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I'm an insecure fuckwit.

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Okay, I post here quite often, but this is a little teensy bit embarassing. I decided to ask this based on the crush thread....I know that my boyfriend had absolutely fantastic sex with this absolute bitch of a girl (I was the friend that lived with the discussion of the obsession while he was fucking her). At the time I said nothing, I was a firend after all, and I thought that this didn't bother me because, since we started dating (about six months ago) we've always had terrific sex. Thing is, the other night another one of bitch girls suitors was talking about her and my BF starts referencing how great the sex was. Later on, when we were talking about how its too bad that this fellow fell for her, I made some flippant comment, "well I guess she's at least a decent lay" and his response was something along the lines of "hells yeah". I joked back with "well, let's hope I rate", to which he responded "great sex isn't everything". Why do I feel awful now--still--10hours later???

― pleasehelp, Monday, 5 April 2004 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

cause that was a shitty thing of your boyfriend to say.

sometimes little white lies are good things.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Monday, 5 April 2004 20:48 (twenty-one years ago)

because he sounds like a cocksucker?
xpost

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 April 2004 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)

sounds like a dick.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 5 April 2004 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Stick week old haddocks down the front of his pants.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 5 April 2004 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay--so I'm not overreacting here?

― pleasehelp, Monday, 5 April 2004 20:52 (twenty-one years ago)

worst thing i've ever had a girlfriend say to me:

me: (self-deprecatingly) "yeah, well i'm sure i'm not the biggest guy you've ever been with."
her: no, no you're not.
me: (stunned silence.)
her: (dawning omg face.)

we got over it.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 April 2004 20:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Was he serious???? If he was joking, that's one thing. He is right...great sex ISN"T everything, but it is sure a GOOD thing. I would just tell him that the comment upset me, and see how he reacts. Guys may be dumb sometimes, but that isn't an excuse to be completely insensitive!!!

― tg, Monday, 5 April 2004 20:52 (twenty-one years ago)

No, you're not overreacting. It was a crappy thing to say.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Monday, 5 April 2004 20:53 (twenty-one years ago)

oh my god, seriously, WHAT A PRICK. i think you might need to get rid of this guy -- if he's going to be that casually insensitive to you, it might be best to cut your losses. (sorry if this sounds harsh.)

― maura (maura), Monday, 5 April 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

What the fuck was he doing talking about some hoodrat he banged in front of you anyway?

― bill stevens (bscrubbins), Monday, 5 April 2004 20:56 (twenty-one years ago)

.....because the guys comment was pretty nasty. I mean I'm all about telling the truth or whatever but fuck, to make that kind of comment would crush anyone.

Look here's my experience and I hope it helps you some.

I went out with this guy, I spoke to most of his ex-girlfriends (because they were all quite friendly to me) they all claimed he was awesome in bed and had a massive dick, so naturally I awaited the first time we were together. So anyhow, as it turns out the guy was beyond average in bed, couldn't get it up and his dick was average-sized (not that that element really bothered me that much)

I'm certainly no porn star in bed, I don't have tons of experience either even though most of his girlfriends did. So I guess what I'm trying to say is different strokes for different folks you know? What he might've found dull in you, someone else will find amazingly good. And likewise.

― dot, Monday, 5 April 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

i guess you can be too honest and insensitive in venting your 'frustration'

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 5 April 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Look, it takes 2 people to be good in bed, and anyone who doesn't realise that knows less than they think.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)

is it possible he meant that 'with her the sex was great but she was otherwise a nightmare' and that 'with you the sex is _______ and you are additionally a wonderful person'?

xpost colin otfm

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:11 (twenty-one years ago)

geez...i most certainly hope that's the case, mookieproof.

― pleasehelp, Monday, 5 April 2004 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

okay, i think the big thing is: is this common or was it just a one off thing? the above exchange i posted was about four months into our relationship, and if i had broken it off with her after one stupid, hurtful thing, i would have felt pretty stupid. (provided i had my magic crystal ball to see the future that could have beeeeeeen.)

