I'm being interviewed by the security services tomorrow about one of my friends -- seriously!

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He has a job offer with them -- it's some sort of secret service position which I don't know too much about. The offer is contingent on him passing through the post-interview vetting procedure. They have already interviewed his EX-girlfriend (apparently they asked some very searching questions).

To be honest, I'm a bit pissed off with the guy right now so it's probably not the best time for me to be speaking about him. He didn't name me as a "referee", and they only found out about me through intensive questioning of other people.

I mean, the guy is really boring, there's not too much scandal about him, but at the same time, I think I might end up making some critical comments about him under questioning.. eg. he could grow up a bit, and stop making bullshit excuses for not turning up at the gym, etc.

Does anybody know what I should expect?

― DQ (danny quintana), Sunday, 9 May 2004 12:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't tell them anything specific. Respond to every question with "he's doing a lot better now."

― Skottie, Sunday, 9 May 2004 13:05 (twenty-two years ago)

But what if they ask, "How was he before?"

― Aja (aja), Sunday, 9 May 2004 13:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Tell them they don't have sufficient clearance for you to answer that question.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Sunday, 9 May 2004 13:08 (twenty-two years ago)

are you mad at him because he doesn't show up at the gym enough?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 9 May 2004 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

this is not the same fellow who had to fly to chicago immediately to hook up with a girl, right? (how is that lad doing by the way?)

― donut bitch (donut), Sunday, 9 May 2004 18:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't look the interrogator in the eye, but answer every question with:

"***beavis and butthead style*** huh huh huh, oh man...this is so weird. This is just like that Prime Suspect episode where the guy is married to the ex-prostitute and then kills all the women who get manicures from his wife. Huh...huh...huh...that was cool."

― Skottie, Monday, 10 May 2004 12:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Dress like this

http://philippos.mpa.gr/gr/other/laden/images/arab.jpg

― hmmm (hmmm), Monday, 10 May 2004 12:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Tell him you ain't seen him down the mosque a lot lately as you heard he'd been out in the Middle East for a while, "brushing up on his Arabic".

― Dadaismus (Dada), Monday, 10 May 2004 12:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Then add that he's "always playing that flight simulator game"

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 10 May 2004 13:06 (twenty-two years ago)

How long have you known him
How well would you say you know him
Does he abuse drugs and or alcohol
How about his family life
Would you say he is dependable
Would you say he is trustworthy
etc.

Boring.

When I first went up for my background investigation one of my friends I had listed as a reference got himself arrested as a John Doe Protestor at the Republican convention in Philly. When the suits with clipboards showed up at his parents' house looking for him he managed to actively avoid them for a month, being quite paranoid. Just don't be that guy and everything will be fine.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 10 May 2004 13:20 (twenty-two years ago)

(heh TOMBOT OTM natch)
(Has anyone else besides him and me actually been through one of these?)

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 May 2004 13:55 (twenty-two years ago)

No, but I want to!

― Sick Nouthall (Nick Southall), Monday, 10 May 2004 13:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Highlights included:

Is he interested in computers?
Does he spend a lot of time on the internet?
Does he have an advanced interest in pornography or prostitution?
Is his sexuality "far out there"?
Does he like a few drinks?
Does he sit blubbering in the corner talking to himself when he's drunk?
What foreign friends does he have?
Any Russians?
Anybody from the middle east, north korea or china?
Does he know anybody with islamic links?
Does he participate in violent anti-government street rallies?
Is he fanatically opposed to the war in iraq or afghanistan?
Does he think we are going to give him a tuxedo?
Is he on some sort of fantasy Bond trip?

I was glad I got the chance to work in my line how he's the sort of guy who "will take enormous pleasure in making everyone he meets immediately aware that he can't tell then what he's working on." That got a knowing smile from the interviewer..

― DQ (danny quintana), Monday, 10 May 2004 22:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow, the British go about this a bit differently.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 10 May 2004 23:05 (twenty-two years ago)

In America, the Bond question is asked first.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 10 May 2004 23:06 (twenty-two years ago)

are they going to give him a tuxedo?

― isadora (isadora), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 02:42 (twenty-two years ago)

there are different levels of inquiry involved here, depending on whether you're permanent or temporary (or visiting), and how classified you are/what physical areas you have access to

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 02:50 (twenty-two years ago)

The best is when they asked my dad where I was employed from 1978-1996. "Oh, well, he worked for me!"
Fucking imbeciles.
Carey to thread.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 11 May 2004 02:56 (twenty-two years ago)

NB I am 26 years old.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 11 May 2004 02:56 (twenty-two years ago)

haha, I like how you have fucking imbeciles and then me to thread.

― Carey (Carey), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 03:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I do that to everyone.
Dumbass.
Nitsuh to thread.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 11 May 2004 03:31 (twenty-two years ago)

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