Come Anticipate Van Helsing With Me!

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Today, I am quite excited about seeing this film tomorrow. I have a fear that I'll be disappointed. Though, it will complete a hat-trick of seeing Kate Beckinsale films in one week.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I couldn't get my last sentence right.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I will not.

I've heard it's horrible. From geeky friends who usually have a high tolerance for this sort of thing (and liked Underworld for chrissakes).

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I was overcome with excitement.

I wonder what trailers I'll see?

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Underworld made no sense!

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I have a feeling that it's going to be soooooooo bad -- the cgi effects look pretty terrible (I was shocked when I found out it's ILM!), and Kate Beckinsdale has the worst. accent. ever. in the trailer.

Still, I have to go see this. Silly monsters + Hugh Jackman should = movie fun.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm really swinging on whether i'm excited to see this film or not

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:17 (twenty-one years ago)

i mean it does look like shit but FAMOUS MONSTERS OF MOVIELAND!!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Exactly!

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm supposed to go see this tomorrow, but if I do I'll be an hour or more late for a post-semester thing at my prof's. It's 142 minutes long! That's huge for an action movie.

But I think it'll be fun. Plot schmot. Nobody ever put a huge screen up and said, "Well, we'll really be able to make out the foreshadowing now!" Big screen = big fucking badaboom.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

142 minutes!!! madness

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

that's a REALLY bad sign.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll bet you a bucket of popcorn it's a really long second act and a 27 minute "first 15 minutes," is what it is.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm really psyched that they made a movie about the bouncer at NorthSix.

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Who cares if it's bad, it's got Hugh Jackman with long hair. (Yes, it's Layna's school of least common denominator film criticism.)

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I saw him sunbathing! JEALOUS?!

― deanomgwtf!!!p%3Fmsgid%3D4581997 (deangulberry), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm going to wait until the Viewmaster disc comes out.

― andy, Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

It's by the same guy who made the Mummy? That was quite long if IIRC. Anyway, you can always knock 5 minutes off for the end credits (oh and 132 mins according to IMDB, there's a little hope for ya). I enjoyed the Mummy, so I'm optimistic(ish).

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 6 May 2004 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.actarus.it/horror/vanhelsing2.jpg http://animefansnexis.bravepages.com/VAMPIRE%20HUNTER%20D%202.jpg

― Frühlingsj4n (Wintermute), Thursday, 6 May 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Was Underworld based on the DeLillo novel?

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Thursday, 6 May 2004 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Ive heard some funny sub-texts in the movie such as it being a metaphor for the oncoming industrial revolution/death of myth and fantasy, etc.

im sure the film is 1/1000th as intelligent.

― bill stevens (bscrubbins), Thursday, 6 May 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I want to see it. It's Wolverine vs Frankenstein!

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Thursday, 6 May 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

or Leopold (from Kate &...) vs. the worst make-up/SFX since LXG

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Thursday, 6 May 2004 19:39 (twenty-one years ago)

jwl - you rule!!! van helsing1!!

― cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 6 May 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm scared Kate Beckindale's wig is going to come alive and attack "Gabe" Van Helsing.

― Jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 6 May 2004 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Beckinsale

― Jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 6 May 2004 19:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Kate Beckinsale in leather getup again = I'm so there.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 6 May 2004 19:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously though, this guy directed two Mummy films, and he still left him out?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 6 May 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Mummies weren't Victorian.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Thursday, 6 May 2004 20:14 (twenty-one years ago)

there's a CGI Mr. Hyde in this one!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 6 May 2004 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I just read the nytimes review. It didn't pull any punches. I suppose it could be worse. It seemed like the fucking knives were out for the extraordinary league of gentlemen or wtf it was called, which is a similar kind of thing in my mind.

― bill stevens (bscrubbins), Thursday, 6 May 2004 22:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, but LEG was based on an existing story, and suffered basically because it kept the wrong stuff and dropped the wrong stuff, satisfying neither its built-in audience nor the new one it should have attracted (plus it had Tom Sawyer in the wrong part of the century).

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 6 May 2004 22:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Van Helsing isn't based on the manga/anime?

