Best crime you've ever committed?

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Best in terms of funniest, or most satisfying, or most self-serving

― chrisco (chrisco), Sunday, 9 May 2004 22:18 (twenty-one years ago)

downloading porn is the perfect crime

― stevem (blueski), Sunday, 9 May 2004 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

stole thousands of dollars in merchandise from Tower Records over the course of a summer. Beautiful days. Inevitably, we were caught, but what an operation we had for a while there!

effectively blew up an abandoned schoolhouse with homemade dynamite when i was a young 'un

jaywalk every day!

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Sunday, 9 May 2004 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Dudes, this guy's a NARC.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Sunday, 9 May 2004 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

sodomy

― the 'surface' 'noise' (electricsound), Sunday, 9 May 2004 22:25 (twenty-one years ago)

statutory rape

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Sunday, 9 May 2004 22:26 (twenty-one years ago)

jaywalk every day!

this is like a Dr Dre/Snoop lyric, marvellous

― stevem (blueski), Sunday, 9 May 2004 22:29 (twenty-one years ago)

crimes against fashion

― the 'surface' 'noise' (electricsound), Sunday, 9 May 2004 22:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Theft from almost every place I've worked - most fun at Tom Thumb, where every nighttime checker and shift leader was in on it. Nothing beats a free shopping basket full of beer when you're 16.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Sunday, 9 May 2004 22:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I peeled that tag off my mattress.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Sunday, 9 May 2004 22:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I take it we're not even couting downloading music? Certainly my most frequent and most satisfying "crime" these days . . .

― the krza (krza), Sunday, 9 May 2004 22:43 (twenty-one years ago)

climbed into the resevoir of a port-o-john so i could perv on the ladies as they relieved themselves. (sorry, some friends and i were having a discussion about strangest relatives and the deeds they've done, and this was the winning submission. by a long shot.)

― Aaron A., Sunday, 9 May 2004 22:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I entertained myself while working as a supermarket checkout clerk by playing private pricing games like "today all nice people get $2.00 off their purchase of coffee products" or "carrots are $0.75 extra for mean people."

― brian patrick (brian patrick), Monday, 10 May 2004 01:19 (twenty-one years ago)

The thing is, Copyright infringement isn't a crime, it's a violation of contract. So downloading movies or music isn't actually criminal behaviour.

― Andrew (enneff), Monday, 10 May 2004 01:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Public Nudity.

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Monday, 10 May 2004 01:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Once some dude yelled out his SUV window at me so I flipped him off.

I am the new Johnny Cash.

― Nate in ST.P (natedetritus), Monday, 10 May 2004 01:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I once flipped a guy off while driving on highway one. He followed me for thirty minutes and then punched me in the jaw.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 10 May 2004 01:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually technically he committed the crime.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 10 May 2004 01:39 (twenty-one years ago)

the crime of loving too much

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 10 May 2004 01:59 (twenty-one years ago)

LET ME BE GUILTY etc

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 10 May 2004 01:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't want to say too much about it, but it was recreated on the local news. Which was the beginning of my career in show biz.

― Huck, Monday, 10 May 2004 04:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Oral sex.

(Illegal under gender-neutral Virginia law until recent Supreme Court action.)

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 10 May 2004 04:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Uh, what's a guy gotta do to get a little civil disobedience in VA?

Also, I always thought VA was, y'know, for lovers.

― Huck, Monday, 10 May 2004 04:32 (twenty-one years ago)

The new VA tourism slogan:

"Virginia is for lovers who express that love in a morally acceptable way according to common standards of decency as determined by the extreme right."

― Debito (Debito), Monday, 10 May 2004 04:53 (twenty-one years ago)

So Virginia is for a)handholders (as they say)or b)johns (as they do)?

― Huck, Monday, 10 May 2004 04:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Hypocrisy does not factor into tourism slogans. It's about the ideal.

― Debito (Debito), Monday, 10 May 2004 04:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Cindy so otm

― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Monday, 10 May 2004 06:40 (twenty-one years ago)

SPEEDING

Littering in pretentious areas of town.

Tag-teamed this GORGEOUS young hooker that looked like Alicia Silverstone with my friend on his 20th b-day.

Being in the middle of the Stanley Cup Riots and seeing myself on the front page of the Vancouver Province the day after.

― LC, Monday, 10 May 2004 06:57 (twenty-one years ago)

stevem's first post otm.

― davo (ken c), Monday, 10 May 2004 08:04 (twenty-one years ago)

stevem's first shot otm

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 10 May 2004 08:13 (twenty-one years ago)

My only crime was stealing a glance at the lonley fair maiden...

