posted it to 50+ employers and nobody hired me. That is all.

― The Second Drummer Drowned (Atila the Honeybun), Saturday, 21 February 2004 03:42 (twenty-two years ago)

See my previous search tactic, not sending rés's out at all, wasn't really working for me either. Gotta be in it to win it?

― Mary (Mary), Saturday, 21 February 2004 03:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Who's gonna submit the first real resume?

― The Second Drummer Drowned (Atila the Honeybun), Saturday, 21 February 2004 03:51 (twenty-two years ago)

JEREMY E. COOMBS

246 Highland Ave. + Apt. 2 + Somerville, MA + 02143
(cell) 508 / 369.6624 + (home) 617 / 776.3588
jeremy7211@hotmail.com
-----------------------------------------

Objective
A position editing / publishing where varied skills can be applied.

Education
Hamilton College, Clinton, NY
B.A. in English Literature / Writing 5/03
Semester Abroad: U. of Anglia, England, 1/02 - 6/02

AREAS OF EXPERIENCE

Leadership
+ Managed 12-person A/V tech crew while a full-time student.Conducted weekly meetings, training sessions, oversaw staffing, budgeting and equipment purchasing.
+ Elected Special Events Manager for Campus Activities Board. Planned and supervised bus trips, special guests, all-campus parties, and bimonthly movie showings.

Responsibility
+ Designed and implemented ten week program in creative prose/poetry for third and fourth grade students. Instructed four weekly sessions, fifty children.
+ Assisted in the opening of a new upscale meat-market and deli. Responsibilities included initial menu planning, set-up, food preparation, and customer service for busy store in resort community.
+ Served as personal assistant to owner/manager of Coffee Bean, Inc. Position entailed marketing, banking, cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, delivery and catering for 60+ person corporation.

TRAINING AND SKILLS

Editing and Writing
+ Skilled in many areas of professional writing process including proofreading, critiquing, manuscript submission, print and internet publishing. Received instruction and experience in New York, Norwich (England), and Rhode Island.
+ Wrote and edited multiple drafts of young adult novel The Nowhere Place (98 pages) and numerous short stories including Ineradicable, Blue (35 pages), recently submitted for national publication.
+ Rewriting for submission a feature-length dramatic screenplay, Grand Guignol: (111 pages/minutes).
+ Drafting third script, Cowboy Songs, (tentatively 120 pages). Coming-of-age, light comedy, with plans to produce as twelve ten-minute episodes for internet/DVD distribution.

Computer
+ Proficient using Mac OS 8/9/X and Windows Me/XP/98/NT 4/2000 and later releases. Experience with latest versions of Microsoft Office, Outlook, Clarisworks, AbiWord, Adobe Acrobat, Adobe Premiere, Adobe Illustrator, Macromedia Flash, Macromedia Dreamweaver, Microsoft Powerpoint.
+ Experienced internet user comfortable with all releases of Netscape/Mozilla, Internet Explorer, Opera, gopher and FTP clients and related technologies. Facility with many networking utilities and applications.
+ Graphic and video manipulation with Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator, GiMP, Jasc Paint Shop Pro, Final Cut Pro, Avid XPress and DV, Adobe Premiere, Adobe Aftereffects.
+ Fluent with HTML 4.0 / CSS , xHTML, RSS &ct; web page design and maintenance.

Other Audio / Video Production
+ Adept in the use of DV [digital video] camera systems, non-linear editing studios.
+ Practiced at sound/lighting design for in-college, local and national musicians, speakers, theater performances, entertainers, banquets and multimedia presentations. Operated, maintained and repaired audio, video and lighting equipment.

WORK HISTORY

+ Bose Factory Store, Wrentham, MA (Holiday 2003)
+ Borders Outlet, Wrentham, MA (Holiday 2003)
+ Town Meats, Inc., Wakefield, RI (Summers 02 - 2003)
+ Hamilton A/V Tech. Crew, Clinton, NY (1/01-5/03)
+ Clinton Central Schools, Clinton, NY (10/01-12/01)
+ Coffee Bean Inc., Narragansett, RI (10/95 - 6/00)

PERSONAL

Love to travel... recently drove and filmed 9000 mile road trip with college friends ... speak basic conversational Spanish... excellent cook ... participate in James Joyce reading group...avid fan of independent dance music.

