Why Literacy can be a Bad Thing...

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...He yawned and looked over at the big bed, where Jon Arbuckle slept soundly in bright red-and-white-striped pajamas. Garfield and his human went back many years, all the way to the kitchen of Mama Leone’s Italian restaurant. It was there that the ginger tabby came into this world at a whopping five pounds, six ounces, adopted a short while later by the eager young bachelor who fled the farm to make his mark in the big suburb. Weaned on the table scraps of one of the finest local restaurants, Garfield immediately set about educating Jon to his unusual gastronomic demands. The early training was a resounding success, for in no time at all Garfield had Jon just where he wanted him: dishing up the lasagna and brewing the coffee strong enough to sit up and bark. As Jon’s career grew over time, so did Garfield’s waistline and the love and companionship between man and beast. Now Jon was a successful freelance cartoonist and a lonely single, and Garfield still had Jon doing tricks...

yes, folks, it's Garfield: The Movie: The Novelization.

may God have Mercy on our souls.

― Kingfish Cowboy (Kingfish), Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:23 (twenty-two years ago)

!!!!!!!!!!

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:23 (twenty-two years ago)

this can also be filed under, "Another reason why i HATE people."

http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/covers_450/0-345-46908-9.jpg

― Kingfish Cowboy (Kingfish), Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd write that for money (under a psuedonym, say B. Lo. Reilly or Chu. Ck. Losterman).

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:24 (twenty-two years ago)

hahahahahahahahax-postOHGOD

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I was SURE this would be a Momus thread

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:25 (twenty-two years ago)

ILX always hours behind metafilter.

― dean! (deangulberry), Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:25 (twenty-two years ago)

my head has yet to realign to this new world

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:25 (twenty-two years ago)

"Garfield woke up and said, "Jon, you moron, Atlas Shrugged is the best book ever. Why do I live with a mouthbreather like you?" He hacked up a hairball in Jon's face and then sprayed."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:26 (twenty-two years ago)

“It’s seven twenty-three! I forgot to set the alarm! Guess I was up too late last night with the model railroad. Thanks, Garfield. I owe you one!”

'Put it on my tabby.'

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:26 (twenty-two years ago)

They should've gotten William Kotzwinkle to do this one.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:27 (twenty-two years ago)

As Jon’s career grew over time

Jon had a career??

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:28 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah but this means novelization of movies is BACK.. which is altogether a GOOD THING BECAUSE THEY ARE FUNNY

― mandee, Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:28 (twenty-two years ago)

WHO PLAYS DOC BOY?!?!

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Jon's a cartoonist, supposedly.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:29 (twenty-two years ago)

This is odie-ous.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Isn't that the cat from Alice in Wonderland?

― Francis Watlington (Francis Watlington), Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:30 (twenty-two years ago)

more importantly, who plays Lyman??

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:30 (twenty-two years ago)

curtis i kiss you

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:31 (twenty-two years ago)

http://familytreemaker.genealogy.com/users/g/a/r/Scott-B-Garfield/PHOTO/0010photo.html

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Such an easy target: a bejewelled, effeminate piano player with a uniformed 'friend'... can't you find somebody your own size?

(Oh, "Literacy"... sorry about that.)

― andy, Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Garfield himself looks better than I expected actually - but I have yet to see him move

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 11 March 2004 23:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Good call from Tep - Kotzwinkle is the best novelizationer (um...) ever, as witness his ET and Superman III.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 12 March 2004 00:09 (twenty-two years ago)

heh. Alan Dean Foster was always my fave

― Kingfish Cowboy (Kingfish), Friday, 12 March 2004 06:04 (twenty-two years ago)

whoever did "The Jerk" novelization is my God

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Friday, 12 March 2004 06:07 (twenty-two years ago)

will the set be more elaborate then just the counter and an occasional fridge, TV and recliner?

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 12 March 2004 06:11 (twenty-two years ago)

There was this one fellow named Jeff Rovin whom I've noticed has authored tons and tons of movie novelizations, videogame guides, and stuff like that. I wonder how much being a full-time hired hack affects your self-esteem...

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 12 March 2004 06:15 (twenty-two years ago)

god i'd fucking kill for that job

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 March 2004 06:18 (twenty-two years ago)

seriously! I spent way too much money on crap like that in 1978-80. "The Incredible Shrinking Woman" was one of my favorites

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Friday, 12 March 2004 06:20 (twenty-two years ago)

i read the gremlins one all the time and clued all my friends in to stuff 'they wouldn't show you' in the movie

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 March 2004 06:20 (twenty-two years ago)

novelizations + choose your own adventure + encylcopedia brown + stephen king + books about sharks + books about greek mythology = 98% of what i read thru age 11

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 March 2004 06:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Why the hell did you stop??

― Allyzay, Friday, 12 March 2004 06:29 (twenty-two years ago)

oh i just stopped reading completely! fuck that shit!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Friday, 12 March 2004 06:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, yeah, I'm about that tip, son.

― Allyzay, Friday, 12 March 2004 06:34 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.gamebooks.org/gallery/spy10.jpg

don't forget these!

― Kingfish Cowboy (Kingfish), Friday, 12 March 2004 06:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I think the "Choose Your Own Adventure" series kinda petered out by, oh, the 237th one.

oh, and around the release of a little thing called the NES, too...

― Kingfish Cowboy (Kingfish), Friday, 12 March 2004 06:36 (twenty-two years ago)

It occurs to me that I used to know someone who did a computer gaming novelization. This guy was a twat with "Writer n' Stuff" (sic) on his printed letterheads. Anyway, he told me once he was writting an Echo (if it is spelled that way) The Dolphin novel. I could imagine starting with "Echo swims around a bit" and then rather running out of material.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 12 March 2004 13:22 (twenty-two years ago)

novelizations + choose your own adventure + encylcopedia brown + stephen king + books about sharks + books about greek mythology = 98% of what i read thru age 11

i look in your eyes and i see my face.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 12 March 2004 13:27 (twenty-two years ago)

just replace "sharks" with "dinosaurs", and throw in some lame-ass sci-fi.

"batman" novelization was grimey.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 12 March 2004 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

That wacky Wiley.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 12 March 2004 16:09 (twenty-two years ago)

wasn't there going to be a choose your own adventure movie or DVD?

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 12 March 2004 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I own the Shaft novelization, it's dirrrrty.

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 12 March 2004 16:41 (twenty-two years ago)

It would be so easy to go Dan on that post.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 12 March 2004 20:26 (twenty-two years ago)

and Garfield still had Jon doing tricks...
I can't be the only one who interpreted this as "turning tricks." Can I?

I had the Batman novelization too, which a friend left at my house. He had underlined all the bad words.

― NA (Nick A.), Friday, 12 March 2004 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

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