Give us some of your observational comedy

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Inspired by another thread where someone said the words, "observational comedy".

― christhamrin (christhamrin), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:16 (twenty-one years ago)

women be shoppin

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:18 (twenty-one years ago)

older black women are often excitable

men of all races enjoy a bit of ribaldry every now and again

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:20 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.shomertec.com/products/the_brief_safe.jpg

The "Brief Safe" is an innovative new diversion safe that can secure your cash, documents, and other small valuables from inquisitive eyes and thieving hands, both at home and when you're traveling. Items can be hidden right under their noses with these specially-designed briefs which contain a fly-accessed 4" x 10" secret compartment with Velcro® closure and "special markings" on the lower rear portion. Leave the "Brief Safe" in plain view in your laundry basket or washing machine at home, or in your suitcase in a hotel room - even the most hardened burgler or most curious snoop will "skid" to a screeching halt as soon as they see them. (Wouldn't you?) Made in USA. One size. Color: white (and brown). $9.00

― andy, Friday, 2 April 2004 23:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Women drivers, am I right?

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Factorials! I mean 4! = 24, but 5! = 120. What's up with that?

― donut bitch (donut), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Well what about men?

Give them a beer and something naked to look at. Thats all they need!

(Also they use the remote like they are hunting animals as cavemen used to do)

― christhamrin (christhamrin), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:31 (twenty-one years ago)

you can't buy boots in Boots

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 2 April 2004 23:34 (twenty-one years ago)

What is it with the expression 'flat calm' anyway? 'I went down to the beach and the water was flat calm'. 'No surfing today, it's flat calm out there'. You know what I'd like to see? Water that was bumpy calm. Now THAT I'd like to see. They should call it Roundteen.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Saturday, 3 April 2004 00:42 (twenty-one years ago)

And what is it with all those recorded announcements at the train station - 'We apologise for the delay and regret any inconvenience caused'. No you don't, you're a computer! You don't even have any cognitive awareness!

Hey, ya know, I'm going to carry around a tape recorder. Any time I screw up and need to apologise, I'm just going to play a tape that says, 'Hey, I'm so sorry'. It doesn't even have to be my voice! Maybe I can sell this idea, you know, 'The person you are talking to apologises for anything he or she did or didn't do'. And what is it with milk bottles anyway?

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Saturday, 3 April 2004 00:51 (twenty-one years ago)

It's funny because it's true!

― ..., Saturday, 3 April 2004 00:53 (twenty-one years ago)

If cats are so much smarter than dogs then how come you've never seen a cat lead a blind man across a road? Hold on, is that an observation or not?

― Dadaismus (Dada), Saturday, 3 April 2004 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

That would've made me laugh.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Saturday, 3 April 2004 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

DB stole my factorials one. And my initials. Fucker.

― Donna Brown (Donna Brown), Saturday, 3 April 2004 05:16 (twenty-one years ago)

What's the deal with air? I mean, you breathe it in, and then you breathe it out. Can't our lungs make up their minds?

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 3 April 2004 05:21 (twenty-one years ago)

very good. To my dad joke mind.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Saturday, 3 April 2004 06:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Airplane food is sometimes inferior to other food

― Sym (shmuel), Saturday, 3 April 2004 06:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Hi Sym!

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Saturday, 3 April 2004 06:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Some people bike to work. Most people drive.

COME ON PEOPLE! Let me in on the story here!

― donut bitch (donut), Saturday, 3 April 2004 06:59 (twenty-one years ago)

See donut, Sym's joke is unadorned Jewish humour, straight from the oven, with no goyishe trimmings. Seriously. Gentiles don't get Jewish humour, which is merely factual, yet for some reason we find bare facts self-existently funny. For a Jew to make it on the comedy circuit, and get a lot of shiksas, it has to be cartooned up to a Christian audience. That requires a lot of exaggeration and cartooning. This is where Sym's joke fell short. Too Jewish. Needs some goyishe trimmings.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Saturday, 3 April 2004 07:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Men just want to drink beer and watch sports, but occasionally are prevented from accomplishing these simple goals by their wives or girlfriends who think "we need to talk".

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 3 April 2004 07:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Men are physical and dumb. Women are intellectual and complex and insane.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Saturday, 3 April 2004 07:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I've posted this before, but it bears repeating:

http://modernhumorist.com/mh/0101/standup/

― jaymc (jaymc), Saturday, 3 April 2004 07:23 (twenty-one years ago)

For a Jew to make it on the comedy circuit, and get a lot of shiksas, it has to be cartooned up to a Christian audience. That requires a lot of exaggeration and cartooning.
Damn! How exactly do I goy up my joke?

