Relationship on Rocks

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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 15 months. I love him with all my heart, and I am almost positive he does too. (At least he says that he does.) We have a great time when we are together and we love to hang out with each other. I can honestly say that we both have a lot of fun. However, he thinks we spend to much time together, and he doesnt get enough personal space. So, he wants to go out with his friends. There are some of his friends that I dont care if he hangs out with, but there are others that I dont like him to be around. (But I do like them as a person.) So when he wants to hang out with that crowd of people it always starts an arguement. I am usually the one to start it because I dont like him being out with them. My boyfriend thinks its because I dont trust him, but honest to God, Its just that I dont trust some of his friends. They have track records of cheating. I dont think that he would cheat, but I dont know what would happen if he would happen to get drunk and they would influence him to go out and cheat on me. He is a very strong person and he doesnt get influenced easily, but I dont know what will happen when you get a bunch of guys (some that have cheated numerous times on previous girlfriends) and alcohol together. Now the MAIN thing is that I dont go out without him. I usually sit at home and hope that he makes it home alright. Am I wrong to feel this way???????????? Then our fights get big, and we fight, I cry, and he either cusses at me or hangs up on me, which I dont like neither. I would like to talk them out. And when he hangs up on me or cusses at me, it hurts me bad. What do you guys think that I should do?????????? I need some serious help??????????? Please people????

― miss prissy thing (confusedone01), Friday, 12 March 2004 03:53 (twenty-two years ago)

You either trust him, or you don't. You have to decide.

― lyra (lyra), Friday, 12 March 2004 03:55 (twenty-two years ago)

If he cheats on you, he doesn't like you all that much. So give him the benefit of the doubt till you're sure thats what he's done and then walk away from the relationship.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Friday, 12 March 2004 04:02 (twenty-two years ago)

HES NEVER cheat on me. Some of his friends that he hangs out with have cheated on their girlfriends.

― miss prissy thing (confusedone01), Friday, 12 March 2004 04:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, either you trust that hes a mature enough person that hanging with "cheaters" wont rub off on him (and why should it?) and thus stop telling him who he can hang with, or you have a big problem.

I would never tell anyone I was seeing who they could hang out with. Thats just totally untrusting.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 12 March 2004 04:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not a guy or anything, but I have a feeling they don't like it much when their girlfriends want to spend every waking moment with them. Or when their girlfriends worry excessively and sit home alone and wait up for them every time they go out to have a good time with their friends.

― kirsten (kirsten), Friday, 12 March 2004 04:29 (twenty-two years ago)

What I'm saying is IF he cheats on you, not that he did. I mean you can't paint him with the same brush as his friends just because they cheat.

Tracey OTM

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Friday, 12 March 2004 04:31 (twenty-two years ago)

If he ever says "that's it, we're over, I'm leaving," LET HIM. Don't cry and beg and plead with him or stand in his way or hide his car keys.

― Stuart (Stuart), Friday, 12 March 2004 05:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Kirsten: I'm a woman and I'd hate a guy who wanted to be around me 24/7 and constantly grilled me where I was, worried about my friends influencing me and saying not to hang out with them etc etc.

Ive had guys who were like that and have a word for it: clingy.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 12 March 2004 06:10 (twenty-two years ago)

sorry trayce, i mispelt your name.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Friday, 12 March 2004 06:25 (twenty-two years ago)

This isn't the thread for emo cocktails then?

― winterland, Friday, 12 March 2004 08:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I think you're the one getting it wrong here. You have no more right to tell him who he should spend time with than he does with you, and if we tried to keep partners away from anyone else who has ever cheated at all, we wouldn't have much of a circle of friends. You clearly don't trust him, and that is the problem here, even if the mistrust comes with bits about alcohol and bad influences. If you can trust him (and if you can't this relationship seems doomed), I do think cultivating a social life of your own would be better than sitting at home worrying about what he is doing.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 12 March 2004 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

it sounds to me as if you love him and he loves you but neither of you love the relationship you are in (this is based on very little information, obviously, but it is a question you seem not to address). You should ask yourself if you want to be in the relationship you're in, and whether you love what the relationship is doing to you. If not, then something's got to change - either the relationship gets better or you're better off out of it - and it doesn't matter how much you love him if the relationship is bad for you. In other words, don't let your love for him or his love for you blind you to the realities of a bad relationship (if that's what you have...)

― run it off (run it off), Friday, 12 March 2004 21:59 (twenty-two years ago)

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