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Proof positive your (should be ex-) BF is an insensitive ass. If he's going to put you down like that, kick him out (if he's living with you). Is he's not, even better. Dump him, as he's clearly the insecure fuckwit.

Trust me, you deserve better than that treatment.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

if it's one in a string of things, though, then it's tabasco up the urethra for him

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

haha god remind me never to date any of you mini-mussolinis

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

okay, i think the big thing is: is this common or was it just a one off thing?

Depends, strongo, whether this was said in anger. (Whatever the truth is, that was pure insensitivity on her part.)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:24 (twenty-one years ago)

You've got to learn about another's body and be sensitive to their ways of moving etc, like dancing... this takes at least a few weeks. It's an adventure for two... the irony is that the ones who think they know it all aren't prepared to learn... their routine becomes increasingly repetitive, like a bunch of moves thrown together, with no listening and responding involved. These are the ones who think they're 'good in bed'. They sort of wear out their welcome very quickly.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:25 (twenty-one years ago)

in anger? it sounds like he thought it was perfectly OK, to say. dick.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:25 (twenty-one years ago)

The "OMG I fucked up I said totally the wrong thing to my gf but she dumped me without giving me a second chance!!!" thread would be full of "you can do better anyway, at least you learn from your mistakes" and "serves her right, she didn't deserve you anyway," but that has more to do with the internet and the politeness of vague support than anything else.

jess otm, in other words, about pattern. I mean, you wouldn't want him to lie. He just fucked up and completely missed his cue -- he's probably never seen any stand-up comedy or sitcoms.

If he doesn't get that he fucked up, that's different.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh I believe in second chances for sure, but he totally deserves to have his name be mud for at least a week or so.

..and withholding sex? He just gave you a perfectly good reason, either that or you give him the best sex you can muster till he's so worn out he'll think the other girl was dull in comparison.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:32 (twenty-one years ago)

i think it was defnitely a crappy thing to say but I could definitely see how it could have been done completely without thinking. meaning he wasn't intentionally mean, just a dumbass.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:34 (twenty-one years ago)

"withholding" sex is such dishonest manipulative bullshit that it would deserve it's own "what an asshole" thread. . .

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey, I've never actually done it. I've only heard about it on springer and ricki lake :)

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:37 (twenty-one years ago)

The best you can say about the original exchage is that he's either tactless, clueless or painfully narcissistic.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

If you're tying the narcissism to the "it takes two to have good sex" thing, you're overselling it. It takes two people to play a good game of chess, too, but that doesn't mean chess ability is nonexistant.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Sex is a competition?

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Metaphors aren't equations, man.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I think of it more like a pleaureable activity for two, like a conversation. Narcissistic activity would be the equivalent of one person not listening to the other.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:45 (twenty-one years ago)

What I was saying was that if you were throwing the possible narcissist accusation in because you don't think he realizes it takes two people for good sex, I think that's pushing the point.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 5 April 2004 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)

haha god remind me never to date any of you mini-mussolinis

yeah, right? pleasehelp, you're totally justified in feeling bad because that was an assy, callous thing to say but really! giving someone with whom you're happy the boot over one dumb comment seems extremely severe, to say the least. if it's part of a pattern of demeaning behavior towards you then of course you should put an end to things, but otherwise remember that we all screw up from time to time.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 5 April 2004 22:56 (twenty-one years ago)

THERE WILL BE NO MISTAKES! THE TOILET SEAT WILL BE DOWN! THE TRAINS WILL RUN ON TIME!

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 April 2004 22:58 (twenty-one years ago)

How about not seeing him for a week, and when he whines, say "well hey, sex isnt everything man".

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 5 April 2004 23:03 (twenty-one years ago)

nice trayce! lovin' it :)

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Monday, 5 April 2004 23:04 (twenty-one years ago)

HOW ABOUT TALKING TO HIM?!!?!

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 April 2004 23:05 (twenty-one years ago)

jesus christ.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 April 2004 23:05 (twenty-one years ago)

"i know, i'll put an old sandwich in the back of his locker until it stinks! that'll learn him!"

