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Dating someoneles' girlfriend: Classic or Dud?

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I started dating a really great girl recently. She's very smart and funny, into good films and books, and is incredibly good looking. After our first kiss, she told me she had a boyfriend. I wasn't sure what to do, so I just hung out with her for a couple more days in a row. We're getting pretty close, but she doesn't want to break up with her boyfriend. Should I feel guilty? Flattered? Used? Happy? Shafted? Lucky? Horny? Should I just feel horny about it?

― Zaftig Cid, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

One of the greatest loves of my short life began this way - eventually she broke up with her man and we had two years of giddy bliss. Then she started fucking around on me and we broke up. Word.

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I R thinking you should feel shafted! go and tip gravel over her car!

― Evil Fatnick, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Everything Tracer said. It's nice and it's flattering and she might leave the first guy, but eventually she'll probably do the same thing to you. But that's still down the road a bit, so knock yourself out and have fun.

― Dan, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Complete heartwrenching D U D. Especially when she first tells you she has a boyfriend the morning after your first night.

― Brian MacDonald, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Definite dud. Run, don't walk, away from this loser. Put yourself in her "boyfriend's" shoes. Wouldn't you want to punch your lights out? And it's true, if she's cheatin' with you, she'll be cheatin' on you. don't be the sucker in this game.

― Samantha, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Is there anyway you could find out exactly why she won't leave her boyfriend?...that might give you a valuable insight into her character and the chances of a relationship working. If she won't give a reason and continues to date this other guy, then I'd get out of it, before it gets too messy and people get hurt. It's a crappy situation all round, good luck!

― james, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

overall it is a dud...but I know it's hard to find someone you get on with well...I would try not to hang out with her for a while.

― james, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Um, it kind of all depends on the person as to whether or not this is good or not. I mean, sometimes it takes a while to get rid of the ex, they might be crazy or have something that needs a very delicate breakup. . .meanwhile if she's using you as a means to get rid of him, or if she just wants to have her cake and eat it too (ie "she doesn't WANT to break up with her boyfriend" - that phrasing is kind of important), then it's a big huge no. Kind of hard to decide. And yes, unless there is a very specific, explanable reason to the cheating (ie the guy is a controlling jerk or just won't leave her alone or whatever), then chances are she's just a serial cheater.

― Ally, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Pennysong has been in this situation at one time. The vagina of beloved in mouth as the thought of other lad lies on lips of face of love. Yet what can we say? Here, in earth , we get lovey. out comes coc..shoots jelly for making child. Into hole of lady. go go

― Mike Hanle y, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ignore what everyone above says. Her boyfriend doesn't own her and theres no reason she shouldn't date the both of you. Who knows? Maybe you'll really get along with him and maybe get it on with him too.

― hamish, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

why do people seem to be so obsessed with finding it? why can't people just be happy by themselves?

Do you people honestly think like this? Is this for real?

― hamish, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sorry i guess you do. i don't get out much and i can see why.

― hamish, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

One of the greatest loves of my short life began this way - eventually she broke up with her man and we had two years of giddy bliss. Then she started fucking around on me and we broke up.

If it was giddy bliss why did you break up? Can't you people learn to share?

― hamish, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i just realised that i copied and pasted the wrong text before so what i said didn't make sense. it was supposed to be:

Wouldn't you want to punch your lights out?

Do you people honestly think like this? Is this for real?

― hamish, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

So dud, dude.

― JM, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

JM: why?

― hamish, Monday, 22 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Is it like Darley and Justine, or Nessim and Melissa? Not likely... Then dud. But good dud, not evil ; )

― Simon, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dud. S'wrong, innit?

― Madchen, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If you are happy to be the other man in her life then classic. Maybe her needs are complex and her boyfriend does not meet them all but meets the ones he does meet too well to be disguarded.

Polygamy = Classic

― toraneko, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I meant discarded. What a bizarre mistake.

― toraneko, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

(i think this thread shd be renamerd "the day hamish met his first heterosexuals")

basically i am in a snit with him becoz he was first to post "why not root the boyf?" even tho i had considered posting similar yet did not and am thus lame

― mark s, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Lying is DUD. hamish, if you want to live non-monagmously, fine. But all parties have to be in on it. Open relationships don't just work one way.

The fact that she's saying she has a boyfriend she doesn't want to break up with implies she's made a commitment to him. Zaftig, does the other guy know about you? If he does and he's cool, then more power to you. But it doesn't sound that way.