― Sym (shmuel), Saturday, 3 April 2004 07:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't change a thing!

― christhamrin (christhamrin), Wednesday, 7 April 2004 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Uh, but y'know, saying "What's up with blah, blah, blah?" ironically is as hackneyed as saying it non-ironically.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 7 April 2004 16:06 (twenty-one years ago)

When I try to access jaymc's link at work, I got this:

Access Denied (content_filter_denied)

Your request was denied because of its content categorization: "Humor;Dating;Mature"

For assistance, contact your network support team.

― Baked Bean Teeth (Baked Bean Teeth), Wednesday, 7 April 2004 16:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, from a very funny, established comic, "I am so old. When I was a kid it was the stone age!...There were dinosaurs!"

― christhamrin (christhamrin), Wednesday, 7 April 2004 16:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey, some of those rock stars that were once young are now really, really old!!!

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 7 April 2004 16:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Like Mick Jagger...here, watch me do the rooster, but I'm moving my arms like I'm pushing a wheelchair!

Oh wait, that's impressions. Is doing impressions still hip and edgy?

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 7 April 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"still"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 7 April 2004 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

What's up with the expression "sweating like a pig"? Pigs don't have sweat glands, they can't sweat! GET ONE CLUE.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 7 April 2004 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

spell pig backwards, out loud, and then say funny.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 7 April 2004 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

two years pass...

i like this one

― artdamages, Tuesday, 6 March 2007 08:35 (eighteen years ago)

I mean yo buddy, that response was like a little late, ya know what I'm sayin?!!

― Hurting 2, Friday, 9 March 2007 05:11 (eighteen years ago)

Second Life? These people don't have a first life.

― moley, Friday, 9 March 2007 05:19 (eighteen years ago)

So why are we seeing so much Anna Nicole all the time? I can think of two pretty big reasons!

― Hurting 2, Friday, 9 March 2007 05:22 (eighteen years ago)

have you heard of this guy neil hamburger? what is it with this guy? he doesn't tell any jokes.

― artdamages, Friday, 9 March 2007 05:29 (eighteen years ago)

so whats the deal with breakfast? am i supposed to brush my teeth before breakfast or after? i'm not going to do it twice!

― artdamages, Friday, 9 March 2007 05:55 (eighteen years ago)

i don't think irish people 'do' or 'get' observational comedy very well. all our stand-ups are impressively frantic and shouty. so irish observational comedy tends to go something like

AAARGH THE WORLD IS FUCKED!

that's pretty much a quote.

― darraghmac, Friday, 9 March 2007 06:00 (eighteen years ago)

so oftentimes men make money and mow the lawn, but isn't it true that women are the ones who boss the men around?

― artdamages, Saturday, 10 March 2007 05:16 (eighteen years ago)

Men like blue cheese, and women don't!

This was my mom's only line she ever came up with for comedy of any kind.

― Abbott, Saturday, 10 March 2007 05:17 (eighteen years ago)

What's the deal with air? I mean, you breathe it in, and then you breathe it out. Can't our lungs make up their minds?

latebloomer (latebloomer) on Saturday, April 3, 2004 12:21 AM (2 years ago)

lol i just came here to post this joke!

― latebloomer, Saturday, 10 March 2007 05:18 (eighteen years ago)

WHAT IS THE DEAL with people who show up to a movie after it's started and get really picky about their seats? I MEAN WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THAT. you're late, bro, people be wantin to watch the movie and not have to look at you standing there pondering the best seat in the house, just sit the fuck down and better luck next time. AMIRITE.

― get bent, Sunday, 11 March 2007 08:34 (eighteen years ago)

WHAT IS THE DEAL with people who use public toilets and don't flush? i understand that some toilets have their flushing quirks but i can USUALLY tell the difference between when the thing is backed up and when someone just left a turd in the bowl and peaced. amirite.

― get bent, Sunday, 11 March 2007 08:42 (eighteen years ago)

also WHAT IS THE DEAL with people who spit? it's like "omg saliva: the silent killer. if i swallow any of this excess moisture in my mouth i will die." rite?

DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON LITTERING.

― get bent, Sunday, 11 March 2007 08:46 (eighteen years ago)

Why do people always say "what is the deal"? Why can't they just say "why" like the rest of us? Is there some secret underground of dealing going on that I don't know about?

― Curt1s Stephens, Sunday, 11 March 2007 08:48 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, what's up with that?

― the next grozart, Sunday, 11 March 2007 13:21 (eighteen years ago)

Seinfeld hast ruined a generation.

