. . . and then Momus arrives

After supper, the dancing continued for some time, and those who left did so pleased that they had been privileged to enjoy the last ball of one year and the first of another in one evening, for the New Year had arrived during the dance of Natasha and Prince Andrew. The prince himself, though he felt revived by that dance and the others of the evening, chose to hold back from further waltzing in favor of renewing acquaintances. He had just finished a conversation with an old friend of his father's when he felt a very cold breeze. Turning away from the dancers to the windows, he saw that a tall man had opened one and was standing with his face looking out into the dark night and with one hand on the sill, evidently enjoying the brisk but chill air. Frowning, for something about the man looked familiar, he approached the other, who turned with an initially distracted air to the prince as he approached.

"Josef Sergeyivich!" said Bolkónski with sudden emotion, immediately recognizing the other, who responded with a "Andrew Nikolaivich!" in the like spirit. Prince Andrew was happily surprised at finding Josef Sergeyivich Danilov, a good friend from his youth and a fellow prince, in Petersburg, or in Russia for that matter, for he had been given to understand that the other had been out of the country for some time.

"Indeed I was!" said Danilov heartily to Bolkónski's question on that matter. "In England, of all places, where they combine a healthy and active dislike of Bonaparte--or should I call him 'l'Empereur Napoleon' now?--with an odd appreciation of the latest of mock-French fashions, at least in some quarters!"

There was a sudden slight cough and both men turned to see another gentleman with an eyepatch standing next to them. He was thin in build and dressed in somewhat curious clothes neither man could identify. Bolkónski frowned at the interruption, as the man was a stranger to him -- a foreigner, perhaps?

"I hope you don't mind, I couldn't help you overhearing your talk about being in England -- I am quite glad you left for other areas in this world. England itself has become dreary, and not merely for reasons of fashion -- one can hope, though, that in following the French there, they will follow the French in other areas, and become part of a united Europe."

Danilov looked extremely puzzled. "Under Bonaparte? You'll be saying they should build a tunnel to France next."

"It's actually intriguing that you should mention that..."

...because he will then proceed to ruin this thread by smugly sending himself up more *outrageously* than anyone else, and he'ill doing it while a boner rises in his lederhosen.
*cue momus to tell the exact name of his truncated legwear.

MOMUS: To people like me, pancakes-

Momus is silenced in an uncivilized manner.

THE END

And then Momus arrives.

And then, as if the Tungus meteorite burning a hole into taiga wasn't quite enough - Momus arrives!

...and then Momus arrives.

And then Momus arrives.

S'not fair William thought to himself as he trudged along the yard, I'd make a really good pirate. I might have to grow a beard though. I could paint it on, he thought, his face brightening. Yes that's it'
'Hullo'. It was Ginger. They walked to the Outlaw's Hut together, where Douglas and Henry were mock fighting.
'Alright, quieten down.' said William. Douglas and Henry's faces looked up from the dirt. 'We're going to play pirates. Anyone played that before?' Ginger shook his head, Douglas and Henry looked at eachother. 'Well thas' no good' said William exasperatedly, 'I can't have shipmates who've never sailed before. I spose I'll have to teach you'. 'Maybe I could help with that' said a raspy voice.
'Who'sat?' William turned to see a very thin man in ragged but exotic clothing. Over his right eye was a black patch.
William was stunned. It couldn't be, could it?
'My name is Momus, and I am a pirate'.

"Say," the waiter asked as he poured the last of the water out to the head of the jury, "what are you all doing back here? The real action's out in the courtroom."

"We're deciding a case," one jurist, a 50-year-old man, answered. "We're not allowed to talk about it outside this room."

"Well, I'm in the room, why not?" prodded the waiter. "I can shut the door if you'd prefer."

"We're not allowed to talk about it outside of this group of people," the jurist repeated.

"Well," said the waiter, "this is just typical of Americans, who think they're above class but guard class as rigorously as anyone in the world. I thought this was a participatory democracy, yet when I try to participate in your discussion I just get told, 'Momus is a troll! Momus is a troll!' I am not a troll, I'm somebody bringing a different perspective in--a more feminine one, for that matter, because why the hell should I have to jumpstart a car when I don't want to and . . ."

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" yelled the head jurist, and threw the waiter out of the room with his bare hands.

Ten minutes later, the jury, collectively enraged by the waiter's actions, unanimously pronounced the defendant guilty of murder.

--O good, that's all we need, more people randomly quoting my lyrics without proper attribution. Listen, there are many things I can think of-- [suddenly, Momus is jumped by Molly Bloom, who's all from the wrong book but she doesn't care, she's like pa-ZOW with the suplex drop!]

--Yes I said Yes I mean Yes, motherfucker!

Suddenly Hitler A notices some vandals approaching with spray cans. They shake them and start writing obscene greyfatty on Hunter B's brain. 'Stop that, you're defacing my Fred!' he shouts, but the bogs, who are sharing a pair of no-clothes, pay no attention. 'If you don't stop that I will shoot you both in both heads, twice!' shouts Hater A, turning the gun on himself and discharging both bottles into his voice. The two boys twitter and titter and run away into a twister asking 'Why? Why?' and 'Who? Who?'

