Why doesn't everyone in the world want to shag Shayne Carter?

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The other night for a change i was in a room with real people instead of real computers and it became apparent to me that not everyone in the world wants to shag Shayne Carter. (for those that don't know Shayne Carter is a local popstar and has been in many teen idol boy bands, such as The Weeds, the Straitjacket Fits, the Bored Games, Wankfest, Dimmer (which was not always a boy band) and the Doublehappys, but he is most known for his stunning no.1 hit single with Peter Jefferies (from Boyzone), called "Randolphs going home".) It turned out that some people in the room had such a low opinion of him that they wouldn't even put the 'y' in his name.

― hamish, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

There was some talk about Shayne being very old, but hes not so old that it would be creepy. The first time i thought about shagging Shayne Carter i was about 12 and that would have been creepy. Obviously he has a lot more endurance and credibility as a sex symbol than as a musician.

― hamish, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

and as a poet.

― hamish, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Maybe it's because some people want to shag people they think they would have something in common with? Otherwise you might be sleeping with them and you might say something like, 'ha ha ha what about on Stingray how all the oceans got turned into pink ice' and they'd go 'yeah' but you could tell they didn't really get it. And stuff like that.

― maryann, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sorry that I answered seriously, by the way. I just don't know any jokes, so I always have to be serious.

― maryann, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

but I suppose you could want to 'shag' him purely for sensual pleasure. Well, I admit that could happen. But sensual pleasure is so easy. You can get that by just lying down on a bed, like if it has a soft duvet or something, let alone by 'shagging' someone.

― maryann, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

but maybe you want to get him for the 'difficulty of the chase', because he is so popular and therefore maybe a 'difficult conquest.' Hmm that's an interesting case. I think I could understand that.

― maryann, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

by the way, when I say 'you' I mean anyone

― maryann, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

don't be sorry i was after serious replies not jokes and yours is probably the most serious i'll get.
i guess you're right i probably wouldn't have anything in common with Shayne Carter either so maybe i should fantasise about another celebrity. its just thats its taken up over half my life (on and off) and i wouldn't know where to start. i guess you're right about my duvet being a better shag than Shayne Carter too. And it would be a better poet.
And no, difficult chases don't impress me, not that i would know how to "chase" anyone.

― hamish, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

how can anyone resist a man who is so little and pouty?

i tried to stalk him earlier this year, but realised its difficult to do when i don't really like his "Dimmer" project that much, so yeah. could we unanimously say that he is the sexiest man in New Zealand?

― di, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dimmer were pretty good when it was with Lou Allison and Peter Jefferies. They sucked when Chris Heazlewood joined and i haven't really paid any attention since then. oh damn i've already ruined this thread by talking about music.

― hamish, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I am deprived. I did not hear about shayne Carter until this year. Prior to then he was just another short man making up for his lack of height by bouncing around on stage.

I was offered a free ticket to Dimmer, but I declined because the rugby heads were out in force that evening and I was frightened. I did not love the music that much, though I had not heard it a lot. I don't know, maybe it was the reactions from other people, the scenesters, the intellectuals and the media.

I would kick him out of bed for farting, but maybe not for eating crackers.

Oh what the hell am I saying, no celebrity would want me because I do not look like an inflatable doll like the female female impersonator who slept with Robbie Williams when he was here.

― Menelaus Darcy, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

he has some powerful cheekbones. dimmer is now a bad prince knock- off, when i saw them at nunfest they had enough power to light all of the southerm hemisphere, probably with great thanks to robbie yeats. andrew brough was the key guy in sj fits(when he left they stunk), but he looks like a librarian.

― keith, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I have not heard the Peter Jefferies period of Dimmer. I was a latecomer to the Shayne Carter phenomenon myself. It was late last year, I saw the video for "Hail" by the Straitjacket Fits, and ever since then Shayne has been my number one masturbation fantasy, speshally in that campy tight little spangly lurex top he wears in that video.

Was peter jefferies in Boyzone? Wow! He really is a drumming whore, isn't he?

― di, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

oh sorry i got boyzone confused with Plagal Grind.

― hamish, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Down In Splendour" was a bunch of shit. It sounds like a woossed out Oasis. SJ Fits didn't just start sucking when Andrew Brough left, they never really went off in the first place. I really only like a couple of SJ Fits early numbers such as She Speeds.

― di, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

in reply to the original question though, i think everyone in the world doesn't want to shag Shayne cos they haven't all seen him.

Does anyone know if he has a big schlong? I bet he does!