― The Second Drummer Drowned (Atila the Honeybun), Saturday, 21 February 2004 03:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks Jeremy; I need a line like yours at the top of mine (which I am too embarassed to post).

― Mary (Mary), Saturday, 21 February 2004 04:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I've got my resume down, but at my latest job they want my "bio" for including in pitches (as if they're ever going to include my bio in any client pitch except to fill space, I mean for crissake I do their goddam powerpoints) and when I submitted mine, one of the directors sent it back with well over a dozen lines of comments like please include awards you've won, major clients you've worked with, degrees you have, associations you belong to. I left those fields out for a reason - and now I've got to return my bio to him with zero, zero, zero and motherfucking ZERO. What an embarassment. I mean, if I was such a goddam go-getter, would I really have taken this job in the first place??

― Sean (Sean), Saturday, 21 February 2004 04:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I know it's my own issue, but I really got into a bad mood today over this. I mean, if I had all these credits and qualifications (and reading everyone else's bio, I'm clearly odd man out) don't you think I would have listed them to begin with?? Now I have to explain how I *haven't* won any awards, I *don't* sit on any boards, I'm *not* a member of any organizations, and yeah you hired me anyway. Sorry now?

― Sean (Sean), Saturday, 21 February 2004 04:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't sweat it Sean... I'm totally damn unemployed; I've got $16,000 student debt and $1000 health-care debt, no job prospects and no leads. It's a horrible market under any conditions. And qualifications don't seem to be any sort of benefit at all. Three weeks into a job search and only one interview. Crap.

― The Second Drummer Drowned (Atila the Honeybun), Saturday, 21 February 2004 05:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I had three interviews in 6 months. Luckily the third one led to a job. But still.

― Sean (Sean), Saturday, 21 February 2004 05:04 (twenty-two years ago)

God I don't miss being jobless in New York.

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Saturday, 21 February 2004 05:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Jeremy, you have a mistake there: the uni in England you went to is called UEA (University of East Anglia).

― suzy (suzy), Saturday, 21 February 2004 06:29 (twenty-two years ago)

God I don't miss being jobless in New York

Me neither...had a rough five month period of unemployment towards the end of 2001. Definite dud.

― mmmmsalt (Graeme), Saturday, 21 February 2004 06:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, Suzy, I know. But I'm trying to make it look more edible for the ignorant american employer. And said american employer doesn't care if it's north, west, south, east (or one of those weird navaho directions like "up" or "sideways" or "assbackwards") as long as it's got something disyllabic and anglo-sounding: thus "anglia" (cf. 'cambridge', 'oxford', "luton," etc., etc.,) as long as it makes 'em feel like thy're hiring somebody qualfiied.

― The Second Drummer Drowned (Atila the Honeybun), Saturday, 21 February 2004 06:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I finally went onto two pages for my resume last year. You know what? I've worked a lot of jobs, doing highly technical skills. Any employer that wants an employee whose skills and experience can be boiled down to one page is NOT going to give me a job that is satisfying.

I am trying to be compact. I have about 5 lines describing each job, but I fear I am losing out because I don't go into enough detail. I've bullet-pointed my skills at the beginning for those who can't grasp the concept of the PTO.

Jeremy, I'm not trying to be facetious, cause I know how ignorant of geography Americans can be, but if you're looking for an editing job, it pays to get your own facts exactly right.

― The River Kate (kate), Saturday, 21 February 2004 10:51 (twenty-two years ago)

This has been a very informative thread!

My question is: how strait should someone play their resume? Might not know it from my posts here, but I'm always w/the jokes. Also, self deprecation is a dud, right?

I meant to write a resume up earlier this month for prospective music related internships, but then...things...still need one anyway for when I graduate from college soon. I too am worried about the extreme lack of extra stuff as well as being a shit student and having very little job experience.

― christhamrin (christhamrin), Saturday, 21 February 2004 11:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Save your jokes and personality for the cover letter - if you think it's appropriate. Yr resume should be snappy; clever but no extra words.

I always send my resume as a PDF because 1) it looks EXACTLY the same on everyone's computer 2) everybody has Acrobat 3) file size = 40k. It's very nice for printing, and there's something about the un-editable packaged-upness of it that feels tight and pro.

