Office Cribs

To the left is the serene sanctuary of the librarian and the schedules guy, cubicle, closeable door, thats where we hide from the clients, shame about the glass wall they can all see through.

On the right is the transmission room, bugger... the powers gone offf. W1 and the power is worse than the third world. Hang on a second while I check the UPSs and switch of some unecessary things, it'll come back in a second.

Phew, I won't have to start the generator. Come this way and step into my office. 'Looks like a store rome', you say, funny that. Push past those boxes of tapes, here's my desk, those shelves have got all my tools and some old satellite boxes on. Sit on one of those monitors, they don't work anymore, we just need to get them to the skip, or flog em on ebay. Oops, you knocked over that box of cleaning supplies, don't worry. Oh and check the fridge, no crystal, there's some festering orange juice though.

Okay then, time for yout to go now, bye y'all

Okay, come on through here. On the right is the conference room where we like to get our meetings on and talk shit for a coupla hours. We think up some crazy shit in there.

We in the main office now. Pretty big, huh? Say hi to the crew - they won't say hi back but that's just how they are.

My desk is down on the left here, facing the window. Check out the view - it's foggy right now but most days you can see clear across the lake to the motorway. The desk is pretty cluttered right now but we have clean desk policies and shit so I gotta move this stuff. Yeah, the drawers are pretty full as well. I don't know what half that shit is.

OK, time's up. Your ass is in the car park.

beep, thats the sound of door two to go downstairs to the unwindowed hell that is my department. go down a dank staircase take a right open door. 250 cubes. oh look here's mine a grey turd surrounded by more grey turds. thats it, don't forget to check out with the geriatrics on the way out.

My room's just right up this way *CRASH* Whoa! Hey! Get back in the room, let go .. .I said let go of her! Get your hands off of her neck! Now get your asses back in there. *SLAM* Sorry, that's the in-house suspension room. Let's keep going up this way.

There's the cafeteria. Smells good doesn't it? What? No, I'm not really sure what it is. .. There are the soda machines, except they don't work. Whoa, watch out above your head, that ceiling tile's about to fall.

*BAM* Hey! watch where you're going! What are you doing in the hall right now? Where are you supposed to be? Get back here! Hey did you hear me?! Hey. . .nevermind. Fuck head.

Sorry, it's like a zoo here. Let's turn this way.

That hollering? Oh that's just the earth science teacher. Yeah his voice sure does carry.

Look to your left, we have some new graffitti up today. I like the lettering on "SUCK MY DICK" there. Pretty cutting edge. What's amazing about this hall is the lockers are purely decorative. Yeah they aren't issued to students anymore. I mean imagine what they might put in them!

Okay here's my room. Yeah, I know. I can clean it off and clean it off but they still write "bitch" on the door.

Alright pretty standard room. Plain white blinds, falling off, windows cracked. Uh, the bulletin boards did have a great theme going on, lovely contrasting colors, but as you can see they've been destroyed a bit. There's my desk, next to the computer that doesn't work. Yeah that big stack of papers is all student work. They think I'm going to grade them but they're really going in the trash! hahha!

Don't sit in that desk, it's broken. So's that one. That one has a missing. . .here, just have my chair. Yeah that's Twista we're playing. Kid gave that to me, great stuff.

Books? hmm. . .don't really have any of those. Oh, I teach English.

Well, there's the bell! Thanks for stopping by now get your asses out of here before I write you up!

Oh that noise? Just another car accident. Man, we got so many of them on this corner, we call it 'the Corner of Death.' They don't actually put in a turn light though - I figure someone in the City office gets off on cars bein busted up, and we sure got that all up in heah.

So yeah, anyway, down here is my desk. No, over there. Underneath all that paper? See the monitor kinda sticking up out of there? Yeah, that's my pad, baby. 40 muhfuckin hours a week, this is my HOME. Nevermind the ho sittin in that other chair, I know she looks like she's sucking on lemons. She always look like dat. Whatever you do, for fuck's sake, don't talk to the bitch - she thinks that gives her permission to take over your life. For reals, yo.

Ok, all these messy offices down the hall are where the attorneys do their conversatin' and attorney-jive-shit. Naw, it ain't nothin' interesting that they do, but it pays the rent, right? Ya, you can go out on the balconies, but watch out for the one in Bob's office, it leans a little. Dude, whoa, you ok? Leaned a little too far over there, huh? Life flash before your eyes? Careful next time. Yeah he smokes in here. No, I don't think that's a cigarette. Not tobacco anyway.

Easin' on down the road here, we come to Valhalla - what we call the kitchen. Snack machine, cookies, soda machine, toaster oven, microwave - we got it all right up in here, baby. Those are my muhfuggin girl scout cookies, hands off, sho'ty.

Over heah is the supply room, where we got mad office supplies going on, yo, and over there are the file room and the Xerox room. Sure, you can take a few pens. Post its? Brutha, I'll hook you UP. Check out my fly postage machine, yo. Well, yeah, I guess you can mail that letter to your sister in Guam. Don't make no difference to me.

Back there is the back office - it's the boys club. Nah, I don't know what goes on back there, and I don't wanna - less I know, less they can ask me about at the trial. I know nothin, hand to god.

This be the back door over heah, and yo can show yoself out. Thanks for droppin' in, and if you ever over this way again, well, stay out, foo.

Great thread.