I know this isn't the most ideal place to seek medical help but right now I don't know exactly where to turn. I feel too ashamed (and impoverished) to consult a doctor or psychologist (and do not know exactly how to go about it). But I thought I might find some support or guidance here. (FYI: I don't believe I've posted on ILE before but I have posted a few times on ILM, although quite a while ago). So, here it goes:
Starting with a history, I guess. The first few times I smoked marijuana, I had completely engulfing psychedelic experiences, in which I hallucinated and became incapacitated for the duration of time the drug's effects usually last. Rarely, I would feel a sort of hangover for a day after. Stupidly, I smoked marijuana quite a few times after these first few times and experienced about the same thing. Also in this time, I took psychedelic mushrooms and had a massive, scary trip, which scared me more than anything else I've ever experienced. After my experience with mushrooms I had a weeklong period where I felt hungover and sort of "trippy."
So, stupidly, knowing that I had problems with drugs and my brain, I took LSD about a month ago. It was an embarrassing and scary experience that involved my mom driving me to the hospital. At the end of the trip I became terribly panicked and was barely functional. But the panic seemed to be affecting me more than the trip itself, when I calmed down I felt much better and was able to sleep. But, for the next few days I felt "off." That feeling went away after a few days and has recently come back.
The "off" feeling is a sort of uncomfortable spaciness, like my head is not attached to my body, like I'm floating and disconnected. Also, my vision will catch on certain images, as if information is being skipped over. (I'm sorry for being vague but this is very hard to describe). Also, certain sensations will catch in my senses and I will have to dwell on them for several seconds. I've been pretty much fine during the day, except for fifteen minute or so periods of extreme spaciness, where I begin to panic. But when I try to sleep, I feel more panic than at any other time. My mind begins to go over and over the feeling and how terrible it is. Again, this is very hard to describe. I can't sleep unless I am completely exhausted, but sleeplessness seems to exacerbate the condition.
I can function normally, basically. I don't feel emotionally different. I don't feel different in any other way. But I'm scared as fuck.
What the fuck is happening to me?
― logged-out, Monday, 1 March 2004 08:04 (twenty-one years ago)
I don't want to play-up the strength of the sensation, it's pretty easy to ignore during daylight hours. And I have dealt with it before. But the lack of sleep is very unpleasant.
― logged-out, Monday, 1 March 2004 08:06 (twenty-one years ago)
(This is only a personal opinion)
Sounds like depersonalisation syndrome which can arise in mentally healthy people after both strong marijuana and mushrooms/lsd etc.
When brought on by these drugs, it usually occurs temporarily and fades away over a period of time. The strange feelings tend to occur when you're feeling stressed or anxious.
So the best thing is not to worry. Though if it should get too much, seek medical advice.
Might be an idea to try some relaxion techniques before sleeping. Also a long walk can help.
― Bob Six (bobbysix), Monday, 1 March 2004 08:17 (twenty-one years ago)
nine years pass...