how do you define homesickness?

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i was just thinking about this on the bus on the way home, when a song came on the radio and made me think of one of my best friends, who is a really long way away. this made me a little sad, and i'm calling it homesickness, even though he's in california, which isn't my home at all.

what's your definition?

― colette (a2lette), Friday, 12 March 2004 23:10 (twenty-two years ago)

-thinking about your loved ones daily routine when you're 6 hours time difference away from them..

-skunky, $3.75 Lone Stars in an upper east side bar

― Ask For Janice (thatgirl), Friday, 12 March 2004 23:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Homesickness is the same as nostalgia for me, because whenever I go home, it's never the same as it was when I knew it as a kid. And it goes away when I'm home for that reason as well as the obvious one. But it doesn't help it when I leave or when I've been away for awhile. At this point I'm more homesick for my family than a place and a time, though.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 12 March 2004 23:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I never experience homesickness for an actual place, because I've never lived anywhere long enough to call one place home. For me, homesickness is not a yearning for any sort of physical locality, it's a yearning for a feeling of *belonging*. I think you hit the nail on the head, Colette - it's not homesickness for a place, but rather a sense of missing specific people.

If you come from a specific place, you associate all those people with that specific place. I don't know. I suffer from far more generalised homesickness, it's *wanting* a home, rather than *missing* a home.

It's weird the way certain things can trigger it. People talk about NYC all the time, and I'm just "meh, whatever" but a scene in a film the other day, set in NYC, made me absolutely break down in tears, I missed it so much. Because it captured the mood of exactly what kind of association I have with the place, rather than just being a postcard photo.

― The River Kate (kate), Saturday, 13 March 2004 12:54 (twenty-two years ago)

homesickness is just nostalgia in disguise, you think you are pining for a place, but you're not, you're pining for a time. this becomes apparent should you return. its all different there now, its not the same place, even if you think it might be

― gareth (gareth), Saturday, 13 March 2004 13:20 (twenty-two years ago)

gareth otfuckingm

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 13 March 2004 13:23 (twenty-two years ago)

gareth = george stephenson, dude

― Ricardo (RickyT), Saturday, 13 March 2004 14:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Gareth is otm once again.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Saturday, 13 March 2004 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Quite so. I don't think I've ever experienced homesickness as such since I went to college -- I always liked going home and I did return for the summer after freshmen year before my apartment lease in Westwood started, but since then it's been short visits only, and after my parents moved from Coronado to Carmel then there was no reason to return to my high school stomping grounds outside of one reunion, which was good fun but also underlined how different the place had become in my eyes even after a few years. I don't think I'll ever specifically go back there outside of the occasional future reunion again, I don't feel any particular yearning or loss for the time.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 13 March 2004 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

It's a kind of pining away.

― Aimless (Aimless), Saturday, 13 March 2004 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I think for the most part Gareth and Kate are right, but it also can be yearning for a specific place. Wanting to be in familiar, comfortable surroundings.

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 13 March 2004 18:20 (twenty-two years ago)

what if you loved your city and considered it "home" but were unhappy in your situation, and always wanted to return to there someday and live a different life? what if there's no specific circumstances attached to the nostalgia?

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 13 March 2004 18:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't children get homesick really easily too, and I don't think that it'd be nostalgia for them. In their case it would be more because of a new experience (usually being away from family at camp or something) and the fear of that.

― A Nairn (moretap), Saturday, 13 March 2004 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

It's not necessarily nostalgia. Sometimes it's just an intense longing for acceptance masquerading as nostalgia.

― The River Kate (kate), Saturday, 13 March 2004 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I remember feeling homesick as a young child whenever I would find these little things that would remind me of home -- a Mexican restaurant, references to TX, etc. Otherwise I wouldn't feel too bothered about living somewhere else other than my hometown because I always had my parents around with me and my parents were really the only people who accepted me for who I was as a small child, so Kate is very probably completely OTM there. I suspect that now that I've managed to find some little bits of acceptance here and there back here at home, I would find it rather difficult to live outside San Antonio again, because I have more of those types of "acceptance" connections here and I'd end up missing friends, schoolmates, coworkers, even places, because certain places around here have managed to feel like second (or third, fourth, etc.) homes where I can feel cozy and comfortable.

