S & D: Bible verses

" when a man has emission of semen, he mustm abthe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening"

"do not have sexual relations with an animal and defile yourself with it. A women must not present herself to an animal to have sexual relations with it: that is perversion."

(Though it's cool that you like that one equally as much, BTW.)

How great would a CD of Johnny Cash reading from Revelation (ala "The Man Comes Around") have been?

Yep, I can almost hear him now :)

6:10 Who is she who looks forth as the morning, Beautiful as the moon, Clear as the sun, Terrible as an army with banners?

"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless." What does man gain from all his labor at
which he toils under the sun? Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever. The sun rises and the sun sets, and
hurries back to where it rises. The wind blows to the south and turns
to the north; round and round it goes, ever returning on its course.
All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full. To the
\place the streams come from, there they return again. All things are
wearisome, more than one can say. The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing. What has been will be again, what
has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.
Is there anything of which one can say, "Look! This is something new"?
It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time. There is
no remembrance of men of old, and even those who are yet to come will
not be remembered by those who follow.

The one that has always given me chills, from age four to this moment, is (from Matthew, I believe) "And he replied My name is Legion! For we are many," sometimes translated as "My name is Mob."

Destroy? Uh...Numbers in its entirety, I guess. Boring.

"Turn! Turn! Turn!" is basically quoted verbatim from it.

He wasn't the hippy people claim.

Blessed also is the eunuch whose hands have
done no lawless deed,
and who has not devised wicked things against the Lord;
for special favor will be shown him for his faithfulness,
and a place of great delight in the temple of the Lord.
Wisdom 1:23

Beware then of useless murmuring,
and keep your tongue from slander;
because no secret word is without result,
and a lying mouth destroys the soul.
Wisdom 1:17

and the first part of the gospel of thomas, where christ asa young man makes sparrows out of clay and then makes them fly.

By the first day of the first month of Noah's six hundred and first year, the water had dried up from the earth. Noah then removed the covering from the ark and saw that the surface of the ground was dry.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, PIG! SOOOIE!

the original Ark, obv

26:4-5
"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes"

and

23:29-35

"Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaints? Who has needless bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? Those who linger over wine, who go to sample bowls of mixed wine. Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup. when it goes down smoothly! In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights and your mind imagine confusing things. You will be like one sleeping on the high seas, lying on top of the rigging. 'They hit me,' you will say, 'but I'm not hurt! They beat me, but I don't feel it! When will I wake up so I can find another drink?'"

Proverbs, somewhere

On reaching Jerusalem, Jesus entered the temple area and began driving out those who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves, and would not allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. And as he taught them, he said, "Is it not written:
" 'My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations' ? But you have made it 'a den of robbers.'"

Destroy: Genesis 22:1-2

"After these things God tested Abraham, and said to him, ‘Abraham!’ And he said, ‘Here am I.’ He said, ‘Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering upon one of the mountains of which I shall tell you’."

I've never read the whole Bible (it's on my list...), so these are two that I remembered from Sunday school.

In vino veritas. Or something like that.

Proverbs 12:14

Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.

Ezekiel 16:49

Also love this one:

30 But if the LORD make a new thing, and the ground open her mouth, and swallow them up, with all that appertain unto them, and they go down alive into the pit, then ye shall understand that these men have despised the LORD.'
31 And it came to pass, as he made an end of speaking all these words, that the ground did cleave asunder that was under them.
32 And the earth opened her mouth and swallowed them up, and their households, and all the men that appertained unto Korah, and all their goods.
33 So they, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit; and the earth closed upon them, and they perished from among the assembly.
34 And all Israel that were round about them fled at the cry of them; for they said: 'Lest the earth swallow us up.'
35 And fire came forth from the LORD, and devoured the two hundred and fifty men that offered the incense.

needs visual aid

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FcH3YVwy9C0/T5oYyxA1jwI/AAAAAAAAEck/E0L_U0JuR3Q/s1600/tencommandments.jpg

different event actually!

important precipitate though

no, i mean totally different stories. that was depicting the golden calf and aftermath - this is from the korach narrative

God hates whiners.

Numbers 11

4And the mixt multitude that was among them fell a lusting: and the children of Israel also wept again, and said, Who shall give us flesh to eat?

5We remember the fish, which we did eat in Egypt freely; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick:

6But now our soul is dried away: there is nothing at all, beside this manna, before our eyes.

7And the manna was as coriander seed, and the colour thereof as the colour of bdellium.

8And the people went about, and gathered it, and ground it in mills, or beat it in a mortar, and baked it in pans, and made cakes of it: and the taste of it was as the taste of fresh oil.

9And when the dew fell upon the camp in the night, the manna fell upon it.

10Then Moses heard the people weep throughout their families, every man in the door of his tent: and the anger of the LORD was kindled greatly; Moses also was displeased.

11And Moses said unto the LORD, Wherefore hast thou afflicted thy servant? and wherefore have I not found favour in thy sight, that thou layest the burden of all this people upon me?

12Have I conceived all this people? have I begotten them, that thou shouldest say unto me, Carry them in thy bosom, as a nursing father beareth the sucking child, unto the land which thou swarest unto their fathers?

