Leap Year Proposals

(yes, I am a gloomy cynic where relationships are concerned. So there.)

I admire women who do it, but thinking about it I feel that's it's just not me.

Mind you, if he doesn't get round to it within the next four years, I may need to take action....

I know it sounds unromantic, but I find it wierd to think that someone can spring an out of the blue proposal with the other half completely in the dark, without having talked about it properly. It's such a huge step, cannot be taken lightly, and there are loads of issues that need to be discussed, and after you've got engaged and told everyone is not the time to be discussing the detail.

I guess there may be situations where a couple have talked about it, agreed to do it at some point, and then not spoken about it for a while. But even then, if you talk about it and decide to do it, then do it! Otherwise one partner is going to be wondering why the other has changed their mind, and start getting paranoid about the relationship.

In the traditional sense, Chris and I weren't very romantic at all. In fact we had weeks/months of discussions about it, and it got to the point that we'd decided and everything was all but set apart from him 'officially' asking me. It turned into an amusing farce, with me every so often saying somthing along the lines of 'so... are we getting married then?' and 'you haven't asked me yet...' Although to some it sounds completely unromantic when he did eventually ask me properly it was still fantastic, and we were both excited, as it meant that we could then go and tell everyone.

I think that waiting for the big proposal is just going to build up expectation, and the actual event will be an anti-climax, sorry

Although waiting for a big proposal *does* build up the expectation, expectation in some ways is such a nice feeling, excited, nervous, wondering, etc. that even if the actual proposal turns out to be a non-event, it's still wonderful. Besides, you make your own romance from your own concepts. It doesn't have to be on bended knee with roses and a violin section on top of the Eiffel Tower. If it was the right moment and the right person it would be beautiful to be proposed to in the front seat of a 19 bus.

Men are just notorious klutzes when it comes to "Rrrrromance" (or at least the ones I've known). They either have this totally bizarre dramatic Fabio-style view of it, or else they lack any sense of magic with their twee wetness. If you have a specific idea of what you would find romantic in a proposal, maybe you should orchestrate it, cause at least you'll get it right. ;-) (Cause everyone knows that weddings, proposals, etc. - they're for the women. Not for the men.)

I really kinda worry if I should do something on Leap Day. I do believe in ritual, I do believe that certain traditions should be upheld. It might be too early in our relationship to start talking marriage. But he's made it clear he's never going to propose, and I'm not going to wait another four years for Leap Day to come round! I'm not desperate to get married, or even marry him, but I do think that I need to make it clear what my eventual expectations are.

(I still do secretly harbour giggly thoughts of him ringing and asking my father for my hand, so my dad can demand his "Seventeen goats, please!" but that is just silly.)

1) If it chucks it down, it's only to be expected. My cousin has a late july date plus marquee and decorated garden, only to have on the day a tornado (for Sussex).
2) Old relatives might not make it to then (in the end they all did)
3) Cheaper travel = Further travel

In the end it was brilliant sunshine and opentop car the works. Off for 2 weeks to Bangkok/Singapore, back well tanned to Manchester airport bound in snow haha....

Anyway, my point being, it wasn't so much a proposal as a shared feeling.

But I'm so scared because I've ruined so many relationships by talking too soon about expectations, etc. (like, on the third date. No, not really, just kidding. But after a couple of months. Which is waaaayyyyyy too soon) that I'm terrified of f*cking it up.

But I was talking about this to my friend, who is the most over-cautious person in the world when it comes to romance, and she said "You've been with him a year. You live with him. You have every right to ask, "where is this going" and get an answer."

Doesn't help that my mum is seriously bugging me to get married. I don't even *want* a huge freaking wedding. If the Marylebone Registry Office was good enough for my parents, it's good enough for me. (Though we probably won't get a swish reception in a Harley Street Maisonette afterwards...) A ring is *not* a problem, since my mum has found my diamonds again. heck, there's a selection of heirlooms to choose from!

Maybe HSA is just worried about where to find the goats. I wonder if we can just buy my dad 17 bottles of Bully Hill "Love My Goat" wine instead. ;-)

me: so are we gonna get married? Cos I don't really care one way or the other, I mean whatever.
mr teeny: uh... uh...
me: If we do, let's run away, I hate engagements, it's all so stupid, I want to spend the rest of my life with you but fuck that fancy bullshit. And if you have to be traditional don't you even think of getting a diamond.
mr teeny: what?
me: blood of africa, dude.
mr teeny: what?
me: I don't want to talk about this any more.

Seriously, that was IT, no other discussion. And then he had to go be incredibly romantic and get a nice (nondiamond) ring and propose to me on a moonlit piazza in Rome and I cried for like two hours afterward. But of course we've been dating for ten years and there was some understanding behind it. And if we had gone to Rome and not proposed by the end, I would have done it.

They met during a train journey, traveling from London up to Scotland. Having decided they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, but not talked about marriage really, the bloke says something like "Hey wouldn't it be romantic if we went up to Scotland for our anniversary and re-created our train journey?" Just before they cross the boarder into Scotland he proposes. They jump off at Gretna Green, get married and spend what would have been their anniversary holiday as a honeymoon.

I think it's a sweet story, but I think if anybody did it to me I'd panic and be on the next train south.

this is such a funny tradition...

(and dave b's train knowledge just made me laugh really hard)

I think I'll tell my engagement story again coz I've feeling Ms Pumpkin may react differently to it now she's in lurve herself....

Worst/Best day of your life.

Does he know you were thinking of proposing yesterday?

You therefore owe it to me, as probably the only ILXer resident in Renfrew, to give dates and times (is it the big church opposite Safeways?).

Note - I do not spend my Saturdays looking at other people's weddings as a rule, and can't say I've ever even noticed a wedding anywhere in Renfrew ever.

My proposal, back in 1978: we were standing under the external roof of Bath railway station because it was raining torrentially. She said something that made me realise that we had never actually talked about marriage, but we both knew that we were together for the long term, so I asked her. I knew she would say yes. At that point we had been going out together for almost 15 days.

Obviously I am not married now, so maybe that isn't a great example to follow. But we did last 23 years, so it wasn't exactly a failure.

(also, the 'proposals while sheltered from the rain' is something i've heard before...the wedding that i'm going to in april started with a blind date hiding from the rain under an awning and then he took her back there to propose. awwww.)

(Don't worry, it didn't happen, HSA can rest easy for another four years!)

Mr Pumpkin proposed to me on holiday! White sandy beach in the moonlight, ring twinkling like a little torch. There were tears, there was shyness, I was ill, had to go back to the apartment post haste and empty my bowels. But we have done it!

People have been nagging at us to make a 'list' now - isn't that a little rude? i don't agree with making lists for people! I mean, we didn't get engaged in order to procure presents but family and friends seem to want to buy us stuff.

We don't need 'stuff'. We've lived together for two years and nothing needs replaced. I couldn't ask for cash or vouchers, and we're not throwing a party.

I'm overwhelmed enough with the amount of cards we've received.

(Weird to note that upthread I mentioned our wedding plans being indefinitely postponed, but somehow a year and a bit later we are married anyway. In the interim M proposed to *me*. So we both had a turn, which is nice.)

(but congratulations to Ms. Pumpkin!)

::hugs:: to Nath

::hugs:: to Forest

(I would ::hug:: Rumpie, but she can hug her fiance!!! Tee hee!)

::shoots self::