is anyone going to ATP weekend 1?

FAP? If the running order was published we could work out a time better.

Vashti was wonderful in Glasgow last week. You're in for a treat.

Weekend 1

Friday 12th May 2006 > MUDHONEY

Stage One:
Doors 3.30pm
COUNTRY TEASERS 4.00pm – 4.45pm
HOLLY GOLIGHLY 5.15pm - 6.00pm
THE DRONES 6.30pm - 7.30pm
THE SCIENTISTS 8.00pm - 9.15pm
BLACK MOUNTAIN 9.45pm - 11.00pm
MUDHONEY 11.30pm - 1.00am

Stage Two:
Doors 2.15pm
DAVID DONERO 3.15pm – 4.00pm
MARK PICKEREL 4.30pm – 5.15pm
JON WAHL + AMADANS 5.45pm – 6.45pm
TOTAL SOUND 7.15pm - 8.15pm
COMETS ON FIRE 8.45pm - 9.45pm
FLESH EATERS 10.15pm - 11.30pm
D.J 1.00am – 3.00am
D.J 3.00am – 5.00am

Saturday 13th May 2006 > YEAH YEAH YEAHS

Stage One:
Doors 4.00pm
HUNDRED EYES 5.00pm - 6.00pm
CELEBRATION 6.30pm - 7.30pm
ONEIDA 8.00pm - 9.00pm
TV ON THE RADIO 9.30pm - 10.30pm
YEAH YEAH YEAHS 11.30pm - 1.00am

Stage Two:
Doors 2.30pm
IMAGINARY FOLK 3.00pm - 3.45pm
SERVICES 4.15pm - 5.15pm
EX MODELS 5.45pm - 6.45pm
MAGIK MARKERS 7.15pm - 8.15pm
BLOOD BROTHERS 8.45pm - 9.45pm
LIARS 10.15pm - 11.15pm
D.J 1.00am – 3.00am
D.J 3.00am – 5.00am

Sunday 14th May 2006 > DEVENDRA BANHART

Stage One:
Doors 3.15pm
TARANTULA A.D 3.45pm - 4.30pm
METALLIC FALCONS 5.00pm - 5.45pm
ESPERS 6.00pm - 6.45pm
VETIVER 7.15pm - 8.00pm
BERT JANSCH 8.30pm - 9.30pm
WATTS PROPHETS 10.00pm - 11.00pm
DEVENDRA BANHART 11.30pm - 1.00am

Stage Two:
Doors 2.30pm
DANIELLE STECH HOMSY 3.15pm – 4.00pm
BAT FOR LASHES 4.30pm – 5.15pm
JANA HUNTER 5.45pm – 6.30pm
JANDEK 7.15pm – 8.30pm
RAMBLIN JACK 9.00pm - 10.00pm
VASHTI BUNYAN 10.30pm - 11.30pm
D.J 1.00am – 3.00am
D.J 3.00am – 5.00am

Lunchtime Saturday in the Camber Castle? (I know that'll be open, the reason last year's FAP failed)

stew, do you happen to have a lineup for weekend 2?

Onimo, you'll never spot me. i blend in like... like... like Marcus in Indian Jones.

i don't really know many of you other weekend 1 people. i remember so few ILX nicknames, it's embarrassing.

i'm not a historian, btw.

It's good to eat something proper at one point.

I will be with Onimo, this is how you will spot me. Guilty Boksen will also be with us. He is very tall.

i won't recongnise Onimo unless he's wearing a balaclava and carrying an AK47.

I am leaving my gun at home.

poor kitty!

eh, yeah?

then another time my girlfriend almost bought something from him on ebay. or something.

I think your girlfriend encountered the FALSE VICAR, as I have never sold anything on e-bay.

One of my friends tried the jellied eels in that Camber Castle place.

I might go into Rye on Saturday rather than check out the Camber Castle... I think Simon Teh Pieman isn't open sundays.

Maybe we could go for beach walk on sunday?

Also, we should do a lot of standing around doing the ILX GANG SIGN. Does everyone know this?

But given it's only a couple of days away, actually deciding is U&K.

Happy to do other things, but access to the thread very limited from now - if you decide anything else, then pick us up from there.