― di, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

when i saw them at nunfest they had enough power to light all of the southerm hemisphere,Was this in Dunedin? Yeah i was there, that was in their Dead C influenced stage, i forgot about that brief period. Snapper and Crude and the Dead C were much better than Dimmer that night though.

― hamish, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Does anyone know if he has a big schlong? I bet he does!

Does anyone have his email address? We could write and ask him.

― hamish, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

maybe if he does they could have a tv special on him, our world or something. Shayne Carter sideshow freak with his entirely inappropriately large member furled up in those jockey's white trousers. It truely would be a third leg.

Damn I wish Shayne Carter was reading this. Shayne, Shayne! I love you and want you to have my babies.

― Menelaus Darcy, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

hands off bitch, he's mine. he's already preggers to me anyway.

do you think we should e-mail a link to this thread to him? ;)

― di, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think it is our civic duty to not only send him this link, but the whole damn transcript. He has a right to know what the public are saying about him.

OK Di, you can have Shayne Carter, he probably thinks I am a man from my name anyway. But don't get greedy with everyone else. Maybe you should give me advice on dressing less like an Oamaru person, and reiterate to me that pink lipstick is not the answer

― Menelaus Darcy, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tha nunfest thing was fun. i've regretted missing the Puddle with Lesley Paris drumming ever since (i arrived late to avoid the Magick Heads). What was that big bar called? The Provincial? i haven't been there since. is that where Menelaus goes to watch people vomit?

― hamish, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I always thought Andrew was way cuter than Shayne - it's really Paul VS John, isn't it? (Albeit on a lower scale & stuff, of course.) Singing a song like "Big Fat Elvis" goes a long way in establishing the lack of sexiness in my eyes.

Is Dimmer going to, like, record an album or anything?

― David Raposa, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

duane knows his e-mail address. he offered to give it to me once but i said no, i might just use it to proposition him every five seconds.

Shayne, do you wanna root?

― di, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Shayne, hunny do you wanna root?

― di, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Shayne "Love Cushions" Carter, hunny do you wanna root?

― di, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"love cushions" sounds like he has had breast implants

― Menelaus Darcy, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

no, just collagen injections

― di, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

you two are so much more forward than me. i don't have a chance in hell.

― hamish, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

hrmph. You know what I look like Hamish, I dont really have a chance at all. do I want a chance? I dont know. there are far more entertaining people out there I am sure. J'son perhaps?

― Menelaus Darcy, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i got this off his website: Shayne Carter / Dimmer NB: all mail to this address goes via Dimmer Management. shayne@dimmer.co.nz

― hamish, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

yes hamish, i'm sure shayne would be flattered by my desperation

― di, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

somehow I dont think this thread will get past management. A rock star is like a race horse you know, sensitive, highly strung, well hung. Well they should be anyway

― Menelaus Darcy, Saturday, 20 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Why don't you just shag each other? Or did y'all already jump those bones?

― David Raposa, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

because none of us look like Shayne Carter silly.

― hamish, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Who's seen the insert to the Doublehappy's "Cut it Out" EP that features Shayne Carter in his underwear?

― hamish, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Haven't seen it Hamish. Is it worth while?

― Menelaus Darcy, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

is that the one with the paper dolls? damn the doublehappys, the murdering monsters were going to have paper dolls of ourselves in our lathecut, but they damn well bet us to it (albeit by about 15 years or so).

actually i lied on the "so how many people have you shagged" thread. i am a virgin. sex with anyone other than shayne carter doesn't really count as sex.

i bet you enjoyed the video for "done", didn't you hamish? you pervert.

― di, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

can't remember - i think Liz has a copy for you to drool over.

― hamish, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

no i haven't seen the video to "done". whats in it?

― hamish, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

right, I definitely will be making the long trek up the hill for that baby. David, if you are especially lucky we may be so overcome by Shayne Carters beautiful body that we have an impromptu orgy which I will tell you about in grotesque and technicolour detail.

― Menelaus Darcy, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

menelaus, are you matt middleton? ;)

― di, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I wish I was, but I can't handle the ide that pornography is demystifying womens sexuality. I would approve if there was an 0900 number demystifying Matt's...

― Menelaus Darcy, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

oh hamish... he's got his shirt off in that vid. phwoor! i have almost every Shayne Carter videoclip ever made, on videos labelled "Shayne Carter's Love Cushions: Volumes 1, 2 and 3." it has everything from "The Others Way" and "Needles and Plastic" to "Evolution" and "randolph's Going Home".

Oh and guess what my teddy bear's name is.

see i am more in love with shayne than you are. but i'll let you be vice-president of the fan-club.

