Are you ready for the grossest story EVER?!

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i'm sure there's a gross thread out there, but i'm lazy and i think this one deserves it's own.

i just met a girl who works in a hospital. she told me of this guy that was brought to her hospital from a near by jail. he had a colostomy bag (i think that's what it's called, the bag that's connected to your intestines and drains the poop out for you?). so he's got all these bumps around the entrance of the tubes to this open orifice. after doing some tests, they find out the bumps are genital warts.

― JaXoN (JasonD), Friday, 27 February 2004 05:16 (twenty-one years ago)

a few questions later, they find out the guy has been selling his hole for sex.

― JaXoN (JasonD), Friday, 27 February 2004 05:16 (twenty-one years ago)

there is no question that yes, that is indeed the grossest story ever.

― the surface noise (electricsound), Friday, 27 February 2004 05:25 (twenty-one years ago)

awww...fuck. although i know a young lad with crones disease who could do with some extra cash.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Friday, 27 February 2004 05:26 (twenty-one years ago)

thats gross. i read the thread title as "are you ready for the gossett story EVER?!"

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Friday, 27 February 2004 05:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, i'm ready.That better not have been it.

― billislord, Friday, 27 February 2004 06:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Gross, maybe. Convincing? Definitely not.

― maypang (maypang), Friday, 27 February 2004 06:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Suffice it to say that public health stories don't sound quite as gross now that I have a friend who drives a bus.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 27 February 2004 06:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe if you had sweet ass pictures...

― dean! (deangulberry), Friday, 27 February 2004 07:08 (twenty-one years ago)

(we ilxors are too cool n hipsters n shits to be grossed out)

― dean! (deangulberry), Friday, 27 February 2004 07:09 (twenty-one years ago)

my sister in law (who is an occupational therepist) recently told me a truly disgusting story. she says that a patient who was being fed intravenously had not moved his bowels in quite some time. apparently, the waste impacted inside of his digestive system resulting in the poor man vomiting his own excrement.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Friday, 27 February 2004 08:13 (twenty-one years ago)

christ almighty.

― todd swiss (eliti), Friday, 27 February 2004 08:36 (twenty-one years ago)

i heard this tale (from a friend of a cop) of a female cop known around her station as the colonel.

at least thats what she thought they were calling her. and she took pride in the feeling that they thought she had a colonel like authority.

turns out though that the nickname was started by a particular male cop. who had slept with her. who had, in a drunken liason, had anal sex with her.

and found, after, a kernel of corn lodged in his foreskin.

― mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 27 February 2004 08:44 (twenty-one years ago)

For some reason I imagine that post as the quietly monotone intro to a mournful folk song.

It's late here.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Friday, 27 February 2004 08:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I implore *someone* to stop this thread

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Friday, 27 February 2004 08:52 (twenty-one years ago)

and then there the strongo cooks whilst drunk posts

― mullygrubber (gaz), Friday, 27 February 2004 08:55 (twenty-one years ago)

*applauds* Emily wins!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 27 February 2004 08:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I do not believe Emily's story. Nurse to thread!

― Dave B (daveb), Friday, 27 February 2004 11:13 (twenty-one years ago)

erm, when I was very ill after too much indulging while on heavy antibiotics in Thailand, I did something very similar, it was quite probably the most unpleasant moment of my life so far.

(I am talking about throwing up "deep colon matter" of course)

― chris (chris), Friday, 27 February 2004 11:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I've appalled you haven't I?

― chris (chris), Friday, 27 February 2004 11:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Surely there is a specific point wherein matter in the intestines can only go down and not back up?

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 27 February 2004 11:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I could elaborate but it's getting near dinner time

― chris (chris), Friday, 27 February 2004 11:46 (twenty-one years ago)

when the matter in the intestines go down

YOU BETTER BE READY.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 27 February 2004 11:50 (twenty-one years ago)

And you thought Cabs just had bad breath.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 27 February 2004 11:50 (twenty-one years ago)

charmed I'm sure Barry

― chris (chris), Friday, 27 February 2004 11:51 (twenty-one years ago)

no shit

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 27 February 2004 11:52 (twenty-one years ago)

there were a few minutes where I thought I was going to die, but there was a hint of paranoia in that of course.

― chris (chris), Friday, 27 February 2004 11:54 (twenty-one years ago)

It does sound horrific, Chris - sorry to make light of your situation.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 27 February 2004 12:08 (twenty-one years ago)

i IM-ed my doctor dad these two stories. to the throwing up your own excrement, he said "COMMON. REVERSE PARASTALSIS"

(why does he type in all caps, always!?)

to the getting a little colostomy lovin, he said "BETTER THAN NOTHIN"

― JaXoN (JasonD), Friday, 27 February 2004 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

haha!

― gygax! (gygax!), Friday, 27 February 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Dr. Love!

― Jay Vee (Manon_70), Friday, 27 February 2004 18:24 (twenty-one years ago)

A friend of mine told the tale of an ex-gf of his, who for some reason told this story:

she was having anal sex with her (at the time) fiance. When he pulled out, a fair amount of, er, "brown discharge" came out with him. He then proceeded to vomit all over her back.