Friday saw me take longer to get out of Bristol than I took to get to Gatwick to pick up Onimo, looking very much like aldoontheM4.jpg in the process. Then Rye was held up with BEING DUG UP disease and Mr Boksen couldn't get a taxi, leading to DELAY IN STARTING DRINKING. The Camber Castle have started selling NEARLY HALF A PIG (not to be confused with BUYING HALF A PIG'S HEAD) disguised as "ribs", which was veh tasty, and I get laughed at for having lemon in my cider. CIDER REVENGE COMES TOMORROW, MUDDYFUNSTERS. Country Teasers are up first - their biog in the programme describes them as "Tammy Wynette meets The Fall fronted by William S Burroughs, and I can't think of a better explanation except to mention the scale of offensiveness of some of the material (but see later WONDER SHOWZEN MEME ACTION). "And the Indians all got killed, the braves were drawn and quartered but the squaws got fucked as well." Their singer later on tells me their favourite band is Half Man Half Biscuit and their drummer used to be in a HMHB tribute act. I can almost see this, even if their lyrics aren't something Nigel would go anywhere near. We get downstairs in time for the end of Mark Pickerel, who is very straight country - he reminds me almost of Chris Isaak's material. "Wow, in a couple of songs Wreckless Eric's going to come do "Whole Wide World" with us..." sounds like an idle Camber boast, but a couple of minutes later WRECKLESS IS ON STAGE. The next few bands blur past - Holly Golightly in nice Medway 60s GirlPop, and both John Wahl and Total Sound are just improvthrowntogetherwoowe'rewackybollocks. THE DRONES ARE THE WORST BAND EVER TO HAVE PLAYED AN ATP - stop picking your own fucking acts and shoehorning them in, Hogan you cunt. The Scientists are brilliant, in a reliving the 60s through the 80s way, and I feel 16 again. Those who didn't want to be similarly transported (and there were a lot of you) inform me Comets on Fire were, in fact, ON FUCKING FIRE downstairs and might have been a better proposition IF YOU WERE FUCKING MAD. I can't get into the emohairstoner of Black Mountain at all, so watch all of the Flesh Eaters. Their singer looks like Mark Frost (? the British comedy actor with grey balding hair and really black eyebrows) and they sound like a cross between Penetration and X. I'm not that sure why they have such a reputation but it's pleasant enough. I last through about half an hour of Mudhoney, before I realise I'm not actually getting anything out of staying as they've done most of the songs I want to hear already and they don't look like they're going to do anything different for the remainder. They didn't, I'm reliably informed the next day.

Saturday is ILXFAPDAY, never a day to miss 'cos, Saturday is ILXFAPDAY. Yes, it actually happens this year. Me, Onimo, Guilty Boksen, Andrew, DV, Kit & Kat and a couple of lurking wives have a very pleasant lunch. Andrew and I try to explain Superboy Punched The Universe, and I very nearly think to myself that it's so ludicrous that I don't understand why I buy comics. THE AMOUNT OF MONEY I SPEND ON THEM IS HELD UP FOR RIDICULE. No gang signs are thrown, and there is no BIG DOG ACTION or tap beer, which means drinking bottles at varying prices (i.e. whatever the barperson thinks they can get away with charging). Kat & Kit come back to ours for ROUGH CIDER and FACup Final, with Andrew showing up at half time for sticker swopsies action and ending up staying because of the lure of the conspicuously orange stuff coming out of the agricultural containers and the tablet and other cake. Despite extra time we actually manage to get over in time for Ex Models who are brilliant, probably my favourite band of the weekend, a krautrocky drone with a real tinnitus top end to their sound. Anything that's up next loses out to Doctor Who, which goes really well with the last of the cider and wasn't at all disappointing with plotholes you could drive a truck through or anything, no, not in the slightest. But the cider does get finished, lumps and all. Oneida are awesome, Blood Brothers are pointless, and TV On The Radio are the Living Colour It's OK To Like. Liars aren't as good as the last time I saw them and YYYs are emohair blehness. JIMMY CARR IS NOT ON TELLY WHEN I GET BACK TO THE CHALET. I think this is the first time this has happened. Or possibly because we're still in the Queen Vic at half past three listening to the most 80s disco I've heard since the 80s. Today's most important conclusion, however, is that it was HOTT GIRLS ALL THE TIEM HOTTNESS DAY.