― Leeefuse 73 (Leee), Thursday, 6 May 2004 22:36 (twenty-one years ago)

at what point, exactly, did Flora Post from Cold Comfort Farm (aka Beckinsale) become da leather clad sex bomb?

― kyle (akmonday), Thursday, 6 May 2004 22:38 (twenty-one years ago)

she's so boring now, isn't she?

(anyway, i mark the beginning of that transformation with pearl harbor!)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 6 May 2004 22:39 (twenty-one years ago)

you have an interesting definition of boring

― kyle (akmonday), Thursday, 6 May 2004 22:41 (twenty-one years ago)

i dunno, i don't find her to be much of a sex bomb, really!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 6 May 2004 22:43 (twenty-one years ago)

she's like a safe krista allen

― de, Thursday, 6 May 2004 22:45 (twenty-one years ago)

There's Van Helsing manga/anime? Do you mean Hellsing?

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 6 May 2004 22:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Annoyed grunt! I keep making that mistake!

― Leeefuse 73 (Leee), Thursday, 6 May 2004 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

i heard beckinsale is bitchy. also a homewrecker.

― bill stevens (bscrubbins), Thursday, 6 May 2004 22:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Bitchy and homewrecker are no problem, since I have zero chance of ever meeting her, much less having to face her bitchy homewrecking.

(s1ocki, have you seen Laurel Canyon?)

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 6 May 2004 23:06 (twenty-one years ago)

(no but i hear she's good in that! thoughts?)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 7 May 2004 01:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Not so much good as good-looking.

It's an OK movie. I liked High Art better.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 7 May 2004 02:05 (twenty-one years ago)

This vs. El Santo beating up Dracula and the Wolfman.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 7 May 2004 02:07 (twenty-one years ago)

i love high art!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 7 May 2004 02:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Every movie needs an aging German starlet-cum-junkie.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 7 May 2004 02:14 (twenty-one years ago)

(In case you didn't know or I wasn't making sense - it's the same director)

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 7 May 2004 02:14 (twenty-one years ago)

patricia clarkson is so good in that! (it's her, right, as the fassbinder casualty?)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 7 May 2004 02:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Ja. I think they changed the name to something other than Fassbinder, though.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 7 May 2004 02:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 37 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Yeah, I was about to say! Is this rumor based on anything or is this just a logical conclusion for active minds?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 8 May 2004 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

There doesn't seem to be an official press release or anything, and it doesn't sound like Richards is actually cast, only that Depp wants him (VH-1 also said "Keith was enthusiastic") -- http://www.freep.com/entertainment/namesandfaces/names6_20040506.htm

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Get Mick to be the grandmother of Orlando Bloom, Charlie Watts leading some sort of pirate jazz band...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

(Oh no, the problem is now you're expectations are up for the movie, and you'll probably be disappointed. Oh how I hope this doesn't happen. Go in expecting big, dumb fun, and come out happy to have seen something amusing and slightly knowing.)

((Keef in the Pirates of the Carribean? Oh please, oh please, oh yes...)

― Super-Kate (kate), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, what Kate said re: expectations. I went in figuring, well, I'm glad I'm seeing this in the theater, because probably the action scenes and the potential for a really good shot of Kate Beckinsale's leather-clad ass will be the biggest part of the appeal, and those are less interesting at home when I'm usually distracted by something while I'm watching movies.

Adam Ant has to play a pirate too, obviously.

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh no, the problem is now you're expectations are up for the movie, and you'll probably be disappointed.

Well c'mon, YOU wrote the rave review. ;-)

Adam Ant has to play a pirate too, obviously.

Sadly, the moment has passed, I fear.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Pirate moments never die!

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, the MOMENT never dies, I just fear for the actor in this case.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

yes, keep your expectations low. Put this thread out of your mind.

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

ok i guess i'm excited to see this now! one question tho, does dracula have long hair and wear sunglasses and shit? i hate that kind of dracula!!

(i'll still see it if he does)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

no sunglasses, long hair.