Mary, Mac OS X can make a PDF out of ANYTHING, so just do it up in Word or whatever and save as a PDF if you go this route. I use Illustrator just cause I'm an ass about spacing and stuff.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 21 February 2004 12:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh and make your name REALLY BIG.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 21 February 2004 12:20 (twenty-two years ago)

jeremy, Kate and I are just trying to be helpful - a lot of editors etc. did JYA in Britain, and UEA rings all sorts of positive alarm bells because it has a *really* famous writing programme. Also those same editors tend to be pernickety Anglophiles who can tell you the difference between various Oxbridge colleges so will see this imprecision as sloppiness or, worse, fabrication. You don't want that. I mean, if I'd had received a CV with that error on it, it would go straight into the 'polite no' pile.

― suzy (suzy), Saturday, 21 February 2004 12:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, inventing a university name does seem kind of nuts. It reminds me of those fabricated posh sounding institutions used by diploma merchants (the University of Monte Carlo, Devonshire etc.)

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 21 February 2004 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Somehow my browser has got set to display some accented letters as russian characters. Making this thread title look like "résumé". How do I set this correctly, as charming as résumé may look? Any ideas?

― Skottie, Saturday, 21 February 2004 14:53 (twenty-two years ago)

To confuse you futher, on my browser, all the resumes in your last post read properly, with French acute accents, and no Russian nonsense at any point.

― N. (nickdastoor), Saturday, 21 February 2004 14:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 55 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I do too. I was using the word up there to mean 'the job I want.' I feel like the 'objective' on my cv will be necessary to let people know that I want to change direction and make bookbinding my career, rather than a job I want cause I kind of like making books as a hobby. Otherwise my cv reads like overly-academic or something.

― sgs (sgs), Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I think that when I start looking for my next job after I've worn out all my advancement opportunities here I will really put OBJECTIVE: To get real paid in there and just see if anybody notices or cares at all.

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 7 October 2004 12:26 (twenty-one years ago)

whoa Tombot the other night you told me you put education first!

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 7 October 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I was drunk! but seriously IN GENERAL I would say education goes first because it's short and vague. In my case it didn't matter for the jobs I was applying for plus I got my BA in the mail from a papermill so I put it at the bottom. Whoops.

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 7 October 2004 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

TOM, forgive me for being ignorant -- but where generally do you live?

― Remy (x Jeremy), Thursday, 7 October 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Education only goes first if that is the most impressive thing on your resume. If all you have is a BA from a regular, non-impressive state college (for example--I know it is otherwise for you specifically hstencil) then don't put that first unless that's the only thing you got going for you.

It works like this, objective goes first because it is teh gay and that goes first, I dunno why. After that, you order it in the order of IMPRESSIVENESS. If you have really impressive job experience, that goes first (ie generally if you've had a couple decent jobs). If you have a PhD from MIT in xygloboical communication computer super spying fantasticasmo then that goes first.

For like 98% of the world that translates to OBJECTIVE -> EXPERIENCE -> EDUCATION -> KISSES.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 8 October 2004 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I forgot KISSES!!!

Shit!

― TOMBOT, Friday, 8 October 2004 00:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't even pull up my resume right now to see how I wrote it, because it is in DOC format and I dont' have Word, wtf.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 8 October 2004 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

heh, my irregular private liberal arts college isn't that impressive. So it goes last.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 8 October 2004 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

wait, you...ohhh hey I had you confused with someone else, you went to...Bard?

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 8 October 2004 01:04 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah! see, not even that impressive, but at least you remembered it.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 8 October 2004 01:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyone ever find a job or hear of someone finding a job via MediaBistro, JournalismJobs or via Monster.Com (or any like-minded online resource)? Is it worth it to pursue these avenues?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 8 October 2004 01:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I got offered a job I found on Monster once but I decided I hated it and didn't take the offer.

hstencil, I had your school confused with bnw's for a second.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 8 October 2004 01:10 (twenty-one years ago)

What was the job, Ally? And how quickly did they offer it to you after you'd posted your resume?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 8 October 2004 01:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I used Monster and had a return of about 3 interviews in 30 submissions. Not too great, but not bad. I was offered one of those jobs, which I turned down.

― why do old people and old users of ILX such bastardos (deangulberry), Friday, 8 October 2004 01:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't remember the job, might've been at HBO. I got requests for interviews pretty quickly after posting my resume and sending it into people, like a day or two?

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 8 October 2004 01:13 (twenty-one years ago)

it's not that I have high expectations or nothing, but if i don't at least create the impression that I'm actively searching around, my wife is going to flay me alive and wear my skin as a stylish, Autumn-weight wind-breaker.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 8 October 2004 01:15 (twenty-one years ago)

While listening to Goodbye Horses?

