Favourite ILE Double Act

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Paul 'n' Kate?

Pete 'n' Emma?

Pinefox 'n' Anthony???

― Tom, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I am not sure what this means.

― anthony, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

PETE AND EMMA.

If you vote for us we will buy you a pint.

― Emma, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

PETE AND EMMA

Where is my pint

― Josh, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Unfortunately it will now be a half pint as I was not consulted in this pint buying mularkey - so unless Emma wants to buy all the pint herself you might have to restrain yerself. (Mind you I'd buy you the Lemonade and you could have a Shandy).

― Pete, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I have never heard of this abomination before but I suspect I have just been insulted. I'd rather just pay for the other half of the pint myself.

― Josh, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Can I vote for Mark, Doom Patrol and Biggie McGee?

― masonic boom, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

No Josh - do not feel slighted (well not very). The Shandy is a great British tradition which is admittedly looked down upon by certain members of society. Half a pint of beer, bitter or lager to be specified when being ordered, and half a pint of lemonade becomes the classic thirst quencher on a hot summers day. The lemonade is British clear fizzy lemonade by the way - which has never seen a lemon in its life.

The epithet "Shandy Pants" is an insult to suggest that someone cannot hold their drink - but as an insult it is very short sighted. I have ordered a Kronenberg Shandy alongside buying a Pint of Heiniken for a friend saying it was too hot for strong lager. The abv percentage alcohol difference between these two drinks is .4%. And the shandy sets you up for proper beer later.

Not only that but kids can buy pre-mixed super week shandy as evidenced by the Tesco Shandy - not to mention the kings in this area : Top Deck.

― Pete, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Shandy: Utter Classic.

― the pinefox, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

A few weeks back our office canteen started selling shandy. In cans, not draught, more's the pity. I think you would have to drink 50 cans of it in 30 minutes to get pissed. And even then you'd probably drown your internal organs first.

Pub shandy is lovely but being a small feminine girl (stop laughing Pete) I find holding a big heavy pint glass very straining.

― Emma, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

never mind Lucozade, a good pint of bitter shandy is the best way to re-hydrate yourself after a game of football. If John Barnes had asked for a bitter shandy rather than Lucozade after a game he may have actually re-created his Liverpool form when playing for England.

― cabbage, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

What do we win by the way - as this thread has officially dried up? No shandy...

― Pete, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Ah, this thread ain't dead.

Ally & the ILE board in toto. (Thought that dalliance was around during the board's nascent stages; I think they're just good friends now.)

Or Tom & his beard.

I was going to nominate Ms. Boom & the melon-farmer we all loathe to loathe, but that'd be in poor taste.

― David Raposa, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I thought shaving off my beard would kill it, but in death it has become more powerful than EVER.

― Tom, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Imagine the shame of being beaten by a man and his beard. Hmm - and no accusations that Emma is my beard.

― Pete, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Specially as Pete's beard was ginger!

― Emma, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

It used to be me and Otis but he isn't talking to me anymore, the bastard. So I say it's Tom and his deathless beard.

― Ally, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I think Cookie and the Madchen (a bit like The Hitman and Her) could be a good double act if they'd up the ante.

― the pinefox, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I think me and Ally deserve it since it was our disruptions on ILM that inspired a spin-off in the first place. Who in this bitch wants to buy me a shandy? I'll even share it with Tom's beard.

― Otis Wheeler, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I think Otis has a very good point.

― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 5 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I'm convinced Pinefox gets a 2c royalty every time he mentions Stevie T's name.

― AP, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Otia and Ally have the precedent, but their quiet period + the mounting insanity of the Pete/Emma exchanges are leaning me towards Our Favorite Brits. (I can be bribed back with alcohol/jewelry/cars/food/etc.)

― Dan Perry, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Hackney Massive vs DoominTroll is abt quality, not quantity, I like to think.

― mark s, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Ha! You should see us in real life! It's like many a famous double act throughout history e.g Ted Rogers/Dusty Bin, Felicity Kendal/Richard Briers, Cannon/Ball, Zippy/George.......

― Emma, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

2c = ?

Did someone mention Stevie T?

― the pinefox, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Ahem, 2c = 2p.

― AP, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Zippy/George surely two-thirds of a threesome? Or is Bungle an un-person, a la Trotsky under Stalin?

― mark s, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Bungle is with Geoffrey.