― Samantha, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm in a similar situation. I think the boyfriend might be in the IRA aswell so heres to decommissioning.

I've actually been very good and decided to do nothing until they break up cos its not going to last very long what with the girlie up here in Dublin and the guy far away in the Irish countryside somewhere.

― Ronan, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tho' I'm not sure dating someone else's girlfriend is terrible, I do think it would be awfully risky to date someone in the IRA's girlfriend. So be careful Ronan...

― Nicole, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If I stop posting send a ham to my family.

― Ronan, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ho ho that tickled me, will you send me a ham too? Ho ho. I hope Lixi does buy a ham. Ho ho. Ham.

― Sarah, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Heee heee. A ham. A big lump of ham. Hammy ham. Did you know that there exists a website thus: hamhelp.com? There was at the new year as I remember it being one of the first websites I looked at. I spent NYE ALONE by the way awwwww poor me. NYE snuggles vs NYE drunkeness vs NYE hocks of ham.

Ham ham ham.

― Sarah, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh oh I've got one.....................ham!

God your work must be mind numbing and brain cell destroying Sarah. Although most work is I guess.

― Ronan, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Classic nor dud. I have had a fling while the guy was in another relationship. So what? It wasn't my problem. If you want to commit, then it could be a problem. But it doesn't mean, if she breaks with him, she'll do the same thing with you.

― helen fordsdale, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I just finalized a divorce with someone who fits that description. As much as I might not have and You might not want to beleive it, the bottom line is...IF SHE DOES IT WITH YOU, EVENTUALLY, SHE WILL DO IT TO YOU. GET OUT BEFORE YOU GET SERIOUSLY HURT.

― Hank, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If it was giddy bliss why did you break up

I didn't fancy the boyfriend. i'd never met him.

― Tracer, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

there's a great book called "the ethical slut" that promises to allow you to have sex with all your friends while still remaining friends with them. it seems utopian. but admirable.

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

hie thee hence to learn why the ethical slut is a useless text.

― jess, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

someday all threads will be one.

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 23 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I've only had sex with one friend that I still talk to. Wait, two. But the second one is really weird sometimes, so only one that it's still a cool relationship. Having sex with people you get along with = crap.

― Ally, Thursday, 25 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"The thrill of it, can I call it that?.....was cheap. And feeling cheap's the only thing you keep".

Plus it's always ended in heartache for *everyone* I know who's been in that situation.

But if you haven't got a heart to ache, and you don't mind feeling like second best, then go ahead.

― Trevor, Friday, 26 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's just fucking dud innit?

― chris, Friday, 26 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That girl broke up with her boyfriend but I don't care anymore.

I have a new and all consuming love interest.

― Ronan, Friday, 26 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

YOU DO???? Hooray! So do I! I shall send A HAM.

― Sarah, Friday, 26 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Go on then Ro, who izzit, who izzit, who izzit?

― Sarah, Friday, 26 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I need more time than I have now to tell you all about her. So later. I will write an essay or something.

― Ronan, Friday, 26 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yeah so.......I was out on Tuesday with my class for a few drinks in some shit club place. So there I was mingling and getting to know people a bit better. Anyway I had fancied this girl for a while but not really talked to her, so it was only physical attraction.

So next thing I start talking to her. So we're getting on well in general and then we get on to talking music and she's all "oh you might not know the stuff I like".

So it turns out she's into Spiritualized, Mogwai, everything else that I like.

Then we were talking about how shit the club was and I asked her where she likes to go. She only goes and says "The Kitchen". As you know this is my second home.

Right so nothings happened yet, but I think theres a good chance. Em.....as you can see I've lost my savoir faire bigtime here. So er....thats my story just so you all know.

― Ronan, Friday, 26 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

But if you haven't got a heart to ache,

oh here we go - nonmonagmist bashing again. Yes we're all a bunch of heartless fuckwits with no emotional feelings at all...

― hamish, Friday, 26 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well hopefully better days are coming! I have been divorced for almost 7 years now . I was separated before that though. I'm notwhat some would call an easy person. I have been on 2 dates in 7 yrs.I wouldn't know what to do now. When you reach my age, it really doesn't matter. You folks are young yet and have your lives ahead of you. If some of you had relation probs., you can't compare one relationship with another. The next person you meet around the corner could be your one & only. :) Gale

― Gale Deslongchamps, Sunday, 28 October 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)


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