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 8 October 2004 01:16 (twenty-one years ago)

while humming this....

http://media.greenskeepersmusic.com/lotionhigh.mov

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 8 October 2004 01:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I found my latest job via monster. Although there are certain markets where Monster works better than others. I think Denver is one of those. I've heard for some other markets it's really crappy and a waste of time.

― Towelette Pettatucci (Homosexual II), Friday, 8 October 2004 02:42 (twenty-one years ago)

mediabistro is prolly the best bet considering your experience, Alex. At the very least you won't have to sift through all the jobs you won't want on Monster. Haven't checked out JournalismJobs, will have to now, thanks for the tip.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 8 October 2004 03:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I got a job via Monster. I also screened candidates for my replacement (left to go back to school) via Monster, and I learned that you have to read the description and then match your qualifications point by point, using bullet points and boldface if possible. Because every goddamned job posting on Monster will get HUNDREDS of replies, most of which are from people who fired off a resume by email without reading the description, because it's so easy to do. After a day or two I was looking for any excuse to hit the delete button when more resumes showed up in my inbox. And anyone who made it nice and clear that they qualified and didn't make me spend much time to figure that out would get a call for an interview.

I always put experience first and then use boldface to highlight words that match the job description. Recruiters are lazy. If only I knew what kind of job I wanted.. . Anyone here have work related to foreign policy or international development?

― daria g (daria g), Friday, 8 October 2004 04:19 (twenty-one years ago)

no but I'd like to work in something like that! Heh, the only qualification I have is some poli sci courses, okay back to dreaming, nevermind.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 8 October 2004 04:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, that's the thing, so would I. And after undergrad I thought hell, I don't have the experience etc. Suddenly it occurs to me that those people who do, didn't, at some point in time. So what do I do now? I really can't handle more school right now. More grad school is out of the question. This is absurd, I'm supposed to be updating my own resume before I go meet with some global consulting group tomorrow morning and I don't even know what the fuck they do. I don't really care, though, they can impress me. That's the spirit.

― daria g (daria g), Friday, 8 October 2004 04:28 (twenty-one years ago)

wait, I thought you went back to school? This is confusing.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 8 October 2004 04:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I did, but I sucked at it and was miserable beyond belief, so I left again. That took two years. Now I'm trying to figure out what to do next, in a serious way, I'm just working part time to pay the rent right now. Maybe these "consultants" can hook me up and pay me shitloads of money to live in Paris and strategize about stuff.

― daria g (daria g), Friday, 8 October 2004 04:34 (twenty-one years ago)

oh, shit, I thought you could get me a job. Good luck getting one!

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 8 October 2004 04:37 (twenty-one years ago)

WORK FROM HOME! 130+ Business Ideas You Can Start From Home With Little Or No Cash Outlay!

Send me $100 and I'll tell you how.

― daria g (daria g), Friday, 8 October 2004 04:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll send you $200 if you do it for me.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 8 October 2004 04:47 (twenty-one years ago)

So I'm sending my stuff off today to a couple of places. I've got categories of: objective, bookbinding experience, employment experience, education, publications, honors, and interests. When I write about it here it sounds totally lame, but I think it's the best I can do, considering that my last proper job was years ago and I'm trying to change careers so I don't have to teach to make money.

(Oh and haha, I didn't go to Bard but went to a school that is technically part of Bard.)

― sgs (sgs), Friday, 8 October 2004 07:54 (twenty-one years ago)

this might be useful for the next stage: http://www.datsi.fi.upm.es/~frosal/docs/25mdq.html

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Friday, 8 October 2004 08:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks Charlie. Hmm, it hadn't even occurred to me to worry about interviewing yet. Oddly I tend to interview rather well, although that page is reminding me of lots of stuff.

― sgs (sgs), Friday, 8 October 2004 08:18 (twenty-one years ago)

three months pass...

it is now 10:10 pm and that seems appropriate somehow, i feel like complete shit and i am working on my resume. why shouldn't it be 10:10.