― Abbott, Sunday, 11 March 2007 18:12 (eighteen years ago)

one month passes...

Something I think actually is kind of funny, but in a subtle way:

When you go to see a therapist for long enough, at some point you start to have the same person always in the waiting room after you. Right now it's always this guy in his mid to late 20s, around my age, and he looks like a nice enough guy, and the other day I came out of a fairly emotionally intense session and there he was and I automatically said "Hey, how's it going," and he said "What's up man?"

It's just a funny, awkward relationship to have with someone - always seeing them right after pouring out your fears and insecurities to a stranger, with the impossibility of ever actually striking up a conversation (and it would be even weirder if you did)

― Hurting 2, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 03:45 (eighteen years ago)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahaha

Sad but true, like my favorite Metallica song.

― Abbott, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 04:37 (eighteen years ago)

Not to mention at that same moment, he's ABOUT to do the exact same thing, yet you both strike this forced casual attitude like you're just running into each other at the gym.

― Hurting 2, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 04:57 (eighteen years ago)

that's hilarious. you guys should start trading off complexes in an offhand way. like, just a couple of guys with some issues. what's up? you gonna watch the game?

― negotiable, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 05:28 (eighteen years ago)

"Man, that thing Dr. Pollack does with his hands is ridiculous!"

― Hurting 2, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 05:29 (eighteen years ago)

"ribaldry"

― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 09:51 (eighteen years ago)

I've been going "GEEE EYE PEEE FUNNY" for the last few minutes, and I still don't get it.

― The Wayward Johnny B, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 14:12 (eighteen years ago)

Me too. What is that?

― call all destroyer, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 14:44 (eighteen years ago)

Gee, I pee funny.

― negotiable, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 14:50 (eighteen years ago)

" "

― negotiable, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 14:50 (eighteen years ago)

Oh, I was saying it too fast, like trying to make it a single word.

― call all destroyer, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 14:57 (eighteen years ago)

You should only attempt that if you are Jerry Lewis.

― accentmonkey, Wednesday, 9 May 2007 15:09 (eighteen years ago)

two years pass...

You'd think stuff that's been around for a hundred years should be well designed by now, right? Wrong. Consider the hamburger. Yes, your regular, humble or otherwise hamburger. Take a bite of an air hamburger right now. Go on. Thumbs below, other fingers above, yeah? So why do they put the flimsiest piece of bread at the bottom and the sturdy one at the top? In addition to thumbs having less surface area than other fingers combined, resulting in a hypothetical equal force both ways imparting more pressure on the underside than above at the best of times, well, there is gravity! Inverse saddleshape hello! The sturdy piece of bread should go under the patty! You know, people call me a messy eater! WHAT'S THE DEAL?

― anatol_merklich, Tuesday, 4 August 2009 18:52 (fifteen years ago)

so this seinfeld guy, what's the DEAL with this guy?

― Bobkate Goldtwat (darraghmac), Tuesday, 4 August 2009 18:53 (fifteen years ago)

(xpost) problem is solved by only ever eating Luther Burgers...

― grocery groin (snoball), Tuesday, 4 August 2009 19:09 (fifteen years ago)

i agree with this burger assessment. in fact just last week i had a burger that as disgustingly messy due to the soaked & flimsy bottom bun!

― ian, Tuesday, 4 August 2009 19:10 (fifteen years ago)

Would turning burger upside-down really make it less messy? sounds like a job for SCIENCE

― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 4 August 2009 19:12 (fifteen years ago)

FOOD SCIENCE ftw.

― anatol_merklich, Tuesday, 4 August 2009 19:14 (fifteen years ago)

if faced with a flimsy bottom bun i put lettuce below the burger to prevent the juices from saturating the bun

― omar little, Tuesday, 4 August 2009 19:15 (fifteen years ago)

(NB I do that turning all the time, as e.g. during the ten minutes before I observationalized that post. ALSO in establishments where burger is served in cardboard container vel sim: put it down (upside down) on top of box after each bite to lessen the time of thumbpressure on the sturdier, yet still not sturdy enough original top, now bottom. Maybe I just have skinny thumbs.)

xp omar that may be genius! Will be a pest remembering to bring lettuce at all times though. :p

― anatol_merklich, Tuesday, 4 August 2009 19:19 (fifteen years ago)

I am not averse to rotating a sandwich about any axis in order to maximize its edibility and/or deliciousness.

― Calling me a fixer-upper insults those who can be fixed (Deric W. Haircare), Tuesday, 4 August 2009 19:47 (fifteen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.