― di, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

oh thanks i'll have to borrow the video off you sometime. i haven't seen "needles and plastic" either.

― hamish, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh and guess what my teddy bear's name is.

Gasp! So you get to sleep with Shayne every night then?

― hamish, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

easy Hamish, just call your duvet Shayne Carter.

I think I need to see these videos too

― Menelaus Darcy, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I most certainly do. I bet you didn't know that the man responsible for such gems as "Needles and Plastic" was in real life a purple care-bear.

― Mrs. Shayne Peter Carter, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Is Shayne Carter the pin-up boy from Flying Nun? Can a meaningful relationship be had with him, or is it all about sheer desire? Have I seen him live once? (Yes I have, with the Fits in 1993.) Can Brian do a spot-on imitation of him lisping the chorus to "She Screams"? (Yes he can.) Shayne Carter, ladies and gents! The man who will forever be known as the guy who sometimes collaborates with Alastair Galbraith.

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 21 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Skipping 123 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

That guy who is More Chest Than Man. Black hair, strange swagger, tight jeans pulled up past waist, plaid shirts tucked in and unbuttoned halfway ... brrrrr. Once you start noticing him, you'll never go a day without seeing him.

― rainy, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The Chest creeps me out. i heard they other day that he isn't enrolled at university - he just turns up everyday because he likes young girls.

― hamish, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i wondered if that was who you meant. he is scarey looking, that saunter, ick.

― di, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I thinbk he's vaguely involved with the Physics department, but he does have a penchant for young girls too. He works out at the gym in his jeans!

― rainy, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

four months pass...

Postscript. http:/ /www.bands.co.nz/script/shownews.asp?id=298

― Poppy, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Bloody hell! I should start saying saucy things about popstars I fancy and see if it makes its way back to them....

― electric sound of jim, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i don't even want to shag him anymore! sheesh! some people have faith in the constancy of my desire?

― di, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

He only rejected Di. i guess that means hes available for the rest of us. told you he was a homo.

― hamish, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i'm glad he's feeling suitably dehumanised. oh, btw hamish, congrats on your non-rejected-status.

― di, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Catherine Deneuve etc? What's with that?

― maryann, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

but Shayne hasn't seen your rekkid collection, Di! it'd make any self- respecting music nerd weep!

― petra jane, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

yeah, speshally the bananarama!

― di, Monday, 25 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

do one of you losers want to own up to this?

― , Thursday, 28 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i'm really jealous of hamish's mystery note.
and anton had mystery flowers last year!

― elizabeth anne marjorie, Thursday, 28 March 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

duh! it's obvious at first sight who it's from: it's got root don lonie for cash symbols drawn on it!!!

― elizabeth anne marjorie, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

we should tell clayton to go dehumanise them himself! hey tell me more about shanton's mystery flowers!

― di, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ps hamish i'm retrieving my Love Cushions video collection from mene's today for your dehumanising pleasure. haha! i'm still cracked up by dean's impersonations of him!

― di, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i apologise for my shoddy sleuthing.
'twas in fact the young essss kayyyyy, and the pics were not root don lonie rat-things, they were doodles that had their genesis in X's and O's ie kisses and hugs awwwww

i can't find the dehumanisers web site. i heard their debut's coming out soon

― elizabeth anne marjorie, Tuesday, 16 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

two months pass...

My Credentials: Just like Shayne, I was once editor of Mercury - the school newspaper at KV. And, just like Shayne, I nearly got expelled for it (that's an answer to Di's querie, as above). Actually, it was a weak attempt to emulate Mr Carter, but admiration is not talent. My brother was also at KV and a friend of Di's flame.

So here is the definitive answer as at 1991 (you guys are too young!) - Back then, it was well known that the Speeder in that song played too often to the point that the great one would no longer play it was... Miranda Harcourt. I don't know her, but she is a her, so - Hamish - bad luck.

The real question is... Do you really want to shag someone who smokes cigarrettes while you go down on him? (I mean, listen carefully to lyrics folks)

― ex KVHS., Friday, 28 June 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh my illusions of Shayne as NZ rock god and deep introverted musso have been destroyed for ever! you people are foul, crawl back into the stinky Duniden flat from whence you came. It's a shame true fans such as myself need to defend his genius, aparrently he's read this - but nothing to add? anyone who genuinly loves shayne feel free to post some old school pics of him in his school uniform. (gay voice does not always = gay man)

― carteradmirer, Tuesday, 9 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

maybe not, but he combines it with a tight black t-shirt. therefore he is a chutney pumper.