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.coillebheag.freeserve.co.uk/images/photos/fanpics/oldman%20as%20dracula.jpg

"I am perturbed at your critique of my fashion sense."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

how come they never go for the waaaaay awesomer bela lugosi styles in these movies? he's always such a pathetically "cool" cat! like gary oldman with the purple granny glasses in the coppola version!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

how come they never go for the waaaaay awesomer bela lugosi styles in these movies?

Probably because it's been done too many times. That and you can blame goth fashion. Not that I mind that.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

but "cool" dracula has been done a million times more!

OLD SCHOOL HUNGARIAN DRACULAS PLEASE!!!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.fantafilm.it/Schede/1961c/67-28a.jpg

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

the best thing about this movie, probably, is all the new universal horror dvd reissues!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

has anyone seen the spanish dracula btw? they filmed it on the same sets at night for the mexican market!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 8 May 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, and in case anyone's interested and unaware, there's an animated 30 minute prequel to Van Helsing available for rent/purchase. No idea if it's any good; I assume the voices are done by the feature's actors.

And Ned: Carl the Sidekick Friar (not a monk!) is played by David Wenham/Faramir -- I didn't realize it until someone told me, he looks so different when he isn't in Middle Earth.

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 8 May 2004 16:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah, that's the role. I had heard he was in it, not what he was doing.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 8 May 2004 16:07 (twenty-one years ago)

We saw it this afternoon - oh my god, I laughed and laughed with DELIGHT. So over the top, you cannot see the top from there. Any time a pretty boy binds himself to a stake as WEREWOLF BAIT, I am so there. Not to mention Dracula, aka Mr Queer Eye For the Vampire Guy. I loved it to bits, obviously; it was "too silly" for Doug. The slash girls who accompanied us were going wild, and the programmer boy was laughing his head off.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Sunday, 9 May 2004 01:45 (twenty-one years ago)

MUCH better than I would have thought.

― Skottie, Sunday, 9 May 2004 13:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I await El Diablo's take with interest!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 9 May 2004 13:32 (twenty-one years ago)

El Diablo's take

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 9 May 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

kate beckinsale's accent is the best/worst accent since jon voight in anaconda.

― keith m (keithmcl), Monday, 10 May 2004 03:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Is it better than John Malkovich in Rounders?

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Monday, 10 May 2004 03:27 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously, what is wrong with all of you? Also put some horrid sunglasses on Dracula and he is Bono.

― Allyzay, Monday, 10 May 2004 03:59 (twenty-one years ago)

It would have been a much better film had it been called "Conner Smedley"

― TOMBOT, Monday, 10 May 2004 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 10 May 2004 13:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Just to put my opinion in perspective, all the films we watched on Saturday:

- Stroker Ace
- Van Helsing
- Godzilla (version with Matthew Broderick)

Van Helsing was by far the worst of the bunch!!! It's not like I don't have a high appreciation for crap! I feel like irony has left me far, far behind.

― Allyzay, Monday, 10 May 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

It's really, really, really not an ironic movie, although some of its appreciation might be. It's straight-up homage.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 10 May 2004 14:55 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, it wasn't ironic at all! It's all about selling toys to kida really.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 10 May 2004 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't get a chance to see this last weekend -- things came up at the last minute which meant I had to set movie plans aside. Will try and see it this week, though.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 10 May 2004 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I agree w/ Ally - this film is irredeemably terrible. Hugh Jackman's Clint Eastwood (and therefore Kurt Russell) impersonation is absolutely hopeless - the man has zero charisma, and his haircut just HAS to be ironic. Count Dracula looks like the kind of geezer you see selling 8ths of bad soapdope in Student Union bars - he has a ponytail and an earring and an accent that is just as bad, if not worse, than Kate Beckinsale's. The comedy Friar isn't given a single funny line in the whole fucking film, and is deeply irritating throughout. The film is busy all the time - all that shitty shitty CGI and flash-bang-wallop - and yet at the same time deeply, deeply boring: no suspense, no twists or unexpected turns, cardboard characters, just cliche after cliche reshuffled to no gd purpose.

I quite like the way that the werewolf ripped off his skin to reveal the fur underneath - one of abt two moments when the film gave us something, some little thing, we hadn't seen a million times before. The children in the audience that I saw it with were restless throughout.