I am Zippy, by the way.

― Emma, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Wow, bungle is the Trotsky or Rainbow. Who'd have thunk it.

― Ed, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Having experienced the joy that is Pete and Emma in a pub, I have to say that it was a highlight of last year's trip. Bring on my upcoming one!

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Er - Emma wasn't there. I think you've mixed her up with Robin.

Or me and Emma with the lesser spotted Kate and John.

― Pete, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I will defend the straightforward, too-honest quality of Otis and Ally's past recriminations - oblique wit isn't everything. But yes, they really have fallen off haven't they?

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

We haven't fallen off, it's just a hiatus. I'll start talking to her again if someone will give me one of those beer lemonade things. It doesn't take much to bribe me. I would've gone to DC for a tapioca pearl drink.

― Otis Wheeler, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

What on earth do you mean by 'up the ante', Pinefox? I'm getting very worried...

― Ally C, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Hm, well I definitely remember you, Pete, so who the hell am I thinking of? She gave as good as she got, I remember that much!

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 6 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Otis, you didnt have to come to DC for the tapioca pearl drink, some Asian kids at the Seaport on the 4th were drinking them while me and Ramon were getting wasted on daquiris. We were there for like 8 hours and didn't see fireworks, it was the most pointless thing we could possibly do, though neither of us could top Adam's disappearing to get sunglasses and coming back in an entirely new outfit. Now that was cool.

― Ally, Sunday, 8 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Oh believe me, you would remember me if you had actually met me. But you haven't.

― Emma, Monday, 9 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Having met Emma for the first time on Friday, I can confirm this.

― alex thomson, Monday, 9 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

You liked Emma so much you absconded with her clothing. And anyone who heard her version of J Lo's My Love Don't Cost A Thing will never, ever forget it either.

― Pete, Monday, 9 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I did say I couldn't sing but you lot insisted (that's how I remember it anyway).

I think my version knocked the original into the proverbial cocked hat.

― Emma, Monday, 9 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Oi! She nicked my clothing first. But I bet she didn't sleep with it.

― alex thomson, Monday, 9 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Perhaps you could wash my jacket before returning it?

― Emma, Monday, 9 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

So your gathering was more like the New York ones, then? :)

― Josh, Monday, 9 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I'll be the judge of that when I COMPARE and CONTRAST. And then Truth will be Had.

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 9 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I would like to speak for my fellow Londoners by saying that I refuse to be judged against something I have not seen / experienced. If I had first hand experience of a wet 'n' wild out in NY I would have something against which to measure my own wild nights in sleazy London. And if we are to be judged it should be by someone of impartial nationality e.g. a Bulgarian.

― Emma, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Hey, I've had weekends out in both cities. Albeit, not with the ILE posse. Can I judge?

― masonic boom, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Not unless you are Bulgarian. You're not, are you?

― Emma, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Drat, foiled again! Bloody Belgians! Trust me, you don't want to bring one of thems on our pubcrawls... albeit, the only Belgians I ever knew were the crazy boyfriends of my Dutch stalker's room mate.

― masonic boom, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Oddly though, St Clair is the patron saint of Belgium. This kind of falls down because

a)I think the conversation was initially about Bulgaria

b)That conversation in itself was spurious and came out of the wrong brain of Emma and miles off topic

c)Kate's real surname is not St Clair but something very, very twee.

― Pete, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Belgians, Bulgarians, what's the difference? I guess I do need new glasses.

― masonic boom, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Skipping 6 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Dammit, I thought the mispelling would add credance to that lie (colour being very important to untruths). This is getting unfair, not only does Emma leap down my neck anytime I tell a vaguely unlikely tale (BSE was caused by Jelly) - but now I've got research boy Hopkins on my back. Knackers - I'm done for.

Oh and Emma your brain is wrong. Its a gratuitous insult, live with it.

― Pete, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

At least my brain isn't the wrong shape like yours, Misshapen Brain Boy.

― Emma, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I'm now assuming that Pete's brain is shaped like Idaho. Please do not attempt to dissuade me from this notion.

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Ah, my own private Idaho.

― Pete, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

What shape is Idaho? It's like one of those stupid University Challenge picture rounds where they show you outlines of the Great Lakes or what have you and you have to identify them.

Pete's brain is much much much smaller than Idaho. Or any other state.

