Stupidest things that your or your friends have said while on drugz

blurted out by a stoned friend of mine as a bunch of us were walking through the woods.

(it was funny at the time).

A friend of mine after I put my headphones on his head while he was on acid. What was playing? Set Adrift On Memory Bliss.

Me, stoned. If I even said it out loud, I really don't know.

and lots of stupid shit on coke

me(again, drunk) we are the future pro stars of the nation and we can do anything we want. we fucking rule this fucking town

I honestly couldnt remember the word "Internet"

This was said at a New Yerars Eve party that unexpectedly had Les Dennis as one of the guests...but he'd left, slightly freaked by then.

I would regale you with stories, but I'm afraid all I can do when I've has a smoke is sit there motionless for hours - every movement feels like my bits of my limbs are falling off.

(note: the "mouse" was actually a potato)

Them: "This IS Tiny Dancer."

Me: "Oh."

Ronan you have the best friends on drugs stories man, this and the distressed cow one crack me up.

"Zo? That isnt a word. What sort of a word is Zo?" (it was explained to me it was some kind of african tool or sheep or something)

(five minutes later when its my go again)

"What the hell is this zo? ZO ISNT A WORD"

I did this about six times, my poor friends. And all I was was horribly drunk, I wasnt even on anything.

A friend of mine took a little too much gbh a few years ago and went out to a club. She was dancing about fine, a bit mangled but generally ok until she needed to go to the toilet. So, she headed of in the direction of the toilets only to almost bump into someone coming through a doorway. They did that whole moving out the way for each other thing, but both went the same way so did it again, and again and agin and again for about 6 or 7 minutes until she realised that she was standing in front of a mirror.

"YEAH YEAH! WE'RE THE COWBOYS! AND WE CAN DO WHAT THE FUCK WE LIKE!"

followed up shortly by:

"I CAN'T EVEN SEE!"

"See that? That's the pole star. I can find my way home cos that's the pole star. If you tried to find your way home, you'd get lost and you'd probably end up in Africa or something."

so we're all in the tv room, except for my one friend who has gone into the kitchen to make himself 'cheese melts' or whatever, and then we hear this strange yelping noise. we rush into the kitchen, and i see my friend hunched over the counter, and we can't tell if he's sobbing hysterically or laughing hysterically. after it's been determined that he is indeed laughing, we ask him why. we wait around for a minute or two for him to compose himself. everyone else gets too bored and leaves, but i want to hear the reason. "I... I... I CAN SEE TIME!!" he says.

"Ozzie Smith could turn a double play like a spiderweb in the army."

uh yeah.

LOOK OVER THE TREES ITS GOD!

Then started running again, this time so vigourously that with each stride his legs were fully outstretched before coming in contact with the road, thus greatly unbalancing him and causing everything in his pockets to fly out.

"C3PO was a mod! Look at that tight suit..." (me, acid, watching Blur's Starshaped, Quadrophenia and The Empire Strikes Back in quick succession, 1994)

*somebody waiting for me to reply*

"Sorry, I was distracted by my eyebrows."

Venue, camden palace back in the day of 'orange'and 'peach' - when they had that green laser and played 'Aaaaaalright! as the last song... you get the scene! My mate after several too many pills, I discovered her on my rather long visit to the loo (unavoidable in those days) spinning round on the dance floor, at which point I informed her that she was 'smokin', which she looked thrilled about and said 'yeah I know' thinking I was referring to her dancing, at which point I had to grab her and say - NO REALLY, YOU ARE SMOKING - I then put my hand in her said 'smoking' pocket to find that she had put her lit fag in it to "save it for later"......

"Yeah man, for me it's like, ten times eleven."

"Duuuuuuuude."

he brought with him an enormous bag of grass, which we sat smoking for an entire afternoon. after a couple of hours, a queasy silence had descended. the music had stopped, but none of us could move to change the CD. the only sound was the occasional noise of my flatmate skinning up again.

suddenly the haze was rent asunder by colin's mighty yell: "don't smoke the seeds! they give you bollock cancer!"

then he slumped back in his seat, and all was calm once more.

"Humans of earth, [raises Sun into the air], you will eat it or wear it!!"

"Zo? That isnt a word. What sort of a word is Zo?" (it was explained to me it was some kind of african tool or sheep or something)

(five minutes later when its my go again)

"What the hell is this zo? ZO ISNT A WORD"

I did this about six times, my poor friends. And all I was was horribly drunk, I wasnt even on anything.

-- Trayce (trayc...), May 13th, 2004.