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Sunday, 14 March 2004 00:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Being sick of your house. I kind of feel that way. I want to move out, but can't.

― Aja (aja), Sunday, 14 March 2004 00:31 (twenty-two years ago)

when something reminds me of home, or someone at home, but i can't reach what it reminds me of. like when i hear something i think my mom would love, i call to tell her, and nobody picks up the phone...that makes me feel homesick. i just feel really distant.

― Maria (Maria), Sunday, 14 March 2004 00:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Kate is correct, homesickness is the result of the feeling of NOT belonging in a place, and knowing there's a place where you fit in better.

I've only ever felt real homesickness about three times. The first two occasions I was under the age of ten and missing my family. The third time I was 18 and away from everything and everyone I knew for months on end. I gave up, went back, and everything was indeed different. It was also fantastic. I then went and moved away again and had the time of my life and rarely thought about home at all because I felt like I fitted in perfectly.

I don't really feel homesick very often because I've never really left home, so to speak. I live a bus ride away from my family and not far from most of my oldest friends. Colette - I think what you're feeling isn't really homesickness - you're missing the person, but would it make a difference if you were in California or London or Reykjavik or wherever, as long as that person was there?

Gareth is right to say that you are longing after a time - or a person closely associated with that time. What I don't believe is that once that time is over its over for good. I've picked up where I left off after several years with too many people for that to be true.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 14 March 2004 02:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Is it possible to be homesick for a place that you've never lived at?

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Sunday, 14 March 2004 02:17 (twenty-two years ago)

absolutely.

― teeny (teeny), Sunday, 14 March 2004 02:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I look I only see what I don't know
All that was strong invincible is slain
Takes more than sunshine to make everything fine
And I feel like I'm trapped in the middle of time
With this constant feeling of nostalgia for an age yet to come

About the future I only can reminisce
For what I've had is what I'll never get
And although this may sound strange
My future and my past are presently disarranged
And I'm surfing on a wave of nostalgia for an age yet to come

As far as I'm concerned, Pete Shelley can write and sing anything and everything until the end of his days, because these ten lines justify it all.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 14 March 2004 03:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Sometimes its longing for a time that could still be, so to speak, missing friends you know are still there and etc.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Sunday, 14 March 2004 03:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Can you be homesick for a person?

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 14 March 2004 03:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Suuuure. < / Hawaiian Punch patsy voice >

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 14 March 2004 03:23 (twenty-two years ago)

it's only a feeling.

― kephm, Sunday, 14 March 2004 06:03 (twenty-two years ago)

i'd call that 'pining', jody.

― oops (Oops), Sunday, 14 March 2004 08:15 (twenty-two years ago)

reverse deja vu? Like you're in some place but the vision of a place you've been before swamps your present reality - a fugue of memory dominance?

― Amity (Amity), Sunday, 14 March 2004 09:24 (twenty-two years ago)

three months pass...

An interesting thread. Kate and Gareth seem particularly OTM, though Gareth's post is really depressing for some reason.

So I am suffering my first pangs of homesickness after pretty much exactly a year. I can't define any whats or whys, but Kate's comments about "belonging" come close to summing it up. Missing most of Euro 2004 doesn't help, plus the fact that I am going back for a week or so in early September. I lived most of my early 20s away from "home", but never came close to feeling the way I do now. This whole relocation thing is tricky, because people assume you couldn't wait to get out of the place you left (not the case) and if you return, that your move away "didn't work out" (also not currently true). I could never probably have a lifestyle like the one I have here back home, but there are so many things about home that I took for granted. It's interesting, I guess. And sad. Going back will be a very significant experience, I think.

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Thursday, 24 June 2004 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry. God, I'm emo this morning. I'm never sure about venting like this on an internet message board, but I guess it's kind of my M.O. these days.

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Thursday, 24 June 2004 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

How about some MONKEY PICTURES?

http://www.hafdis.dk/pictures/silly/animals/Monkey%20cub.jpg

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Thursday, 24 June 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I even caught myself getting kind of wistful when I heard The MOTHERFUCKING Jam the other day, what is wrong with me?

