clients

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should i just have them all round up and shot¿

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 17:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll bring the blindfolds!

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 17:34 (twenty-two years ago)

no no no...
torture first, then execution.

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey Rob!

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

yes. ironic torture sounds good.
i will strap them to a chair. glue their right hand to a mouse and their left shall be attached to a keyboard at the wrist. their eyes shall be pinned open.
i will design something and have them write copy for me.
whenever they send me something i will send it back with vague, nonsensical instructions on what is to be changed. i will not answer when they call trying to comprehend my bizarre revisions. nor shall i return and calls or emails. i will then become enraged when i do not received my changes immediately.

i shall disallow them from using the letter "t" and forbid the letter "u" from following the letter "o". if my client slips up he/she shall receive 5 different calls from 5 different superiors lambasting him/her for their incompetence. further revisions shall include my demanding translations i shall never use, asking for things to be changed even though what i'm asking for is how it has already been set-up. every question they ask shall anger me further.

whenever i become upset my client will be electrically shocked and punctured with a sharp metal device in the stomach area. all the while being forced to listen to the most irritating, drab radio programming available. an all mariah carey station, perhaps.
this shall carry on until the client eventually dies from internal bleeding or they manage to hang themselves with the keyboard cable or their own exposed intestines.
i will promptly follow them to hell to continue the punishment.

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 18:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Two years ago a client (who makes over 200K a year) called in to complain that his tax liability was six dollars more than the previous year and demanded that the accountant in charge fix his return immediately.

He was referred to as the "six dollar man" from then on.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 18:11 (twenty-two years ago)

right after the secretaries.

― dean! (deangulberry), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 18:11 (twenty-two years ago)

secretaires¿ the hell's your problem with them¿

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 18:45 (twenty-two years ago)

five years pass...

Dear client who has a 46 line email signature with a 39 line ASCII Art panda bear,

I no longer accept email messages from 1994.

Thanks,
Elvis Telecom

P.S. Just as FYI you're encoding your outgoing email messages as RTF, so the ASCII art is completely illegible.

― Elvis Telecom, Monday, 10 August 2009 23:19 (sixteen years ago)

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