writing, reading, passing out cold

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I have been asked to do a reading of some of the stuff I've written at a bookshop tonight, and I'm not sure I can do it. I am a creative writing major, and have finally (after nearly three years in the major) gotten to the point where I can hand my stories out to classmates and not spend the next twenty-four hours shaking and sweating, completely terrified at the very idea that my manuscripts are currently in the hands of fifteen of my peers, who are undoubtedly going crazy with the red pens.
So far, I've received very positive feedback (despite aforementioned fears about the red pens) from professors and classmates alike, and I have a few pieces I think are pretty good. It's just that the thought of getting up and reading my own work in front of a roomful of strangers (and friends, which might be even scarier) makes me shudder. I realize this is something I have to get over, but I don't know how. I know there are quite a few writers here, and I'm hoping someone can give me advice. Should I just suck it up, accept the fact that I'm probably going to stutter/lose my place/puke on my shoes and read the damn thing? Or should I wait and hope I'll gain some confidence on my own before subjecting myself to such a degree of potential humiliation?

― kirsten (kirsten), Friday, 7 May 2004 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

face your fears. it'll be hell, but the next time will be easier. the sooner you get the first one over with, the closer you get to feeling good about doing it. that was what I told myself to get over my once crippling stagefright when I decided I really wanted to do stand-up comedy.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Friday, 7 May 2004 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

you definitely should go for it - waiting will never help stage fright! the only way is to get on stage.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 7 May 2004 17:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh god, the thought of doing stand-up comedy is my worst nightmare! Good for you, though.
x-post

― kirsten (kirsten), Friday, 7 May 2004 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, just get it done -- I've gone through all those feelings of 'crap, what good is this, can't do it' before paper presentations or the occasional performance and all that, it's just a matter of starting and getting it out of the way. You'll be fine.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 7 May 2004 17:43 (twenty-two years ago)

it was terrifying. the first time, that is. I just stood there, frozen, blurting out my bits as fast as I could. But, to my surprise, a few people came up to me afterward and said they really liked it. I couldn't hear anybody laughing, or even see anything, between the spotlight in my face and the buzzing in my ears.
So the next time, I was looser, and so on and so forth.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Friday, 7 May 2004 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Just think how much worse it would be if someone else was reading your writing all, you know, wrong and stuff.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 7 May 2004 17:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Like the time my art teacher hung one of my paintings upside-down.

― kirsten (kirsten), Friday, 7 May 2004 17:47 (twenty-two years ago)

It's easier than stand-up comedy, I'd imagine, in that you don't have the element of spontaneity to worry about. The hard part -- actually writing the story -- is done. Just trust yourself and trust the work. Read slowly and clearly and you'll do fine.

― Prude (Prude), Friday, 7 May 2004 17:49 (twenty-two years ago)

(I've done readings before, but never stand-up, since it terrifies me too!)

― Prude (Prude), Friday, 7 May 2004 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

One thing I would say Kristen is that, as an audience member, I've almost never sat there and thought to myself "wow, this person is *really* nervous. this person is *really* fucking up bad." Personally, I find it almost impossible to tell if a speaker is actually nervous or not. Short of, as you say, passing-out-cold. I think there's a level of self-confidence and assuredness that gets conferred upon a speaker merely by getting up there in the first place. So don't sweat it if you stammer, have to start something over, etc. That kind of stuff just happens. I guarantee you the audience isn't gonna be there sitting in judgement on you or whatever.

― Broheems (diamond), Friday, 7 May 2004 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

This is all making me feel a bit better. Thank you.

― kirsten (kirsten), Friday, 7 May 2004 17:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Kirsten you have my sympathy. I've had to do this enough to reaffirm that I hate it more each time. I always have to remind myself to speak slower (I want to rush to get it over with) and it will help me stay calm, and to keep something to sip because my mouth invariably goes dry when I have to speak in public. People seem to forgive sipping pauses. Also, a teacher of mine once told me when I was worried I wouldn't have enough to read, "well, no one ever complains about a reading being too short." (It was reassuring and not insulting, if that makes sense.) If you're reading multiple things, maybe start with the longest and finish with the shortest.

Oh, and about the sipping-something thing: don't use red wine. It turned my mouth and teeth purple once and I was only told about it after the fact. Stick to water or clearer spirits.

― sgs (sgs), Friday, 7 May 2004 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

You will find it easier if you imagine yourself naked while reading.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 7 May 2004 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I am going to cry now.

― kirsten (kirsten), Friday, 7 May 2004 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

"well, no one ever complains about a reading being too short."

True dat. If you can read something funny, all the better.

― Prude (Prude), Friday, 7 May 2004 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I can only read anything aloud if I just concentrate completely on what I'm saying, and forget that anyone else is even in the room. You should definitely do it, kirsten. I'm sure that's the only way to make it get easier.
Good luck!

― Cathy (Cathy), Friday, 7 May 2004 18:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks! I'm just looking over the things I have now and I'm not even sure anything is of an appropriate length. I might be making excuses. I don't know.

― kirsten (kirsten), Friday, 7 May 2004 18:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Kristen, I actually joined the debate team in high school to get over my fear of talking about my ideas in public. The one thing I learned is that we were all happy if we could read through our ideas before the microphone died.

Giving presentations (of any type) never easy, but I bet the audience will just be impressed that you're being brave enough to speak in front of a crowd (what most people still shudder at).

