I got a poem from someone describing himself as a "young new controversial published poet" in my inbox today. What does everyone think of it?

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The author appears to be spamming people at random to let them know he has a book of poetry to sell.

I think it’s rubbish.

"The Recherché Eroticism Of Great Writers & Artists

Marcel Proust saw a man get whipped at a gay brothel
and the image haunted him until the
day his invalid legs were placed inside a coffin.

Toulouse-Lautrec got electric nibbling shivers up his
back at the Moulin Rouge every time he
watched the women dancing together, all four
waltzing feet of each pair
completely in tune with the rhythm of the song,
their breasts pressed snugly against one another,
their eyes in each other's eyes.

Algernon Swinburne was spending a little too much time
with his pet monkey, so a jealous servant killed
and roasted it on a stick. Mmm, good eatin'!

Egon Schiele painted young girls--too young. They
threw him into pedophile prison and denied him his
two necessities--sex and paint brush.

Lord Byron invited the Shelleys and Doctor Polidori to
his grand and exquisite Villa Diodati, where they
indulged in orgies, horror stories, drugs and drink.

Gustave Klimt asked his models to masturbate for his
drawings, and today these low prostitutes are high
art, immortalized in great museums.

Edgar Allan Poe, at his graveyard visits to his dead
wife, Virginia, would weep and kiss and embrace
her in that sepulcher by the sea.

Patricia Miller put her British pussy on paper in
various self-portrait studies. No shy and stiff upper
labia here, no siree!

Sappho and her female admirers read poetry to each
other after making love under the Sun's
burning gaze. What voyeurism is permitted light's
rays!

Picasso liked fat women to lick his ass-o.

Anais Nin fucked her father and brother and then
proclaimed: "I will practice the most incestuous
crimes with a sacred religious sacramental fervor . . .
I will swallow God and sperm."

― C J (C J), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Should I email back and wish him luck with his book?

― C J (C J), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

It looks like a random poetry generator type program

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:04 (twenty-one years ago)

random poetry generator

= teenager, surely? That really is gash.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I think it's awesome. He could be the new Jewel.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Momus?

― pete s, Monday, 1 March 2004 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you implying that Momus is the new Jewel?

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Nay. I dont know if he writes poesy but everything in there looks like his field of interest.

― pete s, Monday, 1 March 2004 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Momus is the OLD Jewel, you fools! Or maybe, to make a really, really horrible puh, he's the WANDERING Jewel.
Oh, I'm so sorry.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

the new Ashanti, at least!

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Not Momus, unles she's writing under a pseudonym.

Apparently this poetry is available to order from Amazon. Hurry hurry while stocks last, ha ha.

― C J (C J), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Good Lord! I just made Momus female in the above post!

― C J (C J), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

And it doesn't even mention de Sade!

― pete s, Monday, 1 March 2004 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

How very metrosexual of you.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

(to CJ, sorry)

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I wish I could go back and edit posts when I mess them up. Sigh.

― C J (C J), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

And it doesn't even mention de Sade!
the UNsmooth Operator.
I'm so bad this morning.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Picasso liked fat women to lick his ass-o.

Andrew Dice Clay.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

That is a "Derek and clive" moment for sure...

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

C J, I think that that poem is about as horrible as poetry can be. Ignore him, please, or tell him, "Thank you so much for your shitty poem, it became the object of mockery on an internet forum, never write again or my friend Matt C. will fly over here, enjoy a lovely breakfast at my place, and then break your fingers for you so you get the message, thanks, bye."

Either way.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Some of those are weak. There's much kinkier stuff to discover. Sappho was...er..a lezzer, tee hee!
Proust looked inside a brothel once, in Paris! who'd a thunk it!
Toulouse Lautrec watched....dancers.....

― pete s, Monday, 1 March 2004 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

It is like something a 13 yr old would write.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

It's spookily similar to the series of eight thousand or so GODAWFUL haiku on American presidents, comedians and film stars someone sent me a while back.

Now if they'd only been from Begs2Differ I might have actually accepted them...

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

god that is shocking! I haven't laughed so much in ages!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

ah Archel I love ya! wait till you get my manuscript (just kidding obviously)

actually, my friend Kevin S. from Portland (Oregon) (US) has a whole series of haiku about great country singers, kicks my stuff's ass cold. for YA geeks, he's the writing teacher pseudonymized in Please Don't Kill the Freshman. a wonderful guy who always scored me discounts at Powell's Books.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

and you should read some of the shite people send us for children's books, ye gods, books about fart-enhanced superheroes, books about fluffy bunnies, oh my eyes and guts

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

FART-ENHANCED SUPERHEROES!!!!??? B-b-but this is genius surely!

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

in conception, yes; in execution, sadly lacking. why do you think we were so disappointed?

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Aww.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:50 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, once again my dreams are shattered, etc.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I am imagining fart-enhanced superheroes in warmly-inflated lycra suits now. Bulging at the ankles.

― C J (C J), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Where were you and your imagination when Matt needed you CJ?

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)

my superpowers deserted me just when I needed them most. and now I need to redesign my costume for better ventilation, dammit!

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Monday, 1 March 2004 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe it't SUPPOSED to be rubbish? It certainly got a reaction, anyway.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Monday, 1 March 2004 16:03 (twenty-one years ago)

it was you wasn't it?

