Telephones: C or D?

Yes, I too hate the phone, particularly at home - an invasive presence in my own bloody living room, something I can't control. I ALWAYS let the ansaphone answer before picking up.

Strangely, I quite enjoy talking on my mobile.

Now who has passive aggressive disorder. "I can't come in today because I'm scared of the phone". "How are you talking to us then" "on the phone - Arrrrgghghhh" Tarden tops himself due to telecommunicationphobia. That's said, not overly keen on most mobile phone rings. I like the old robust ding-a- ling from a bakelite.

If you dislike the invasive presence of the phone, why do you have one?

Pete, you misunderstand! I would phone you up first thing to tell you I was going to be absent! However, if you were to ring to find out where the hell I was, I wouldn't answer.

I only hate the phone when it won't stop ringing because so many damn people are trying to get hold of me at once. I've actually been known to shout 'What now?!?!' and 'Leave me the f**k alone!!!' at the phone on occasion. Probably not healthy.

I do that at work, but only because I have caller display and know who is ringing me. It both scares and impresses other people in the office and makes them think that I am the wild and crazy guy that I obviously am not.

Emma - I'm not the only person in my flat.

I fucking loathe phones, and I always have. I hate answering the phone more than anything else in the world, except maybe *making* phone calls. I've been known to freeze up and stare at the phone for up to 20 minutes in abject terror before being able to make the call.

I lived for 2 years without a phone. In fact, now I'm living with Paul, whenever I'm home by myself, I stay on the internet so that the phone can't ring. (Anyone who really wants to get hold of Paul will ring him on his mobile.)

Yes, I have a mobile. I keep it mainly for text messaging. And if anyone *does* call me, at least it's got caller display so that I can choose whether or not to pick up the phone.

But my phonophobia is pretty notorious, yes. So DUD DUD DUD DUD DUD!!!

Fave crap trick: pick up phone during first ring — becuz as you have noticed the ring *I* hear is not in any way linked to the ring that *you* hear. When they say, "It didn't even ring," you say, "Well, I had a feeling you'd be ringing about now." SPOOK CITY!! Also it works more than once: in fact the more often you do it, the spookier. Course it does mean you have to be sitting sadly by the phone day and night, eyes glazed, shiny ribbon of drool connecting slack mouth to begobbed T- shirt...

How can you not love phones? They have many many great uses:

1. Inviting people out for a drink

2. Selling people double glazing

And that's just for starters!! Andrew, I'm amazed you can endure the presence of other human beings near you if the mere sound of their voices over the phone so horrifies you.

I'm not crazy on people in person, either. In fact, I hate being around strangers unless I 1) am very drunk or 2) have something to do. Hence why I started a band in my late teenage years, so I'd have something to do at parties and at nightclubs.

But phones are scarier than in person. I don't know why, they just are. Probably because you can't see the person on the other end, you don't don't know what they are doing, and you can't get any non-verbal clues off them. GAH!!! No, phones are evil.

I tried to get over this irrational fear by having a job where all I ever did was answer the phone. I was fired, and the phobia got so bad that I would direct the ansaphone to pick up on the second ring, turn the ringer off and the ansaphone's volume off so I wouldn't even know people were calling me at home!

Emma - it's not 'the voices' (eg of my lovely friends and family) on the phone I don't like, it's the fact that the phone rings WHENEVER IT FEELS LIKE IT. And that it could be ANYBODY calling about ANYTHING (eg could be "sorry to inform you that your parents have died in a mid-air collision.") And the fact that phone communication compared to person-to-person communication is much more likely to result in awkward pauses, misunderstandings, a failure to get yr point across etc. etc.

Video Phones: Classic or Dud?

The last few days I've been letting the phone ring out, and then dialling 1471, just cause I don't know whos's calling. I too have spent ages building up the courage to make a call. Strangely, if I get into a conversation on one, I'm fine. But I don't like them, or, in fact, talking to strangers. Or people I know. I can never think of anything to say, which is why the internet is perfect, as I can talk about random crap to my hearts content.

Bill

Despite the fact that I am almost impossible to get hold of on one, I quite like having a phone in my flat: the Internet has just beaten it, that's all. It's WORK where they're a real bastard and where if you try and ignore them it becomes a public act of shirkage rather than a vain attempt to try and maintain some level of control over your own life.

