Who would win in a fatal four way fight between Mike Tyson, Steve Irwin, Jackie Chan and a crocodile?

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This is an important question? In order of elimination, I see Tyson going first. Clearly, Irwin is a mad bastard - he creeps up on crocodiles while they are asleep and blows raspberries in their ears FOR FUN!!! He farts on the heads of death adders for a laugh. He's a total nutcase. But I think Tyson would easily meet his match if faced with a crocodile or a death adder or a grizzly bear, but Irwin has shown he can kick all their asses. So Tyson goes first.

Jackie Chan is pretty hard, and I think he could take Steve Irwin, but I think Chan is smart. He knows that even his best kung fu skills might not be enough to take out the crocodile. I think Chan takes care of Tyson (who would swing a couple of punches but end up dazed by Chan's martial arts skills) whilst Irwin breaks the croc's neck. Then it's Irwin against Chan.

Not a pretty fight. Not an easy one. But I gotta see Chan as the victor here.

― CRW (CRW), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 19:12 (twenty-one years ago)

This is a serious thread by the way.

― CRW (CRW), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.ananova.com/images/web/41027.jpg

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd give it to Tyson. I can't see Irwin, Chan or a croc surviving in East New York.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 19:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't see Irwin, Chan or a croc surviving in East New York.

http://hkfanatic.com/jackie/movies/ritb/images/rumble_in_the_bronx_dvd_menu.jpg

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

(This is where someone tells me that the Bronx is in West or North New York)

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

if it were fatal four way, i think irwin would win. tyson and jackie would battle it out in a tremendous blow-to-blow heated match, knocking each other out, all the while on the other side of the ring steve irwin will put a submission hold on the croc using its jaws, and the croc will tap out. making irwin the winner

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Rumble in the Bronx was filmed in Calgary!

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

and the real Bronx is in the north part of New York, yeah.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

"this is a serious thread by the way"

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I presume there's not a bit in it where J Chan like accidentally strays too far east and gets the shit beaten out of him

― ferg (Ferg), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Any votes for the croc or is he the underdog?

― CRW (CRW), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

the dog has no chance with the croc underneath

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

It'll come down to the appendage-biter-offers Tyson and the croc. This is my prediction.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 19:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Chuck Norris with a roundhouse kick would slay them all, yo.

― andy, Wednesday, 28 April 2004 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Mike Tyson would destroy anyone. If i was gonna be in a fight and had to pick two people to be on my side it would be Shaq and Mike Tyson.

― DAziz, Wednesday, 28 April 2004 20:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Now this is an imprtant question. I must admit it's been a long time since the monkey-vs-horse thread and I was starting to despair of intellectual content on ILX.

So... I don't think there's any doubt the crocodile, Chan and Tyson have the glamour vote. The croc is a croc and they're mean bastards. Chan is Chan. And Tyson is of course Tyson.

But look a little closer and things start to get interesting. Irwin knows crocs better than crocs know Irwin. So before the croc even moves, Irwin's got her tied up. Exit croc.

Steve Irwin is chunky and insane but obviously no match for either of the two remaining participants - unless he can enlist the croc to his cause, which he can't, so bye bye Irwin. He is despatched by Chan and Tyson, and becomes an Aussie legend like all the rest. We probably name a day after him and take a holiday in his honour; it gives us another reason to hate the Yanks; and no-one else cares. You little beauty, Steve. You coulda been a contender.

OK, back to the action. Tyson and Chan are left. I will go out on a limb here and say Chan, cos my impression is that top karate practitioners have the edge over top boxers, as they just know where and how to hit. Has Tyson got his boxing gloves on? That means he can't get to Chan below the buckle unless he kicks, and he doesn't know how to kick. Chan wins with a vicious sequence of kicks and chops.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 20:42 (twenty-one years ago)

mmyes but tsyon vs chan would be liek marvin vs the kung fu canibal in "sin city" and we all knwo who won that one. plus chan dosnt kick below the buckel because hes such a nice guy (mr) and hes not as feirce as the cannibal and he doesnt have shrap nails. i think tyson would win.

― :|, Wednesday, 28 April 2004 21:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, I vouched for Chan as well, he'd kick Tyson's ass. Maybe we should do that "South Park" episode where the kids organise a ruck between Tweek and Butters and start getting in touch with Tyson and Chan and organising this one by leaking that Tyson called Chan's mum a bitch and so on and so forth.

Dunno how you'd get a crocodile and Steve Irwin into the fight.

P.S. If the croc goes for Tyson and Chan first then Irwin could win this one, actually.

― CRW (CRW), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 22:59 (twenty-one years ago)

One spanner in the works which occurred to me after I posted... what if Steve Irwin enlists the crocodile in some way to fight with him?

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 23:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Crocodiles have a brain the size of a pea.

― CRW (CRW), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 23:32 (twenty-one years ago)

This question is totally like "where did they bury the survivors?" (not that I give any credit for actual intent)

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 28 April 2004 23:43 (twenty-one years ago)

If Chris Martin was thrown into the mix would it change anything (aside from giving me the sort of grin not seen since the Holly Valance "kiss, Kiss" video)? I'd like to think he'd meet the nastiest end, maybe in a tug of war between the croc and Steve Irwin.

― CRW (CRW), Thursday, 29 April 2004 13:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Did I mention, I've met Wally Nightingale?

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 29 April 2004 13:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Who's that?

― CRW (CRW), Thursday, 29 April 2004 13:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I think Julie Burchill would win.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 29 April 2004 13:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Wally Nightingale, what, the Pete Best of the Sex Pistols? Who later, from the description, appears to be the one who pours beer over Julian Cope's head for sacking his guitarist in The Teardrop Explodes, as recounted in Head On?

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Thursday, 29 April 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Is he inside the crocodile already?

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Thursday, 29 April 2004 20:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Is that a flying crocodile?

― zaxxon25 (zaxxon25), Thursday, 29 April 2004 21:01 (twenty-one years ago)

beat me to the punch

― flying shark, Thursday, 29 April 2004 21:34 (twenty-one years ago)

wait wait. how big is the crocodile? is it a bigass aussie crocodile? then the crocodiel wins becasue no man can kill such a croc with his bare hands. irwin could hold teh crocos mouth shut til it starvs but lets faec it he would starve first.

― :|, Thursday, 29 April 2004 22:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I would also wonder how big the croc was. But as for Chan vs. Tyson, you have to remember that Jackie is an actor, a performer; I'm sure he's a great martial artist and all, but in a lot of ways it's really more like a dance than anything. He was trained at the Chinese opera!

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Thursday, 29 April 2004 22:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll tell you who'd win in a fight between Tyson, Irwin, Chan, and a crocodile: the fans.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 29 April 2004 22:55 (twenty-one years ago)

It's a big ass Aussie crocodile. Chan was trained in martial arts since in single figures, I believe.

― CRW (CRW), Thursday, 29 April 2004 23:08 (twenty-one years ago)

dan is corect. its show kung fu. chan is no steven segal. but the croocdile would win anyway so it dosnt matter.

― :|, Thursday, 29 April 2004 23:17 (twenty-one years ago)

How do you kill a crocodile bare-handed? They hunt gators with shotguns at close-range, I don't imagine crocs are any easier to deal with.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 29 April 2004 23:31 (twenty-one years ago)

three years pass...

poll!

― 597, Saturday, 16 June 2007 13:40 (eighteen years ago)

RIP BIG MAN

― Dom Passantino, Saturday, 16 June 2007 14:20 (eighteen years ago)

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