The third priest has had enough of this. He spits out a cask of gin, pushes the ant onto the verandah, downs the other pint of beer, rushes forward to stipple Hitler B in the pillow, trips on a root and discharges both buttocks into a pillock. 'Don't mind if I do,' says the dog.

And then Momus arrives.

1:2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

1:3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

1:4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

1:5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

1:6 And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

1:7 And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

1:8 And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

1:9 And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.

1:10 And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.

1:11 And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.

1:12 And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

1:13 And the evening and the morning were the third day.

1:14 And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:

1:15 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

1:16 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

1:17 And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,

1:18 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.

1:19 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

1:20 And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.

1:21 And God created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

1:22 And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.

1:23 And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

1:24 And God said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.

1:25 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.

1:26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

1:29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

1:30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.

1:31 And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.

2:1 Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.

2:2 And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made.

2:3 And God blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because that in it he had rested from all his work which God created and made.

2:4 These are the generations of the heavens and of the earth when they were created, in the day that the LORD God made the earth and the heavens,

2:5 And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for the LORD God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and there was not a man to till the ground.

2:6 But there went up a mist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground.

2:7 And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

2:8 And the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.

2:9 And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

2:10 And a river went out of Eden to water the garden; and from thence it was parted, and became into four heads.

2:11 The name of the first is Pison: that is it which compasseth the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold;

2:12 And the gold of that land is good: there is bdellium and the onyx stone.

2:13 And the name of the second river is Gihon: the same is it that compasseth the whole land of Ethiopia.

2:14 And the name of the third river is Hiddekel: that is it which goeth toward the east of Assyria. And the fourth river is Euphrates.

2:15 And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it.

2:16 And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:

2:17 But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

2:19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

2:20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

2:21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

2:22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

3:1 Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?

3:2 And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:

3:3 But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.

3:4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:

3:5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.

3:6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

3:7 And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.

3:8 And they heard the voice of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God amongst the trees of the garden.

3:9 And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?

3:10 And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.

3:11 And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

3:12 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

3:13 And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

3:14 And the LORD God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life:

3:15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

3:17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

3:18 Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;

3:19 In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

3:20 And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.

3:21 And then Momus arrives

"Eh, whatever."

"No, this fruit."

"Oh..."

There's one "i" too many in that sentence

this is the thread where those flaming aussie mongrels keep talking to the kiwi sheepfuckers (446 new answers, 744 total)

. . . and then Momus arrives (63 new answers)

... and then Momus arrives.

However little known the feelings or views of such a man may
be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well
fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered
the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.

"My dear Mr. Bennet," said his lady to him one day, "have you
heard that Netherfield Park is let at last?"

Mr. Bennet replied that he had not.

"But it is," returned she; "for Mrs. Long has just been here, and
she told me all about it."

Mr. Bennet made no answer.

"Do you not want to know who has taken it?" cried his wife
impatiently.

"YOU want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it."

This was invitation enough.

"Why, my dear, you must know, Mrs. Long says that Netherfield
is taken by a young man of large fortune from the north of
England; that he came down on Monday in a chaise and four to
see the place, and was so much delighted with it, that he agreed
with Mr. Morris immediately; that he is to take possession
before Michaelmas, and some of his servants are to be in the
house by the end of next week."

"What is his name?"

"Momus."

... and then Momus arrives.

(Packs, leaves for airport to catch a plane to Sweden.)

And then along comes Momus
And does he want to give me kicks, and be my steady schtick
And give me pick of memories
Or maybe rather gather tales of all the fails and tribulations
No one ever sees

When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch

When vague desire is the fire in the eyes of hicks
Whose sickness is the games they play
And when the masquerade is played and neighbor folks make jokes
As who is most to blame today

And then along comes Momus
And does he want to set them free, and let them see reality
From where he got his name
And will they struggle much when told that such a tender touch as his
Will make them not the same

When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch

And when the morning of the warning's passed, the gassed
And flaccid kids are flung across the stars
The psychodramas and the traumas gone
The songs are left unsung and hung upon the scars

And then along comes Momus
And does he want to see the stains, the dead remains of all the pains
He left the night before
Or will their waking eyes reflect the lies, and make them
Realize their urgent cry for sight no more

When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch

So I'm sittin' around wondering if I shouldn't give some of these French libertine-type writers another shot. After all, I loved 'em all in high school - whatever happened? It seems like one day I was an ardent champion of Genet and really interested in De Sade & especially Blanchot on De Sade and rollin' deep with the UCSC crew (by association, anyhow) and then I wake up one morning convinced beyond all reason that trangression-as-prime-directive is certainly the most reactionary stratedy possible in art. What happened to me? Was it age? No, I don't think so; I'd been through a transgression-is-played-out phase once before, and I was only seventeen then! So anyhow, yeah, I'm sittin' around thinking that my usual knee-jerk all-or-nothing approach to thinking of genres or schools of literature is due for a big rethink and I really oughta think a lot harder about excess, extratextualism, self-and-other, et al, but then Momus arrives.

Momus deserves only the best