13Whence should I have flesh to give unto all this people? for they weep unto me, saying, Give us flesh, that we may eat.

14I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too heavy for me.

15And if thou deal thus with me, kill me, I pray thee, out of hand, if I have found favour in thy sight; and let me not see my wretchedness.

16And the LORD said unto Moses, Gather unto me seventy men of the elders of Israel, whom thou knowest to be the elders of the people, and officers over them; and bring them unto the tabernacle of the congregation, that they may stand there with thee.

17And I will come down and talk with thee there: and I will take of the spirit which is upon thee, and will put it upon them; and they shall bear the burden of the people with thee, that thou bear it not thyself alone.

18And say thou unto the people, Sanctify yourselves against to morrow, and ye shall eat flesh: for ye have wept in the ears of the LORD, saying, Who shall give us flesh to eat? for it was well with us in Egypt: therefore the LORD will give you flesh, and ye shall eat.

19Ye shall not eat one day, nor two days, nor five days, neither ten days, nor twenty days;

20But even a whole month, until it come out at your nostrils, and it be loathsome unto you: because that ye have despised the LORD which is among you, and have wept before him, saying, Why came we forth out of Egypt?

cucumbers, and melons, and leeks, and onions, and garlick are not flesh

but lo, the israelites will surely be afflicted by scurvy whilst subsisting on manna alone

that exodus 4 thing is terrifyingly inexplicable. it's like 'exodus' suddenly turns into 'twin peaks' or something.

i was thinking about these bc of current political situation and the ppl feeling like this is a uniquely iniquitous + disastrous time in history. all from Amos. some really amazing pieces of imagery here (i'm particularly partial to "they will use hooks for fish to take away your children" which is just o_O to me)

This is what the *Lord says: ‘I will certainly punish Israel’s people for their many sins.
I will do this because they sold good, innocent people for silver.
They sold poor people for the price of a pair of shoes.
It was as if they pushed those poor people’s faces into the ground.
And then they walked on them.
They have stopped listening to people who suffer.
A father and son have sex with the same woman.
They have ruined my holy name.
They take clothes from the people who owe money to them.
Then they sit on these clothes while they worship at their altars.
They make people pay fines for things that they have done wrong,
Then they spend that money to drink wine in the house of their god.

‘I am going to press you down into the ground.
You will be like a cart that is very heavy with grain.
No person will escape – not even a fast runner.
Strong men will not be strong enough.
Soldiers will not be able to save themselves.
People with bows will not live.
Fast runners will not escape.
People on horses will not escape alive.
Even brave soldiers will run away naked at that time.’
The Lord says these things.

I am going to punish Israel’s people for their sins.
I am also going to destroy the altars at Bethel.
I will cut off the horns of the altars.
They will fall to the ground.
I will destroy the winter house with the summer house.
I will destroy the rich people’s houses.
Great houses will come to an end.’ The Lord says these things.

Listen to this, you cows of Bashan, who live on the mountains of Samaria.
You hurt poor people. You look after weak people badly.
You tell your husbands, ‘Bring us wine to drink.’
The Lord Almighty has made a promise.
He is a holy God and you will have trouble.
People will use hooks to take you away.
They will put you into prison.
They will use hooks for fish to take away your children.

‘I caused you to have empty stomachs in every city.
You had no bread in any town.
But you still did not return to me.’ The Lord says these things.
‘I also stopped the rain three months before harvest time.
I let it rain on one city, but not on another city.
I let it rain on one field.
But I stopped it raining on another field, and it became dry.
People walked with great difficulty. They walked from city to city.
They were looking for water, but they did not get enough to drink.
Still you did not come to me for help.’

Ok, this goes on and on. Here's something really beautiful Abraham Joshua Heschel wrote about Prophets that is related:

Indeed, the sort of crimes and even the amount of delinquency that fill the prophets of Israel with dismay do not go beyond that which we regard as normal, as typical ingredients of social dynamics. To us a single act of injustice - cheating in business, exploitation of the poor - is slight; to the prophets, a disaster. To us injustice is injurious to the welfare of the people; to the prophets it is a deathblow to existence: to us, an episode; to them, a catastrophe, a threat to the world.

Their breathless impatience with injustice may strike us as hysteria. We ourselves witness continually acts of injustice, manifestations of hypocrisy, falsehood, outrage, misery, but we rarely grow indignant or overly excited. To the prophets even a minor injustice assumes cosmic proportions.

I mentioned "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God" to someone, and she didn't know it!

i was wondering about that passage the other day. is there anyone who actually struggles with that passage? like, if you were wealthy, christian, and honest, you'd have to seriously consider the possibility that you're fucked.

Swear that the fundies will give you an answer for anything.

I threw that question back at an evangelical who was going on how Jesus wouldn't care who was rich as long as they lived their lives in Christ, blah blah.

his retort was something along the lines of how the walls around the ancient cities of yore would occasionally have these little arched holes to get through, in addition to the big doors. these were the "eyes of t the needle" Jesus was supposedly referring to, and while very, very difficult to ride a camel through one of those, it could be done.