― Emma, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Idaho is the sort of triangle shaped one where they grow all the potatoes, isn't it? Pete, you should be proud. Idaho potatoes are renowned around the world.

― masonic boom, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I think my brain is bigger than Rhode Island. But seriously its not the most cutting of insults to suggest that my brain is smaller that all the US States. Even using the word much twice is still making it seem pretty average sized.

― Pete, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I think it sad that one of the great ILE double acts should come down to jousting over a question of fact, which can of course be quite easily resolved. When you both get home, simply whip Pete's brain out and weigh it on the bathroom scales. Please let us all know the results tomorrow.

― alex thomson, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

We don't have bathroom scales which is just as well as being a girl I would probably spend more time on them than I do on ILE. We do however have kitchen scales which are good for weighing light things like flour and Pete's brain.

Pete, if you are disputing relative brain size I could tell everyone what degree we both got. I am scientifically proven to be brainier.

― Emma, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

You can see a dim outline of Idaho in the banner on this site.

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I am not afeard of you showing me up to be a dimbo. There are good reasons why I got a 2:2 in Maths and Philosophy and you got a 2:1 in French and Spanish. Some might say the relative difficulty of descipline spanning course, rather than a jumped up TEFL like what you did.

And the beer. And all the other more spurious excuses I use - the most accurate probably being I had a bad day and must have got some questions wrong. Walked out of those exams convinved I had a First too.

I won't be home til late btw if you want to wait up to weigh my brain. I'm off to see a film about Canadian adolescent werewolves.

― Pete, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Why isn't Idaho one of the Panhandle States? It definitely has more of a panhandle than, say Texas! I mean... honestly. It is not, however, particularly triangle shaped. I realise now that I got it mixed up with Nevada. However, Nevada is known for prostitutes and gambling, rather than potatoes. I will leave Emma to explain to us whether prostitutes & gambling describes Pete's brain more accurately than potatoes.

― masonic boom, Tuesday, 10 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Well he loves a bit of a flutter on the horses / dogs / result of the general election. Not sure about the ho's though.

I think, Pete, we should take it RIGHT BACK here to GCSE results, A level results, RE tests in the 4th year of middle school etc. etc. to ascertain who is best.

― Emma, Wednesday, 11 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I always have trouble paying for prostitutes. Do you pay up front or after the fact? Last time I suggested leaving a deposit...

Weight of brain turned out to be just under a kilo. Now can anybody weigh Idaho? And Emma, I think my 4 A's at A Level beat your score. However I gave up RE in the 3rd year, being religiously educated enough to no longer require further knowledge on the subject so that probably balances me out.

― Pete, Wednesday, 11 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

General Studies doesn't count. And your atrocious spelling proves that you are rubbish.

― Emma, Wednesday, 11 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Maths, Chemistry, Physics and English Literature. I know that General Studies doesn't count.

Admittedly that typing A-Level passed me by.

― Pete, Wednesday, 11 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Nonetheless the fact remains that I am 2:1 girl and you are lowly 2:2 boy. Despite my struggle against the phallocentric male-oriented ancient seat of learning we attended, I still came out ahead of you.

― Emma, Wednesday, 11 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Weighing brains is fine and well, howeva - as Graham noted in Use Other Facts - the % of it you use also counts. To determine % in use, you'll need a turkey baster.

― AP, Wednesday, 11 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Hey you bought up the A-Level's - and its quite obvious why you did so well at said phallocentric institution - you are extremely competative which is why you are engaged in this here pointless pissing contest. Luckily we are both failures in real life so the argument is now settled.

Turkey baster eh? Where do I get one of them?

― Pete, Wednesday, 11 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Pissing contest eh. Now you see if you mean the classic 'who can piss highest up a wall' contest I fear Mother Nature has given you a head start and however much yoga I do I will never win that one.

You can buy turkey basters from any good Turkey Implement shop.

― Emma, Wednesday, 11 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

All right. My vote's changed to Pete & Emma. You can have your pint.

― David Raposa, Wednesday, 11 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

WHERE IS MY PINT

― Josh, Wednesday, 11 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Lost in the post I fear. And that lemonade / jiffy bag resin is only good for about five days. Here's hoping the US Mail gets it to you on time...

― Pete, Wednesday, 11 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Did you not get it? We put it in a liquid-proof jiffy bag and everything. International post, what a farce.