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Friday, 7 May 2004 18:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I've never much suffered from nerves, but then I've never had to do this, either. One thing I would do in your place is to read the stuff aloud in private first, to feel comfortable doing it and work out how to do any difficult or important bits. The advice to take it slow is good - people rarely read too slowly, but regularly hurry too much. Good luck.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I think you should imagine VengaDan naked while reading. Then again he might like that.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I did loads of stage work and public speaking and stuff when I was younger; I even won a couple of awards for public speaking, and I always did the vote of thanks, which was the bit you had to make up as you went along, and thus arguably the most awkward. Anyway, I ALWAYS hated and was thrilled by the idea of speaking/peforming in front of an audience in equal measure. However much i may have loathed the idea of actually getting up there, once i was up there, and especially at the moment I stepped down again, I LOVED it. Anyway, the best bit of practical advice i ever got about reading aloud from notes or a script was to hold your notes at chest level, so you can just glance down at them without dipping your head. If you hold your notes at waist level ("so people can't see them"! wtf?) you end up dipping your head and speaking into your own chest = no one can hear, everyone gets bored.

Also, speak slowly. So slowly that you think you sound like some kind of weird neanderthal retard - the adrenaline rush from being in front of an audience makes you think that 'talking fast' - 'talking normal' and this is most definitely not true.

Good luck, and most importantly - ENJOY it; these people are there cos they want to be, not cos they have to be. They're gonna be so jealous/awed/respectful of your guts at getting up there - exactly the same as you would be seeing someone else do it.

― Sick Nouthall (Nick Southall), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:04 (twenty-two years ago)

xpost - VengaDan naked will not help. I KNOW.

― Sick Nouthall (Nick Southall), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm imagining VengaDan naked right now, except he's wearing an engineer's cap, because he's driving a train. Woo-woo! Look out for the tunnel!

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Hucklebunny needs to talk outloud to people who are trained to listen.

― Sick Nouthall (Nick Southall), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:05 (twenty-two years ago)

think you should imagine VengaDan naked while reading. Then again he might like that.

His webcam's already up and flashing.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh my.

― Sick Nouthall (Nick Southall), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:06 (twenty-two years ago)

nicole?

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:14 (twenty-two years ago)

PEOPLE I AM STILL AT WORK

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:17 (twenty-two years ago)

At work on whom?

― Sick Nouthall (Nick Southall), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:18 (twenty-two years ago)

A gentleman doesn't work it and tell.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Put your jam down, flip it and reverse it.

― Sick Nouthall (Nick Southall), Friday, 7 May 2004 19:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Dinner took too long to get to the bookshop in time. This was not entirely an accident. I probably could have made it there just on the far edge of fashionably late. I am a chicken.

Some good has come of this, though, as I ended up going over a lot of old bits of stories I hadn't touched in weeks or months, and it suddenly dawned on me that two characters, currently residing in two separate stories, simply must meet at some point. They live a couple thousand miles from each other, but I think it'll be okay.

Also, thank you to those who said things that almost made me brave enough to go through with the reading. It wasn't going to be a big thing, anyway, and I probably should have done it but I was full of avocado burrito and there was a thunderstorm and I just needed to sleep. I think that next time, I will probably just do it. Thanks.

― kirsten (kirsten), Saturday, 8 May 2004 03:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Rah! Next time will be the charm. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 8 May 2004 04:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Next time give your friends plenty of notice, so you'll at least be reading to a friendly audience.

― Prude (Prude), Saturday, 8 May 2004 04:48 (twenty-two years ago)

as someone who usually just freezes up with dry-mouth and even tooth-shake when required to speak to an audience, the best advice I can come up with is to remember that you believe in what you wrote. When you are passionate about something and believe in it's worth, everything flows pretty easily.
You wrote this stuff, it is obviously well-thought of ( enough for people to invite you to do a reading ), so go with that thought in mind next time and immerse yourself in the stories.
Also, I agree that the audience will definately not be sitting there in judgement of your reading style or level of nervousness, they just want to hear your stuff! So you already have a receptive lot out there, willing you on and probably wishing they could write something half as good!
good luck next time :-)

― donna (donna), Saturday, 8 May 2004 08:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Wear very dark sunglasses. It looks a little nuts but man, I love how it just dims humanity that crucial little bit you need so you can TALK HARD!

― LC, Saturday, 8 May 2004 08:58 (twenty-two years ago)

And don't wear hip-hop clothes. You'd be surprised how outside of places like ILX, writerly types do not take you seriously if you wear hip-hop clothes. Absurd? Then for the reading, why don't you just try wearing hip-hop clothes?

― LC, Saturday, 8 May 2004 09:06 (twenty-two years ago)

For the record, I wear hip-hop clothes, and I'm just making a point, that people who think they're smart think they're above hip-hop clothes.

― LC, Saturday, 8 May 2004 09:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Like those skinny fucking STUDENTS that give you patronizing little looks when you play rap music in your car, and their boyfriends whisper at them not to because they think you're in a gang and you might get out of the car, wearing hip-hop clothes.

― LC, Saturday, 8 May 2004 09:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Ah well, I would probably have chosen a burrito and sleep over potential passing out cold too. Good luck for next time.

― Cathy (Cathy), Saturday, 8 May 2004 11:27 (twenty-two years ago)

kirsten go for it
tell me when/where and I might
show up (AND HECKLE)*

*joke

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Saturday, 8 May 2004 12:05 (twenty-two years ago)

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