...that, or ... mmmmMURDER!

― dave225 (Dave225), Monday, 10 May 2004 11:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I once, from the back of a moving pick'em up truck, grabbed a half-full herbie (that's what we roll our trash to the curb in here in America, fyi), and (truck still moving 35 mph) threw it at a parked police car.

That same night my friend Tommy stole somebody's plastic ducks out of their yard, then later we pushed a broke-down washing machine out into the middle of the street. Good times.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 10 May 2004 11:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Whilst at University I was involved in the syndicate responsible for kidnapping a garden gnome from a stranger's front garden and then arranging for it to have a year-long vacation, sending back photographs of it in various exotic locations to the owners' address.

― C J (C J), Monday, 10 May 2004 12:02 (twenty-one years ago)

It's a laugh a minute round your way, isn't it Nickalicious?

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Monday, 10 May 2004 12:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Drinking in public. The police lady made me pour my can of gin and tonic onto the grass.

I also told a little fib in a statement to the police when they asked me if I'd seen my friend swing the baseball bat at another guy's head.

― Madchen (Madchen), Monday, 10 May 2004 12:28 (twenty-one years ago)

> The thing is, Copyright infringement isn't a crime, it's a
> violation of contract. So downloading movies or music isn't
> actually criminal behaviour.

depends on where you live. in england it has been since the start of the year so even copying your 12" vinyl to minidisc so you can listen to it on the way to work is technically illegal. i guess someone's going to have to invent a 12" vinyl walkman...

http://www.vnunet.com/News/1146800

― koogs (koogs), Monday, 10 May 2004 12:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Worked a reasonably new photocopier to death at work, copying my first fanzine while the boss was on a company junket to Rome. Fuckin' idiot came back and said, "The food was awful! I need a cheeseburger!"

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Monday, 10 May 2004 19:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Beigeboxing a classmate and playing the lyrics of the Cure song 'Wrong Number' over the telephone as they were rendered by the shittalker application.

Incident ca. 1997.

― x Jeremy (Atila the Honeybun), Monday, 10 May 2004 19:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Mailbox baseball.

― mcd (mcd), Monday, 10 May 2004 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

best crime that i got caught for: trespassing onto the mall afterhours and splashing around in the fountains.

best crime that i didn't get caught for: stealing hundreds of dollars from a frat house during a party

― oops (Oops), Monday, 10 May 2004 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Mal-appropriated some kerosene cannonballish flame devices from a constuction site (the precursor to electric light saw horses) and placed them in the middle of a bridge in the wee hours. Lurked back a bit and watched the traffic pile up as drivers jammed on their brakes.

Stole three pizzas from a delivery guy while he was making a stop.

Poured maple syrup in some chick's gas tank.

Helped myself to a Beatles songbook at a local shop.

Pelted a moving police cruiser with snowballs.

Had a 19" TV handed to me out the back door at Sears by a buddy.

The settled down (honestly) to a job in banking the next 14 years.

― jim wentworth (wench), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 03:47 (twenty-one years ago)

My younger brother and his friends thought it was cool to shoplift.
I thought it was cool to fence the shit they shoplifted to my friends. My high school locker used to be the place to buy CDs, clothes, CD players, portable phones, car stereos, et al. And I took a percentage.
And later on, I beat up a cop.

― BanjoMania (Brilhante), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 03:52 (twenty-one years ago)

"Best" crime caught for: well, it's complicated but i was charged with Attempted Armed Robbery.

Best crime committed: postal fraud whilst in prison for offences related to the above

― mynamehere, Tuesday, 11 May 2004 04:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Showing porn to minors.

Well, it wasn't actually porn, it was the sex education scene in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life; and it was a busload of primary school kids, and I'd given someone else the tape to put on, and I wasn't watching it and hadn't even seen the film then. Nearly got me expelled but.

― Autumn Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 04:12 (twenty-one years ago)

trespassing is one of my favorites. All I ever do is put myself in danger of occasionally falling through a floor of an old broken down factory or breathing in asbestos, but it is loads fun exploring old off limits places, and a fear of cops pulling up shining mag-ligts everywhere or a hobo jumping out only increases the fun.

― A Nairn (moretap), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 04:27 (twenty-one years ago)

my can of gin and tonic
!

They have canned mixed drinks in England?

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 04:36 (twenty-one years ago)

they have them everywhere, don't they?

― the 'surface' 'noise' (electricsound), Tuesday, 11 May 2004 05:10 (twenty-one years ago)

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