Sunday starts with Wonder Showzen, which we are convinced Channel 5 have bought thinking it was a normal kids show UNTIL WE SOBER UP LATER IN THE MORNING AND REALISE ATPTV IS ON CHANNEL 5 IN THE CHALET. "Oh! Your racism was being ironic!" still manages to become Sunday's main meme. The vague plans to take part in the pop quiz on the Sunday are fuXor3d, at least in part because none of us remember but also because they close registration a mere 5 minutes after it begins, having already signed up 18 teams. This being Camber, somebody sets up and alternative quiz for people who couldn't make it to the main one "with actual prizes - beer, vodka, and whatever other shit we decide we can't be bothered taking home" but our lack of cohesive thought and quest for Sunday lunch means we don't make that either. The Fungi From Yuggoth has swallowed the pub we failed to FAP in last year, although the lack of subterranean caverns in the building site might make some conclude this is fanciful nonsense. THEY ARE DELUDED FOOLS. Instead we go to some other pub, who tell us ONCE THEY'VE SERVED US THE FIRST DRINKS that they're not serving food till 6, so we content ourselves with reading their copies of This England magazine, which is the BRITAIN'S BEST SELLING QUARTERLY equivalent of the Daily Mail ONLY MORE SO. It's full of letters from Disgusted Of Tunbridge Wells complaining about how they are "appalled that Arabs, blacks and Asians swan through customs as if they own the place" while Commonwealth citizens have to wait in the long queue, or how "it makes me sick to have to stand next to Poles, Lithuanians and Germans now we're part of the EU". Between those and an expose of the conspiracy behind the inclusion of the "hateful EU device" on car reg plates (they get a kickback from car manufacturers, allegedly, because "we know how they're all on the take") it's an entertaining way to pass the time and gives us the idea of trolling their forum, if they have one. We finally get lunch at a new place with a flirty waitress, and then do rolypolys down the hill at the beach till we are nearly sick and are covered in BLACK TARRY SHITE. Since the Watts Prophets have cancelled I assume they're going to fuck about with the times again, and while checking catch 5 minutes of Metallic Falcons, who are shite. The replacement band, Spleen, are pretty good, and prompt the girl behind us to state "He's FUCKING HAWT", followed by a "Jeeeeeeesus" a couple of seconds later, proving the SPEED OF HAWT is slower than the SPEED OF LIGHT. We are not sure whether she means the singer or the Ornaldo Bloomps drummer. We fill in the time before Jandek for a look at Vetiver, who are rubbish too, then file in downstairs with the fans and the plain curious for Jandek. Frankly the first 20 minutes are a bit of a mess, but once the merely curious have left and I come back from a Wii it's suddenly got FUCKING AMAZING. Jandek even does a song about how he doesn't like someone because they have a wrinkled dress. The words "oh, wrinkledress" do not leave his lips, BUT WE ALL KNOW HE WAS THINKING THEM. At some point in the next half hour I eat the chicken again - it's more vile than ever this year, although the popcorn is better and features ACTUAL LETTUCE. We go back in for Ramblin' Jack Elliot who... erm... rambles. A lot. I manage two songs and go upstairs for the rest of Vashti Bunyan, who is twee-folk personified. Everyone else comes up after she's done about 5 songs and informs me that in that whole time Ramblin' Jack has only managed to start one more song. WHICH WAS OLD FUCKING SHEP. I feel vindicated, although my throat is dry AND THE CUNTING BAR IS SHUT. In a quest for beer, we head back downstairs and meet Jandek at the bar. Well, rather we don't meet him, because I'm seeing him again on Wednesday and I know how he likes his privacy, but I take advantage of him talking to Ramblin' Jack and grab a word with David Keenan who STRONGLY IMPLIES the Jandek London show was cancelled because Hogan is a cunt and Jandek wouldn't deal with him again after ATP. While this is going on, Yer Average Mug Punter approaches Jandek and Jack and asks for a photo - with only Jack, obviously, which he asks Jandek to take (the camera seems to baffle him, and David ends up doing it instead). Jandek is inseperable from a Thresher's bag he is carrying around, which turns into a complex conspiracy about crisp fetishes due to out drunken state. On the way in to Banhart, YMOF tells us not to bother and reminds us that Genesis of the Daleks is about to start - I wish we'd taken his advice. Although, it starts late so we don't actually miss any of it - which would be a result had Banhart not been involved.

I do not get lost on the way home, possibly for the first time ever.

And just to add that Spleen was astounding - his ability to beat himself up (literally) just to get the sound he wants is always going to be endearing. And apologising for being French after every song helps as well.

Jandek: I think we decided it was pretzels and possibly bar snacks rather than crisps.

Ramblin' Jack: Ramblin's rambling meant we did have a rather constructive thought fest on whether there was an alternative Jack who was Slightly Terse and whether Banhart should have booked him.

I wouldn't have kept offering cider if it wasn't supposed to get drunk. Plus, it doesn't keep for more than a couple of days anyway so it always needs drinking straight away.

I have forgotten the nightmares of Pizza Castle already.

I have just spent far too much money on Amazon Marketplace purchases, I hate coming back from ATP.

Was that the "Derek Riordan has signed for Celtic hahaha" texts? I was worried that that, plus plucky Gretna failing to humble Mad Vlad's forces of comedy, might have ruined your weekend. How come you saw so many bands? You're doing this all wrong!

Aldo, you forgot to mention Booga Booga Rampage, which for me was the weekend's most memorable discovery.

not from me - to each their own, I say. I did query whether you could read that many in a week, when I buy two or three a week and am running up quite a backlog now.

Then I realised that that would be insane.

I also looked for the issue of Infinite Crisis where Superman punches a hole between the universes.

Did you get anything today? I ended up only buying 52 (= their plan is working)

(Is it just me, or is it really odd seeing her on here during the day?)

once i began to think about it, i realised that not going to england and spending all my cash on BEER just before christmas would actually be quite sensible ;)

:(

YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENSE.

Grimly, chalets are going fast. Change your mind!! (you can always change it back, I guess) We have a kitcheny-type proper one which you can use if you end up in a kitchen-free wee one!