What's the weirdest thing you've overheard on public transit?

* GROGGY HOMELESS GUY gets on bus (in Free Ride zone in downtown). GROGGY sits near me, and also near very attractive young business woman clearly ready Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead.
* GROGGY to YOUNG WOMAN: "Hey, I've read that book. That's a great one you chose there"
* YOUNG WOMAN faux-earnestly charmed: "Why thank you! I've been meaning to pick it up all this time. I find it fascinating! *smiles*"
* GROGGY : "Yeah that's right.... Reading is great for the soul."
* YOUNG WOMAN : *nods head* "I agree" *smiles*
* (pause)
* YOUNG WOMAN gets off bus. Smiles to GROGGY faux-earnestly as she departs.
* GROGGY to me: "Worst FUCKING BOOK EVER WRITTEN!..... but she was HOT!"

I mean, wtf is this? It feels like a super stretchy pair of lips, and it fits in your pocket.

(Also, I think if you read a whole bunch of them, the hilarity effect is cumulative. Although that could just be me.)

How much of it is because it's out of context, and how much is because it's actually weird, I wonder?

I once heard two people at a sidewalk cafe. Here's what I first heard:

Woman: "Do you think he'll drop one again?"
Man: "I can't believe it was on purpose".
Woman: "It's like the fucking Exorcist or something, Stephen King".
Man: "We might have to move".

Anyway, turns out there was a crow on the roof dropping pebbles on the couple's table. Soon as I learned this, I looked up and there he was, peering over the edge with a pebble in his beak. Now, in context their conversation wasn't odd, but come to think of it, the story is.

I wish I had the faith to be an atheist.

I hope you don't take this personally, but I don't like you.

I'm lost. I understand, but I'm lost.

I've never voted in my life and I've never voted since.

Loads more, guys!

Men who use Macs rather than PCs tend to have quite small cocks.

(Full disclosure, I use a Mac.)

Haha!

Okay, okay, I'll stop...

Look. A canary. You don't see many of those on the tube.

"YOU BETTER STEP OFF OR I'LL HAVE MY FAGGOT FRIENDS BEAT YOU UP!"

(Now, if someone overheard me saying that on a bus...)

Hmm. It is actually spring, isn't it?

"Let go of me! I've got a warrant!"

"I know I shouldn't have slept with your sister, but you were pregnant!"

(Dan's shouted quotes are making me laugh. Jerry Springer indeed. Brilliant.)

I can explain this one. This refers to the famous April Fool's joke played by legendary BBC journalist David Dimbleby in around about the late 50's on the current affairs programme Panorama. Dimbleby made up a filmed report from somewhere that was supposed to be Italy where he covered the failure of the latest "spaghetti crops" (lots of shots of actors dressed up in Italian-country garb sadly looking at limp strands of pasta hanging from trees, IIRC).

-- David A.

Hey David, why not go down the aphorism route? It's perfect for lazy people like me.

But seriously, when I get out from under a self-imposed mountain of stuff to do, I'm hoping to take the damn thing up again. I mean, I'm barely even reading blogs at the moment.

-- David A.

Yeah, yeah! That's be great I reckon.

sorry that was beside the point perhaps...