― di, Tuesday, 9 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

....I honestly hope he doesn't read that

― carteradmirer, Wednesday, 10 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

di now you must tell me about the straitjacket fits and doublehappys

― Ron, Thursday, 11 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

if jason ballard still resides in dunedin (i think senor zarakov, he know heem), he used to have a really great bootleg tape of the doublehappys live at (i think) the windsor castle in auckland, featuring a really great song i never heard elsewhere, "putting you out of my misery" and a really great stand-up routine by wayne elsey (while shayne was changing a string or something, i s'pose) where he tells a very funny joke about an ant fucking an elephant. they rocked and had charisma in spades.

― c., Friday, 12 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ron, all will be revelaed when you receive the mixtape!

― di, Sunday, 21 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i'm excited!!

― Ron, Sunday, 21 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

yeah jason ballard still does live on the corner of tennyson st with that fat guy. he goes out even less than me so it's blue moon time if you ever see him tho. but thanks for reminding me of that guy, i oughta go round & see him & yeah when i do i will axe him about that tape.

― peter rodd, Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

say hi from me. and how are you yr own self, by the way?

― c., Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

real good right now! the sun's shining & i'ma go to the beach, swim in the salt water pool at st clair. it'd be so great if you were here man!

― d\rag, Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hey doorag, sorry for piking but i am afraid of freezing cold water and also i have a lecture in 50 minutes.

― di, Monday, 22 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i have always been here before

― c., Tuesday, 23 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm sorry I missed out on the st clair too - did you see the Vienna boys' choir there? Apparently they went to st clair and had a picnic and some time at the beach that day.

― halo halo, Wednesday, 24 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

no i didnt see em but when i'm swimming i don't have my spectacles on so i can't see too good.

― unknown or illegal user, Wednesday, 24 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

four weeks pass...

hey everyone i think i just saw shayne carter at records records!

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 03:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Hamish, I can't really believe that you want to sleep with Shayne Carter. I just can't believe it!

― maryann, Wednesday, 21 August 2002 03:44 (twenty-three years ago)

So why does he sneer all the time like an "intense" 13 yearold? And is that meant to be sexy? I used to see him on K'rd all the time and I just wanted to give him a wedgie or something to stop him looking so silly. Obviously suppressed desire.

― Andrew Thames, Wednesday, 21 August 2002 11:18 (twenty-three years ago)

haha obv he was trying to impress you!

― di smith (lucylurex), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 19:36 (twenty-three years ago)

the straitjacket fits didnt sound like teen idol boy band to me, but i like these songs on yr tape, di. they did not make me want to shag shayne carter, though.

― ron (ron), Thursday, 22 August 2002 01:23 (twenty-three years ago)

but have you heard Shayne in This Kind of Punishment? Now there was a teen idol boy band!

― hamish, Thursday, 22 August 2002 01:25 (twenty-three years ago)

i haven't. i probably still won't want to shag him though ;-)

― ron (ron), Thursday, 22 August 2002 01:31 (twenty-three years ago)

the doublehappys were more teen idol than sjf, they had wayne elsey and a young john collie in a polkadot shirt! hamish are you serious about desiring the jefferies brothers?

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 22 August 2002 02:11 (twenty-three years ago)

Why doesn't everyone in the world use the word "shag"?

― Mary (Mary), Thursday, 22 August 2002 02:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Hamish can't live without Graeme crooning in his ear while Peter plays the piano to "On an Unknown Beach." It is his Dream of Lust.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 22 August 2002 02:33 (twenty-three years ago)

The young John Collie, now THERE was someone worth swooning over! SWOOOOOOON!

― petra jane (petra jane), Thursday, 22 August 2002 02:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Di: no.

― hamish, Thursday, 22 August 2002 04:04 (twenty-three years ago)

What's wrong with the Jeffries brothers?

― maryann, Thursday, 22 August 2002 05:55 (twenty-three years ago)

petra jkohn collie was at the quiz night last night and he's not swoonworthy anymore.

― di smith (lucylurex), Thursday, 22 August 2002 09:47 (twenty-three years ago)

But i saw him at the Clean the other month and he was still all dimples and boyish good looks! And he still has a sensible haircut.

― petra jane (petra jane), Thursday, 22 August 2002 11:07 (twenty-three years ago)

three years pass...

this was such a good thread, i'm glad i remembered about it.

― estela (estela), Monday, 31 July 2006 00:44 (nineteen years ago)

Sweet memories. Now to get back down there (not to shag Shayne Carter, though).

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 31 July 2006 00:47 (nineteen years ago)

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