"t works like this, objective goes first because it is teh gay and that goes first, I dunno why. After that, you order it in the order of IMPRESSIVENESS. If you have really impressive job experience, that goes first (ie generally if you've had a couple decent jobs). If you have a PhD from MIT in xygloboical communication computer super spying fantasticasmo then that goes first."

i have no read any of this thread except for that selection right there, which i disagree with. it is a transparent hiding of shame. i am putting my education first but i dont know what to call a high school diploma, gd or something. i wish i could remember my gpa, it was pretty good. and should i put stuff like "i took a computers class and was in business club [even tho literally all we did was meet once a month and eat subway sandwiches this is true]" or just leave it [gd/whatever high school grad is called].

i am sad because my resume is going to consist of "high school diploma" and 3 jobs i held for a combined 2 months and nothing else. should i not even bother, seriously. this is just going to look pathetic.

― John (jdahlem), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 04:14 (twenty-one years ago)

make shit up.

― phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 04:17 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously? i was wondering about that. i'll do it. don't fucking tempt me man cuz i'll do it.

― John (jdahlem), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 04:19 (twenty-one years ago)

dont forget to put your security clearance level at the top, in bold, before anything else

― phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 04:21 (twenty-one years ago)

the whole "objective" thing is so corny, it makes me laugh, so does tombot on this thread, he reminds me of this super-anal-retentive friend of mine, he also kind of looks like him based on the picture thread. word.

― John (jdahlem), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 04:26 (twenty-one years ago)

i would like to see jeremy's 9000 mile road trip video, as long as it's well-edited

― John (jdahlem), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 04:27 (twenty-one years ago)

i think i'm just gonna tell em my computer crashed tomorrow

― John (jdahlem), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 04:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Right, I'm gonna post my CV - perhaps someone can then tell me why I can't get a job...please, help me!

Personal Profile

 European translator, professional copywriter and sub-editor with 10 years' industry experience.
 Modern Languages graduate: fluent German and English; qualified Quark XPress operator.
 Sound knowledge of international financial and business terminology and practices. Extensive grounding in music, TV, film, comedy, arts & culture; corporate and private clients catered for.
 Broad experience in journalism, translation, copy & layout sub-editing and public relations.
 Meticulous eye for detail in content and style; proficient data entry skills.
 Versatile, dedicated & enthusiastic lateral thinker; happy in an office environment or at home.
 Imaginative, energetic and friendly with a relaxed and approachable manner.
 Accustomed to working long and irregular hours under the pressure of strict deadlines.
 Features, interviews and reviews published in Th3 Fly, Pl4ylouder, UKTV, R0ck S0und, 3D W0rld, Mel0dy M4ker, Bull1t, X-R4y, MP3tv and Com3dy L1ve.

Office Skills

Experienced client service manager, able to adapt swiftly to the demands of large and small organisations. Always polite, well-spoken and cordial, whether face-to-face, on the phone or on paper. Equally accustomed to dealing with professional contacts or members of the public. Efficient desk worker: quick to pick up on specific requirements of role and office, and ambitious to learn new skills & disciplines.

Employment History

Translator, Summariser
Durr4nts M3dia M0nitors, Xtr3me N3ws Jun 2004-present
Completed initial contract at Xtr3me N3ws www.xtr3men3ws.co.uk as a summariser of UK financial, business and news stories for personal clients including Cl1fford Ch4nce, M3rrill Lynch, the G3neral M3dical C0uncil and H3wlett P4ckard. Promoted to the International department of Durr4nts www.durr4nts.co.uk, which acquired Xtr3me in October 2004. Completed contracts as a translator and summariser of German financial, business and news stories for personal clients including Astr4Zeneca, M0rgan St4nley and N3C.

Staff Writer, Copywriter, Sub-Editor, Press Officer
Th3 Fly, Pl4ylouder.com, Bull1t, X-R4y, UKTV, B3st PR May 2003-present
After returning from Australia, joined Bull1t as a music features writer (A5h front cover, L4mbchop, The D1vine C0medy, M3lissa 4uf D3r M4ur). Provided music & travel articles and copy/layout subbing skills to X-R4y, have written comedy and drama show synopses for the UKTV website www.uktv.co.uk (The R0yle F4mily, The B1ll, E4stEnders), and fulfilled short contracts as a national press officer for B3st PR. More recently, attained the ongoing position of Staff Writer at Th3 Fly (Int3rpol, The P0lyphonic Spr33, The Futur3heads).