― Andrew L (Andrew L), Monday, 10 May 2004 18:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Dracula = Nick Cotton
Sinister Gravedigger = Kid Rock
Blonde Bride of Dracula = Nicole Kidman, but only when in shrieking white skinned mode

David Wenham stopped being good when he became an ineffectual perma-scared sidekick instead of the smug in-his-element gadget-fashioning guy, which was really early on.

― ferg (Ferg), Monday, 10 May 2004 22:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Not awful, but not as good as the Mummy. Needed to bring the funny a bit more.

Was quite good up through the part right before the 'masquerade ball', then it all just went to hell. Throwing random dramatic moments ('The Vatican wants Frankenstein dead!') out and hoping they'd stick, etc..

The overacting/bad accents didn't bother me at all, they seemed completely appropriate (and I'm not sure Beckinsale had enough dialogue for her accent to matter).

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 00:19 (twenty-one years ago)

i thought it was great fun. i was laughing the whole time mainly because it wasn't ironic though not wuite earnest either. it's fun to laugh at all of the wrong moments. hugh jackman has a great voice, it's very commanding. i thought he did a decent impersonation of indiana jones.

― keith m (keithmcl), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 02:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I liked the Last Crusade rip/homage when he's choking Beckinsale early on - I wish I could remember the exact line between Indy and Elsa.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 02:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Also noticed that this would fit in with the Hellboy universe, with Hellboy getting assists from the Vatican. Crossover time.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 02:50 (twenty-one years ago)

questions, questions, questions:

why were they torturing pakistanis under the vatican?
why did dracula look like bob moritmer?
why did the horse and carts keep blowing up when they got hit like in 70s car-chase movies?
i didn't notice it went on THAT long. must've meant it was entertaining me in some way. in some way it ended a bit too early - big fight, burial scene, end. no big fanfare, no van helsing goes back to give the vatican what for about the whole frnakenstein thing - what gives?
kate beckinsale is frigging fit in this film. don't think i've seen her in anything else though.
wasn't the cowardly friar also the boromir's brother in LOTR?
i'm surprised anyone made this film. after all we've already had extraoridnary league of gents and that was meh so why this? still i'm kinda glad they did make it.

― dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 20 May 2004 09:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Reasons to make this film: People liked the Mummy films, Mr Sommers comes up with an idea that might work, and it would be interesting to see whether topless Wolverine will sell movies by himself (w/ something for the dads of course).

I was also amused by the fact that the coach caught fire for no good reason when the werewolf jumped on it. For a minute I though that the scene was going to end with them driving off with it still on fire, no further comment. I sort of wish it had.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 20 May 2004 10:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Everyone I know was WTF? about the carriage on fire, but yet it was quite enjoyable.

Greg the friar wasn't cowardly! He was smart and cautious and cute and, yes, Faramir. I presume he and VH ride off into the sunset together & go to Massachusetts. Very sweet.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Thursday, 20 May 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Van Helsing was really, REALLY stupid but I actually enjoyed it, to my surprise. I didn't hate it like I did the Mummy.

Frankenstein was really whiny.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Wasn't there a torch or something on the carriage, and that's why it burst into flames?

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 20 May 2004 18:45 (twenty-one years ago)

but, what about the pakistanis being electrocuted in the vatican? not to the buddhist monks testing out Van's weapons.

― dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 20 May 2004 23:15 (twenty-one years ago)

All religions are the same/working toward the same goal/etc.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Thursday, 20 May 2004 23:37 (twenty-one years ago)

seven years pass...

WHY?

http://lifethroughmy4eyes.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/zoidberg-why1.png

― Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Tuesday, 1 May 2012 20:46 (thirteen years ago)

Will Cruise be the vampire who doesn't age?

― StanM, Wednesday, 2 May 2012 10:29 (thirteen years ago)

He was such a terrible Lestat, I don't care if he dickmatized Ann Rice. This seems like such a goofy movie already, with the dreaded Kurtzman/Orci AND Cruise involved.

― Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Wednesday, 2 May 2012 13:27 (thirteen years ago)

We need this reboot.

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 2 May 2012 13:36 (thirteen years ago)

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