After he said this, he crossed his arms and leaned back.

This guy goes on a bit more about the above in further detail, and honestly, it's my favorite URL of the day.

http://www.eyeoftheneedle.net/eye_of_a_needle.htm

xpost

no joke, at the (fundamentalist) church i grew up in, i vividly remember a sermon on that verse, and yes, the pastor made the same argument about how the "eye of a needle" was just referring to a skinny passage into cities that were apparently common at the time. so i suppose the verse isn't saying that that if you're rich you can't get into heaven. the verse is saying it might be as hard as squeezing through a slightly small passage. loooooooool

"it is easier for a man to hold his breath for longer than 20 seconds than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God"

"it is easier for a man to get home on the 290 before supper without paying tolls than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

just gotta squeeze a bit. It is easier for a man to fit into his slim chinos after Christmas dinner than it is for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. Bust the button, you're out of heaven.

I feel like anti-excelsioring myself for that (or would if that was a thing), I should rly go to bed...

After he said this, he crossed his arms and leaned back.

ahaha

the hidden verse that follows "and a blind man who had just slept for 7 hours and had 3 freckles and 40 nose hairs and other significant numbers asked 'but Jesus, what about Solomon, who was so very rich? after he banged the queen of sheba did he burn in hell as a result of his great wealth?', and Jesus laughed for 7 seconds and then said 'No, he is in heaven because he cast SmallX3 on himself and passed through a literal needle!"

They make people pay fines for things that they have done wrong

key

Hi, everyone. I am 13 years old.

http://www.biblegateway.com/audio/mclean/niv/Ezek.23.19-Ezek.23.20

i think we all know that one by heart already.

we have "known" it

I've never thought to listen to the audio parts of biblegateway before.

reminds me of one of my favorite early rock n rollers, donkey dick dale

"it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.”
Matthew 19:24

I was just threading a needle, and just the act of putting a thread through the needle was REALLY tough, and I thought of this Bible verse. Then I realized, there is some satire going on here that I never thought of before. A rich person wouldn't know how hard threading a needle is, his servants do all the sewing for him.

What about a rich person going through the eye of a camel?

I randomly googled the number 5:16 and got this:

"Those who had seen it told the people what had happened to the demon-possessed man--and told about the pigs as well." Mark 5:16

The ax lies ready at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.
matthew 3:10

Whatever it is in your power to do, do with all your might. For there is no action, no reasoning, no learning, no wisdom in Sheol, where you are going.

Ecclesiastes 9:10 (JPS Tanakh)

Those demon pigs.... S & D: Bible verses

I mean really, if The Bible is good for only one thing...

wait

ok, sorry. for some reason i couldn't post on this thread (and this thread only?) for about 5 minutes

i didn't know about Sheol!

https://i.imgur.com/h7lGYOF.jpg

you have to respect Sheol's emphasis on mass rapid transit, an early investment that has paid for itself many times over

John 3 16 forever

Matthew 23:27, now more than ever

Every time I read about "Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of Zebedee’s sons" (Matthew 27) "and Salome, who also followed Him and ministered to Him when He was in Galilee" (Mark 15) "and Joanna the wife of Chuza, Herod’s steward, and Susanna, and many others who provided for Him from their substance" (Luke 8), I wonder if these ladies had any opinions on this whole affair.

Has anyone read the non canon bible chapters like book of Enoch and Ruth ?

Proverbs 26:18-19, wherein the Bible predicts internet trolls

"Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows and death, so is the man who deceives his neighbor, And says, "Was I not joking?'"

Ruth is extremely canon!

I never fully realized that Revelations isn't universally accepted as canon to the New Testament. It's like that last Doors record.

some people don't accept "LA Woman" as a canon part of the New Testament?

Is it silby? I had no clue

I mean it is canon in the Tanakh at least idk about the Xian bibles.

Thanks silby

It wasn’t part of my Christian upbringing

https://i.imgur.com/3DCbLFB.jpg

Last Doors record. Frontman from previous chapters not involved in its production, but makes prominent appearances nevertheless.

Much like ... REVELATIONS!

I can't remember if I've read the book of Enoch (if it's in the Nag Hammadi I must have, but I don't think it is...?)

Book of Ruth is def canon, v important Jewish text

I've read that "sheol" is just biblical Hebrew for "ground". So, any references to "going to Sheol" from the 1st Temple period just refer to being buried at death. In the 2nd Temple period, Judaism absorbed a lot from Zoroastrianism, which seems the origin of post-mortem judgement, heaven, and hell in the Abrahamic religions.

Enoch is canonical in the Ethiopian church, and there are fragments in Aramaic among the Dead Sea Scrolls. It isn't part of the Nag Hammadi codices.

https://www.itsgila.com/images/gehenna3.gif
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gehenna

there is also Gehenna, or the Valley of Hinnom, which has been translated as Hell in the English Bible. this is one of those areas where the Biblical accounts include some historical truth: excavations have concluded irl child sacrifices occurred in the name of ancient pagan deities in ancient Carthage. that area itself is legendary for sorcerers.