― cozen (Cozen), Monday, 1 March 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I've read worse.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Monday, 1 March 2004 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

"A Random Poem"

gray chivalry entombs grimly,
unhoped sheep boils bleakly,
narcissistic sack capitulates immortally,
dingy light shrieks drolly,
capricious concubine defines dryly,
broken light crashes expectantly,
undisciplined summer concocts hypocritically,
broken party usurps awfully,
uniform dope burns terribly,
broken battle-axe defies expectantly,
uniform coma whispers dryly,
perforated vein falls grimly,
vestigal chivalry defines sleeplessly,
uniform dope defies hysterically,
stout coma whispers finally,
vestigal concubine defers balmily,
throbbing sheep mars triumphantly,
capricious vortex sucks uncomfortably,
vibrant vessel looks awfully,
dark life smotes expectantly,

― Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

You got that spam too, huh?

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:21 (twenty-one years ago)

i like the picasso line.

― g--ff (gcannon), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

He ripped it off from Beavis, though.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm pretty sure I know who sent out that email, and if it is this person I'm thinking it's not supposed to be rubbish. And this person is a lot like Momus especially the way they sing (which is not a compliment) This person also thinks they are the greatest thing ever and loves to make it seem like they know everything by mentioning Proust, Anais Nin, Poe, etc as often as they can. And you should totally reply to them and tell them you think it sucks, but give really good reasons why.

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Proves the old rule that anyone calling themselves "controversial" inevitably isn't. I mean, it's not as bad as you'd expect something with "recherche" in the title to be, but, well, what's the point? Yes, writers of the past did lurid things! And??
(BTW, CJ, how did you come upon this? Do you edit a journal?)

― Prude (Prude), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:39 (twenty-one years ago)

That being said the greatest talent this person has is making it look like they are the cat's pajamas and rhetorically arguing with people who would diagree.

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:41 (twenty-one years ago)

crap, it's not this person I'm thinking of, but it really seems like it

― A Nairn (moretap), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:50 (twenty-one years ago)

"Fonzie fingerbanged twins in the rumble seat of a Dodge roadster."

― andy, Monday, 1 March 2004 18:58 (twenty-one years ago)

wow!

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 1 March 2004 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

That's real nice.

― Prude (Prude), Monday, 1 March 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Cozen otm, sadly.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 1 March 2004 20:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm a bit jealous of teh person who received this poem, b/c all I have in my inbox tonight that's worth commenting on is a shitload of fucking virii.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Monday, 1 March 2004 20:18 (twenty-one years ago)

It's agreat poem, I advise you to buy the book. I liked this verse:

Algernon Swinburne was spending a little too much time
with his pet monkey, so a jealous servant killed
and roasted it on a stick. Mmm, good eatin'!

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 1 March 2004 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Ugh. That is awful. It seems like tacky name dropping to no purpose. Those people have nothing in common except the author thinks they're high art and did some yucky stuff.

The author says nothing else about them and that's not much of a point to make (though maybe I am not getting it, especially that dropping into vernacular 'Mmm, good eatin' what on earth is that for?)

― isadora (isadora), Monday, 1 March 2004 20:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I have no idea. That's why I like it. It seems quite irrelevant, tacked on to be cute and funny, or because the author's watched too much TV. And therefore it's brilliant. No hang on, you're right, it's shit!!!

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 1 March 2004 20:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Swinburne did indeed masturbate a monkey. If nothing else this poem has brought that to light.

― pete s, Monday, 1 March 2004 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I've checked his link on Amazon, and he's had three anthologies of this rubbish published so far. His editorial review says :

"D*v*d R*h*k is a musical composer / author / singer / hedonist / ascetic / iconoclast / devout believer / comedian / melancholiac / private tutor / hermit / social butterfly / scholar / philosopher. He has strong convictions but treats everything with indifference. He's a man of many faces and contradictions"

What a load of bollocks.

― C J (C J), Monday, 1 March 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

It's always good to be reminded what a bunch of perverts artists and writers are.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 1 March 2004 21:00 (twenty-one years ago)

D*v*d R*h*k is a musical composer / author / singer / hedonist / ascetic / iconoclast / devout believer / comedian / melancholiac / private tutor / hermit / social butterfly / scholar / philosopher. He has strong convictions but treats everything with indifference. He's a man of many faces and contradictions"

That's very Momusian.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 1 March 2004 21:01 (twenty-one years ago)

pretty sure everyone was thinking that.

― pete s, Monday, 1 March 2004 21:02 (twenty-one years ago)

clearly the most important poet of the early 21st century.

― Ian Johnson (orion), Monday, 1 March 2004 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Ugh its like some hideous cross between Mandy Kane and TISM (NB only Col may get this)

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 1 March 2004 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

four years pass...

Mmm, good eatin'!

― what are black holes made of (unregistered), Friday, 16 January 2009 09:26 (sixteen years ago)

Who is this Patricia Miller who put her British pussy on paper in
various self-portrait studies?

― The Unbelievably Insensitive Baroness Vadera (Ned Trifle II), Friday, 16 January 2009 10:01 (sixteen years ago)

Mrs Slocombe.

― Mark G, Friday, 16 January 2009 10:07 (sixteen years ago)

Who is this Patricia Miller who put her British pussy on paper in
various self-portrait studies?

the name that launched a thousand fruitless GISes

― what are black holes made of (unregistered), Friday, 16 January 2009 10:08 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.podcastingnews.com/content/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/cat-on-newspaper.jpg

― Mark G, Friday, 16 January 2009 10:10 (sixteen years ago)

"Balzac was a writer / he lived with Allen Funt"

― Pescetarian Reich (DJ Mencap), Friday, 16 January 2009 11:20 (sixteen years ago)

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