Key Account Analyst
1ncNet M4rketing Or1entations – Australia Jul 2002-May 2003
Based in Syndey, 1ncNet www.1ncnet.com.au maintains the Austr4lian Bus1ness D1rectory, the largest and most up-to-date record of senior management information for Australia's top 1000 companies. Completed contract as part of a team, researching, fact-checking and updating the million-name database on a business-to-business basis; the role required extensive analytical skills.

Copywr1ter, Tr4nslator Pl4ylouder.com, 3D W0rld, C0medy Live Jul 2002-May 2003

Senior Mus1c Wr1ter MP3tv (N3twork Of the W0rld) Dec 2000-Apr 2002

L1stings Ed1tor, Club5 P4 L1stings www.p4.press.net Jun 2000-Dec 2000

Pr0motions Off1cer Av4l0n Promotions www.4val0nuk.com Jul 1999-Aug 1999

Freel4nce J0urnalist R0ck S0und, M3lody M4ker May 1999-Dec 2000

Pr3ss Off1cer Coal1tion Gr0up, C1rcus Mus1c, Phutur3 Tr4x Jul 1997-Apr 1999

Mus1c Edit0r, St4ff Wr1ter R1pple (Le1cester Un1versity) Apr 1994-Jun 1997

Comput3r Sk1lls

• Completed L0ndon Sch0ol of Publ1shing Qu4rk XPr3ss course May 2002. Well acquainted with various PC and Mac software packages including W0rd, Exc3l, Outl0ok Expr3ss, Ad0be Acr0bat, Fil3Maker, Q&A Dat4base, Ziss0r Med1a Summ4riser.
• Internet skills finely honed due to extensive journalistic research; 40wpm typing speed.

Education

BA (Hons) German
Le1cester University www.le1cester.ac.uk Sep 1993-Jun 1997
• Culture, history, language and literature, including one year as an English teaching assistant at a senior school in H4mburg.

'A' Levels
T0nbridge Sch0ol, K3nt www.t0nbridge-sch0ol.co.uk Sep 1988-Jun 1993
• German, Economics and History.

References

etc

Portfolio

An archive of my music-related written work is available to view at www.st4rs4ndh3ro3s.tk. Further examples of corporate, travel, TV and translation work are available on request.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 09:51 (twenty-one years ago)

i think i'm just gonna tell em my computer crashed tomorrow

"Hi I dont have a resume or bother to shave or like anything but you'll gimme a job anyway, right? Right? Hello?"

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 11:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know, Charlie. I'm told these are difficult times, but aren't they always. Today they wouldn't even let me be a data entry person.

Sarah, can I be a bookbinder too?

I am sorting my CV out at the moment. I am going to put a 'personal profile' at the front, to tell people how GRATE I am at bossing tosspots about, that kind of thing.

― Peter Stringbender (PJ Miller), Wednesday, 19 January 2005 18:16 (twenty-one years ago)

five months pass...

Quote from a CV I received this week:
During the summer of 2004 I worked at the R0y4l M4i1's sorting office in 5pr1ngburn, G14sg0w. For the time I was there I worked nightshit, six nights a week.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 08:54 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

Should I even bother putting a really lame part time teaching assistent position from 2001-2 on my resumé? I am doing the "one sheet" resumé and kinda feel that the space would be better served with more skills and project descriptions from jobs relevent to my future career.

― I'm Hi, Jared Fogle (ex machina), Monday, 15 August 2005 20:10 (twenty years ago)

whatever you do, don't mention why you had to 'quit' so suddenly.

― Enrique, naked in an unfamiliar future where corporations run the world... (Enri, Monday, 15 August 2005 20:15 (twenty years ago)

I don't even know what you mean!

― I'm Hi, Jared Fogle (ex machina), Monday, 15 August 2005 20:25 (twenty years ago)

It's worth putting in lame jobs if otherwise there would be a gap to explain.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 15 August 2005 20:26 (twenty years ago)

nobody ever asks about my 6 month gap of unemployment - v. strange

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Monday, 15 August 2005 20:29 (twenty years ago)

One time where I worked someone sent in a resume for an assistant job that was pasted on the bottom of a tray of brownies. After we all ate, she was hired.

― mcd (mcd), Monday, 15 August 2005 20:52 (twenty years ago)

It's worth putting in lame jobs if otherwise there would be a gap to explain.

Except I was in COLLEGE.

― I'm Hi, Jared Fogle (ex machina), Monday, 15 August 2005 20:59 (twenty years ago)

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