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 April 2004 23:05 (twenty-one years ago)

or writing it off as a very ill-thought out and bad joke and venting to a pal over a few beers?

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 5 April 2004 23:06 (twenty-one years ago)

jess - do you talk to him after you call him a "cocksucker" or before?

― bnw (bnw), Monday, 5 April 2004 23:07 (twenty-one years ago)

if i said something assy and then my girlfriend ignored me for a week or "withheld sex", i think I'D be doing the breaking up

bnw if your question wasn't faulty from the top down, i'd reply

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 April 2004 23:08 (twenty-one years ago)

i.e. i'm not dating him, dumbass

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 April 2004 23:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I hate to defend the guy, but I can see someone saying that as a joke, just being sarcastic.

Still assholish but hardly a crime against the state. Unless, of course, he was absolutely serious. (Which I kind of doubt)

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Monday, 5 April 2004 23:09 (twenty-one years ago)

j - i get it, but i think you had a similar initial reaction to the story as did many of the people you are claiming to be lil' benito's.

― bnw (bnw), Monday, 5 April 2004 23:10 (twenty-one years ago)

and since "pleasehelp" refuses to answer about whether or not it was a one-off or a pattern, i figured i'd give the cocksucker the benefit of the doubt that it was a one time thing

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 April 2004 23:11 (twenty-one years ago)

well yeah i'm not saying he/she has to talk to him TODAY or anything, but she SHOULD talk to him.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 April 2004 23:13 (twenty-one years ago)

i think i'm just burnt-out/embittered about any sort of passive-aggression these days

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, 5 April 2004 23:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 30 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.
Is it the same as the cheese straw story?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyway - my advice is to video him wanking and send the tape to his parents.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

ah the squirrel tail. . .forget better sex with exes or imaginary sex with teen idols the squirrel tail is the issue that will divide them all.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

there are WAAAAAAAAY too many search results for "cheese vomit"

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

*shudders*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I think my ability to understand sex or anything to do with relationships has completely gone out the window. I don't get this at all.

― mandee, Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

i think pleasehelp has learned a much more valuable lesson here today

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah never ask a bunch of insecure fuckwits for advice.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

yes.
it's don't date. ever.
especially don't date guys that say "hells yeah."

― mandee, Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

we need to paste this whole thread into the FAQ i think

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't date ever is I think better advice than it might sound

― Mr Mime (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

i too would like to retain my freshness longer

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Are the people here who think obsessive crushes are okay to mention to their SOs also people who don't mind being told that their SO's ex is fucking magic in the sack? The two concepts go hand in hand in my mind at least.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:49 (twenty-one years ago)

and don't forget throwing squirrell tails.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

barry if you can point out anywhere on this thread that anyone has said what the guy said is flat-out "okay" i will eat a broken beer bottle

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Hang on, Jess, I was the person who most agreed with you! And it was an honest question - I'm nowhere near secure enough to be told this information, but some people obviously are.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 14:53 (twenty-one years ago)

haha well yeah i would crumble like wee dandielion if i heard anything about my gf's ex-bf's monstrous break-down-the-walls hear the lamentations of their women elephant cocks

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

after reading this thread i'm beginning to think i've stumbled across the two most secure men in the world. (i know that in the case of at least one that's not true but you got to give him credit for trying.)

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

is there something wrong with me for thinking that this really isn't that big of a deal? barring past bad behavior, i mean?

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I would be severely grossed out if the guy I was dating started getting all nostalgic about ex-girlfriend boning. These things are just better not mentioned, EVAH.

― mandee, Tuesday, 6 April 2004 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Sam, I read that as "give him credit for lying" and I wonder if that's not closer to the truth :/

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

well hopefully he's trying to change yet remain honest to himself at the same time. all i can do is be honest and hope he is as well if it doesn't work for him.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 16:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, Barry, it's *exactly* the same thing. Cause, like, fantasy-imagination-sex which has never happened outside of your mind is EXACTLY the same thing as actual-physical-sex you've had with other people.

Wow, no wonder you have such a healthy view of women if you can't tell the difference between fantasy women and ex girlfriends!

