Dan Perry's Greatest DFC Hits!

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That's the Dysf*nctional Fam*ly Circ*s, a long-gone website that encouraged folks to come up with alternative captions for Fam*ly Circ*s strips. (IIRC, both the FC's creator and the company in charge of distributing the strip nicely asked the DFC site owner to take the FC stuff down, and he complied. Obviously I don't want that kind of attention; hence the asterisks.) Anyway, when the site was still going on, Dan did a little contributing. Here's a taster:

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Monday, 8 March 2004 23:54 (twenty-one years ago)

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"Mom! PJ's being a cookie pimp!"--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Monday, 8 March 2004 23:54 (twenty-one years ago)

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"I'd move faster if I was you. Those elephants are going
to be pissed once the tranquilizers wear off."--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Monday, 8 March 2004 23:54 (twenty-one years ago)

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"...so then the angels bombed Hiroshima." "No
Billy, that was the Jesuits." The horrors of home-schooling.--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Monday, 8 March 2004 23:55 (twenty-one years ago)

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"Why can't we buy toilet paper like normal families?"--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Monday, 8 March 2004 23:57 (twenty-one years ago)

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"Dolly, she's married now. Let it go."--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Monday, 8 March 2004 23:58 (twenty-one years ago)

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"So, exactly whose pleasure is that jacket ribbed for, anyway?"--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Monday, 8 March 2004 23:59 (twenty-one years ago)

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It was obvious when Mystery Men VI was released that the franchise had lost steam.--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:00 (twenty-one years ago)

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"CURSE YOU, SIREN FIREFLIES! CURSE YOUR SPELLBINDING HOLD ON OUR MENFOLK!"--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:01 (twenty-one years ago)

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Billy deftly snagged the ally-oop from Jeffy and rammed the bug into his sister's gaping mouth, earning two points and a critical Game 4 win. - scene from Bugball: A Retrospective--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:02 (twenty-one years ago)

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"AAAIGH!" - Attack of the Killer Adobe Acrobat Mascots: New Line Cinema, 1998.--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:04 (twenty-one years ago)

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"Group hump!"--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:04 (twenty-one years ago)

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"You just watch. In about five seconds, Billy's going to learn that tae-bo is more than just a fitness craze."--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:06 (twenty-one years ago)

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"I'm not kidding! Five seconds ago, it looked just like Jesus!"--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:07 (twenty-one years ago)

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"Oh no, Mr. Elephant. I couldn't kill them..."--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:09 (twenty-one years ago)

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"I guess Kittycat didn't want a pap smear, huh?"--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:10 (twenty-one years ago)

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"*sigh* The next time you think the 'anti-Thel' is menacing you, come get me before you try to scratch her eyes out."--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:11 (twenty-one years ago)

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"That's it, Mom! You show Tinkerbell who Queen Bitch of this house is!"--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:11 (twenty-one years ago)

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"They were fresh out of 'steaming hunks of virile manflesh', so we bought you a Cosmo."--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:12 (twenty-one years ago)

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Witness the tragedy that is the prop comedian.--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:14 (twenty-one years ago)

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You'll dump a load anywhere, won't you?--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:15 (twenty-one years ago)

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Why doesn't he give anyone else titty-twisters when he comes home from work?--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:16 (twenty-one years ago)

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"Great," sighed Thel. "He's hypnotizing the kids again. I just wish he could make them do something besides 'Angsty Chicken'."--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:17 (twenty-one years ago)

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Jeffy's "whiny bitch" ruse worked perfectly, luring Thel in completely off guard. Unfortunately, her jugular fit between the tines of his fork.--deX!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, this thread kinda died quicker than I imagined.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 02:29 (twenty-one years ago)

The Prop Comedian one is unparalled genius (as are the rest).

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 02:30 (twenty-one years ago)

(Hey, I was reading it just now!)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 02:31 (twenty-one years ago)

ME WANT COOKIE PIMP T-SHIRT.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 02:34 (twenty-one years ago)

True genius has a short half life. or is that shelf life?

― Skottie, Tuesday, 9 March 2004 02:35 (twenty-one years ago)

jokes is good

― Kingfish Cowboy (Kingfish), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 05:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I saw a bunch of these, but they were far more vile. I don't think I'll try to unearth them. They were that sick.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 05:45 (twenty-one years ago)

"Thanks for the story. Who the fuck are you?"

― Prude (Prude), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 06:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I am still amazingly proud of the fact that I was able to wrok the phrase "Angsty Chicken" into a punchline.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

very funny stuff. I particularly like the ribbed for pleasure jacket one.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I seriously need to get Inscrutable Ts off the ground. I think a lot of people would buy a Cookie Pimp T-shirt!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 14:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Those were brilliant.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 14:47 (twenty-one years ago)

The props comedian almost made me piss myself.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 9 March 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

SELF-SERVING BUMP PRAISE MY COMEDIC GENIUS

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 12 March 2004 00:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Woo!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 12 March 2004 01:00 (twenty-one years ago)

It is genius! I'm fairly sure I saw the Hiroshima one when the site was still live. (I'm sure I saw others, too, that one just rang a bell.) It's a little weird to me that I had been exposed to the Perry madness before being exposed to the Perry.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 March 2004 01:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Perry exposure is a situation of strong considerations.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 12 March 2004 01:26 (twenty-one years ago)

six years pass...

Bumping because I almost cried laughing at these (and had never seen them before).

― slow a cat sample down 800 percent (Matos W.K.), Saturday, 9 October 2010 08:23 (fourteen years ago)

ten years pass...

oh hey, I found these again (look for the "deX!" captions):

― Dana Jel Pey (DJP), Tuesday, 30 March 2021 14:19 (four years ago)

The flashbacks!

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 30 March 2021 15:22 (four years ago)

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