Zo isn't a word, they tricked you...

"HOORAY FOR BOOBIES!"

me and jon williams: fucking laugh for the better part of twenty minutes.

----

same friend, more weed, different day: "Jon -- I just went to the kitchen and it was crazy shit happenin in there. I could see Time emenating from the fucking linoleum. It was comin up like backwards moss."

me and jon williams: fucking laugh for the better part of twenty minutes.

Ah, it was funny at the time.

haha gold

5 or so years ago: Me, high on e, to my brother and his friend, falling-down drunk, outside a club in downtown eastside Vanc0uver, mumbling things about wanting to buy crack just b/c it's being offered by sketchy guys in doorways: "Listen to me, just listen: Don't buy crack on the street. Don't. Buy. Crack. On. The. Street." Then I thought about it in that addled way and was like, well, it is crack, I guess that's where you buy it. Thankfully I didn't voice this and they changed their tune to wanting pizza instead, which was just a better idea all around.

also

"This road has a lot of stones in it"

That was me at Glasto on shrooms some years back.

"I was just about to say that!!!"

"Me too!"

UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER FOR APPROXIMATELY TEN MINUTES

"Ow my stomach, from laughing."

"Ow my sides"

"Ow, my... extra set of teeth"

UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER FOR APPROXIMATELY TWENTY MINUTES

Not that I knew what she actually said mind you.

He and his friend are in a convertible driving home baked. It's a nice mid-summer day. Anyway, they pull into the driveway where his dad (who will provide beer to his then-17-year-old son but disallows any usage of marijuana) is mowing the lawn. He turns off the lawnmower and walks up to the car and yells, "I know you guys are fucking high!" They panic and Mike says, "Huh?" His dad tells him, "Drive around the block, figure it out, and come back here."

They drive around and come back. His dad yells, "Didn't figure it out?" They are flipping out and have no idea how he's onto them. He then points at the windshield where the wipers are on full blast, completely oblivious to the stoners. True story.

"You think flipping burgers is easy? EASY? I am an ARTIST! I am a PRO-DUC-ER! First I gotta grill the burgers, then I gotta cut the lettuce and I MIX and I MIX and I MIX like a DJ. It is not EASY! I know I'M SPITTING but you have INSULTED ME! I'M JAMES BROWN!*"

* - Circa 4 years before Dave Chapelle's Rick James bit.

To make it up, two roommates and I smoked Salvia while another friend was the "spotter" (per the instructions on the package). The first guy did it out of a gravity bong and immediately went bug-eyed, yelling at the two us about to smoke, sitting on the couch: "NOOOO!" He then went up to the spotter and said, "Fuck you, Satan!" He was gently pushed back on the couch where he proceeded to writhe around and mumble "Help me!" as we watched, completely unable to comprehend what the fuck was going on.

Once the high ended he explained that he thought the two of us across the couch were bodyguards for Satan (the spotter). He felt trapped in hell but the drug had made him too powerless to even attempt to fight back.

"Ha ha, guys, it's like we're walking on a treadmill. We just keep walking the same couple of feet over and over again. Those are the same houses we keep walking past!"

When I took a hit--for some reason Formula One racing was on TV--and all I could see were the numbers from the cars floating on the ceiling, yet they all somehow added up to ten (I have no explanation). I tried to get up and just fell on my ass. The Salvia was so potent it made me lean to the right, as that whole side of my body was numb.

My other friend just laughed for five minutes and did nothing else.

Another one, not so much talking, but my buddy and I smoked our brains out and were playing Mario Kart Double Dash when it first came out. Afterwards we were jamming on guitar and I came up with a really great riff and we wrote a song together that night. I even played it live once or twice.
FORWARD 10 MONTHS
Playing Mario Kart again, for the first time since my buddy first got it. this time, not stoned... we're racing Mushroom City and I think "Hmmm, what a great song... hey wait, thats... FUCK!" I had subliminally ripped off that weird jazzy riff and "wrote" it as a song.

"OMG, we really need some water!"
-Me "Noooo dude, the gum has the water in it!"

"Hey guys, look...I'm 3-D"- friend in 9th grade, stoned

*in 80s vacation promo video voice*
"Come tour our beautiful volcanoes and jungles, and get temporarily addicted to heroin!"-cc

"ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T COLLECT TRASH IS A FUCKING MORON"

Me: That lady and that man...they are going to act out the cover of that one board game.
Everyone Else: What board game?
Me:....I don't know.

It turns out the board game was Mastermind.