This is a true story, but why she'd tell it is a mystery to me.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 27 February 2004 18:50 (twenty-one years ago)

is that a common thing in anal sex? I've never known of any "mess". If there was, the guy didn't say anything.

― Viva La Sam (thatgirl), Friday, 27 February 2004 18:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear and Sam, have you been paying attention to Dan Savage's Santorum campaign?

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:09 (twenty-one years ago)

In the meantime, I have a very gross OB/GYN story, if anyone wants to hear it.

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

dish!

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

An emergency room worker discovered that some number of years previously the patient had inserted raw chicken pieces into her vagina, and pinned her labia shut with safety pins to keep the chicken from falling out. Upon questioning, she explained that she had done it because she wanted to have a baby. (Obviously her general mental state and her grasp of human biology were rather lacking.)

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:20 (twenty-one years ago)

She knew enough not to cook the chicken, at least.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

PINNED??????

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:22 (twenty-one years ago)

you'd think she would have used a chicken egg. but PINNED SHUT WTF

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

If she was smart she would've put an egg up in there instead.

― maypang (maypang), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

x-post

― maypang (maypang), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I tend to be kind of skeptical about these kind of stories...

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually, the pinning is probably the least of it, if you think of people who get all sorts of elaborate genital piercings and other body mods.

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, but I pictured a safety pins.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:34 (twenty-one years ago)

EMILY YOU MUST TELL THE WORMECTOMY STORY!!!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Emily's worm story is the one that grossed me out the most.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

PUNK ROCK CHICKEN BIRTH

― Nate in ST.P (natedetritus), Friday, 27 February 2004 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

STOP IT NOW ALL OF YOU.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Friday, 27 February 2004 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

http://casa.colorado.edu/~kachun/turducken/prep/noleakage.jpg

― maypang (maypang), Friday, 27 February 2004 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

>>i read the thread title as "are you ready for the gossett story EVER?!"

I know I am, where is GG (and Doorag)these days??

― Andrew L (Andrew L), Friday, 27 February 2004 22:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I was at a friends house, and they were about to go an feed their son; their partner had left some of her milk in a bottle after expressing it. Someone went 'ooh, can i try some'. They did.

Them: it tasted like...dandruff
Everyone else: Hein?
Them: It tastes...human. Sort of scalpy, and rhindy.
Everyone: faints

― Dave B (daveb), Friday, 5 March 2004 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)

scalpy?

― Viva La Sam (thatgirl), Friday, 5 March 2004 16:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I know; I don't know what worried me more - that breast milk had such a taste, or that someone knew the taste of scalp and dandruff in order to be able to compare. Add the general Freudian schtick in and it grossed me out.

― Dave B (daveb), Friday, 5 March 2004 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

This'll teach me to search for an appropriate thread in which to talk about colon cleansing.

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 16:25 (nineteen years ago)

HAHAHAHHA

― Ultragrill (ex machina), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 16:32 (nineteen years ago)

PINNED?!

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 16:33 (nineteen years ago)

BRWNED

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 16:34 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.seizureandy.com/stuff/guts.html

― a banana (alanbanana), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 17:10 (nineteen years ago)

My friend Em is a nurse in the cardio ward of a major hospital. She gets many patients who are grossly grossly obese and need heart surgery. She asked me if she had told me about the man without a penis. I asked if he had cut it off, or was born without one. She said he was so huge his rolls of fat that hungover had fused to his thighs and had obscured his dick. How he peed, I didn't want to know. She also told me that when they do surgery to unfuse the fat, they often find things in there. Like food and lint and a ballpoint pen.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 17:26 (nineteen years ago)

A BALLPOINT PEN

― David R. (popshots75`), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 17:29 (nineteen years ago)

Apparently lots of people shove objects up their vagina or anus. Bananas (and other fruits) are most common. How do people end up shoving these types of objects up their holes? I really don't understand.

― nathalie's post modern sleaze fest (stevie nixed), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 17:37 (nineteen years ago)

Omigod I feel so delightfully skinny right now!

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 17:37 (nineteen years ago)

xpost Nath you're Dutch and you people can probably buy dildos from streetcorner vending machines but not everyone's got the access

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 17:39 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.emedicine.com/emerg/topic933.htm

"The vast majority of patients with rectal foreign bodies present because of an inability to remove the object. Some patients claim to have sat or fallen on the object. Older patients may state they were engaged in therapeutic prostatic massage or breaking up fecal impactions when the object was lost. Occasionally, objects such as thermometers or enema tips may become lost. Most patients, however, admit to the history of insertion by self or a partner."

Several years ago I heard a-friend-of-a-friend-type story -- the man in the emergency room claimed the cucumber had fallen off the refrigerator, bounced, and become lodged in his rectum. No one ever accepted that explanation, although I suppose it's bad bedside manners to laugh in your patients' faces.

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 17:55 (nineteen years ago)

I heard you’re not supposed to use cucumbers, due to invisible hairlike projects on the surface that aren’t, you know, good for sensitive skin. Or rather, you’re supposed to peel them, and put condoms on them. That might go for all vegetables, actually. I’m keen on everyone’s understanding that I don’t really know anything about this stuff.

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:01 (nineteen years ago)

chapped. battered. pussy.

― zaxxon25 (zaxxon25), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:29 (nineteen years ago)

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