Andrew is right - the phone is no respecter of what setting YOU are in. I mean, imagine running into a party and yelling at someone, "Guess what! Granddad's got brain cancer! Everybody stop what you're doing and be depressed!" Yet, people think nothing of doing that on the phone!

I'm fairly neutral on phones in general. They're good for organising things and making long distance relationships bearable, but annoying for their unpredictability. However, I have a major hang up about phoning strangers, or even phoning people for the first time who I've met face to face before. It sometimes used to take me hours to get myself psyched up enough to call, and even now it can take a few minutes of hard concentration to calm myself down enough to lift up the receiver. Admittedly, I'm fairly bad in person with strangers but the disembodied voice thing makes it much worse, probably because of the total lack of any visual clues as to how the voice at is reacting to what I'm saying.

phones are brilliant, why wouldn't you want anyone to all you? and i love 1471 so much i named a blog after it...

Okay, maybe you guys just suckered me in with the mobile phone thread first. I don't like mobiles for stubborn reasons. I see no need to fear the phone though.

Vis a vis the unpredicatability, the phone has no mind of its own. Its people trying to contact you. They are probably trying to contact you for a good reason. This is a good reason to answer the phone. Let's say that the phone is ringing so that someone can tell you that your parents have just k the b in a plane crash, not answering the phone will not prolong their life. And if you fear this may be the case there is no point shooting the messenger.

If you do not like being phoned, tell all your friends that you prefer verbal communication in person. Then if the pohone rings you know its an emergency or a double glazing salesman (best technique to get rid of by the way is to tell them you've already got it).

Kooks.

I have won the battle with telephones now. Last year I got a moby and was quickly addicted. But after 8 months I managed to kick the moby habit, *allow* someone to steal it and I'll probably never have one again. This kicked the normal phone habit too, so now I rule. I can walk away from a ringing phone, talk for hours or say 2 words and hang up. I have complete control and I love it.

Something I think only Emma has so far mentioned is that phones are C not D because you can ring other people on them, i.e. your friends. I am drawing no further implications from that.

No, Tom, I just heard that some people do that, it's not like I have any friends......

I think you are all very strange people. That's not a bad thing, necessarily. Just a thing.

I don't like phones. I don't like people. I don't think I like anything right now. I started this day in a quite good mood, and it has gone to hell in a handbasket now. I'm going record shopping in an attempt to cheer up.

We've slowly leaarnt to ignore it - anyone who rings during dawsonos creek or malcolm in the middle ain't worth talking to anyway.

Phones are good because you can be rude to people without them punching you. Unless they know where you live.

That's the spirit. I beleive DG's reason trumps all. However phones have allowed both Steve Penk and Noel Edmonds a step forward in their careers via the funny phonecall jokes.

Its people trying to contact you. They are probably trying to contact you for a good reason. This is a good reason to answer the phone.

It might be a good reason from the point of the view of the person calling, but my irrational thought (following a small surge of fear when I first hear the ring) is always "who is that and what do they want from me...they always want SOMETHING..."

Phones suck, mobile phones suck the most 'cause they make people do unbelievably rude stuff & act like it's just normal. It's a fucking trap because once you've got one (which I haven't, of course) it's rude not to answer it 'cause the person calling you just dropped a dollar-something on trying to call you, but it's also usually rude to answer it because you're going to be carrying on one side of a conversation in a room with people who are, y'know, actually there, so you should be talking to them. Or at least prepared to, or at least pretending to be prepared to. People talking on mobile phones who go, turn down the stereo/ TV/whatever, I'm on the phone - WTF? it's a mobile phone, buddy, not a mobile stereo/TV/whatever, you can take it outside.

Au contraire, Duane, it is not at all rude not to answer your mobile when it is ringing. Just switch the caller to the answer phone and all is well. Also it is not rude to interrupt social moments to speak to someone else on the mobile so long as you do your utmost to limit the conversation. For example if you are in the pub with x, y and z and w is supposed to be joining you but is lost / late etc. it is fine to speak to them on your mobile.

All this taken from the soon to be published Emma's Guide to Modern Etiquette.

I just shout out loud and expect people to hear me. I do this when not pounding down Coors and Weight Gain 2000 to fill out my wifebeater T-shirts.