― Super-Kate (kate), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

i think his point was that he saw both situations as inconsiderate of your partner which is I agree with.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 16:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not sure which world view is crazier more inconsiderate! The idea of equating imaginary fantasy sex with actual sex with a psycho ex, or the idea of equating "secure" with "enough of a doormat to not care if your lover is screwing around".

Wow, and I thought I had a poor grip on reality... Oh wait, I forgot who I was talking to, never mind.

― Super-Kate (kate), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 16:26 (twenty-one years ago)

sorry I thought you could infer my meaning a little more closely.

TELLING your partner either thing is inconsiderate of their feelings is what I meant.

Or perhaps you're the one with the poor grip on understanding anyone who isn't yourself.

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Kate, don't try it. S is correct in that I both think there's almost never any justification for either.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't don't don't let's start
I've got a weak heart

― They Might Be VengaDans (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 19:34 (twenty-one years ago)

did this thread and the 'fantasy life' thread like, have a baby together somewhere 4 posts ago?

― mandee, Tuesday, 6 April 2004 19:42 (twenty-one years ago)

yes, i will give you one guess as to the mother

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 19:51 (twenty-one years ago)

or maybe that should be mid-wife

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 19:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I think she is the doula.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

oblongata

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)

This all reminds me of the very end of "Wild Hot American Summer" or whatever that movie was called that was written by The State... the line the "16 year old girl" said at the very end.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

now I'm dying to know, DB.

― mandee, Tuesday, 6 April 2004 20:22 (twenty-one years ago)

So am I.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll paraphrasing it in white text, and you'll have to highlight the following blank space to see it as to not spoil the movie for those of you who haven't seen it yet:

Basically, she made a speech about how she's not going to start dating the nerdy hero guy but will continue seeing the cute asshole that cheated on her, because he's hot, and that maybe when she's nineteen, she'll be ready to date guys with dignity, but she's 16 now, so she wants to have fun, ya know?

There. (And I really hope Andrew didn't disable the "font" tag or else, this will be a sucky thing)

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

oh right, i remember that part!

― mandee, Tuesday, 6 April 2004 20:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Worst compliment ever (delivered to a friend of mine by her ultra-clueless boyfriend, who meant to disparage the woman she was complaining bout): "Pretty girls never really know how to fuck."

― Douglas (Douglas), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 21:23 (twenty-one years ago)

but yeah honestly, the "great sex isn't everything" bit was totally not the "omg wtf how shitty" bit, like, he was probably just thinking of a throwaway line to kill the conversation cos maybe he didn't want to talk about it any further?

The "omg wtf how shitty" bit was talking about how good the sex was with the ex in the first place!!!! although from reading the first post againit seems like the girl here started this talking with bf about whether this ex-girl was a good lay in the first place.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 21:24 (twenty-one years ago)

oh dear, thats a bit of a clanger

x-post

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 21:25 (twenty-one years ago)

(I'll play devil's advocate and just say though that -- at least in my experience -- people who are in the more "pretty" category tend to be less great in bed than those are who are not. Obviously, confidence is a major factor in both categories, so one's looks ultimately don't matter at all0, but "pretty" people often are hiding something, and the lack of confidence isn't hard to see upon closer inspection)

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 22:56 (twenty-one years ago)

i fuck like a machine, so there you go

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 22:57 (twenty-one years ago)

a toaster?

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 22:57 (twenty-one years ago)

donut bitch OTM of course

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 22:57 (twenty-one years ago)

like a yugo, actually

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 22:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I've said some really stupid shit to my then-gf's back when I was younger and cockier, and in most cases they forgave me. I did not deserve it. talk to him and if he really is as dumb as that comment makes him out to be, feel free to find someone else.

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 23:19 (twenty-one years ago)

(well "feel free" in the sense that you're right and you shouldn't feel bad/guilty over this, not in the "I have given you permission huzzah!" sense.)

― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 23:19 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, if he's really this much of a dick, holla at me

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 23:21 (twenty-one years ago)

1-900-STR-ONGO

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 6 April 2004 23:21 (twenty-one years ago)


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