When you can suddenly tolerate Paul Weller, things must be bad.

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Thursday, 24 June 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

there are so many things about home that I took for granted.

such as?

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 24 June 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know. I guess that there is the sense that in a big city like London or NYC, everything comes TO you. It seems obvious now, but growing up somewhere like that, you don't realize how unique that is. It's my burden because part of my rationale for moving was being sick of the sheer volume of people and pollution and the HOURS it can sometimes take to get anywhere in such a big city. In the Bay Area, I can sometimes (but not always, obv.) drive up to somewhere, park within a few blocks and walk right in, less so in SF but definitely in the East Bay. Fuck trying to do that in London.

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Thursday, 24 June 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Obviously most of the things I miss are way more abstract than that - ORANGE night skies, buildings that have been around more than 20-30 years, even the fucking TUBE- but that is one example.

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Thursday, 24 June 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I am also a bit tired of having to explain why I talk funny and only wear dark colours to every motherfucker that I meet.

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Thursday, 24 June 2004 15:50 (twenty-one years ago)

i get that all the time and i'm FROM here.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 24 June 2004 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

haha!

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Thursday, 24 June 2004 15:52 (twenty-one years ago)

You live in SF and not Paducah, KY, right? "gee whiz boy you sure do talk funny"

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 24 June 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, but my job require that I communicate with people in places like suburban Delaware and Alabama.

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Thursday, 24 June 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

this is the reason why I haven't moved out of the bay area despite occasional fits of hatred at the place; I know I'll miss it if I go away. I am horribly susceptible to feelings of nostalgia and longing for places I used to live, even though I dislike most of them. At the moment I'm spending time packing up all my childhood stuff and throwing things away as my mother is moving and for the first time ever has to really get rid of all the stuff we've had for 30+ years; though I haven't lived with her for over 12 years, it is almost like becoming homeless, having no home base where you know you can keep your things; deeper than that, it's like losing safety. I think that no matter where you wind up in life, for some there is a strong attraction to the places you lived before. It does seem to get worse when you're dissatisfied in any way with your current situation.

― kyle (akmonday), Thursday, 24 June 2004 17:44 (twenty-one years ago)

of course I miss the orange sky and the old buildings and even the tube in london too and i've never really lived there, so adam's missing it is hardly suprising to me.

― kyle (akmonday), Thursday, 24 June 2004 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

This is true, although I am hardly dissatisfied with my current situation - I live in a nice house in a nice place and this is the first time I've ever been able to eat quite well and actually pay my rent and grown up stuff like that.

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Thursday, 24 June 2004 17:55 (twenty-one years ago)

this is how i'm currently defining homesickness: i'm talking via instant messenger with my father. he's in his office at my parents' house, where i usually work when i visit. he just told me what the dog is doing (sleeping on the brown couch, probably with her head resting on the armrest). he's going to take her for a walk soon, perhaps even get her an ice cream cone. i'd really like to go along, but i can't.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 24 June 2004 18:04 (twenty-one years ago)

It seems obvious now, but growing up somewhere like that, you don't realize how unique that is.

True, that. Even growing up in suburban New York, buses and trains were (mostly) accessible. I didn't appreciate it as much as when I got stuck in an area where if you walk, you're second class. Transport is for the rich, and petrol costs more than food. Looking forward to actually bitching when I miss the bus/tube by a few seconds.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 24 June 2004 18:05 (twenty-one years ago)

i'd really like to go along, but i can't.

Sounds lovely, Lauren, though it sounds like you're missing the feeling brought by childhood memories, as well.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 24 June 2004 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

hey hey! just one more and i'll walk away
all the everything you win turns to nothing today
and i forget when to move when my mouth is this dry
and my eyes are bursting hearts in a blood-stained sky

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 June 2004 18:08 (twenty-one years ago)

When you can suddenly tolerate Paul Weller, things must be bad.

hahahaha

― Sir Chaki McBeer III (chaki), Thursday, 24 June 2004 18:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm really homesick for someone right now.

― Homosexual II, Thursday, 24 June 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

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