We will drink one and think of you instead, if that helps.

― Emma, Wednesday, 11 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Who in your government should I contact about being reimbursed for the loss of my pint? I would think any decent government would understand the grave loss and airlift one to me. Or something. Send the foreign ambassador out to Ames with one in an Igloo.

― Josh, Wednesday, 11 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

'The foreign ambassador'? Who he? Do you mean the Foreign Secretary? We have many many ambassadors in many many parts of the world, y'know.

I think you should speak to William Hague, a well known drinker and someone who would surely sympathise with your plight.

― Emma, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

ANd he has a lot of time on his hands now too. I fear that it is the US postal service you might have to blame though. Everyone knows that the Royal Mail is the best in the world.

― Pete, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I can't believe how long Emma and Pete have kept this thread going. DON'T YOU PEOPLE HAVE HOMES TO GO TO?!?!?

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

No.

And other people keep encouraging us.

― Emma, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

are pete'n'emma like jack'n'vera?

― gareth, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

No, cos Jack and Vera are married and we just happen to live in the same house. So I suppose we have Home to go to. And Kate, that really is red rag to a bull, this thread will go on forever.

― Pete, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Like I'm one to talk, consider I go on posting, even while at home... ;-)

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I have a blonde bubble perm like Vera.

― Emma, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

please tell me pete has glasses held together by a bit of tape. it doesn't even have to be true

― gareth, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Who are Jack and Vera? I am so lost... is that anything like Terry and June? Paul and I already have dibs on being the Indie Terry & June. (Whatever they are when they're at home...)

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

No, but he does have a monocle.

― alex thomson, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I have glasses held together by a plaster. Will that do.

(However for further reading on this see the Glasses: Classic Or Dud thread and the Recreational Lying Thread too).

― Pete, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

But Pete has never been ill. Isn't poor vision a form of illness. Or are we psycho-somatically making that up, too?

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Who said I had poor vision? For the record I have one long sighted eye and one short-sighted eye, so I can see everything.

― Pete, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

So is this the result of, or the cause of the eye surgery, then?

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Neither - born with a squint so corective cosmetic surgery was done three times before the age of three. After said age it was discovered that eyes did not work in tandem. Age ten it was discovered that one was drifting short sighted, the other drifting long sighted. Nothing to be done, didn't matter as they work perfectly (just no stereoscopic vision). Not been to opticians since.

― Pete, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

That's really neat! As you can probably tell, I've always been obsessed by eyes and eye problems. My best friend in high school had an eye which she could use either in tandem, with great effort, but more likely, just wandered of its own accord. She said that she could see through both, even when they were wandering, but I could never figure out how that worked.

What does the brain do when it doesn't process in stereo? Does it process in tandem, two sets of information, or do you learn to shut down and/or disregard one set of information?

Sorry if it's really rude to ask intrusive questions like this, but I really am fascinated by this.

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Just to answer the earlier question, Jack and Vera = 'comical' OAP couple off Coronation Street. I see me and Pete as more of a Den 'n' Angie type pairing.

Pete's brain often shuts down and disregards information, if that helps.

― Emma, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I just use one eye at a time, though there is a trickle of (usually blurrred) info from the other eye which may occasionally wander. Say I'm using my long sighted eye for a long period of time the short sighted eye seems to try and seek out something to read, at which point I will semi-consciously switch eyes. They start off slightly skew, and if I get tired can get very skew. They are also very bloodshot but that's probably the bouze.

My brain compensates for lack of depth perception by being used to it and judging stuff more on perspective. This is why I'm not all that good at instinctive depth perception required in catching balls. However if you shut one eye I could beat you in depth perception games any day.

― Pete, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

That is really, really neat. This sort of thing fascinates me.

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I'm just a science project to you lot aren't eye. With my funny eyes and my Idaho shaped brain.

― Pete, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Beware Pete's vision if and when you meet him as he tends to grope ladies and then blame his lack of depth of vision (oh, sorry, did I grab your breast? I was trying to pick up my pint - type thing).

― Emma, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

pete, does it work? do you give lessons? ahem

― gareth, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Forget the breasts, do you give lessons in being good at depth perception puzzles?

― masonic boom, Thursday, 12 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

six years pass...

Proto zing thread.

― The stickman from the hilarious "xkcd" comics, Sunday, 6 July 2008 18:35 (sixteen years ago) link

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